


Compatible

by anyrei, mugglerock



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 2018 DCBB, Anal, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, And it's us so of course:, Angst, Bathroom Sex, Bottom Dean, Canon Compliant, Canon Compliant Up Through s13e6, Case Fic, Claire is ALSO the Fucking Best, Comedy, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Dean Approves, Dean Winchester Loves Disney, Dean is Cuckoo for Castiel, Dean/Cas Big Bang Challenge 2018, Depressed Castiel, Depression, Destiel is endgame, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub Undertones, Don't judge them, Dream Sex, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Fake Proposals, Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Heartache, Holy Rusted Angst Batman!, Hurt/Comfort, It's For a Case, Jack is Precious, Loss of Grace, M/M, Made Up Angel Lore, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Our Own Fucked Up Version of the Little Mermaid, Possible Triggers:, Powered Down Castiel, Protective Dean Winchester, Rimming, Romance, Sam is the fucking best, Season/Series 13 Spoilers, Self-Harm, Suicidal Castiel, Suicidal Thoughts, Supportive Dean Winchester, Then Canon Adjacent, Thinly Veiled Excuses to Makeout, To Get Free Stuff, Top Castiel, Unsafe Sex, Use of Enochian, We Just Make You Hurt Along the Way, You Know You'd do the Same Thing, and that's canon, but also:, cuz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 16:40:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 104,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16479167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anyrei/pseuds/anyrei, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mugglerock/pseuds/mugglerock
Summary: Compatible - capable of existing or living together in harmony.It was the reason why Castiel and Inias were chosen for each other prior to Castiel’s assignment to save the Righteous Man from Perdition. But after so many years on Earth, first-hand experiences with emotions and the nuances of humanity, Castiel has come to terms with the fact that he isn’t the angel he used to be. However, it isn’t until a traumatic event upending his world that he finally starts to question what love really means.And surprisingly, it isn’t at the hands of his Aisaroel (the angel he was bonded to), but that of a certain hunter.[Part of the 2018 DCBB][Art made by zelirocks (zelirocks.tumblr.com)] - Now included!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So... this has never happened to us before, but we totally forgot to write author's notes and it's Halloween and we both have plans, so... no notes! Well, other than we hope you enjoy our 2018 DCBB! 
> 
> **[UPDATE on Mar 27, 2019!]**  
>  Fic now comes with [art](https://zelirocks.tumblr.com/post/183747954239/hey-i-am-very-much-alive-and-very-much-sad)!! Zelirocks hand painted us some GORGEOUS art. Give it up for her!! Seriously it's breathtaking! Thank you so much BB! <3<3<3<3 
> 
> And let's hear it for our DCBB Mods! Give some love to Jojo and Muse for working their asses off organizing these Bangs. It takes a hell of a lot of work and we can't even imagine. 
> 
> P.S. We forgot how much we liked writing canon verse fics, so y'all'll be seeing more like this coming from us over the next few months! We hope you like it! <3<3<3

****

 

**Chapter 1**

 

For several days now Cas had felt restless and tense. Which meant that more than once he had snapped at Dean, easily annoyed by anything the hunter said. He had no idea why he felt so antsy, it was like an underlying feeling that something bad was about to happen at any moment.

 

That was before the headache started. He sat down at the library table, rubbing his forehead with a pained groan.

 

“You alright, Cas?” Sam asked in concern, putting his book down. “You seem… tense?”

 

Cas rolled his eyes and glared at Sam, but then he had to remind himself that Sam only asked because he was concerned for him. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply, trying to take in a calming breath. His voice still sounded annoyed when he replied, “I don’t know. I feel strange and I have a headache. I don't usually get those, only when..." He widened his eyes when he suddenly realized what that could mean. But that was _impossible._

 

“Only when what, Cas?”

 

Cas squinted his eyes at Sam before he slowly got up. "Didn't you tell me once that the bunker’s map room could trace large concentrations of angelic power?"

 

Sam stood up, following Cas to the map room. "Yes, why?"

 

Cas shook his head. "I'm not sure, but I think there's an angel nearby and he must be in severe pain. I think that's what I'm feeling. Since my grace isn't at full power anymore, those things are hard to tell for me."

 

“What’s with the long faces?” Dean asked as he came into the map room, brow furrowed as he looked them both over.

 

"Cas thinks there’s an angel somewhere nearby that needs our help. We wanted to see if we could get a reading on the map, somewhere with an increased angelic power spike."

 

Cas massaged his temples, attempting to relieve the pain. "And we should hurry.” It seemed to be getting worse.

 

Dean approached Cas, gently grasping his elbow, looking at him in concern. “You okay?”

 

Cas shook his head. "No. And I apologize for my bad mood and snapping at you earlier. I... Another angel is in pain and trying to call out for me, and I didn't notice it for days."

 

Dean nodded and went over to Sam to help him with the machine, turning a few switches to see the energy flows and ley lines of the land. There was a big spike in Kansas, only a few hours away from the bunker.

 

"That must be the angel." Sam pointed at the dot.

 

Cas nodded, taking in a deep breath. "We should hurry."

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

They had found an abandoned warehouse and it was warded against angels. The same spell work and etchings when Cas had looked for Samandriel.

 

Cas held his head in pain when they drew closer. It felt so familiar. The voice touching something deep inside of him. But the angel he thought of, the angel this voice belonged to, was dead. Like all of the angels from his garrison.

 

“We have to hurry! Can you please destroy the sigils that keep me from entering?” Cas asked desperately.

 

Dean and Sam nodded in harmony as they both pulled out a switchblade and went to work on every sigil they could find.

 

Cas could feel the almost unmoveable invisible force growing weaker as he approached. It wasn't gone entirely as he pushed through and into the building. It hurt everywhere, but that didn't matter. He felt a desperate need to get to the angel and save him.

 

There were demons inside the building and he attacked them head on, slicing through the throat of one with his blade while he smote another with his free hand. He noticed in the corner of his eye that Sam and Dean killed the other two before he ran forward to a cell in the middle of the room. His chest constricted painfully when he recognized him. Cas thought he was dead. “Inias.”

 

Cas quickly ran up to the iron bars that were separating them. Inias was covered in wounds, nails were stuck in his head, the same way Crowley had tortured Samandriel.

 

Without hesitation, he grabbed the iron bars and tore them out of the cement floor, tossing them aside before he quickly climbed inside of the cell, kneeling next to Inias’s lifeless body. “Inias…” He cupped his cheek, rubbing the pad of his thumb over the cold and clammy skin.

 

Inias’s eyes fluttered open as he croaked out in surprise, “Castiel?”

 

Cas wrapped his arms around him and pulled him tight. “I thought you were dead, Inias.”

 

“Castiel… I never thought I would see you again,” Inias breathed out before he started coughing.

 

Cas scooped him up into his arms after carefully removing the nails and the shackles. “I’ll get you out of here. You’re going to be okay, _Aisaroel.”_

 

Inias was gravely injured and with all of the sigils in the warehouse, he couldn't see to what extent to even begin to try and heal him. And even though he already knew his grace wasn't strong enough to heal everything all at once, especially if some of his injuries were from angelic weapons, Cas needed to get Inias outside.

 

Dean met them and looked Inias over in confusion. “We’ve met him before, haven’t we?”

 

Cas pulled Inias closer to his body, holding one arm protectively over him on pure instinct as he carried Inias out of the warehouse. He nodded tersely at Dean. "This is Inias. He is from my old garrison."

 

He was more than that. But it wasn't the time nor the place to elaborate.

 

"Can we take him back to the bunker? I will need time to heal him."

 

Dean nodded and Sam opened the door to the Impala for them after they’d gotten outside. Sam looked concerned as he asked, “Can you try to heal him now? He’s not lookin’ so hot.”

 

Cas nodded, carding his fingers through Inias’s hair. When he opened his eyes, Inias smiled weakly at him. _“Aisaroel.”_

 

“Shh, save your strength. Don't talk. I'll try to heal your worst injuries now. Hold my hand.”

 

He gently wrapped his fingers around Inias’s hand, careful not to hurt him further, moving his other hand to his forehead. He concentrated on the worst injury, a stab wound to his chest that had hurt his grace.

 

It was difficult and hard to heal, not only because it was a wound from an angelic weapon, but because he felt so worried and on edge. He had just found Inias and he couldn’t lose him.

 

Cas was marginally weaker and his breathing came out in hard pants when he opened his eyes again. Despite his fatigue, he exhaled in relief when he saw the wound on Inias’s stomach had closed. The others needed to heal in a natural way for the time being. He would heal Inias again after he had slept a few hours to recover from the energy drain.

 

When he looked into impossibly blue eyes, Inias intertwined their fingers and squeezed his hand. Cas squeezed back, smiling in relief before he whispered, “I'm so sorry for not finding you faster. I thought you were dead. If I had known, I would have done everything to find you again.”

 

Inias gave him a weak smile. He always radiated calmness and benevolence. In his entire existence, Cas had never heard him say an unkind word. It was one of many reasons he was chosen from the host as Castiel’s companion, his lifelong partner.

 

It wasn’t comparable to a human relationship. It was a promise they had pledged to each other after they were chosen as compatible. A promise to look after one another and to comfort each other in difficult times.

 

Inias was chosen for him when Castiel had taken over his first command. He had known Inias fleetingly before because he was a friend of Hester’s and a recruit for his garrison. Cas remembered him as a shy angel that looked up to him, so he was pleasantly surprised when his name fell as a possible companion.

 

They spent time together when they learned of the decision and Cas could still remember every second of it, how excited and nervous he had felt before the official promise and how grateful he was Inias had been chosen for him. Inias was perfect in every way; kind, loyal, and a good listener. Cas quickly grew fond of him, spending every free minute at his side and was overjoyed when he was chosen for his garrison.

 

And then he had gotten his mission to save Dean from Hell.

 

Cas gently caressed Inias’s face with his fingers. “I missed you.”

 

“As did I, Castiel. It is so good to see you again,” he breathed out, a shaky and ragged whisper. Despite the pain, he still managed to smile up at Cas, caressing Cas’s cheek with the pad of his thumb.

 

Cas leaned forward to kiss his forehead before he buried his nose in his hair. “I failed you in my promise to protect you and keep you from harm. I'm so sorry.”

 

“I failed, too,” Inias said through a ragged cough.

 

Cas shook his head and pulled him closer. “I will be here for you now. If you still want that.”

 

Cas closed his eyes, hoping Inias would give him a second chance. A promise was for eternity, but angels could separate if the other had fallen from grace. Inias had every right to leave him.

 

Inias cupped Cas’s cheek and gave him a gentle smile. “I never stopped loving you.”

 

Cas leaned back and looked at Inias in surprise and awe before he told himself that he was selfish in his wishes. “I don’t deserve you. So much happened after I lost you… I'm not the angel I used to be. I'm exiled. You may want to rethink this if you want to go back to Heaven.”

 

Inias let out a wet laugh and shook his head. “Heaven’s not the same without you in it.”

 

Cas smiled at him, but his heart ached for his companion. He had never wanted to pull him into his troubles. He kissed Inias’s forehead again. “Rest now. We’ll talk more when you're feeling better.”

 

Inias nodded and closed his eyes, grasping his hand and interlacing his fingers with Cas’s.

 

Cas couldn’t stop looking at him the whole drive back.

 

**…. :::: :::: ....**

 

Dean had spent the entire drive back casting surreptitious glances in the rearview mirror, watching Cas card his hand through the other angel’s hair, feeling completely weirded out to watch him be affectionate with anyone. To that extent. Hell, he saw Cas play tonsil hockey with Meg all those years ago and it still never seemed so… intimate.

 

When they reached the bunker, Cas carried the other angel in his arms like he weighed nothing. Dean grabbed the door and held it open for them. He wasn’t sure if angels were heavy sleepers, but just in case, he whispered to Cas but nodded to Sam, “We’ll get a room ready for him.”

 

“That’s not necessary. I’ll take him to my room,” Cas stated tiredly.

 

Dean grasped Cas’s shoulder with a gentle, “Whoa there, tiger. Then where are you gonna sleep? You look like you’re about to collapse any second now.”

 

Cas frowned at him before he answered in a confused tone of voice, “I’ll sleep with Inias.”

 

“Oh, uh… okay,” he murmured. Dean looked to Sam then, who simply shrugged uncaringly at him and made his way to his own room. Turning back to Cas, he asked, “Do, uh… do you guys need anything?”

 

“Yes, I need your help with his wounds. The ones I can't heal.” Cas gave him an imploring look. “You have more experience with healing a body in a natural way. Just until I have enough energy to heal the rest.”

 

The urge to tell him no was overwhelming, but Dean shook his head of those thoughts and simply nodded. “I’ll grab the first aid kit and meet you in your room.”

 

Cas looked relieved and nodded to Dean with a soft smile. “Thank you, Dean.”

 

“Yep,” he barked out and clapped him on the shoulder before making his way to the library, where the nearest first aid kit was kept. Dean opened it to make sure it was stocked with anything he could need. If the angel needed more than the antiseptic, needle, thread, topical numbing cream, and stolen painkillers; then Dean wouldn’t be able to help the guy.

 

On his way to Cas’s room, Dean was having a silent argument with himself about his behavior since they found the angel. The weird way their closeness made him feel. He’d gotten over a lot of his hangups about gay dudes over the years, but seeing Cas act like that with another angel in a male vessel, it was like it was all rushing back to him.

 

But Dean was fine with Jesse and Cesar, so he couldn’t understand why this made him so uncomfortable. Maybe it was because they were angels? And if you listen to the hardcore religious folk – and being partly raised in the bible belt it was kind of hard _not_ to – then God was supposedly as homophobic as the rest of them. Which meant angels would be anything but gay.

 

Maybe that was it. A sneakily planted prejudice he never realized he had until it presented in front of him. Dean decided then and there he was going to ignore that bigoted voice and be supportive. Like a best friend was _supposed_ to be.

 

And then he walked in on Cas undressing the guy with such tenderness, he hid behind the door and watched them like a creeper for a few minutes. Trying to suppress the urge to go in there and separate them. _Damnit._ Dean had mistakenly assumed he’d stopped letting John Winchester rule his thoughts years ago.

 

“Are you in a lot of pain, _Aisaroel?”_ Cas whispered as he tenderly cupped the angel’s cheek after having undressed him, leaving him in just his boxers. Thank Chuck for small favors.

 

The angel, Inias, smiled softly at Cas before he shook his head. “You’re here. It already makes everything better.”

 

Dean cleared his throat as he pushed the door open, done with his eavesdropping. “Sorry I don’t have a naughty nurse uniform,” he joked with a forced smile. At the twin bemused head tilts, Dean rolled his eyes and pulled up a chair on the other side of the bed.

 

“You are Dean Winchester.” Inias smiled weakly at him. “Thank you for helping me.”

 

Cas gently pushed Inias back on the bed after he had braced himself on his elbows to greet Dean. “Don’t move around. You still have a lot of injuries I couldn't heal.”

 

Cas looked up at Dean in concern. “They were made by an angelic weapon, some of them seem to be older.” Cas turned to Inias again. “Who did this to you and why?”

 

“A demon… he worked for Crowley,” Inias answered before intertwining his fingers with Cas’s hand.

 

That made sense. It fit in with the sudden surge of random creatures coming out of the woodwork. A Bunyip was located a couple of states over two weeks back. A creature that supposedly died out in Australia a couple hundred years ago. With Crowley dead, any posts and safe houses he had, likely being used for torture and information, were collapsing with the loss of their king.

 

“What was he after?” Dean asked as he looked over all of the lacerations on the guy’s chest. He was more scar and scar tissue than skin at this point.

 

“I was held prisoner so he could get information about prophets and the word of God… and then I was tortured to give up information about Castiel from a different demon… after that, no one came until a few weeks ago. They didn't ask any questions. They just tortured me for fun.”

 

Cas gasped and he looked like he was going to be sick. “You were in that cell for over six years?”

 

Inias nodded and leaned his head against Cas’s arm. “But you found me.”

 

Dean didn’t even feel slightly remorseful when he pressed a cotton ball soaked in antiseptic to one of the lacerations on his side, causing Inias to hiss in pain and press his head back against the pillow. “Sorry.” He wasn’t even a little sorry.

 

“I will probably need a few days to heal you completely. My grace isn't in the best condition,” Cas whispered, sounding weirdly embarrassed and ashamed.

 

“Because of the fall?” Inias asked quietly.

 

“You know about that?” Cas asked in surprise.

 

“I felt it… and I heard them scream. What happened?”

 

Cas rubbed his free hand over his face and shook his head. “It’s a long story. I'll tell you when you feel better… It’s the reason why I want you to take your time and reconsider. You don't have all the information. You might want to leave me after I tell you everything.”

 

If that was the case, the guy didn’t fucking deserve Cas. Dean continued to clean Inias’s wounds. There were a few lacerations that would need stitches, but not as many as he thought. Dean grabbed the Percocet and held it in front of them. “Will this even work on an angel? Or should I just start stitching him up?”

 

Inias gave Cas a questioning look and Cas smiled at him. “It’s human pain medication. It would be better if you took it.”

 

Dean dropped six in the guy’s palm and handed him a bottle of water. “Humans aren’t supposed to take more than two, so I’m just guessing on how many you need.”

 

“Thank you.” Cas helped him sit up, his arms protectively around his… boyfriend or whatever, when Inias swallowed the pills without hesitation and drank the water.

 

Cas lowered him back down on the bed, taking the bottle from him with a smile. The whole time Cas only had eyes for the other angel, not even once looking at Dean.

 

Dean could probably strip naked and do the helicopter right in Cas’s face and he wouldn’t even notice him. He really wasn’t a fan of this new angel. Old angel. Whatever. “I’m gonna give it a few minutes to kick in before we get started.”

 

Cas nodded, still not looking at him as he thanked him quietly and proceeded to card his fingers through Inias’s hair.

 

 _Seriously?_ Cas was his best friend. How was it that he never even mentioned the guy before?

 

“Uh, Cas? Can I talk to you for a minute?” Dean asked. If he was going to play nursemaid to a friggin’ angel, then he was going to need some background, especially now that they had to wait for the pain meds to kick in.

 

“Of course,” Cas answered, making no attempt to move away from the other angel, or even look at Dean.

 

“Outside,” he clarified with an expectant eyebrow raise.

 

Cas quickly flashed him a confused look. “Oh, okay.” He turned to Inias again, cupping his face. “Rest. I'll be back soon.”

 

Inias nodded with a tired smile before Cas stood up from the bed and followed Dean outside, closing the door behind him.

 

He gave Dean a worried look. “Is he going to be okay?”

 

“I don’t know. I’m not an angel doctor.” Dean folded his arms over his chest and shook his head expectantly. “So? You gonna give me the backstory?”

 

Cas tilted his head and frowned. “Backstory to what?”

 

“This whole English Patient thing you’ve got going with Inias.”

 

Cas still looked confused before he hesitantly asked, “You’re talking about my relationship to him?”

 

Dean nodded. “Yeah. What’s his connection to you? You’ve never been so touchy-feely with any of your other angel pals.”

 

Cas nodded and smiled softly. “Angels usually aren't physically close with one another. We don't have a body in our true form. The only exception being when we have a companion. And Inias was chosen as mine.”

 

“Wait,” Dean said as he approached, brow furrowed in confusion as he rubbed his eyebrow. “You tellin’ me Heaven assigns you guys… mates, or whatever?”

 

“A companion. It doesn’t have anything to do with mating,” Cas corrected before he nodded, “and yes, we were chosen for one another because we're compatible.”

 

Dean could feel the start of a migraine. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Alright, so you were assigned a non-mating mate in Heaven and you could feel his pain. So, are we babysitting him until he’s better then dropping him off at the nearest stairway to Heaven, or…”

 

Cas looked down, his expression suddenly devastated. “I don't know. It would be easier for him to sever his ties with me. I don't want to drag him into my problems.” Cas sighed deeply before he leaned against the wall. “I thought he was dead and I was going to be completely alone for the rest of my existence. I know it's selfish, but I don’t want to lose him again. We shared a promise to each other and I want to honor it, at least once in my life, I want to do something right for another angel.”

 

Dean had nothing to say to that. That was a hell of a lot of information that was just dumped on him. Cas was bonded to this guy and he thought he lost him, but now he found him, now he wanted to… He shook his head in confusion. “What are you sayin’, Cas?”

 

Cas rubbed his hand over his forehead. “I don't know. I want him to heal first and then I’ll tell him everything. It’s a lot to ask of him, to give up Heaven for me. He would be exiled if he chooses to stay as my companion. I will accept whatever he decides. I owe him that much.”

 

If Inias gave even the tiniest of a damn about Cas, he wouldn’t even hesitate. Dean clicked his tongue and sharply inhaled through his nose as he clapped a hand on his shoulder. “What you want matters too, Cas.”

 

Cas gave him a pained look. “That’s the problem. I want him to be safe and he would be in Heaven. But I also don't want to lose him. I can't have both.”

 

“Why not? I mean… You were working with Heaven to find Kelly. You’re not on their shitlist anymore, right?” Dean hated himself in that moment for even suggesting it, but if that was what his friend needed to be happy… Dean would eventually come to terms with it.

 

Cas shook his head. “I'm exiled and if I try to go back, I’ll be killed. I had a deal with Joshua. He was the last angel with enough power to change my relationship to Heaven. I only had to complete one order, to bring Kelly to the portal. I failed and Joshua was killed. It was my last chance.”

 

 _Shit._ Cas kept putting his neck on the line and for what? Getting his ass ganked by Lucifer. Being brought back by annoying some ancient, cosmic entity and possibly by Jack, who was currently on a backpack tour around the world to find himself. Apparently, he wanted a human experience, he didn’t want to use his powers anymore. And all Cas got in return for everything he sacrificed was a lousy, lumpy mattress in an underground bunker, stuck with Dean and Sam. The two assholes that may have been the only other creatures in existence to fuck up even more than Cas did.

 

They all kind of deserved each other.

 

Dean chewed the inside of his cheek and sighed. “Look. If… If you guys want to work it out, we’ll help to keep him safe here.” One of them deserved a shot at happiness. Dean was glad it might be Cas.

 

The smile he got from Cas was more than worth it. “Thank you, Dean.”

 

“It’s what family does,” he returned. Dean clapped his hand on Cas’s shoulder again and forced a smile. “Let’s go stitch up your boyfriend.”

 

Cas rolled his eyes before he corrected him again, “Companion, Dean. _Not_ boyfriend.”

 

“Six of one,” he shot back with a smirk as he opened the door for Cas.

 

“I don’t understand that reference,” Cas replied dryly before he quickly walked up to his bed to sit down next to Inias, intertwining their fingers again.

 

“You know, it’s pretty convenient that the only time you don’t understand a reference is when it’s one that calls you out on your bullshit,” he quipped as he took a seat on Inias’s other side before grabbing the needle and thread.

 

"It's not the same," Cas said after a while, running his hand softly over Inias's forehead. The angel seemed to be out cold. "A boyfriend is a human relationship. Going on dates, kissing, having sex..." Cas explained quietly. "I would say it is very different."

 

“No sex? Sounds more like a marriage,” Dean said with a grin. He nodded at Cas and raised his hand for a high-five. To which he received another head tilt before his attention was back on Inias.

 

Dean sighed and stood up to start on the largest and deepest gash. The one across the guy’s torso. Pulling the skin up at the end of the wound, Dean slipped the needle through and started sewing the Scarecrow back together for Dorothy.

 

Inias whimpered and his head lolled towards Cas, but he didn't open his eyes. Not even when Cas pulled his head closer and forward, searching for a spot on the guy's neck. He started to rub said spot as soon as he had found it. It had an immediate effect on Inias, calming him down instantly.

 

“Oh, you gotta show me that trick for the next time you get cranky on me,” Dean sassed as he continued stitching, trying to get done as quickly as possible.

 

Cas looked up with a raised eyebrow. "It would be very inappropriate if you did this to me."

 

Dean quirked his brow. “Are you giving him an angelic handjob with me in the friggin’ room?”

 

"Of course not. This is the point where the separation between our vessel and true form is the thinnest. What I'm doing is essentially the equivalent to caressing his hair, or his wings."

 

“So, what you’re tellin’ me is: you guys are basically cats and this is the spot that makes you purr?” Dean grinned broadly at Cas. It was distracting Dean from watching his best friend get handsy with his not-boyfriend in front of him.

 

Cas rolled his eyes before he sighed in defeat. "Yes, you can use that as a comparison. It's a very pleasurable touch, just that we don't purr." He gave Dean a pointed look. "And I would only tolerate my companion touching me there."

 

 _Message received._ Dean nodded and focused on finishing up the first lac. After tying it off, he rethreaded the needle to get started on the next one. “So, uh… What are companions supposed to do for each other?”

 

Cas smiled softly at Inias before he quietly answered Dean's question, "Eternity is a long time to spend alone. Assigning a companion is Heaven's way of making sure we always have someone at our side in difficult times. Someone we can turn to, receive comfort from, someone to protect."

 

He chuckled mirthlessly. "Of course it isn’t _just_ that. When the first angels started to take an interest in humanity, learning about human feelings, one of them took a human companion and they ended up creating a Nephilim. So Heaven started assigning companions to us to prevent this from happening."

 

“I thought you said sex wasn’t part of the deal?”

 

"It isn't. It's a spiritual bond." Cas smirked at Dean. "That's why it didn't work with any angels who had already experienced the perks of human pleasure." He looked down at Inias again. "But it gave us a sense of belonging to someone. And for most of us, that was enough."

 

Dean furrowed his brow. “So, you and your nonboyfriend-boyfriend had sexless sex?”

 

"We never had any occasion to do anything more than hold each other during our promise. I had just been raised to the rank of a commander, and Inias was assigned to my garrison. We laid siege to Hell not long after we were pledged to one another.”

 

“So, you guys, uh… never consummated your bond, or whatever?” Dean had finished the second lac and started threading the needle for the next one.

 

Cas sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "It doesn't work like a marriage, Dean. There is no need for a consummation of anything. We were assigned, we met up a few times to get to know each other better, and then decided we would make our promise official in front of the host. The promise is binding."

 

“But, like… Is it cheating? That time with Meg? Or April? Or does it not work like that?”

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck. "I had no experience with anything related to sex, so when I kissed Meg, I didn't know what I was doing. I just mimicked what I had seen on TV. You may have noticed that other angels were much more experienced with humanity than I was, like Balthazar and Gabriel. The only times I had visited Earth in the past was as a warrior, and I never stayed long. I spent most of my time outside of a vessel in Heaven and I wasn't particularly interested in humans." Cas took in a deep breath. "If I had known Inias was still alive, I would have never had sex with April."

 

Dean regarded Cas for a moment. This thing with Inias was serious. Legit serious. How the hell had this never come up in the almost decade they’d been friends? Dean was pretty sure something as huge as having some sort of bondmate, or whatever, should have come up at some point. “Why’d you never tell me?” He didn’t mean to sound so much like a kicked puppy.

 

"We had other things to worry about." Cas leaned against the headrest of his bed. "And in the past few years, I tried to not think about what I had lost. Talking about it would have just been a painful reminder."

 

“Fair enough,” Dean murmured as he finally got to the last laceration deep enough to be stitched.

 

"Are you angry with me?" Cas asked quietly after a few silent moments.

 

Dean sighed and shook his head. “No, Cas. It's your right whether or not you talk about your personal crap. I shouldn't have made it about me.”

 

Cas gave him a quick, sad smile. "Well. Then I'm telling you now. This is Inias, my _Aisaroel_... my companion."

 

“Sorry we couldn't have met under happier circumstances.” Dean returned the small smile.

 

“I hope we get enough opportunities for you to get to know him and for me… to make up for all the lost time." Cas's attention was completely back on Inias again, his fingers still rubbing gently over the middle of his neck.

 

Dean nodded as he finished up the final stitch and grabbed the first aid kit, putting everything back. “I've done all I can. Hopefully, between your mojo and my human first aid, he should be back on his feet in no time.”

 

“Thank you so much, Dean. For everything." Cas looked up with a deep sigh. "How long do you think he will sleep with the medication?"

 

“Hard to tell with angelic metabolisms. I'd say a good six hours, but that's just a guess.”

 

Cas nodded and leaned against his headrest again. He looked like he was about to pass out. "I’ll watch over him then."

 

Dean nodded and moved to stand as he grabbed the kit. “You should sleep, too. You look like you could use some.”

 

"Not sure if I can. I feel very..." Cas shrugged, his fingers running over Inias's arm.

 

“He’s as alright as he’s gonna be for now, Cas. Staying up and worrying about him won’t heal him faster. And what good are you gonna be for him if you’re too exhausted or drained to fix him?” Dean knew he’d never be able to appeal to Cas’s self-care. But if he used the guy’s inclination towards guilt, maybe he’d take care of himself.

 

Cas looked up at him and nodded. "You're right. I should rest to recharge my grace." He moved lower on the bed and practically curled around Inias, wrapping his arms protectively around him. "Thank you," he mumbled tiredly.

 

“Yep,” Dean murmured as he moved towards the door. He cast one more glance back at Cas, who was nuzzling into Inias, and Dean realized he’d definitely overstayed his welcome. “Night, Cas.”

 

“Goodnight, Dean.”

 

**…. :::: :::: …..**

 

Cas hadn’t felt this way in a very long time. Inias was lying in his arms when he woke up and he felt relaxed and at peace, like he was finally home, finally where he belonged. He could feel Inias’s grace pulsing beside him and how his own was reaching out, trying to engulf him, trying to protect him.

 

When he opened his eyes, he was met by clear blue eyes and a soft smile. “Inias.” He braced himself on his elbow and leaned over his companion. “How are you feeling?”

 

“Not on the verge of dying anymore,” Inias murmured, pressing his forehead against Cas’s.

 

His grace was reacting to their proximity. Cas softly pushed Inias onto his back and against the mattress to look him over. “Take my hand, I’ll try to heal more of your wounds.”

 

Inias did as he instructed, interlacing their fingers as he did so.

 

Cas smiled at him and laid two fingers on his forehead before he closed his eyes and healed the wound on his chest and most of the lacerations and cuts he could find. When his grace started to grow weak again, he stopped. While he didn’t manage to get everything, he was certain with one more healing session, Inias would be okay again.

 

"Better?" he asked tiredly.

 

Inias nodded with a sleepy smile. “Thank you, Castiel.”

 

Cas laid on his side and pulled Inias into his arms, gently rubbing his fingers over his neck. "Not long now and you'll be fine again."

 

“I spent years being tortured, so I have attained further patience than even I thought possible.” Inias groaned in contentment as Cas continued to rub the spot on his neck.

 

"I always admired your strength and serenity," Cas murmured before he nudged his nose against Inias’s face.

 

“And I your willfulness and passion. I was so humbled when they announced with whom I would be bonded,” he murmured tiredly as he carded his hand through Cas’s hair.

 

Cas chuckled lowly, letting his hand slide down Inias's back to his shoulder, tracing the lines where his wings began. "I was so nervous to meet you after the assignment. I couldn't have wished for someone better."

 

Inias chuckled and continued to sink into Cas as much as he could. He gently reached up with his other hand to rub Cas’s _taliobe,_ the spot on his neck, in reciprocity. “It was one of the many traits that endeared me to you.”

 

Cas pulled him closer, his nose grazing over Inias’s cheek, up into his hair, before he smiled. "You were endeared by my nervousness?"

 

“How could I not be? It made me want to wrap you in my wings and keep you safe.”

 

Cas gave Inias a sad look as he leaned back to look at him. "I... I have to tell you something... Um... My wings. They are broken and burned. I can't use them anymore."

 

“What happened?” Inias asked with a concerned look.

 

"It's a rather long story and you seem tired. You should rest more. I’ll tell you everything when you're okay again, I promise," Cas answered evasively. He just wanted to enjoy one more day at Inias’s side, pretending he could keep his companion. He was sure Inias would leave him when he heard the truth of all of his mistakes.

 

“Whatever the story, I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you during that time,” he mumbled tiredly as he continued to press closer to Cas.

 

"It probably wouldn't have happened if I had you at my side." Cas nudged his nose against Inias’s cheek again, whispering, "I missed you so much."

 

Inias smiled and nodded his agreement. “As did I.” He shuffled a bit, as though trying to get closer. “Being with you in a human body is... different.”

 

Cas breathed out against Inias’s cheek before he nodded. “I know. It’s like there is a separation between us and I can't get closer to you.”

 

“What do humans do to get closer?” he asked with a soft, slightly frustrated groan.

 

Cas pulled back a little, cupping Inias’s cheek as he looked at him. Because he had been on Earth for so long now, he learned how amazing physical contact could feel. And he wanted to try it with Inias, hoping his companion would be open to exploring a new physical intimacy with him, one they couldn't have as angels. "Do you want me to show you?" he breathed out.

 

Inias nodded, giving him an almost shy smile.

 

Cas leaned forward slowly, his heart beating erratically. He felt just as nervous as he did before their first meeting. Nudging his nose against Inias's, he could feel the heat of his breath on his own lips.

 

Hovering over Inias for a moment, their lips a breath away, Cas finally allowed himself to succumb. Their mouths slid together in slight hesitation before Cas captured Inias’s pliant lips in a soft kiss. His whole body tingled as they moved together, slipping his tongue inside of Inias’s mouth when he gasped.

 

His fingers slid to the back of his neck, caressing him and pulling him closer as he deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue over Inias's to learn his taste, to give him pleasure.

 

Their breaths came out in heavy pants when Cas drew back to look at him. "Do you like this?"

 

“It’s strange, but not entirely unpleasant. Perhaps we need to keep doing it, to really determine my preferences?” Inias gave him a hesitant smile.

 

"Good idea." Cas gave him a bright smile before he drew him into another kiss, plunging his tongue deep inside of an inviting mouth, tangling with Inias’s tongue. It was really nice and Cas felt his whole body react to it, instinctively rocking his hips against Inias.

 

When Inias let out a soft groan of pleasure, the sound rang through Cas’s entire body. Inias was entirely and beautifully pliant beneath him, as he took Cas in without hesitation.

 

Cas slid his hand from Inias's neck over his chest, grazing his thumb over Inias's nipple, because he had learned from his time as a human that was something he liked when he had pleasured himself.

 

Inias gasped, his eyes widening as he looked at Cas like he’d never seen a creature like him before. “Can you do that again?”

 

Cas nodded before he kissed him again, not able to get enough of those soft, pliant lips. Lips that belonged to only him. He teased Inias’s nipple with his index finger, circling the bud before gently pressing it between his thumb and forefinger.

 

Another sharp gasp and Inias’s hips bucked upwards. “Why does that feel so…” he appeared unable to think of an appropriate word in that moment and just succumbed to the pleasure he was feeling.

 

Cas noticed that Inias’s boxer shorts were tented and he bit his own lip before he nudged his nose against Inias's cheek again. "You're aroused."

 

“Is that what arousal feels like?” Inias looked at Cas in surprise. “It always sounded a lot more painful than this from the way some of the angels talked.”

 

Cas cupped Inias's cheek and rubbed his thumb over it. The host had told them a lot of lies to keep them in line, but he didn't want to tell Inias that. Not yet. It would be too much. "I want to make you feel good, but if you want to stop, or it becomes too much, please tell me."

 

Inias nodded. “Can we do the kissing thing again?”

 

Cas rolled Inias onto his back and slid over him before he kissed him deeply, licking into him and taking his time to explore his mouth before he let his lips wander down his throat, to his shoulder. He kissed his chest and finally licked over his nipple, before sucking it into his mouth.

 

“Castiel,” he breathed out in an almost prayer. Inias arched into his touch, completely welcoming and open.

 

Cas couldn't get enough of it. He wanted to kiss every inch of Inias’s skin, just to hear the beautiful noises his companion made. He licked and kissed his collarbone before a possessive urge made him suck a mark at Inias's throat.

 

Inias let out a needy whimper as he tangled his hand into Cas’s hair. “Yes,” he hissed out in pleasure.

 

Cas licked over the red mark and kissed it, growling, "Mine," against his skin. He intertwined their hands before he pushed Inias’s hands over his head and into the mattress, all while drawing him into another deep kiss.

 

Inias nodded into the kiss, moaning and bucking up against Cas again.

 

Cas experimentally slid the tips of his fingers down Inias's arm and over his body before he touched Inias’s erection over his boxer shorts.

 

The sharp and surprised gasp was almost palpable. Inias looked at Cas in amazement, a dazed smile on his face. “Do that again.”

 

Cas smiled and caressed Inias’s erection again before he got braver from how receptive Inias was to the touches and slipped his hand into his underwear.

 

“Oh, Castiel. Please,” he moaned as he bucked into Cas’s hand, a needy whimper escaping.

 

Cas's breathing hitched when he heard Inias's begging. He slid off of Inias and helped him remove his underwear, now completely naked under him. Cas let his eyes rake over his body before he quickly removed his tie and shirt, closely followed by his pants and underwear. He wanted to be as close as possible, feeling every part of Inias as he pressed against him and drew him into another deep kiss.

 

“Inias, it feels so good to be with you again,” he whispered against Inias’s lips.

 

“I never thought I’d see you again,” Inias breathed out in grateful amazement, cupping Cas’s face and pressing a frantic kiss to his lips.

 

Cas slid his hand between them, wrapping his fingers around Inias’s erection, stroking it slowly as he kissed along his throat. His other hand went back to caressing Inias’s neck again. “Me too. I'm so happy to have you back.”

 

Inias let out a shaky moan. “What are you doing to me, Castiel?” he asked in an almost awed tone.

 

Cas captured his lips in a soft kiss, hoping to show him how much he meant to him. "I want to make you happy, Inias."

 

“You always have,” he murmured against Cas’s lips with a sigh of affection.

 

"Inias," Cas breathed out before he started stroking him faster, kissing him deeply. He desperately wished he could keep this, keep him in his life. But how could he ask that of Inias? He deserved better than that.

 

Inias’s moans grew louder and more drawn out as he screwed his eyes shut, losing himself to pleasure. He reached out for Cas, seemingly unsure where to put his hands before finally settling for Cas’s neck, rubbing him in pace with Cas’s strokes on his erection.

 

Cas smiled fondly at Inias as he watched him writhe beneath him. He was so beautiful and pliant, Cas knew he would never get enough of it. He kissed along his cheek, murmuring, "You're so beautiful, _Aisaroel.”_

 

He quickened his pace, swiping his thumb over the head and through the precome collecting there, spreading it over him to make it even better.

 

The breathy moans grew more ardent and needy as his body began to shudder. Inias was close. “Oh, Castiel.”

 

"Tell me what you need, Inias," Cas demanded before he kissed along his throat and licked over the mark he had left on Inias’s skin.

 

“Kiss me again. Please, Castiel.”

 

Cas smiled at him, his heart singing with joy and happiness as he leaned forward and kissed Inias, answering his desperate need as he licked into his mouth.

 

Inias moaned into the kiss and Cas could feel – through their connection – as his companion succumbed to his release, arching up into Cas’s hand as he cried out, shuddering with each pulse of his orgasm.

 

Cas stroked him through it, never once stopping kissing him. He wanted to do everything in his power to make his companion happy with him.

 

When Inias managed to get his breath back, he looked up at Cas in awe. He smiled shyly and said, “I think I like the way humans get closer to each other.”

 

Cas returned his smile and pressed another soft kiss to his lips. "Good. I love to see you smile like this." Cas used his grace to clean him up, running his thumb over Inias's lips. "You should rest, sleep. I'll be back with you shortly."

 

Cas needed to talk with Sam or Dean. He needed their advice because he had no idea what to do, and he didn't want to make yet another mistake.

 

“Hurry back,” Inias murmured as he curled into the mattress, wrapping his arms around the spare pillow as his eyes fluttered shut.

 

Seeing him like that, Cas only wanted to wrap him in his arms again and never let him go. He had no idea how he had lived all these years without him. "Promise," he murmured with a soft smile as Inias fell back asleep.

 

He quietly left the room after getting dressed again and went to the kitchen, entirely sure that at least one of the brothers had to be there. He wasn’t surprised when he found Dean making himself a sandwich. “Hello, Dean. Do you have a moment?”

 

Dean smiled and nodded. “Yeah, you got it. Mind if I eat?”

 

“Of course not.” Cas sat down at the table, folding his hands with a deep sigh. “It's about Inias. I need your advice.”

 

Taking a large bite of his sandwich, he mumbled around a mouthful of food, “Shoot.”

 

Cas needed a few moments to collect his thoughts until he decided to tell Dean everything that was going on in his head. “Inias is a good soldier. Kind and loyal. He never disobeyed an order. When we fought against Raphael… he knew it was the right thing to do, but I could see it in his eyes, how much our civil war was tearing him apart. He could never kill another angel. I sent him away on another mission, far away from everything.”

 

Cas scrubbed his hand over his face before he continued, “He knows I killed thousands of angels, but he might blame it on my insanity… and I fear if I tell him what I did, that it was my grace that led to the fall and destruction of Heaven, he will sever our bond. He will likely want to go back home. He always prefered Heaven over Earth, but I…” He shook his head before he looked up at Dean. “If he leaves, I'll lose everything. My last connection to Heaven and to another angel. I'm not ready to let him go again.”

 

Dean just stared at him for a beat of silence, sandwich now abandoned on his plate. He cleared his throat and let out a sigh. “So, you’re conflicted because you wanna be honest with the guy, but your honesty will make you lose him. Am I on the same page?”

 

Cas nodded slowly. “Yes… I even thought about lying to him, but I… I can’t do that.”

 

“If the situation were reversed. If Inias was the one who went all _One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest,_ slaughtered thousands of angels, got duped by Metatron, and caused the angels to fall and he finally confessed it to you, what would you do?”

 

“I would forgive him. But I’m not Inias. I’ve changed a lot. I experienced the corruption of Heaven and how the host had manipulated and lied to us for centuries. Inias wasn’t there. He didn’t see what Heaven had become. How everyone clawed at each other again after Raphael’s death, how everything fell apart. Even if he forgives me, he will want to go back to help rebuild Heaven. It’s his home.”

 

Dean braced his hand over Cas’s and gave him a sad smile. “Well, I can’t tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. But your choice is between being selfish and lying to Inias to keep him here with you. Or being selfless and telling him the truth, possibly risking him leaving you entirely. It ain’t an easy choice, Cas. But you know what the right thing to do is.”

 

He couldn't stop the tear that escaped as he felt his heart breaking. "I'll tell him the truth."

 

“Hey,” Dean started as he squeezed Cas’s hand. “Look. I can’t even begin to comprehend what you’re dealing with, but if it’s… if it’s any consolation, I’m always here if you need to talk, or vent, or go punch or shoot something. ‘Kay?”

 

Cas gave him a weak smile. “Thank you, Dean. I might come back to that.” A terrible thought crossed his mind when he realized that Dean and Sam wouldn’t always be there in his life. They would get old and die eventually, and then he would be all alone.

 

He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath before he corrected himself, “I’ll definitely come back to that.”

 

“Anytime, Cas. We’ll always be here for you if you need us,” Dean said with a smile.

 

Cas gave him a quick, sad smile, wishing that was true.

 

**…. :::: :::: …..**

 

Inias had been crashed out in Cas’s bed for a little over a day before Cas started showing him around the bunker. Dean did his best to stay out of their way. If for no other reason than he really didn’t want to watch them being all… touchy-feely with each other.

 

Sam had wrangled him into some bullshit research on a case, so when Cas brought Inias into the library, showing him the different catalogues and tomes from all of the different regions, languages, and whatever the hell else the bunker library had; Dean suddenly became incredibly interested in the… _Fuck._ A friggin’ almanac.

 

Dean realized in that moment he had no idea what he was supposed to be researching. He really needed to start paying better attention when Sammy spoke apparently. With a deep sigh, Dean perused the damn thing, half wondering if they were dealing with some sort of _Back to the Future_ deal. But there was no way he was _that_ lucky.

 

"Inias," Cas breathed out in a worried tone that automatically made him look up, just in time to see how Cas scooped the angel up in his arms and pressed him to his chest. "You overdid yourself. I'll take you back to bed."

 

Inias practically cuddled against Cas's shoulder and kissed his throat. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to worry you."

 

With great strength, Dean managed to not mock Cas’s concerned tone, or Inias’s fatigued one. Although it still happened in his head. When Cas carried Inias out of the library, Dean let out a sigh of relief, feeling much less tense.

 

Sam cleared his throat to get his attention. “They seem to be… cozy?”

 

Dean snorted derisively. “Cozy’s one way of puttin’ it.”

 

“Do you think the guy is Cas’s, I don’t know… boyfriend?” Sam asked with a smirk.

 

“He’s his non-boyfriend-boyfriend,” he explained, trying to keep any jealousy or anger out of his tone. He ended up sounding like Ben Stein from _Ferris Bueller._

 

Sam gave him a confused look. “What the hell does _that_ mean?”

 

Dean shrugged. “They’re bonded. Companions? Apparently Heaven assigns angels to each other or something.”

 

Sam raised his eyebrows in surprise. “You’re kidding me. This is like Cas’s husband and he never said anything?”

 

“Pretty much. Dude’s got a soul bond or… whatever the hell gets bonded with angels. And he didn’t want to tell us. ‘Cause we were busy.” Dean looked in the direction they’d disappeared to go to the bedrooms. He turned to Sammy and groaned. “Are we dicks for not asking him more questions about himself?”

 

Sam took in a deep breath and shrugged, looking guilty for a moment. “Well, he’s right. We were kind of busy and we never really asked him any personal questions. I always assumed, you know, he’s just…. well, he’s an angel. I didn’t even know they could have something like that. Cas was always about ‘mission first’ and it never seemed like he had a private life.”

 

Dean sighed as he folded his arms on the table and braced his chin on his hand. “Yeah. He does. And he’s pretty much convinced when he tells his non-boyfriend about what he’s done, the guy’s gonna up and leave him. Which is a dick move if you ask me, but… Shit, Sammy. How the hell do we comfort someone after that? There’s no way it’s like a normal breakup, right?”

 

Sam looked equally concerned now as he leaned forward. “Do you think we have books about it? Should we look up the consequences for Cas? So we’re prepared?”

 

That was actually fucking brilliant. Dean’s eyes lit up and he smacked his hand on the table. “You’re a genius!” Dean stood up and stared at their library, not even knowing where to begin.

 

Sam was standing next to him a moment later, helping him look. “Do you remember the Enochian word Cas was using to address his friend when they were in the backseat?”

 

“Aerosol? I think?” Dean supplied unhelpfully as he furrowed his brow, looking over the books.

 

Sam shot him a skeptical look that Dean answered with a shrug before he grabbed one of the thick Enochian dictionaries. Sam skimmed through the pages with a frown before he nodded and read aloud, “Ai-sa-ro-el. It means ‘promised one’. The book says it’s a ritual where two angels’ wavelengths get interwoven and they have to be compatible. The connection can be severed, but… oh… It says that one of the angels will get injured by this process, so much that he will never be able to be bonded to another angel again.”

 

“Cas could get hurt?” Dean asked, already contemplating forcing Inias to stay forever for that fact alone.

 

"Him or Inias. But we know Cas, if he gets any say in it, he’ll probably be the one to make that sacrifice," Sam added with a worried expression.

 

“Not happenin’,” Dean said with a firm shake of the head. “We got to figure out a way to, I don’t know… Keep ‘em together or make this a painless process.”

 

"Okay, how?" Sam asked with a sigh. "Do you know why Cas thinks his angel husband will leave him? He seemed pretty smitten with him."

 

Dean sighed and looked at Sam, expression serious and a little saddened. “Inias doesn’t know about anything Cas did. _Any_ of it.”

 

“Oh, shit,” Sammy cursed as he dropped one of the heavy angel lore books on the table. “Maybe we should be with him when he tells him. You know, support his story? Tell Inias that Cas did his best?”

 

That wasn’t a bad idea. “Yeah. Maybe if we’re there as backup, it won’t seem to be…”

 

“One horrible mistake after another?" Sam supplied unhelpfully.

 

Dean winced. “But maybe there’s hope? I mean, we forgave him and he _actually_ betrayed us.”

 

Sam shrugged helplessly. “Yeah, and I mean, the guy seemed pretty head over heels for Cas, right?”

 

Why the fuck did Sam keep bringing that up? Yeah. They were angel married and clearly loved each other. Sammy needed to just keep his fucking trap shut already. Dean let out a deep breath and nodded, though it pained him to do so. “Clearly.”

 

Sam gave him a weird look. “Are you okay?”

 

“Just great,” he replied sardonically. Dean rolled his eyes at Sam and grabbed the book from him. “Any amicable divorce spells for angel bonds? Just in case?”

 

"Doesn't hurt to check. Or if there’s any alternatives. I mean, it wouldn’t hurt to know how this works anyway. What if one angel dies? Cas died a lot. Maybe it had an effect on their bond.”

 

“Shit. Never thought I’d actually be grateful for how many times he bit the dust,” Dean scoffed out, tone rueful as he shook his head.

 

Sam grabbed another book and rocked his head to the side. “I don’t know, Dean. It could also have no effect at all. We just have to read up on this. And maybe ask Cas?”

 

“Good idea,” he murmured as he flipped through the pages of the book he was holding. Sammy was on a damn roll with his good ideas.

 

As if Cas had heard them saying his name, he suddenly appeared behind Dean, startling him. "What are you doing?"

 

After his heart rate normalized from Cas getting up to his old tricks, Dean grinned and said, “We’re looking for solutions to your Aerosol problem.”

 

Cas sat down next to him and tilted his head. “My what?”

 

Sam chuckled. “He means _Aisaroel._ The bond you have with Inias. Dean told me you were afraid that he might want to leave you.”

 

Cas nodded sadly. “It’s possible, yes. In that case, Inias would sever the bond with me.”

 

Dean clapped a hand on his shoulder. “We’re trying to see if, should that happen, that maybe it can be done with minimal damage to either of you.”

 

"It won't have any ill effect on Inias. He would be the one severing the bond," Cas explained slowly.

 

“And can the same be said for you?” Dean challenged.

 

Cas looked away from him. _The fucker knew!_ And he probably had no intention of sharing that information. “The consequences aren’t dangerous to my life.”

 

Dean could have given his brother a high five in that moment for fixing Cas with the same unamused glare Dean was giving the angel. He folded his arms over his chest. “But…” he urged.

 

Cas licked over his lip and looked down, sounding defiant, "But... it isn't of any consequence to me because I will never want to be bonded to another angel."

 

“We’re not askin’ you to look for a new husband. We just want you to not get hurt if it comes to that. If we can.” Dean looked at Cas, mentally pleading with him to understand.

 

Cas sighed deeply before he rolled his eyes. "The physical damage to me will be minimal. It's just to ensure I will never get the opportunity to be bonded again. The punishment for dishonoring the bond is to lose it for eternity."

 

Dean and Sam exchanged a look before Dean approached Cas. “So, it'll be more like emotional pain, than physical?”

 

Cas nodded. "It just means I'll end up alone. And I would anyway if Inias decides to leave me, so I would give up my ability to bond with another angel gladly for him. He could still have a happy life after me with someone else."

 

He hated the resigned way Cas just accepted a fate that clearly brought him pain. Dean chewed the inside of his cheek before he said, “Well, Sammy and I are willin’ to back you up. If you want.”

 

“When I tell Inias?” Cas asked slowly.

 

“Yeah,” Sam said with a comforting smile. “We can tell him that you were trying to do the right thing.”

 

“I’m not sure if that will help, but I appreciate it. Thank you.” Cas sighed deeply. “At least this way, I’ll be with my friends when he decides to leave.”

 

Dean gave him a sympathetic smile. “You don’t know that he will.”

 

"Even if he doesn't hate me after that, he would want to go back home. He's conscientious like that. He would feel the need to rebuild Heaven and help as much as he can. And he can't go back with me as his companion." Cas scrubbed his hand over his face. "He doesn't have much of a choice."

 

“So, is long-distance not a thing for you guys? Can’t he go back to Heaven and you keep the bond? Maybe he could come visit you?” Dean suggested, despite the unpleasant taste it left in his mouth.

 

Cas looked deeply ashamed and embarrassed about Dean's question before he shook his head. "He won’t get accepted back if he doesn’t sever his ties with me.”

 

Well, wasn’t that a bunch of fucking bullshit? The feathery assholes needed to get their shit straight. As many times Cas fucked up, he also saved the world. At the very least, the good should cancel out the bad. But angels apparently held grudges for a long fucking time. Dean sighed and said, “Well, fuck ‘em.”

 

“I can’t change the way it is. It’s up to Inias, but… I’m still not sure what I should hope for.” Cas stood up and started pacing up and down the library, clearly deep in thought. “I think it would be for the best if he left. I would forever feel guilty if he gave up Heaven for me.”

 

“So, what you’re sayin’ is: either way you’re gonna feel bad? You’ll either lose him, or you’ll keep him then feel guilty for him giving up Heaven. Is there any scenario where there’s happiness for you?” Dean didn’t know what to do to help Cas, and he hated not knowing.

 

Cas gave Dean a pointed look. “I’ll wait for Inias’s decision.”

 

Well, that meant no. The amount of self deprecation that Cas had… he definitely found his home with the Winchesters. “Okay. What can we do in the meantime? How can we help?”

 

Cas sat down at the table again. "How about we drink a beer? It seems like an appropriate time for it."

 

That he could do. He’d be more than happy to do. Sammy nodded and went to the kitchen to grab some brews while Dean sat down across from Cas. “If it makes you feel any better, the guy would have to be an idiot to choose Heaven over you.”

 

Cas gave him a shy smile and looked down for a moment before he replied softly, "Thank you, Dean. That's nice of you to say."

 

Dean smiled and leaned back against his chair, folding his arms behind his head. “It’s the truth, man.”

 

"I'm pretty sure you're the only one who thinks that, and only because you're my friend." Cas chuckled.

 

“Bet Sammy thinks so, too,” he said with a smirk.

 

Cas chuckled before he gave Dean a bright smile and a grateful nod. "Thank you... I feel better now."

 

Dean nodded and returned the smile. “Guess I can be useful, huh?”

 

Cas pursed his lips before a soft smile played around his lips. "Now and then you're pretty capable."

 

“Operative word bein’ ‘pretty’,” he said cockily as Sam walked in, handing them each a beer.

 

“What about pretty?”

 

Dean chuckled as he popped off the cap of his beer. “Cas said I’m pretty.”

 

Sam gave Cas a disbelieving look. “Really, Cas? Do you need glasses now?”

 

“Um…” Cas started, but got interrupted by Dean.

 

“Don’t be jealous, just because an angel thinks I’m pretty,” Dean said with a smirk in his brother’s direction before taking a swig of the beer.

 

“Did you say something like, ‘pretty stupid’, Cas?” Sam grinned as he sat down next to Cas.

 

“Capable,” Cas answered with a head shake.

 

“Couldn’t even give me an ego boost?” he asked Cas with a wistful sigh.

 

“I think your ego is boosted enough,” he replied with a wink.

 

Dean shook his head and looked at Sam. “Friggin’ angels.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Cas’s heart beat erratically as he knelt on the bed before Inias, healing him one last time. It didn’t leave him completely drained this time. Inias’s grace had replenished itself and although he couldn’t heal the injuries from the angelic weapons himself, he clearly looked a lot of stronger and better.

 

When the last wound vanished from his body, Cas looked at his companion with a soft smile. “How are you feeling?”

 

Inias looked down at his body before smiling sweetly at Cas. “Much better.”

 

“Good.” Cas took Inias’s hand and pulled him gently from the bed. “I want to introduce you to my friends.”

 

“I’d like that,” Inias murmured with a smile as he followed Cas out of the room. Never releasing the hold Cas had on his hand.

 

Cas squeezed his hand and brought him to the library where Dean and Sam were already waiting. Dean was sitting on the table, looking as tense and nervous as Cas was feeling, while Sam was leaning against the table. "Sam, Dean." He nodded. "Let me officially introduce you to Inias. My companion."

 

Sam was the first to approach, extending his hand towards Inias. “Nice to meet you.”

 

Inias regarded the hand curiously, seemingly unsure what to do with it. So he simply grabbed Sam’s hand and just held it. Sam shot Cas a pleading look, clearly uncomfortable, but also rather amused by the response.

 

Cas leaned forward and whispered, "You just shake it and then let go."

 

Inias shook the entire hand vigorously before letting go and saying, “Nice to meet you as well.”

 

Dean chuckled and came up behind Sam. “I’m Dean. You don’t have to hold my hand though.”

 

Inias nodded and smiled, he turned to Cas and said, “I’m very glad you were able to find companionship here on Earth.”

 

"They are more than that. They are my family, Inias," Cas explained before he pointed to the table. "Sit down. We have a lot to talk about."

 

That was met with a curious head tilt before he complied, pulling out one of the chairs and looking up at Cas with a complimentary bemused smile.

 

Cas sat next to him, turning his chair towards Inias before he folded his hands over the table and took a deep breath. He had thought the whole night about how he would tell Inias. Straight to the point was what he decided on. "I'm exiled from Heaven and there is an order to kill me should I ever try to return."

 

Inias’s eyes widened in genuine surprise and dismay. “What?”

 

Cas couldn't look at him. "I'm sure you're desperate to go home again, but you know what that means for us."

 

At the lack of response outside of a muted nod, Dean was the one who piped up, “His exile is bullshit.”

 

Inias looked up in surprise, appearing thoroughly confused. “What happened? Why were you exiled?”

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck, feeling ashamed and he wished he could just vanish into thin air. “I… made a lot of mistakes. Trusting the wrong angel… Metatron.”

 

“The scribe is back?” Inias asked in surprise.

 

“Um… no… not anymore. He was killed by the Darkness after he expelled every angel from Heaven and started another civil war, one that almost killed all of us. And I played a huge part in that because it was my grace that led to the fall… And I tried to make everything better, but then I released the Darkness and… got possessed by Lucifer and… one thing led to another… and…” He stopped talking, rubbing his hand over his face, not brave enough to look up at Inias.

 

“I…” Inias paused for a moment. He apparently got up from his seat, because suddenly he was kneeling in front of Castiel, bracing his hands on his knees. “I forgive you, Castiel.”

 

Cas looked at Inias in surprise. "What?"

 

“I know you, Castiel. You’re my companion. If you were involved in these crimes, willingly, I can only assume it’s because you were upholding our primary mission. To protect humanity, Father’s creation.” Inias smiled and grasped his hand. “As far as returning to Heaven, I would like to think about it. But if you were concerned that telling me your transgressions would negatively impact my affection for you… You were mistaken.”

 

Cas let out a breath that he hadn't been aware of holding. It felt like a massive weight was lifted from his chest. Even though Inias had told him he needed time to think about his decision to return to Heaven, the most important thing was that he had his forgiveness.

 

He gave him a soft smile, slowly shaking his head as he took his hand in his. "I don't know how I deserve you."

 

Inias chuckled. “Other angels always commented on how you had too much heart. I’ve never thought that. I count myself very fortunate to be bonded to you. There’s no deserving. Just belonging.”

 

Cas pulled him close and leaned his forehead against Inias's. "The day we were pledged to one another was the happiest of my life. I hope... this means you’ll consider staying with me, but I know how much you want to go back home. I... I just want you to know, that I will support you in whatever you decide."

 

“I know you will, Castiel.” Inias cupped Cas’s face and smiled. “You may perform the human kissing thing if you’d like?”

 

Cas chuckled and leaned forward to draw Inias into a soft kiss, hoping it would convey how happy and hopeful he was for their future.

 

“My affection for you multiplies when you do that,” he murmured contentedly.

 

Cas smiled brightly at him. "It's one of the perks of having a human body."

 

Inias leaned in to kiss him again, but they were interrupted by Sam awkwardly clearing his throat. “We, uh… We should give you guys some privacy.”

 

Cas sat up straight, giving them a sheepish smile. He had completely forgotten that his friends were still in the room. “Um, thank you.”

 

Sam nodded, whereas Dean looked incredibly uncomfortable. Cas believed the human expression was, “green around the gills.” Sam grabbed Dean by the forearm and pulled him in the direction of the map room.

 

Inias chuckled and smiled. “They’re unlike the stories depicted.”

 

Cas took his hand and intertwined their fingers, giving Inias’s hand a gentle squeeze. “What do you mean?”

 

“I have heard tales of the intimidating, the cruel, the killer Winchesters. The humans strong enough to contain archangels. And yet they appear to be very polite and even tempered.”

 

Cas couldn’t help but laugh at that. “I think you’re the first to ever describe Dean as polite and even tempered. But yes, they are… they are my friends. Fiercely loyal, selfless, protective, and full of those infuriating human traits with which they like to confuse me. I love them. I would do anything for them."

 

Inias smiled and cupped Cas’s face. “And they you.”

 

Cas braced his hand at Inias's neck and pulled him into another deep kiss. When he leaned back he breathed out, "I want to take you back to my room."

 

“Will you show me other human customs in physical bonding?”

 

Cas nodded slowly. “Do you want me to?"

 

Inias stood up and held his hand out for Cas to take. “I would like to share everything I can with you.”

 

Cas took Inias’s hand before he smiled and scooped him up into his arms, enjoying how Inias pressed his face against his shoulder with a smile.

 

As soon as they were back in his room, he closed the door with his foot and laid his companion out on his bed. He smiled at him, kissing him gently before he started to undress Inias and himself. Inias watched him in curiosity before Cas slid over him and pulled him into a deep kiss. “I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of this. Feeling you like this. It’s different, but it feels so… good.”

 

Inias hummed in appreciation. “It is definitely one of the finer aspects of a human form.”

 

Cas knelt back on the bed and pulled Inias onto his lap, both of their erections sliding together before Cas wrapped his fingers around both to stroke them together, pulling Inias into a deep kiss with his other hand.

 

That was met with a breathy gasp. Inias arched into him before outright moaning against his lips. “Castiel…”

 

Cas cupped Inias’s cheek to look at him, rubbing his thumb gently over Inias’s pliant lips. “Tell me what you need.”

 

“I… I don’t know. I just know I need to feel you closer. Is that possible? The human way?” His pupils were dilated, thinning out his clear blue irises.

 

Cas nodded slowly before he laid Inias on his back again and slid the tips of his fingers over his body. “Turn around.”

 

Inias complied without question. Cas leaned over and kissed the back of his neck, sucking a mark directly over his sensitive spot. He moaned out Cas’s name like a prayer and gripped his arm as the moan fizzled out into a soft hiss.

 

Cas leaned back on his knees between Inias’s legs and pulled him up on all fours, letting his fingers stroke over his ass. He had never done this before, but by now he had stumbled over enough porn on Dean’s laptop to know the mechanics.

 

He spread Inias’s ass cheeks and leaned forward to lick over his hole, using his grace to make the muscles pliant and relaxed under his touch.

 

Inias’s hands twisted into the sheets as he arched up and moaned. “I like that,” he groaned out.

 

Encouraged by the response, Cas licked deeper, penetrating the muscle with his tongue, probing all of the sensitive nerve endings. His grace was thrumming and he could practically feel the spots on Inias’s body where he was most sensitive, where touch would cause the most pleasure.

 

With featherlight touches, he teased Inias’s erection, sliding his hand between his legs before he pulled back to push a finger slowly into his hole.

 

“Oh, yes…” he practically whimpered. Inias was breathing heavy now as Cas could physically feel his companion’s trembling.

 

Inias felt tight and hot, and he quickly found the bundle of nerves he was looking for, gently tapping his finger against it.

 

Inias cried out, a pleasured gasp staggering his breathing pattern. “Oh, please, Castiel. Please do that again,” he begged.

 

Cas smiled and rubbed over the spot a few more times before he used his grace to relax him further under his touch. He was still so tight. Even though he couldn’t hurt Inias, he still wanted to make this as perfect for him as possible. He carefully pushed in a second finger, instantly stimulating his prostate again.

 

The litany of moans and gasps were a symphony of pleasure and Cas found himself mesmerized by the sheer beauty of it all. Inias would occasionally breathe out his name in Enochian as he reverted further and further to his base-most angelic instincts.

 

Cas pushed in a third finger to open him up, his other hand slid over Inias’s back, concentrating on the other plane to feel along the beginning of his wings. For a quick moment he was jealous of Inias for still having his wings, before he quickly shook off the feeling, ashamed of it.

 

He pulled his fingers out of Inias and leaned over to lick at his waiting hole, making it wet and slick for him.

 

“Please, Castiel,” he begged as he continued to rock his hips against Cas’s tongue.

 

Cas leaned back, using both of his hands to spread Inias’s ass cheeks. “Please what, Inias?” He teased him with a smile, loving how far Inias had lost himself to the pleasure Cas was giving him.

 

“I need more,” he whined.

 

Cas gripped his own erection and lined himself up, teasing Inias’s rim with the head before he pushed into the tight heat. It felt unbelievably good, especially with the noises Inias was making. When he was completely inside, he wrapped his arms around his companion and pulled him up, sitting back on his heels to have him in his lap again.

 

He held him tight against his body, closing his eyes before he kissed the back of Inias’s neck again.

 

Inias arched his back into Cas, breathing heavily and murmuring a string of unintelligible gibberish, it sounded like a mixture of Enochian and English.

 

Cas wrapped his arms around Inias’s chest, teasing his nipples with his fingers before he gripped his hips and started to thrust into him, breathing Inias's name against the other angel’s neck.

 

His companion started crying out in pleasure with each thrust. Inias reached his hand back, gripping Cas’s hair for purchase as he threw his head back and rocked his hips to meet each thrust.

 

Cas groaned from how tight Inias felt around him, the friction was incredibly pleasurable. He turned his head and sucked another mark into the sensitive skin of Inias's throat before he picked up the pace to push into him harder.

 

“Cas–Castiel,” he murmured in between his sharp gasps. Inias’s other hand reached back to grip Cas’s hip as he started slamming himself back onto Cas’s sex.

 

Cas loved seeing how much Inias wanted him and how receptive he was to this particular act. He hoped it was a sign that Inias would choose to stay. A very selfish part of him wanted Inias to get addicted to the pleasures of a human body, so he would want to stay on Earth with him. He slid one hand between them and over Inias’s back, concentrated on all of the sensitive lines where his wings connected with his human body, stroking his fingertips over them to make Inias crazy with lust.

 

And it worked. Inias was muttering in Enochian, in between his ardent moans. Fingernails digging into the meat of Cas’s hip for purchase as he completely succumbed to Cas’s will.

 

Cas was on the verge of coming and a weird instinct took over, making him feel particularly possessive of Inias. The innate desire to mark Inias as his.

 

He moved the hand on Inias’s back to wrap it around his throat as he pulled him closer. Once in position, he slid his hand down over Inias’s chest and gently grasped Inias’s erection, wrapping his hand around it before he started to stroke in harmonic rhythm of his thrusts.

 

Leaning forward, Cas began to kiss a trail up to the side of Inias’s throat before he bit his earlobe and growled, “I’m going to come in you.”

 

Inias groaned out and nodded. “Mark me, Castiel.”

 

Cas moaned and gripped Inias’s hip with one hand, thrusting into him with new vigor. Inias wanted to be claimed by him and that was an even more powerful absolution than his earlier words. It was so much more than forgiveness, it felt like renewing their promise to each other. “Come with me,” he groaned in Inias’s ear.

 

His companion cried out as he clenched around Cas’s girth with the onslaught of his orgasm. “Castiel,” he murmured in an almost awed sounding tone.

 

Cas loved the way Inias said his name, exactly like the first time they met. He stilled his hips and let his orgasm take over, spilling his come deep inside of his companion, holding him tight in his arms. Cas kissed him behind his ear, growling, “You’re _mine.”_

 

“Yes, Castiel. Yours,” he breathed out contentedly, craning his neck to look at Cas with a satisfied smile.

 

Cas pulled out of him and turned Inias around, leaning in for a quick, deep kiss before he pushed him down on the bed, spreading Inias’s legs.

 

He let his fingers slide through the come that dripped from Inias’s hole, pushing a finger inside of him to really feel it. “You’re beautiful like this,” he murmured breathlessly, noticing how much he liked the idea of marking Inias as his.

 

Inias chuckled as he groaned appreciatively at Cas’s ministrations. “And you’re still as powerfully dominant as I remember.”

 

Cas took one last look before he cleaned them up and slid over Inias’s body, capturing his lips in a soft kiss. “I remember that you liked that very much.”

 

“And no matter the form, I appear to still like it very much,” he murmured in a soft, breathy chuckle.

 

“You always loved to be in my arms back home,” Cas murmured as he laid down next to him and pulled him close, his fingers stroking over Inias’s neck.

 

Inias hummed in contentment. “I missed this.” He looked into Cas’s eyes and added, “I thought I'd never see you again. Feel you again.”

 

Cas gave him a sad smile and carded his fingers through his hair. “It can be a second chance for us. We never seemed to have enough time together back home with all our duties. We can change that now.”

 

Inias nodded, a noncommittal response before he changed the subject, “What happened to Heaven?”

 

Cas leaned back slightly and frowned. “Only a small number of angels are left. I don't know who leads Heaven at the moment. The archangels are all gone… and I might be the last seraph alive.”

 

He shrugged before he cupped Inias’s cheek and gently rubbed his thumb over the skin. “But I think it's calm up there now. All the angels who tried to take over Heaven died within the last couple of years.”

 

“And Father allowed this to happen?” Inias asked. He didn’t sound angry, more like heartbroken.

 

Cas hated to break Inias’s heart, but he needed to know the truth. “He left us. I don’t think he will come back.”

 

Inias nodded sadly as a tear slid down his cheek. “I’d hoped he was gone and not watching this unfold, to just sit and not intervene.”

 

He didn’t want to rub salt in the wound, but Inias had a right to know. “He wanted us to grow up, make our own choices.” The familiar anger flared up again as he added, “But since he never taught us how… it didn’t really work out.” He pulled Inias closer in his arms. “I’m so sorry.”

 

“Such a bizarre concept. Apologizing for an action that had nothing to do with you.”

 

“I’m not sorry about that. I’m sorry that you’re hurt by it and I wish I could make it better,” Cas explained quietly.

 

Inias smiled at him, carding his hand through Cas’s hair. “Being in your arms again is helping immensely.”

 

Cas returned the smile, his mind chanting a mantra. _Please stay with me. Please stay with me._

 

He leaned forward and kissed him softly before he pressed his forehead against Inias's. "I'm glad... You make me so happy, Inias. I'm so happy you're back in my life."

 

“As am I, Castiel. As am I,” he murmured affectionately as he leaned up to press a soft kiss to Cas’s lips.

 

Cas leaned back with a low chuckle. "You seem to like the way humans share intimacy.”

 

“It’s surprisingly intimate,” he replied with an affirmative nod. “You appear to be quite experienced with human intimacy.”

 

Cas gave Inias a sheepish look. "Yes... I was practically human twice since I’ve been on Earth. And I... had sex with a woman, a reaper, although I didn't know she was one at the time... I'm sorry, I would never have done it if I had known you were still alive."

 

Inias hushed him. “There’s no reason to seek forgiveness when you did no wrong.”

 

Cas shook his head. "I did so much wrong, Inias. And I should have looked for you. I shouldn't have just believed that you were dead. I promised to protect you, but I was so afraid I would find your body, that I didn't look."

 

That was met with a stony silence and an almost saddened look. “What traumas have you suffered, my friend, that this… lack of self worth, dampens an otherworldly light of grace?”

 

"I was haughty. I thought I could lead the angels against Raphael... You saw what I did. I killed so many of us. I killed humans, I brought Leviathan into this world... And it didn't stop there. Yes, I had good intentions, but even those got lost and mixed up in my selfishness. I fell for Metatron's lies because I wanted, so desperately, to make up for my mistakes. I wanted to do penance. And then Dean.... Dean got in trouble and I risked the world again just to save him. And when I let Lucifer possess me to fight the darkness... I... hoped I would just die in the process."

 

Cas looked down and swallowed dryly. "You deserve someone better than me. My exile is righteous."

 

Inias shook his head, expression and movement a melancholy act. “I wish you wouldn’t speak of such things, Castiel. Your perception is skewed with a self hatred that causes my grace to ache for you, ache for your grief.”

 

Cas pulled him closer and rubbed his nose over Inias's cheek, closing his eyes as he let Inias comfort him. He was quiet for a while before he asked, "Could you imagine yourself staying on Earth. With me?"

 

The beat of silence that hung between them felt like it went on for an eternity. Finally, Inias whispered a soft, “I… I am unsure.”

 

His chest constricted and he looked down for a moment. “I understand,” he mumbled and it was the truth. But nevertheless, the hurt was overwhelming.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 

Cas startled awake, surprised that he had fallen asleep again, although he shouldn’t have been, considering everything he had done in the past few days. The bed space next to him was empty and when he slid his hand over the sheet, it felt cold. Inias was gone and had been for some time.

 

He tried not to panic. Maybe he was somewhere in the bunker. He knew how desperate it sounded, even in his own mind, as he quickly rushed down the hallway to check the library, the map room, and the kitchen.

 

Dean was the only one in the kitchen. 

 

“I – Is, um… Have you seen Inias?” Cas stammered out.

 

Dean furrowed his brow in concern. “Last I saw, you guys went to your room.”

 

"Shit." He rarely cursed, but in this case it felt appropriate. Cas scrubbed his hand over his face and looked around in desperation. "He's gone, Dean. I woke up and he wasn't there."

 

“Seriously?” he asked as he grabbed another mug and poured another cup of coffee. When he approached, he placed one on the table in front of Cas and sat down across from him. “Did he go back to Heaven?”

 

Cas had no idea. But it was possible. "I think so... I mean, I told him where the portal is... and he still has his wings. I guess..." He clasped his hand in front of his mouth when he suddenly felt tears escaping his eyes.  _ Did he just leave without even saying goodbye?  _ That didn't make any sense. "I don't understand."

 

Dean was suddenly kneeling in front of him, hand braced on Cas’s knee as he looked up at him. “Hey, hey… What can I do?” 

 

Cas shook his head slowly. "I don't know... Do you think he’ll come back? It's not like him to just leave unless... maybe he thought it would be easier for us... Or maybe I pushed him too much and he felt pressured. Dean, I don't know..." He felt himself panicking. They hadn’t talked about the separation and Cas was afraid Inias might hurt himself by doing it on his own.

 

“Look, maybe he just… maybe he needed to get away to process everything. Take himself out of the situation, before he makes a decision or whatever?”

 

Cas nodded slowly. It made sense. "I think I was very... clingy."

 

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “Pretty sure angels who are husbands are allowed to be clingy.”

 

Cas took a deep breath, his mind flooded with unanswered questions and concerns. "We had sex. Like humans... like a human relationship, and we were never like that before. Maybe it made him realize he doesn't want me."

 

That appeared to take Dean aback. The man’s eyebrows shot upwards as he retracted his hand from Cas’s knee. “Oh. I… Well… I mean…” He moved to stand, leaning against the table as he looked down at Cas. “I mean, I doubt you’re  _ that  _ bad in bed.” Dean’s tone was lightly teasing. Dean was trying to make him feel better. 

 

Cas gave him a soft, grateful smile. "No, I meant because feeling such... physical pleasure, can be a very overwhelming experience." He gave Dean a sheepish look. "And I was very possessive in my behavior. He might have felt pressured."

 

Dean’s brow arched up, seemingly impressed. He made no comment on that, but after a beat of silence he nodded and asked, “What do you feel in your gut? Do you think he would have left without saying goodbye first?”

 

Cas sighed deeply. "Honestly, I'm not sure. I don't believe so, but I haven't seen Inias in over six years. Six years in which he was imprisoned and tortured, no less. He could have changed. I would understand if he wouldn’t feel safe here anymore and wanted to go home."

 

“Has…” Dean nervously licked the seam of his lips before he asked, “Has the bond, or whatever, been broken? Would you feel it?”

 

Cas looked up at Dean, taking in a deep breath. "I would feel it if he broke it. He hasn't yet."

 

“Then that’s a good sign, right?”

 

“I haven't talked with him about it. I hope he doesn't do anything stupid and breaks the bond, hurting himself." Cas felt incredibly worried about that. It was something Inias probably would do.

 

Dean furrowed his brow. “Alright, so… how would the breaking thing go down? What happens to who? How’s it done?”

 

Cas leaned back in his chair and folded his hands in his lap. "There are two spells that don't require consent of the other angel. One is to break the bond by ripping it away from the other angel. The other angel gets hurt and will never be bonded again. The other is to make the separation for oneself, to free the other angel from you. In that case, the angel who speaks this ritual gets hurt in the process. It's very likely that Inias would choose the second ritual, because I don't think he would want to hurt me." Cas chewed on his lip. "There is nothing I can do. I don't have my wings... I can't just fly to him and stop him if he chooses to do that." 

 

“And there’s no pain-free option at all?”

 

Cas shook his head. “A bond is for eternity. If you break it, there is a price to pay.”

 

Dean nodded and let out a sigh. “And you think you’re the one who deserves the pain.” It wasn’t a question.

 

“Inias still has a chance of finding someone in Heaven. How could I take that away from him? And I don’t want to get bonded again." It was the only solution that made sense to him. “Losing the ability to bond with another angel wouldn’t be a sacrifice for me. But it could turn out to be one for him, especially if he continues the rest of his life in Heaven.”

 

Dean grabbed his coffee and took a sip as he hummed thoughtfully. “What if he stayed bonded to you and didn’t tell anybody?”

 

Cas shook his head and gave Dean a sad look. "Heaven knows Inias is my companion. Every angel knows..." He felt heat rising to his cheeks when he remembered their promise in front of the host. "Inias was pretty popular and I was... well... it's not important." He tried to hide his embarrassment by looking at his hands before worry took over again. "If he wants to go back, they won't give him a choice."

 

“Well, whatever happens. Sammy and I are here for you, Cas.”

 

“Thank you, Dean. I… really appreciate that.” Cas stood up from the chair and walked up to Dean. "I can't really contact him... um, could you... could you maybe pray to him? Let him know that I'm worried?"

 

Dean nodded and closed his eyes as he opened out his palms. “Uh, dear, Inias. I don’t know if you’ve got your ears on… It’s Dean, uh… Winchester. Cas here is real worried about you, buddy. If you, uh… If you could let him know you’re okay?” Dean slowly opened one eye and looked to Cas for confirmation if that was sufficient.

 

Cas raised an eyebrow at him. "Your prayers are as eloquent as ever." Cas sighed and shook his head when nothing happened. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. Thank you for trying.” 

 

“You get a couple of those a year,” he said with a smirk. Dean was about to say something else when the familiar rush of wings echoed behind them. 

 

Whirling around, he let out a sigh of relief when he saw it was Inias. The other angel approached, expression serious when he said, “Castiel, I must speak with you.”

 

And instantly his world froze. Cas stopped in his instinctive movement to wrap Inias in his arms. The relief in seeing him was instantly doused by Inias's serious expression. After a moment, he breathed out, “Alright… Can – can Dean stay?” For some reason he wasn’t sure he was strong enough to go through the rejection he was fearing without Dean’s support.

 

Inias looked from Dean to Cas again. “If that is what you would prefer?”

 

Cas nodded, but he quickly shot Dean a begging and questioning look, hoping it was okay with him.

 

At Dean’s shrug of acceptance, Inias nodded and guided Cas to sit down. “I fear you suspect what I wish to discuss?”

 

Cas swallowed and bit his lower lip before he nodded. “You wish to return home.” It hurt to acknowledge it, hearing it come from his own lips hurt even more. There was a finality to it.

 

Inias sighed and nodded. He braced his hands over Cas’s. “I wished for our separating ritual to be conducted together. I feel it is only right that, as our bond began, so it shall end the same way. In each other’s presence.”

 

A tear fell from his eyes and Cas felt embarrassed, knowing that he was so affected because he had spent so much time on Earth. "Are you sure there isn't anything I can do to make you reconsider and... stay with me?" The last part came out as a broken plea.

 

“Oh, Castiel,” Inias murmured, his tone just as wretched as Cas’s own. “I don’t belong here on Earth.”

 

Cas hung his head low and shook his head. "If... if this is your wish, I’ll comply. But I have a condition and it's not up for discussion. I'm taking the  _ Amma, _ because you will go back to Heaven and I want you to promise me you’ll find someone else to make you happy."

 

“No, Castiel. I do not wish to see you in pain.”

 

"Inias." He pressed his thumb against Inias's lips to silence him, his voice deliberately low as he said, "You will obey me in this. I'm not willing, nor do I want to take another, but you might get a chance by going back. It's the only logical solution."

 

“I…” Inias looked down, voice choked as he said, “I do not want to be bonded to any other angel. You’re the only one.”

 

Cas wrapped his hand around the back of Inias's neck and pulled him closer, leaning his forehead against the other angel’s. "It's the only way I'm going to let you walk out of my life. Agree to my condition."

 

There was a tense beat of silence before he felt Inias nod against him. “Alright, Castiel. I agree.”

 

Cas let out a deep breath, nodding. He would have hated to force Inias to do it, but he would have if he didn’t leave him a choice. He tried to get a grip on his emotions, but he was failing embarrassingly, his voice cracking when he looked up at Inias. “I–I don't know what to say. You were the best part of my life... and I'm going to miss you so much. I wish we would have had more time together, but that would probably have made saying goodbye to you, letting you go, even worse. I need you. I will always need you and I want you to know that you made me incredibly happy, every moment I had the privilege to spend time in your presence."

 

Inias nodded, his expression sad and regretful. “I have and will always hold you with me, my grace will ache, in mourning of what I am about to do. I wish there was another way, Castiel. I will miss you, so very much.”

 

Cas gave him a broken smile. “You could still change your mind and stay.”

 

There was a pregnant pause and a deep sigh before Inias whispered in a resigned query, “Is that what you order me to do?”

 

“Of course not. I want you to be happy. I wanted to be the person who made you happy, but if you choose to go back to Heaven… I understand why. I just wish… it doesn’t matter.” Cas shook his head and cupped Inias’s cheek.

 

“Look after Heaven, they need someone like you.” He tried to make a brave face even though he thought he was close to losing it. His heart was breaking and everything screamed at him to do whatever it took to keep Inias, even if it was against his will. But Cas couldn’t do that.

 

Inias grasped Cas’s hand that was still at his cheek and turned to press a kiss to his palm. “Will you do the human kissing thing again with me? One last time?”

 

He wanted to. He knew he would regret not kissing Inias again, but he shook his head, the tears now running down his cheeks and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. “I can’t, I'm sorry. I wouldn't be strong enough to let you go if I did.”

 

“I… I understand,” he murmured, tone dejected and broken. Inias kept his gaze downward and asked, “Where would you like to conduct the ritual?”

 

“Outside,” Cas offered breathlessly before he looked up at Dean to see if he would come with him.

 

“Do you, uh… do you guys need me to grab anything?” Dean asked, looking incredibly uncomfortable, but he kept quiet about it. His support was helping hold him together in that moment.

 

Cas shook his head. “I just need you at my side. It’s not a complicated ritual. Inias just needs to say a few words.” He tried to remove himself from the situation as he stood up and drew closer to Dean. He couldn't look at Inias. He just wanted the pain to stop.

 

Dean braced a hand on his shoulder in comfort. “Well,  _ that  _ I can definitely do.”

 

Cas leaned into the touch, trying to keep his countenance. It felt like a fragile house of cards, one wrong word or touch would make it collapse.

 

He took a deep breath, trying to steel himself as he made his way outside, Dean following close by. He couldn’t look at Inias. He feared he would do something stupid as long as they were in the bunker.

 

_ You're doing great, Cas. I'm right here with you, man. _

 

Cas wasn't prepared for the silent prayer of encouragement from Dean. He looked up at Dean to give him a grateful nod. His presence felt like an anchor and it gave him the strength to turn to Inias when they reached the path outside of the bunker.

 

Inias halted when they reached the outskirts of an abandoned, overgrown garden. He turned to Cas and extended his hand to him. “Castiel,” he murmured, but clearly unable to say any more.

 

Cas grabbed Inias’s hand and pulled him closer, his hand gently falling to the spot on Inias’s neck. “We can't go back once we've done this. Are you sure?”

 

“I am certain I wish to return to Heaven. Everything else confuses me.” Inias tilted his head and cupped Cas’s cheek. “I do not wish to sever our bond.”

 

“But Heaven is more important than us,” Cas finished. It was in no way an accusation. It was stating a fact. They both had always put Heaven and their missions first. It’s what he loved about Inias.

 

But still it was breaking his heart all over again. Cas realized again how different he had become from the other angels. Inias didn’t have a drop of selfishness in him. He would never choose something for himself.

 

Inias nodded and kept his gaze on the ground as his grip tightened on Cas’s hand. After a beat, he whispered, “I’m ready, Castiel.”

 

Cas was not. He didn’t want to do it. He just couldn’t. And for a defiant moment, he wondered if he should force Inias to stay… at least for a few days so he got used to the confusing parts of living on Earth. For a brief moment he wanted to destroy Heaven just so he wouldn’t need to let go of Inias.

 

He couldn’t do it, why couldn't Inias see that it was a terrible mistake?

 

He was about to pull away when he felt Dean’s presence again. Solid and strong.

 

What would Dean think of him if he forced Inias to stay? He would tell him it was wrong. And Cas knew it was wrong, but there were a million voices in his head telling him that Inias would be grateful in time. He just needed more time to adjust.

 

_ I know what you’re thinkin’. You know me and Sammy have been there and seen the consequences of taking away someone’s choice. I know it sucks, but we’re gonna be here, Cas. You aren’t alone. _

 

Cas turned to look at Dean and was met with a pleading gaze to not do anything stupid. He was right. Inias didn’t want to stay. He had made a decision and Cas needed to respect it, no matter how much it hurt.

 

He faced Inias again, taking in a deep breath. “I’m not, but I… I will let you go.”

 

“Thank you, Castiel. For always. For being my everything.” Inias took Cas’s other hand in his as he stepped forward, full-on facing him.

 

Cas swallowed dryly, his eyes burning with tears he didn't want to shed. "I hope you find happiness again. I don't want you to be lonely."

 

Inias shook his head. “It’s a nice thought.”

 

Cas cupped his cheek and stared at him. “I mean it. I don’t want to regret this. I can’t let you go if I know you will close yourself up to others. I don’t want you to be lonely.”

 

“I will not lie to you, Castiel. But I promise, when the time eventually comes, I will open myself to the possibility.”

 

"Okay," Cas whispered before he closed his eyes and pulled Inias into a tight hug. "Goodbye, Inias." 

 

He couldn't say anything after that. There was nothing left but pain, loss, and an intense feeling of emptiness once Inias had muttered the Enochian words in his ear. He held him close, like he had promised, holding him tight, trying to comfort him through the painful tear that ripped their bond apart. Cas sank to his knees when it was done.

 

Inias knelt in front of Cas and cupped his face in his hands. “Goodbye, my Seraph.”

 

Cas couldn't say anything. He did his best to be strong, to not let Inias know how broken and hurt he was by their separation. He didn't want Inias’s last image of him to be weak.

 

“Please take care of yourself,” Inias murmured as he moved to stand. “I… I never expected… This is more painful than I anticipated. I think… I think I’d like to return to Heaven now.”

 

Cas nodded, but he couldn't look at Inias. He didn't want to watch him leave.

 

Suddenly a pair of strong, warm hands were clutching his shoulder. He looked up to find kind, bottle green eyes looking down at him with a comforting smile. “Come on, Cas.”

 

And he broke. The tears he had tried to hold back didn’t so much as fall, as they cascaded down his cheeks in a tidal wave of grief. In that moment, Cas finally realized it was over. Inias was gone. Forever. The feeling of emptiness was overwhelming and he had no idea how he could live with such a profound loss.

 

When Dean wrapped his arms around him, he just held him. He didn’t offer platitudes or sympathy. He simply held Cas in his arms, rubbing a soothing circle on his back.

 

Cas wrapped his arms tighter around him, desperate for any closeness he could get. Dean wasn't Inias, but it didn't matter in that moment. Dean was giving him what he needed. Filling the emptiness in his heart, at least for a brief period of time.

 

He lost his sense of time and had no idea how long Dean had held him when he finally felt like he could breathe again. He leaned back, not looking at Dean, uncomfortable with how much it had affected him and was  _ still _ affecting him. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, unsure of what else to say.

 

Dean shook his head. “No need for that.” He gave Cas a soft smile. “Wanna take this inside? Where there’s booze and A/C?”

 

"Yes," he breathed out. "That sounds like a very good idea. I... just.... I don't want to feel anything right now."

 

“That,” he started as he moved to stand, extending his hand out for Cas to take, “is my specialty.”

 

He let himself be pulled up, but he didn't let go of Dean's hand like he usually would. He looked down at their hands with a frown before he consciously made the decision to let go. "Sorry about that. It still feels weird to not have a connection with..." He bit his lip, looking away as he felt tears welling up again. "Um, sorry," he pressed out.

 

Dean regarded him curiously for a moment as they continued their trek back inside. “Does it help? With the pain of the loss, I mean?”

 

Cas nodded hesitantly because he didn't know why Dean was asking.

 

Without further question or comment, Dean reached out and held Cas’s hand, intertwining their fingers as he gave him gentle squeeze.

 

Cas's breathing hitched and he squeezed back, while also feeling conflicted. He knew Dean just wanted to help him, but he also knew that physical contact like this made the man uncomfortable. Holding his hand brought him some relief, but what was the point? He would have to get used to the emptiness at some point.

 

Cas closed his eyes. "Dean... I appreciate that you're trying to help me through this, but I need to get used to feeling this way."

 

“And you will. But for now, if it helps, just shut up and hold my damn hand. Unless my palms are too sweaty?” he teased, but he made no attempt at releasing him.

 

Cas gave him a grateful smile and tried to concentrate on the knowledge that he still had his friends. But it still wasn’t the same, no matter  _ how  _ important Dean was to him, at some point, he would leave him too.

 

“I don’t know how much of an effect the alcohol will have on me. I might need a little more than a few glasses.”

 

Dean nodded. “I’ll grab you a fifth of whiskey and you should be good.”

 

For some reason Cas doubted that very much. He was pretty sure he would never be good again.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Cas had never been particularly emotional before. There were occasions, times where he was a little more emotional than normal. Anytime a situation involved Claire, near death experiences, or any of the extremes when Cas was not  _ actually  _ Cas. But overall, the angel was pretty robotic. It was an aspect of his personality Dean had come to accept over the years. His very own vulcan. 

 

But this was different. It was like Cas was completely shut down. Monosyllabic answers to questions, refusal to make eye contact, and a monotone in his voice that would have made Ben Stein envious. 

 

Dean wasn’t great with emotional upheavals. He’d gotten better over the years. From a time where he felt at a loss on how to help his brother grieve over the loss of Jessica. His type of help basically equated to handing Sam a beer without judgement and trying to distract him with a case. While Dean sucked at emotions, he was really good at distractions.

 

So that’s how they found themselves, on a rare slow night. Sitting in the library, Sam’s laptop pulled open and perusing Netflix for a dumb comedy, while Dean was bringing out glasses of ice for the whiskey they were going to help Cas drink. 

 

Placing a glass in front of Cas, he received a half-hearted and murmured thank you before he filled all of the glasses and took a seat next to the angel.

 

“Somethin’ that requires no thought whatsoever, Sammy. Like  _ Baseketball,”  _ Dean said as he took a swig of the scotch that they had stolen from the abandoned headquarters of the former British Men of Letters.  _ Damn.  _ Despite being complete and total psychopathic nutjobs, they had damn good taste in scotch.

 

Sam rolled his eyes and murmured, “Yeah, yeah.” Turning his focus from his laptop to Cas, he looked just as concerned as Dean for their friend. “How’re you doin’, Cas?”

 

"I'm fine," Cas answered lowly and yeah... Cas had clearly gotten his coping mechanisms and willingness to talk about emotions from Dean. Dean could practically  _ feel  _ the stink eye from Sam.

 

The urge to high-five his best friend was overwhelming. He leaned in to whisper conspiratorially in Cas’s ear, “Want me to put superglue on his glass, or some ice down his shirt?”

 

Cas just shook his head slightly and stared at his whiskey again.

 

Dean hated feeling useless. At Sam’s concerned look, Dean shrugged helplessly and nodded to the laptop. Maybe a stupid comedy would be enough of a distraction from his friend’s grief. 

 

Sam started some ridiculous sci-fi comedy movie and sat down next to Cas. "Cas, you know when I lost Jess... I thought my life ended. She was the one for me... you know? I never thought I could feel happy, or even fall in love again. Look, I don't know if it's the same, but if you somehow feel empty inside and... um... alone. You don't have to suffer through it in silence. Sometimes it helps when you talk about it. It will help you come to accept it." 

 

And that’s why he let Sammy take the reins on these types of situations. Dean probably would have chucked Cas’s chin and told him to, “suck it up, buttercup.” Okay, maybe not something so callous, but emotions always made Dean uncomfortable. If Cas started crying right now, he’d probably awkwardly pat his back and ask if he needed a hug or something. Dean was well aware of his shortcomings when it came to emotions.

 

Cas gave Sam a long look before he sighed in defeat. "I don't know what to feel. When I thought Inias was dead... I tried to not think about what that meant. I never saw his body and as long as I wasn't sure, I could always hope that I would see him again at some point. A part of me never accepted that he was really gone and the other part was too afraid to search for him, on the off chance that wasn’t the case. And now that I know he's alive... he chose to leave me. For good."

 

“Well, fuck him then,” Dean murmured into his scotch.

 

“Dean,” Sam warned.

 

Dean shook him off and said, “No. I’ve been stayin’ quiet, because it wasn’t my place to say anything, but  _ fuck  _ that guy. Fuck him if he’d rather choose Heaven over Cas.” He looked at Cas and said, “I’m sorry you’re hurting. You don’t deserve it and if that douchebag could choose shitty Heaven over you, then he didn’t deserve you.”

 

"He's not... It's not Inias's fault. I don't expect you to understand, Dean, but Inias... we both were the same. Heaven, or the mission, always came first. Part of why we were so compatible was because we both shared duty and responsibility as our defining characteristic. And we complemented each other in what we didn’t share. He didn't change in all those years... but I did. It's not his fault that I was exiled."

 

Sam cleared his throat. "Can I ask you a question, Cas? Um... you were chosen for each other, right? So this wasn't your free will? Did you ever love him?"

 

Cas took in a deep breath, leaning back against the couch. "Yes, we were chosen for each other, but I had already liked him a lot at that point. When I got promoted to command my own garrison... they said a companion would be chosen for me and I heard a few names. I hoped it would be Inias and I couldn't have been happier with the choice. I need him. I'm happy when he is with me. That’s love, right?"

 

“Well, I think what Sammy is askin’ is more like, are you  _ in  _ love with the guy? I mean, if you think about it, what you just described is how we all feel about each other. In love is part of love, but it ain’t quite the same,” Dean clarified. 

 

Cas frowned before he shook his head. "We were never like this before. This level of closeness. But I thought that was changing, when we... when we kissed and had sex. I thought we could have that level of love, too."

 

Dean felt a pang of sympathy for Cas. While the feelings might not have been at quite that level yet, he was getting there. And years of being stuck on Earth had apparently given the guy an almost romantic hope. “And there’s no way to win him back? You can’t hold a boombox and play a Peter Gabriel song outside his window in Heaven?”

 

"It won't change the facts, Dean. I'm sure if there would have been any other way, he would have stayed with me... I just have to live with the fact that I will spend eternity on my own. Because if I don't get killed, I will still walk this Earth after every human is long gone."

 

“Cas, man… I’m…” Dean couldn’t finish his sentence. What the fuck can you even say to that? “I’m sorry,” was nowhere near good enough. And trying to comfort him or tell him maybe that won’t happen was a slap in the face. 

 

It wasn’t like Cas was wrong or disillusioned. He  _ was  _ exiled from Heaven, which meant he had to spend the rest of eternity on Earth. And the only way that time would end would be if he got killed.

 

Now that he thought about it, attempting to comfort the guy with booze and bad movies seemed pretty fucking insulting. 

 

“Could… Is there anything you can do to redeem yourself to Heaven?” Sam asked, clearly on the same page as Dean.

 

Cas chuckled mirthlessly. "I tried. Remember when I stole the Colt and tried to bring Kelly to the portal? I got Joshua killed, the last angel that was on my side and I did the exact opposite of what they asked of me. They say I'm not better than Lucifer, I mean I even let him possess me. I killed thousands of my brothers, my actions brought the world to the brink of destruction at least three times... Gadreel was imprisoned since the dawn of time for just leaving his post... I will never have a chance of going back." 

 

Dean and Sam shared a wince of sympathy as they simultaneously took a sip of their drinks. Cas was fucked. And not in a good way. No amount of booze, bad movies, or hanging out with the two humans that fucked up his life beyond recognition was ever going to make the fact that the one angel that would have, and could have, stayed by his side and kept away his loneliness, chose Heaven over his bondmate.

 

“Shit, Cas,” Dean breathed out, tone and expression as dismayed as he felt.

 

“That sums it up pretty accurately,” Cas replied dryly before he emptied his whiskey in one go. “Can I get another one?”

 

Dean poured him another drink before topping off his own and Sam’s. He looked at his brother and shared a silent communication before turning back to Cas. “I know it's not even close to being a comfort, but there's always a place at our table for you, no matter what.”

 

Cas turned his head and looked at Dean sadly, still leaning against the couch's back. "It is a nice comfort for the next forty to fifty years."

 

That was a generous estimate, but Dean knew better than to voice that opinion out loud. Dean simply nodded and downed half his drink. What the hell could he even say to that?

 

Cas emptied his glass quickly again and held it out to Dean with a miserable, broken expression. "When did you say this will start to work?"

 

Dean poured him another and shrugged. “Hard to say for an angel…”

 

"Thanks," Cas mumbled and shook his head. "I'm not sure why humans are so fascinated with living forever. It's more a curse than a blessing, especially if you spend your time only with mortal beings. As hard as being human for a short amount of time was for me, at least..." He shook his head. "I shouldn't think like that. It is what it is."

 

“Could…” Dean hesitated. He wasn’t sure if his question would make things worse or not. 

 

Cas downed his drink again and frowned at Dean. "Could?"

 

Refilling Cas’s glass, he bit the bullet and asked, “Is becoming human again totally out of the question?”

 

Cas gave him a long look, his expression was hard to read and Dean almost immediately regretted asking it. "Do you know a method of becoming human without me dying in the process, or getting reborn as an infant?"

 

Dean let the bitchiness slide. Dude was in mourning of his broken bond, so he didn’t need Dean calling him out on his testiness on top of it. “When Metatron stole your grace, he didn’t kill you, right? And when you took his? Is it not that easy?”

 

Cas tilted his head a little. “You don’t die instantly from someone slicing your throat. It would take a few minutes to bleed out. I only survived because Metatron healed me after he took my grace. I did the same with Metatron.”

 

He hadn’t thought about that. But… “So if someone could heal you right after?”

 

“It would be possible, yes.” Cas murmured thoughtfully.

 

Dean exchanged a look with his brother before he turned back to Cas. “Would… I mean… Is that even something you’d want?”

 

“I’m not sure,” Cas answered after a long pause. “Being human isn’t exactly something I was very successful at. And I'm of better use to you as an angel."

 

“Cas, we don’t keep you around because of your use to us. Human or angel, you’re our family,” Sam said, tone adamant and insistent.

 

Dean nodded his agreement. “Exactly. If you wanna be human, you be human. But don’t stick to being an angel because you think we won’t want you around anymore. ‘Cause that just ain’t true.”

 

Cas gave them both a quick smile. "I know that. It's just that I wouldn't feel very useful anymore. I couldn't heal you anymore, I would lose my strength, every advantage I have in a battle. I couldn't live with myself if a selfish decision would lead to one of you being gravely injured and I wouldn't be able to help."

 

“We get that, Cas. We do. And we’ll support whatever you want to do,” Sam replied, clapping his hand on Cas’s shoulder and offering him a comforting smile.

 

Cas nodded. "Thank you, It's something I will think about." He drank the rest of his glass and looked at it. "I think I'm starting to feel something."

 

Dean smiled and poured him another glass. “I’m not gonna lie, I’m lookin’ forward to seeing drunk Cas again.”

 

“Why is that?” Cas asked, the tiniest smile playing around his lips. One that only Dean would catch because he’d known the guy for almost a decade.

 

“‘Cause drunk Cas is hilarious,” he answered with an amused grin, taking another swig of the scotch.

 

Cas shrugged and held his empty glass out to Dean. "Not sure how hilarious I'm going to be, but I'll give it a try."

 

Dean poured him another four fingers and smiled. “Be however you need, and if that means you get mopey, then you get mopey.”

 

It took a few more glasses before Cas went eerily quiet again. That’s when Dean noticed he wasn't watching the movie anymore. Instead he had started crying again.

 

Sam was still engrossed in the movie and hadn’t caught on, so Dean didn’t want to draw any unnecessary attention in case Cas didn’t want that. Instead, Dean scooted his chair a little closer and gently took Cas’s hand in his own. Just holding it.

 

Cas suddenly squeezed his hand back before he turned to Dean and wrapped his arms around him, clinging to him like he was drowning. "I don't want to watch this movie anymore. There’s a love story in it."

 

“Yeah, okay… Yeah,” he hushed and started rubbing Cas’s back. “Sammy? Can you shut that shit off?”

 

Cas shook his head against him. "I think I just want to go back to my room."

 

Dean nodded. “Alright. Want… want me to help you?” Hopefully Cas knew what he was asking. Not that he thought Cas needed help walking the however many steps to his room. But Dean was offering whatever comfort he could give in that moment.

 

Cas seemed to get it because he thought pretty long about an answer before he finally nodded and breathed out, "Yes, thank you."

 

“I’ll be back, Sammy,” he whispered, his brother nodding mutely in response as Dean stood up and held his hand out for Cas to take.

 

Cas hesitantly took it, not looking up or saying anything as Dean accompanied him to his room. Cas let go of him when they arrived, sitting down on the side of his bed. When Cas’s gaze fell on his bed, more tears started running down his face. “Everything here reminds me of him. Of what we could have had if he would just have given me some time.”

 

Cas sounded angry when he wiped his tears away, “I should have fought to keep him, persuaded him, or even forced him to stay. He should have given me more time.”

 

Dean sighed and sat next to Cas on the bed. “Tricking or forcing him to stay would have made you feel worse. Maybe not at first, but eventually. For what it's worth, I'm sorry he didn't choose you.”

 

“He seemed to really like what I did to him in my bed… I don't know why he didn’t choose me,” Cas replied slowly, the level of his drunkenness now clearly noticeable.

 

And now they were delving into territory that made Dean incredibly uncomfortable. But he knew he needed to put his hangups on the backburner to be there for his friend. Dean sighed and slung his arm over Cas’s shoulder. “Why are you so sure it’s you? You said he and you were hardcore, rule-abiding, good soldiers. Maybe it has nothing to do with you, but his duty? Remember when you first came to Earth? You were willing to destroy an entire town of innocent people because of your damn orders.”

 

"I know." Cas rubbed his hand over his face. "I know it's because of his duty, but... I hoped I was more important to him. Maybe because, if our roles had been reversed, I would have stayed."

 

“Can you honestly say that, though? If you were the old you?”

 

"No... maybe not then. But now." Cas bit his lip and shook his head. "I want him now."

 

Dean gave him a comforting smile. “Then you really can’t expect him to, if he’s basically where you used to be mentally. Which is convenient for him and really fucking sucks for you, Cas.” He let out a resigned sigh and added, “I wish I had the kind of words that would make you feel better, but shit… if I had that sort of power, I’d be a millionaire working for Hallmark or some shit. But I  _ am  _ sorry you’re hurting, Cas. And whatever you need, man. We’re here for you.”

 

Cas leaned back on the mattress, grabbing the pillow from the other side of the bed before he pressed his face against it. His voice sounded muffled, "I hate how much I miss him."

 

“I know, buddy. Just remember. Time wounds all heals.” 

 

Cas frowned at him. "I don't think you said that correctly."

 

Dean smiled. “You’re getting better at that.”

 

Cas slowly reached out for his hand that he had braced on the edge of the bed. He didn't take it though, just touched his fingertips hesitantly before he put his hand down next to him. He seemed to be lost in his own thoughts.

 

“Cas. Talk to me,” he urged gently.

 

Cas closed his eyes before he mumbled, "Can you... leave, please?"

 

Dean nodded despite Cas not looking at him. “Okay. Let me know if you need anything.” He got up and as he reached the doorway, he whispered, “Night, Cas.”

 

Cas didn't reply, he pulled the pillow tighter in his embrace and silently started to cry again.

 

“For what it's worth, Cas. I would have picked you. Every time.”

 

Cas suddenly froze and looked up at Dean, confusion and surprise written all over his face before he frowned deeply. "I... um..." After a moment of prolonged silence he quietly added in a resigned tone, "Thank you, Dean." 

 

Dean smiled, feeling relieved that hopefully, maybe, he made his friend feel a little better. “Get some rest.” 

 

“I’ll try,” Cas replied thoughtfully. “Good night, Dean.”

 

“Night.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

_ I would have picked you. Every time. _

 

Cas had hoped he could have fallen asleep, but Dean’s words echoed in his mind. He knew Dean hadn’t meant them in a romantic way, but still his words led to him questioning everything he thought he knew about love.

 

Because Dean got him thinking. He thought about how far he would go. How far he already had gone… for Dean. And Dean wasn’t his companion. He wasn’t his lover. And still. Cas would do anything for Dean. He was willing to let the world burn if it meant saving Dean.

 

Of course Inias couldn’t stay with him. In the end they weren't compatible anymore. Cas had changed. He had changed so much, that it was a wonder Inias hadn’t said anything.

 

He pressed the pillow Inias had slept on against his face and inhaled deeply. He missed him so much, but there was a nagging doubt now. Would he have done the same things he did for Dean, for Inias?

 

His mind answered the question honestly. No, he wouldn’t have. He had never made a promise to Dean to protect him, but he had made one to Inias. But if both of them were in danger and he could only save one, he wouldn’t even hesitate to save Dean.

 

Why was that? It could only mean that his bond with Inias wasn’t as strong, even though he had been his companion. That, although he would never have the ability to create a bond with anyone, he could still have something even stronger. Not a magical bond, but one formed out of trust and friendship. 

 

It was mildly comforting, but it didn’t change the fact that Cas would eventually lose Dean too. It was only a matter of a few decades and he would be completely alone again.

 

The thought pushed him into a deep, black hole that consumed him, making him numb and left him wondering what he should do. 

 

In the end he started to wander through the bunker, starting to sort books in the library in alphabetical order before he tidied up the storeroom. It was mind numbing work, but he needed the distraction.

 

Until he cut himself on one of the swords he had found in a box. It hurt and he frowned before he realized it was an angelic blade. Must have been one that belonged to a Gregori at some point.

 

He wrapped his fingers around the cold metal of the blade and squeezed, trying to feel the pain, watching how the blood dripped from his palm and onto the floor as he pulled it out of the box. The cut burned, but it felt like he was gaining a grip over his emotions. 

 

He slid his fingers over the blade up to the handle, spreading his blood in its trail. What should he do when Dean and Sam eventually left? The blade seemed to have all of the answers. A quick and painless option.

 

He nodded grimly as he took it and went back to his room.

 

He still felt imbalanced by the separation, the injury to his true form hurt where the bond had laid. He wondered if it was going to stop at some point, or if he would always feel this way. Always now meaning until the Winchesters left him too. He had no intention of staying when everybody else was gone.

 

There was no point. No mission. No nothing.

 

And Cas couldn't be alone. He was an angel. Being alone wasn't in his nature. It didn't surprise him – at all  –  that Michael had gone mad in the cage. In Heaven they were never alone. The voices of the others were a constant companion in their heads. They were a collective, everyone had a role to play. They could cast out broken parts and the system wouldn't get destroyed by it.

 

But the part that got cast out, it no longer had a purpose. 

 

He had no purpose. He had nothing. And nothing made sense anymore. Other than death.

 

_ Why wait? _ A quiet voice in his mind asked.  _ You have the sword. Your pain would be over. Do you really want to go through seeing your friends die first? _

 

Cas held up the sword, holding the pointed end over his heart. Just a quick push and it would all be over.

 

_ I would have picked you. Every time. _

 

Cas closed his eyes and dropped the weapon when he imagined Dean finding him dead. He couldn't do that to him. Not again and definitely not here. Their safe space.

 

His head hurt and he crawled onto the bed, laying on his side, the sword falling beside the bed with a clang against the concrete. The tears started to well up again, but he didn't try to hold them back this time. He felt weak. So weak, that eventually everything went black around him.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Dean stumbled through the bunker toward the kitchen the following morning. When he reached the end of the hall, there was a dark brown discoloration on the floor. He narrowed his eyes as he looked at it. It looked like blood.

 

As he continued walking through the hallway, there was a trail of it leading through the library. Like a fucked up Hansel and Gretel breadcrumb trail, Dean followed the drops until he reached the storage room. Dean’s blood ran cold when he opened the door and found a small pool of blood. 

 

Without hesitating, Dean ran for Cas’s room. Flashes of traumatic images invaded his mindseye as his heartbeat increased tenfold. Images of Cas dead. Bled out. He didn’t know how he knew, but he did. Dean thought that things were okay. Not great, but okay.

 

The droplets of blood seemed to increase as he made his way back through the hall. How the fuck had he missed it the first time? Dean slammed Cas’s door open and froze at the sight that met him. There was another pool of blood, not as much as in the storage room, but enough. Cas was sleeping, but the sound of the door seemed to have woken him up. His shirt had blood on it, an angel sword with a bloody blade on the floor beside his bed.

 

Cas blinked tiredly at him. “Dean?” His voice was rough and low.

 

“The fuck did you do?” he demanded as he drew closer and picked up the sword.

 

Cas frowned and looked away, hiding his hand. “Nothing. It was an accident.”

 

Dean stepped closer and grabbed Cas’s forearm, pulling his hand open with more force than necessary. The huge gash in his palm had Dean almost trembling.  _ “This  _ was an accident?”

 

"Yes." Cas pulled his hand away from Dean. "I tidied up the storage room and I accidentally cut myself. I was distracted."

 

He narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “Why haven’t you healed yourself?”

 

Cas nodded to the blade. "It's an angelic weapon. I can't heal this cut myself. It looks worse than it is."

 

Moving to sit on the edge of the bed, Dean let out a sigh and gave his friend an imploring look. “Level with me, Cas. Was this actually an accident?”

 

Cas’s lips were paper thin from how hard he had them pressed together. "I don't know what you want me to say." He stood up and grabbed the blade again. "I'll wash it and return it to its box."

 

Dean grabbed him at the elbow and forced him to face him. “I want you to tell me the damn truth.”

 

"It was an accident," Cas pressed out, he glared at him for a second before he looked away again, pushing Dean’s hand from his elbow to walk passed him.

 

“Bullshit,” Dean called out after him.

 

Cas didn't react. He just left the room, slamming the door behind him.

 

Whirling around to the nearest wall, Dean slammed his fist into it and cried out, “Fuck!” He shook his hand, the sharp pain radiating up his arm. It didn’t feel like he broke any knuckles, but he was going to be sore for a minute.

 

Dean stormed out of Cas’s room and went straight for Sammy’s, hoping the lunatic wasn’t out for a run or something. Not even bothering to knock, Dean swung his brother’s door open. He was tying his running shoes, foot braced on the edge of his bed. 

 

“We got a problem.”

 

Sam stopped and put his foot down with an alarmed look. "What is it?"

 

“Cas ‘accidentally’...” He used air quotes for emphasis. “Sliced his hand on a friggin’ angel sword in the middle of the night. I don’t think he’s alright, Sammy.”

 

"Oh, shit." Sam quirked his brow. "You think he did it on purpose, like he wants to harm himself? Have you talked to him?"

 

“Tried, man,” he said with a shrug. “Dude brushed me off and stormed off. I don’t… How the fuck do we help him?” The thought of his best friend trying to off himself while he was sleeping made Dean want to never fucking sleep again. 

 

Sam gave him a bitch face. "Did you try to talk to him or did you yell at him?"

 

“I…” Dean started in defense of himself as he thought about his reaction. Letting out a sigh, Dean added, “I was freaked, man. It scares the shit out of me, the thought…” He couldn’t even bring himself to finish the thought, let alone the sentence.

 

Sam rubbed his hand over his face and through his hair with a deep sigh. "Look, I get it, okay? I'm worried too. But we have to be a little more sensitive with him. You heard the stuff he said yesterday. He won't just bounce back from this with a few shots of whiskey."

 

Dean kicked the side of Sam’s bed and let out a growl of frustration. “Then what do we do? How the fuck do we fix this? I’m not losing him again and definitely not by his own goddamn hand!”

 

Sam seemed to be thoughtful for a moment, rubbing his nose. "He needs something to focus on. Work. We should look for a hunt, take him with us. Give him something to do."

 

That… was actually a decent idea. Dean felt a little calmer, but there was the niggling of doubt at the back of his mind. If Cas was in that bad of a mindset, he might do something stupid, like let himself get hurt. Dean tongued the corner of his mouth and sighed. “Alright. Let’s… let’s find a case somewhere. Anything, even something stupid. I’m gonna… I’m gonna go apologize to Cas.”

 

“Yeah,” Sam breathed out, still looking as worried as Dean felt. "Do you want me to talk to him? I could take him out with me for a run?"

 

Dean shot him an incredulous look. “No one’s ever  _ that  _ depressed.” He shook his head and sighed. “I’ll let him know about the invite, but I’m still gonna apologize. Even if he is lying, me being an angry asshat isn’t helping.”

 

Sam was still giving him a bitch face. "When does it ever? Just remember, he lost everything, Dean. And we still don't understand how this bond breaking thing affects angels."

 

“Not everything,” he corrected. Dean and Sam might be the shittiest consolation prize in the history of ever, but that didn’t mean Cas lost everything. Dean raised his hands in surrender. “Fine. I get it. I need to embrace my inner free-loving, hippie douchebag and treat a dude that can kill me with a snap of his fingers with kid gloves.”

 

“Are you sure you wanna talk to him?” Sammy asked with a frown.

 

Dean nodded. “I promise. I’ll keep my Hulk on a leash and just apologize. Last thing I want to do is make shit wor –” Dean stopped mid-sentence as he realized he just yelled at a possibly suicidal angel, who stormed off to go to the room where there was half a dozen different weapons that could kill him. “Shit!”

 

Ignoring Sam’s cries of confusion, Dean practically ran to the store room. He slammed the door open and almost collapsed with relief at seeing Cas on his hands and knees, scrubbing the floor. Which was also weird, but Dean wasn’t one to judge using cleaning or fixing as a coping mechanism. Hell, that’s why all of their guns were clean and his fifty year old car was in pristine condition. Well, that and Baby was a queen and deserved to be treated like one.

 

Dean caught the annoyed eye roll before Cas turned his focus back on the ground.

 

With a deep exhale, Dean stepped into the room and said, “Look, Cas. You can tell me to fuck off, but I… I wanted to tell you I’m sorry.”

 

"For what?" Cas murmured before he wrung out the cleaning rag. Red water dripping from it into the bucket.

 

“You  _ know  _ what. I’m just…” Dean drew closer and rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m bad at this stuff. I’m bad at emotions and knowing how to react when other people have them. So I’m sorry for yelling and callin’ you a liar. You’re my best friend and you deserve a little more sympathy than that.”

 

"I don't need your sympathy." Cas closed his eyes and exhaled before he stood up and looked at him with a head shake, his expression void of emotion. "I apologize. I'm not good with this either. And I’d prefer to not talk about what happened."

 

Dean nodded. “That’s fine. I get it. I won’t push. If you feel like talkin’, you talk. And if you don’t, then you don’t. I just…” He sighed and shook his head, changing the subject. Cas didn’t need Dean to make him feel guilty because Dean was terrified of losing his best friend again. “Sammy is going for a run. He wanted to know if you wanna go with him.”

 

"Why would I do that?" Cas tilted his head. "I don't see the point of running when I'm not on the run from anything."

 

He couldn’t help but let out a soft chuckle at that. “And  _ that  _ is why you’re my best friend.”

 

Cas didn't smile, he just looked over the floor and frowned before he looked at his hand again. It was still bleeding, probably because of cleaning the floor.

 

If there was one thing Dean Winchester hated, it was feeling useless. He couldn’t even make Cas smile and it killed him a little inside. Dean needed to focus on what he could do for his friend. “I could wrap that for you, if you want.”

 

Cas looked up. He seemed to hesitate for a moment before he nodded. "Okay." In a way Cas sounded like his old, monosyllable robotic self from years ago and Dean didn't like it. He had never been a Chatty Cathy, but this...

 

Dean let out another sigh and nodded for Cas to follow him to the bathroom. Thankfully he didn’t have to push the guy or anything, he followed Dean without hesitation. When they reached the large dorm like bathroom, Dean nodded for Cas to lean up against the counter while he grabbed the first aid kit.

 

Pulling out the hydrogen peroxide and a couple of cotton balls to clean the wound, he figured it couldn’t hurt. Dean gently grasped Cas’s hand and flipped it palm side up as he started dabbing the wound. It didn’t fizz, which meant no infection, so that was a plus. The wound was way deeper than it had looked at first glance. 

 

“Shit, Cas. I think you need stitches.”

 

“Don’t worry. I don’t feel any pain,” Cas replied dryly as he poked at the cut. 

 

_ So I can smack him upside his stupid head?  _ Dean nodded and grabbed a needle and string from the kit, threading it before he grabbed Cas’s hand again to start stitching him up. “So, uh… we're gonna search for a case, get out of here for a while. You up for it?”

 

Cas looked up with a raised eyebrow. “You want me to come with you?”

 

Dean kept his gaze on the stitch as he answered, “Yeah. ‘Course, man.”

 

After a beat of silence, Cas quietly asked, “Is it because you want to keep an eye on me?”

 

“A little,” he answered honestly, “but even if I wasn't worried about you, I'd still invite you to tag along.”

 

Cas bit his lip before he looked up at Dean. “I couldn't do anything… last night… because I thought of you. I don’t want to hurt you with my actions.”

 

It was bizarre how he was suddenly engulfed in guilt and relief. Dean finished wrapping Cas’s hand in gauze and nodded. “Can you do me a favor next time you’re feelin’ that low?”

 

Cas squinted his eyes at Dean. “I’m still feeling that low.”

 

Dean was taken aback. He didn’t know what to say to Cas’s honesty, so he pulled him into a hug, gently patting him on the back. “Please don’t do that again. Come find me. Talk to me.”

 

Cas pressed his face into his shoulder and, for a moment, Dean could feel his friend’s desperation before he could practically see him shut it down again. Cas leaned back and shook his head. "I'm not going to end my life as long as you live."

 

The underlying message rang clear and loud. Dean knew what he was implying, but the last thing he wanted to hear was that Cas would kill himself at some point. Instead, he focused on the one positive part of his statement. “That a promise?”

 

Cas appeared to be hesitant. "I'm not sure if I can promise that, but I'll try."

 

Dean sighed and nodded. “Guess that’s the best I can hope for.”

 

Cas gave him a pained look. "I'm sorry I can't give you a better answer." 

 

“It’s fine, Cas. Well… not  _ fine,  _ but… yeah. Okay.” Dean drew back and pat him on the shoulder. “Still up for a case?”

 

Cas nodded, giving him the faintest smile. After everything it was nice to see. Like finding a lake after wandering thirsty through a desert for days. "Yes, um, thank you for this." He held up his hand awkwardly.  

 

“Anytime, Cas.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Cas sat in the backseat of the Impala and watched the landscape rush by out of his window. Sam had found a case. A murder at a couples’ retreat, the Heartland Moose Guest Ranch resort in Valentine, Nebraska. The victim, a young man, was missing his heart, so they suspected a werewolf. The drive there took forever, but Cas felt like he was losing time. He kept falling into a weird state of unconsciousness, only to wake up and realize they were in a different state.

 

One of Dean’s tapes was playing and Sam was quietly talking about the case when he closed his eyes again. He tried to listen, but it was hard to stay awake. He had no idea why his energy levels were so low, but figured it was because his true form got hurt in the process of separating from Inias.

 

“He’s still sleeping, Dean,” Sam murmured quietly. “That’s not normal.”

 

There was a soft sigh before Dean said, “I know. I’m fuckin’ worried, Sammy.”

 

Cas cleared his throat, making them aware that he wasn't out completely. He noticed how tired he sounded when he replied, “Don't be. I think it's still the fall-out from breaking the bond with Inias."

 

“There anything that can help? Like a spell?” Dean asked as he craned his neck to look back at Cas.

 

Cas shook his head and gave him a soft smile. "It's like you said. Time wounds all heals."

 

Dean chuckled and turned back to the road. “You lucked out. Slept most of the drive. We’re almost there.”

 

Cas looked out of the window again, taking in the vivid green trees, wide fields, and the sun that warmed his face. "You already have a plan, I take it?"

 

Sam nodded as he turned in his seat to look back at him. "We’re splitting up. You two go to the police station and ask about our murder victim and I'll go to the resort and ask questions. We'll meet up after that and see how it goes. The important question is, if it  _ was  _ a random attack from outside of the resort and the creature is nearby, or if our werewolf was taking a vacation there."

 

Cas nodded and scratched his chin. "So would everybody be a suspect that has already left the resort?"

 

Sam nodded. "That’s what I'm going to find out. Every visitor that left after the murder is a suspect. We'll have to do a lot of background research on those people."

 

“You and I are gonna see the body and confirm the wounds, see what other info we can get out of the local police,” Dean added.

 

Cas nodded and leaned back against the backrest. "Dean... how do you know which way to hold up a badge so it isn't turned upside down, without looking?"

 

That was met with a bark of laughter. “I don’t know, man. Stuff it into your pocket the right way up so when you grab it all you have to do is flip it open.”

 

Cas pulled the badge out of his inner pocket and flipped it open. It was upside down again. He slowly turned it around and looked at his photo. It wasn't his photo. It was a copy of the one he had on his driver's license. It was Jimmy's. 

 

Jimmy and Amelia were in Heaven together. Forever. And there would come a time they would even see Claire again. Though he hoped that would be in the very distant future.

 

He had always planned on visiting Jimmy and apologizing to him. For everything. For not keeping his promise to keep his family safe. Now he would never get that chance.

 

He frowned at the picture and closed the badge, trying to remember to put it back so that it wouldn’t be shown upside down.

 

The town of Valentine, Nebraska looked somewhat depressing. The broad streets were in dire need of some paving, not that there were any people on the streets. A lot of stores and buildings seemed abandoned. The town looked like it was slowly dying. Cas could sympathize.

 

Dean parked in front of the small police station and threw the keys to Sam, who caught them effortlessly. 

 

“I'll text you when we're done here. If you're not through with the resort, Cas and I can Uber to a motel and start organizing our research,” Dean said to Sam as he straightened his suit jacket.

 

“Sounds like a plan. We’ll probably need a few days to solve this. Good luck.” Sam sighed before he nodded and slid behind the steering wheel when Dean got out. 

 

Cas followed Dean to the sidewalk, watching the Impala drive away before he looked down at himself, trying to straighten his tie.

 

Dean chuckled as he invaded his personal space to start straightening Cas’s tie for him. “Can't believe you still can't tie a tie properly.”

 

Cas shrugged and gave him a soft smile. “Because you always have my back.”

 

“And your front apparently,” he teased as he tapped Cas’s chest once the tie was straight. “Come on. Let's see what we can find out.”

 

The police department was very rural and small. It only had a handful of officers and they were brought to the Chief when Dean asked to see the body. 

 

The Chief was an overweight, middle aged man who looked like he wanted to be anywhere else but here.

 

"Chief Saxton. We're here to investigate the death of Mr. Corvin. We would like to see the body," Cas said after he showed the man his badge. He felt proud that he apparently showed it the right way up.

 

"Yeah, um, the body's not here.” The Chief leaned forward and folded his hands on his desk. “We aren't big enough to have our own morgue. So it's up the road at Dr. Santiano’s place. But I can fill you in on what we found."

 

Dean nodded as he took a seat in front of the man’s desk. “Yes, any and everything you have on the vic’s death, and whether or not foul play has been ruled out?”

 

“Our doc says it was an animal attack, so I’m surprised the FBI is interested in this case. I mean… we never had an animal attack this ferocious and so close to our town. People get bitten sometimes; we have bears and mountain lions out there in the woods. It happens. Um, Mr. Corvin was here with his… um…” The Chief looked uncomfortable for a moment before he grinned and shrugged. “Husband. And they did have a fight the night he got killed. He was our suspect in the beginning, but the doc found fur and claw marks on the victim’s body. So we think it was a wild animal. Sorry you boys came out here for nothing. It seems to be an open and shut case.”

 

“Yeah. But since we’re here, we’ll still finish up our interviews, just in case. Was there anything missing on the vic? Anything at all. Even if it’s mundane and not valuable?” Dean asked as he pulled out a small pad and pen.

 

"Yeah." The Chief gave them an unhappy look. "That’s what was so weird about it. The animal appears to have... eaten the heart."

 

Dean nodded as he kept his focus on the pad. “Could we get a list of who you’ve interviewed and any files you have on the details of the attack?”

 

"Of course, knock yourself out." The Chief sighed and handed him a thin manila folder with photos and documents.

 

Cas loved watching Dean work. He learned so much from his friend over the years and it slowly gave him the confidence to try as well. To try and be as good as Dean Winchester.

 

"Do you know if the husband of the victim is still at the resort?"

 

The Chief shook his head. "It was four days ago. He left the second we cleared him as a suspect. He went back to California."

 

“Any contact information for him?” Dean asked as he perused through the folder.

 

“Yes, in the folder. But… we may just be a small town, Agent Mercury, but we know how to do our job. It was an animal attack.”

 

Dean looked up then, brow quirked curiously. “That wasn’t the implication I was making. I don’t doubt you know how to do your job. And you should understand, we’re just doing ours.” He moved to stand and held his hand out to the Chief. “We appreciate your time. If you could point us in the direction of Dr. Santiano’s, I won’t waste anymore of said time.”

 

The Chief nodded before he got out of chair and accompanied them to the door. "Just follow the main street. It's on the right. You can't miss it. There’s an Aesculapian image on his front door."

 

“Thanks,” Dean said as he nodded to Cas and left the man’s office.

 

When they were back on the street, walking in the direction of the coroner's office, Cas gave Dean a questioning look. “Do you think the husband could have been the werewolf?”

 

Dean shrugged slightly. “There hasn’t been another attack since, so… it’s a possibility.”

 

“So, if we don’t find enough evidence here of the werewolf still being in the vicinity, we’ll drive to California?”

 

“I don’t know. If there’s no trail, I don’t see the point of us going all the way out there on a possibility. It might have been the husband, but it very well could have been a random drifter passing through town.”

 

“I see.” Cas nodded before he gave Dean another long look. “Does that happen sometimes? That you go on cases that you can’t solve?”

 

Dean sighed and nodded. “Yeah. Sometimes they’re dead ends, sometimes it’s… we’re too late. You know?”

 

“I hope we solve this case.” Cas tapped Dean’s shoulder with a smile, trying to lift his mood.

 

“We sure as hell will try,” he replied with a returned smile.

 

They found the doctor's office without any problems. A woman with long red hair and freckles greeted them with a charming smile. She seemed even more obliging when they showed her their badges.

 

"Oh, you’re here because of that poor guy?" she asked. "I'll go and grab Dr. Santiano."

 

“Thank you,” Dean said, his voice was as smooth as honey as he winked at her.

 

He had no idea why, but seeing Dean flirt with the woman annoyed him instantly, which was weird because it had never bothered him before. It was normal behavior for Dean, pretty much every time he noticed an attractive woman.

 

Why was he bothered now? Cas looked at the floor with a frown. Maybe it was because he was alone now and it reminded him that Dean could have someone in his life whenever he wanted. And maybe then he wouldn't have time for Cas anymore, because he would share his life with someone else, maybe even start his own family. Maybe he would stop hunting. What would Cas's place be in Dean's life then? He would be useless. Just a reminder of a life Dean didn’t want anymore.

 

Cas felt like he couldn't breathe as sadness and loneliness overwhelmed him. "Dean... I... I’ll wait outside, if that's okay. I need some air."

 

Dean furrowed his brow in concern, but ever the consummate professional, he nodded and said, “Yeah. Alright. I’m sure they’ll escort you in if you feel a little better.”

 

Cas nodded tersely and walked out, leaning against the wall of the building with closed eyes and taking a few deep breaths. He had no idea how long he had been standing there, trying to breathe through the anxious tightness in his chest. Why was it affecting him so much?

 

“Cas?” Dean asked, voice concerned and an expression to match.

 

Cas startled, wondering how long he had stood there. His inner clock was completely inaccessible. Again he felt like he had lost time and it confused him. The sun had wandered across the firmament shining from a different angle now.  _ Thirty minutes _ , his mind supplied. 

 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “Um, what..." He squinted his eyes, feeling slightly dizzy. "What did I miss?"

 

Dean’s brow was still furrowed in concern, but he answered, “Just confirmation that this definitely was a wolf. Nothing else remarkable though. Hopefully Sammy got further. He’s still at the resort, so I’ve got an Uber coming in a couple minutes to take us to a motel.”

 

“Okay.” Cas tried to push himself away from the wall, but he instantly got dizzy and tried to breathe through it. "Motel sounds good."

 

“Cas? What’s going on?”

 

Cas shook his head slowly, still feeling dizzy so he braced himself against the wall. “I'm not sure. I think I’m still tired.”

 

Dean gently grasped him by the elbow. “Our Uber is here. When we get to the motel, we'll get you some coffee.”

 

Cas looked up in surprise when he saw the car waiting. When did Dean call for it? He hadn’t even noticed the car stopping for them. Dean helped him sit down in the backseat and he must have instantly fallen asleep, because what felt like just a second later, Dean was helping him out again. They had reached the motel. 

 

“You think coffee will help keep me awake?” Somehow he doubted it.

 

Dean shrugged as he helped Cas to a bench to sit him down. “It couldn’t hurt, right?” He stood up straight and clapped a hand on his shoulder. “I’m gonna get us a couple of rooms. And a cup of coffee for you.”

 

“I should have stayed at the bunker. I'm sorry I'm useless at the moment,” Cas murmured tiredly.

 

“Hey, don’t worry about it. Push comes to shove, you can do research in the motel room while Sammy and I do the drudge work.” Dean smiled at him and disappeared into the main office.

 

Cas looked after him and leaned back against the bench. He hoped this weird tiredness would stop soon, but he tried to not worry too much about it. He knew the separation hurt his true form, so his grace was probably healing. He just couldn't concentrate on checking what it was doing, because, for some reason, all of his senses seemed to be subdued since Inias left him.

 

It was a weird feeling. Not that he was new to feeling weak, but despite it having happened often in the past, he still never got used to it. 

 

He startled when Dean suddenly appeared with a coffee in front of him. It made him understand why Dean had begged him to stop dropping in unannounced back when he still had his wings. He took the coffee with a grateful smile. "I'm sorry for all the times I startled you by appearing directly in front of or behind you.”

 

Dean chuckled. “Not fun bein’ on the receiving end of it, huh?”

 

Cas shook his head with a soft smile. "No. All my senses are subdued at the moment. It feels like I'm running blind through the world. I guess I need to pay more attention to my surroundings with my human senses."

 

“Come on, then.” He nodded in the direction of their rooms. Dean slid the key through the lock of room thirteen and held it open for Cas. 

 

The room had two beds and, for a moment, Cas paused, tilting his head in confusion. "So I can sleep in one of these beds?"

 

Dean nodded as he tossed his duffel on the bed closest to the door. “Yeah, you can grab the other one.”

 

"What about Sam?" Cas asked as he slowly sat on the edge of his bed.

 

“Sam’s getting the room next door. He should be done with his interviews in less than an hour from the sound of his last text.”

 

Cas raised a surprised eyebrow. "So you're staying with me?"

 

Dean looked up at him and chuckled. “Trust me. I’m a way better roommate than Sam. Dude is so friggin’ gassy. We’re both safer with each other than with Sammy.”

 

Cas couldn't help but chuckle. He knew that wasn't the reason, but he was grateful for Dean anyway. Cas wasn't sure if he could trust himself with being alone at the moment. But the fact that Dean was worried about him warmed his heart.

 

He sipped his coffee and was surprised that it didn't taste like a chemical formula with a lot of sugar to mask the taste. He frowned at the cup. His grace must really be low, but he couldn't imagine it would be for much longer. He was sure he was getting better. He definitely felt better when he finished the coffee.

 

"Huh. I think the coffee really helped. I'm still a little tired, but I don't feel dizzy anymore."

 

“You were feeling dizzy?” Dean asked as he moved to sit on the bed and take off his shoes.

 

Cas nodded slowly and tilted his head experimentally. "Yes, but it's gone now."

 

Dean furrowed his brow as he looked at Cas. “And the coffee helped?”

 

“Yes, I feel much better now.” Cas tilted his head again. “You look surprised. You were the one that suggested the coffee might help.”

 

“I’m just… I wasn’t sure it would work so well.” 

 

"I'm surprised as well... So what did I miss? You said the body just confirmed that it was a werewolf. No chance it could be a wild animal?"

 

Dean shook his head and grabbed the manila folder before sitting next to Cas on the bed. He handed it to Cas and said, “See for yourself.”

 

Cas held up the photo of the body and squinted his eyes. "You're right. No animal would have gone so directly for the heart and ignored the rest. There would be more gnawing at the rest of the body, the limbs especially. A bear or a mountain lion would try to drag its prey away to a safe place. But the legs and arms are almost unscathed, except for the injuries on the victim’s hand." He scratched his chin. "He had tried to defend himself. The attack was from the front."  

 

Dean looked at him with an almost impressed smile. “Huh. I almost forgot how good you are at this.”

 

Cas felt heat rising to his face before he looked away from Dean with a soft smile. "Thank you... I had a good teacher."

 

“Bullshit. I was a  _ terrible  _ teacher.” He bumped his shoulder into Cas’s. “But thanks.”

 

He smiled at Dean, the easy camaraderie was nice and made him almost forget how lonely he felt. "What do you want to do as long as we wait for Sam?"

 

Dean sighed. “We should probably compare notes and go over the info we have so far. But I also kinda want to try and grab a cat nap.”

 

“A cat nap?”

 

“Never heard that?” he asked with a chuckle as he moved to the other bed again. “Basically a nap that’s less than thirty minutes. Quick booster.”

 

"Do you think I should try a... cat nap, too?" 

 

Dean shrugged as he crawled onto his bed, he shifted onto his side and faced Cas. “Couldn’t hurt, right?”

 

Cas nodded and pulled off his shoes before he laid down on the side facing Dean, resting his head against his elbow. "When I was human, I found it incredibly difficult to fall asleep. Is there a trick?"

 

“The trick is shutting your brain off. I just think of a random song, listen to it in my head on a loop. Basically, bore yourself to sleep.”

 

"I'm not easily bored," Cas replied thoughtfully. 

 

“That I can’t help you with. Maybe just think of something that makes you feel good. Makes you laugh, or smile,” he murmured as he slipped one of his arms under the pillow and rested his head against it. Dean leaned forward and turned off the lamp on the nightstand between them.

 

It wasn't completely dark, some sunlight still made its way through the thick motel room curtains.  _ Something that makes you feel good. _

 

His first thought was of Inias. He remembered how it felt having him sleep in his arms. To hold him close and to know he wasn't alone. How it felt to have sex with him. To kiss him. 

 

He had no idea how this would help him fall asleep, especially when he felt his body reacting to the memory of feeling Inias naked, sitting on his lap and him buried deep inside of Inias's body.

 

Cas groaned and turned onto his other side, trying to think of something different, something that made him happy. Preferably something that didn't remind him of how much he had lost. He missed the garden and the autistic man with his kite. He missed the serenity and calmness of Heaven. 

 

Cas sighed deeply and turned on his other side again. He remembered the first time he spoke with Inias after he was chosen for him. How he had searched for him and found him in a garden. He remembered how nervous he had been. Inias was popular. A lot of angels envied Cas for having him as a companion. He remembered the warmth and the happy smile from Inias when he had found him. His words of happiness and promises. The first time they got closer, embracing each other.

 

Cas sat up on the bed with a deep groan. "It isn't working."

 

Dean groaned as he turned away from Cas. “Then count something. Sheep. The states. Whatever.”

 

Cas tilted his head at Dean. "There are no sheep to count, Dean. And I fail to see how that would make me fall asleep."

 

“Cas, just close your eyes and picture something you could count. Have you never counted something to pass the time? Just do it in your mind.”

 

Cas had counted Dean’s freckles to pass the time, back when he still watched over him while he slept. Invisible. But he wouldn't tell Dean because he knew his friend thought that was creepy behavior.

 

He closed his eyes and tried to imagine Dean's face as he slowly started to count the freckles. It somehow had a calming effect, conjuring up his green eyes, looking at him; soft, warm. Taking in the different hues of his freckles from a tinge of orange, to almost red  –  depending on how much light fell on his face. He counted the ones on Dean's nose and under his eyes, cheeks, and started trailing down his neck when Dean suddenly shook him awake.

 

“Sammy’s back. Get up, sleepyface.”

 

Cas looked confused for a moment before he waved awkwardly at Sam. "I must have fallen asleep."

 

Sam took off his jacket with a shrug and gave him a worried look. “You sure you’re doing okay, Cas?”

 

"My true form got hurt in the separation. I'm sure it's only a temporary effect." He wasn't sure. But he didn't want to worry his friends. "What did you find out?"

 

"A lot, actually." Sam sat down at the table in their room. "So get this. They all believe Mr. Corvin was killed by a wild animal and he wasn't the first victim. The other one never made the news." Sam pulled a photo of a goat out of a folder. "Meet Steve, the goat. He got killed about one month before this attack. The month before that, the resort lost all of their chickens. I checked the calendar and every incident was during a full moon, so I think it's one of the people working at the resort."

 

Dean nodded. “So that probably takes the vic’s husband officially out of the suspect pool. Do they seem on board with talkin’ to the feds? If we went back for employee schedules and other info?” 

 

Sam scratched his forehead. "They were helpful, but they’ve all pretty much made up their minds about the case. They all think it was an animal attack. It would be very suspicious if we start asking for employee's schedules. The owner even wanted to call the sheriff." Sam shook his head. "We should go undercover for this. You and Cas could use a vacation, what do you think?"

 

“It’s a couples retreat,” Dean returned with an unamused expression.

 

"So?" Sam shrugged. "That makes it even better. You’ll need Cas as your backup and I can't go because they've already seen me."

 

Cas sighed deeply. "I know I'm not a good hunter, but I’ve worked on my lying and acting skills. I can do this, Dean."

 

Dean regarded both of them for a moment, looking from Sam to Cas and back to Sam again. With an almost pained grimace he nodded. “Fine. But I’m the man in the relationship.”

 

“You want me to dress up as a woman?” Cas asked in confusion. "I'm pretty sure they have nothing against same sex relationships, Dean. Our victim was there with his husband, too."

 

Dean chuckled and shook his head at Cas. “It’s a… You know what? Nevermind. Don’t worry about it, Cas.”

 

"Alright then. I'll book your vacation and..." Sam gave Cas a skeptical once over. "And you should invest money in new clothes."

 

Cas looked down at himself. "What's wrong with my attire?"

 

“Nothin’, if you want to look like a tax accountant,” Dean teased with a smirk as he rifled through his duffel bag. He pulled out a t-shirt and spare pair of jeans before tossing them to Cas. “This should work, unless you’d rather go pick up some of your own?”

 

Cas shook his head and went to the bathroom. Once he had closed the door, he started to undress himself and got into Dean's jeans and t-shirt. When he pulled the soft fabric over his face, he noticed how the shirt faintly smelled like Dean. Warm, protective, safe. 

 

He tilted his head in confusion. Wondering why he suddenly felt so warm in his chest. He smelled the shirt again and smiled. He had no idea why, but wearing Dean's clothes somehow made him feel better.

 

When he got out of the bathroom and presented his "new" attire, Sam started to laugh. "Dude, what happened to your hair?"

 

Cas slowly slid his hand up and tried to straighten his hair, that seemed to now be standing in a million different directions. "Better?"

 

Dean barked out a laugh. He shook his head and smiled. “You look like a petrified hedgehog.”

 

Cas nodded before he replied dryly, “Perfect, that was my goal.”

 

Sam chuckled and rifled through the cigar box of fake ID’s. He procured one for Cas they had apparently had made up some years ago. “You’re gonna be boyfriends. Married couple would be a pain in the ass to draw up on short notice, so…” 

 

“And you think they’ll just have a cabin available for us? This looked like a reservation type of place on the website,” Dean commented as he changed out of his button up shirt and shrugged on a t-shirt.

 

“A few people left earlier, or cancelled their reservation because of what happened. It won't be a problem,” Sam replied as he filled out a form on the resort’s website and booked them a cabin.

 

Cas looked down at his fake ID. James Page. It was strange, but he didn’t like that he had Jimmy’s forname as his fake name. At least he wouldn’t forget it. “What’s your name, Dean?”

 

Dean smirked and said, “Jonathan Bonham. You can call me John.”

 

“I'm… James. I'd prefer if you not call me Jimmy.” Cas sighed deeply.

 

Sam and Dean shared twin nods of understanding. 

 

“Alright,” Dean said, looking at Sam, “I'm gonna call and confirm our cabin. Wanna go over a cover story with Cas? Give him any details he'll need to know?”

 

At Sam’s nod, Dean stepped outside to make his phone call. Sam turned to Cas and smiled. “The best lies always have some truth in them, but I don't think you guys need to get super detailed. If you guys are asked about your relationship, you can probably get away with your actual history, just keep out the parts about Hell, purgatory, apocalypses, that sort of thing. You know?”

 

Cas nodded with a thoughtful frown. "So, I met Dean nine years ago..." He looked up at Sam with a helpless shrug. "And then... at some point... we became more than friends?" 

 

“Yeah. Maybe when you guys were in Purgatory…” Sam said thoughtfully before he continued, “You guys went camping. One thing led to another…”

 

“I never understood that phrase. What does that even mean, ‘one thing led to another’?” Cas asked, still trying to imagine purgatory as a camping trip in his mind.

 

Sam chuckled. “It’s a polite way of saying you guys had sex.”

 

“Oh." Cas couldn't stop himself from imagining how it would be to have sex with Dean. He wondered how different it would be to the one time he had sex with Inias. Before said thoughts got too graphic, he shook his head to stop thinking about it. "I see... So you're saying we’ve been together since that time. Five years." 

 

“Yeah. Somehow you put up with my brother’s bullshit for five years.”

 

Cas couldn't help but smile before he asked, "Shouldn’t I invent a backstory  _ with  _ Dean? He has to remember this too, right?"

 

“You will, but until he’s in here, you could have some fun with the backstory. Anything that thoroughly embarrasses Dean is cool in my books.” Sam grinned brightly.

 

“Like what?” Cas asked with a grin.

 

“Maybe you fell in love with him when he was dressed in drag for some sort of fundraiser for the local gay community center,” Sam said with a smirk.

 

"So Dean is the one who dresses up as a girl in this fake relationship?" Cas asked with a smile. Although he didn't understand why it would embarrass Dean, it was very funny to imagine Dean in a dress.

 

“Dean does what now?” Dean asked as he walked back into the room, quirking his brow at the pair of them.

 

Sam smiled even bigger and said, “You’re a drag queen in your made up meet cute.”

 

The look on Dean’s face was unamused as he folded his arms over his chest. 

 

Cas pointed at Sam. “It was his idea. He also said we had sex for the first time while camping in purgatory.”

 

Dean’s eyes widened and he looked at his brother incredulously. “The hell kinda backstory are you giving him, Sammy?”

 

Before Sam could answer, Cas explained, "We’ve known each other for nine years. Which is true, so it's easier to remember. And we’ve been together for five years because Sam said..." Cas frowned for a moment before he continued, “one thing led to another while we were in purgatory, which means we had sex. Oh, and I shouldn't mention purgatory, or Hell... so we just went camping instead of to another dimension." He hoped it was an accurate summarization of their backstory so far. Sam was smiling brightly, so he guessed he had summarized it correctly.

 

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “And how the fuck does me dressing in drag fit in?”

 

“Sam suggested that perhaps I fell in love with you when you dressed in women's clothing for a fundraiser for the local gay community center. Which reminds me that I need a fake job as well."

 

Dean blinked a few times before he gave his brother a narrow eyed look. He returned his attention back to Cas. “Go with what you're familiar with. You work at a gas station.”

 

“Alright.” Cas nodded, feeling a lot more secure about that aspect of their made up lives. "What's John's job? Do we have a pet? Do we live in a house?"

 

“We live in a condo on the bad part of town. We're waiting to get a dog until we move to a place with a yard. And I'm a mechanic-slash-drag queen apparently,” Dean responded dryly.

 

Sam tried to stifle his laughter behind his hand, but he wasn't very successful. "You’ve thought about this a lot, huh?"

 

Dean crumpled up a piece of paper and threw it at Sam. “I don't have a problem replacing all of your shampoo with Nair.”

 

"So, are you taking this romantic vacation so you can finally propose to the love of your life?" Sam retaliated.

 

Cas probably would have found it funny, if it hadn't reminded him again of how he had lost Inias. How much he had lost.

 

“No. I'm a  _ considerate  _ boyfriend. I'm taking my boyfriend on a romantic getaway because he's grieving.” Dean’s tone was completely serious and Sam’s grin instantly vanished, turning into a sheepish expression.

 

“I’m sorry, Cas. That was insensitive,” Sam murmured quietly.

 

Cas shook his head. “It’s okay. Sorry, I didn’t want to spoil the fun… When can we go?”

 

“Check in is anytime after three, so in a couple of hours?” Dean grabbed his duffel bag and tossed it to the ground before collapsing on his bed. “I’ll see if I can get a refund on the second room I booked before we leave.”

 

"Alright. What do you say we grab a bite before you two leave? I'm actually really hungry," Sam suggested, patting his stomach.

 

Dean nodded and looked at Cas. “Your battery low enough you wanna eat?”

 

Cas had no idea, but since he could taste the coffee, it was probably an accurate assumption that his grace was low. "Yes, I can try... I could even taste the coffee, so I should probably take advantage of this opportunity."

 

“Awesome!” Sam clapped his hands together and stood up. “I saw a diner a few blocks away. Apparently their burgers, milkshakes, and pie are world renowned.”

 

Dean chuckled. “You had me at pie.”

 

Cas gave them both a smile and followed them out to the Impala. He and Sam waited by the car while Dean quickly cancelled their other room.

 

Sam’s worried gaze was fixed on him, so Cas tried to ignore it. Not very successfully when  – after a moment  –  Sam asked, "Will you be okay with this undercover job?"

 

Cas gave him a lopsided smile. "It's just pretend. I'll be okay."

 

He had to be. 

 

“You sure? I mean, I’m sure we can figure out another way in if you’re… If this is a little too much.” Sam gave him what Dean referred to as his puppy dog eyes.

 

Cas stared at Sam for a moment, long and hard. "I'm fine." He hoped his clipped and firm tone would get Sam off of his back.

 

“You say that, but –”

 

“The guy said he’s fine. Stop pushin’,” Dean interrupted as he approached from behind.

 

Cas had never been more grateful for Dean than in that moment. He nodded at him with a soft smile, getting a quick one in return. He loved that Dean understood him. He had no intention of going through it again. Talking didn't help. It only made him feel worse and he wanted to forget.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter now comes with arts! GO KISS ZELIROCKS ALL OVER HER FACE!

**Chapter 3**

 

Dean kept casting surreptitious glances in Cas’s direction on the way to the resort. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but there was something different about Cas. Not necessarily a bad different. And for the most part he was himself, but he almost…

 

He shook his head of those thoughts and decided to focus on the case. “So, if it _is_ an employee, I think we should split up and try to get to know as many of the different staff members as we can. Cover more ground that way.”

 

“Alright." Cas looked up at him. "My grace is too low at the moment, so I probably won't recognize if someone is a werewolf or a human. But we can use silver, right? Get them to touch something silver to test if they are human?"

 

“Yeah,” he murmured as he leaned over to pop open the glove box. He pulled out a plain silver ring that matched the one on his own right hand and offered it to Cas. “Just put this on and make sure to shake whoever you meet’s hand.”

 

Cas gave the ring an odd look before he looked at the one on Dean's hand and took it, carefully putting it onto his finger. It fit perfectly. Cas looked away from him for a moment before he mumbled, "That's a very good idea."

 

Dean smiled and winked. “Been doin’ this without mojo for a minute.”

 

Cas gave him a soft smile. "I know. I’m just not used to it."

 

“You kicked some serious ass when you were human, so I wouldn’t be too worried.” And Dean meant that. Considering he was thrown to the wolves, and by Dean no less, Cas had bounced back and gotten into the game with a seriously impressive ease. It was one of the many things that made Cas stand out in technicolor in a sea of greys and whites.

 

"Thank you, Dean." Cas fiddled with the ring on his finger before he smiled again, which was nice to see after everything. It was a small smile and someone who didn't know Cas wouldn't even catch it. But knowing Cas for the last decade, Dean easily caught those small smiles when they appeared on his face. "Thank you for taking me with you on this case."

 

Dean smiled again, feeling a familiar rush of fondness for his best friend. “Thanks for agreeing to come. I always enjoy when we work cases together.”

 

Cas seemed to be surprised by that before his smile turned more prominent. "Me, too."

 

 _Just like old times._ Dean thought fondly as he took the exit for the resort. The road was as creepy lookin’ as the rest of the town of Valentine. For a town with such a romantic name, the place looked like something straight out of a Stephen King novel. Hell, he wouldn’t be surprised if the actors from _Silver Bullet_ ran the damn resort.

 

“Got any questions?” Dean asked. He figured it would be good that they were both as on the same page as possible. And sometimes, due to Cas being an angel with a penchant for taking things literally, he learned a long time ago that sometimes being up front with the guy was the way to go.

 

Cas seemed to contemplate something before he asked, "Will there be a situation where you kiss me or hold my hand?"

 

Dean shook his head. “Can’t imagine there would be. At least not with kissin’. But, uh… Hand holdin’ I’m not sure.” Dean looked at Cas and felt a little guilty in that moment. Forcing Cas to play happy couple right after a breakup – no matter how you slice it – sucks. Last thing he needed was constant reminders of what he lost. “I’ll do what I can to keep the PDA to a minimum.”

 

Cas looked relieved by that. “Thank you, Dean. I appreciate that.”

 

“Hey, we could always be one of those unemotional couples. Couple of dudes who give each other high fives and fist bumps instead of hugs and kisses,” he said with a smirk.

 

"It's our fake relationship. We can have it however we want, right?" Cas asked with a head tilt.

 

“Exactly,” he said as he tapped the steering wheel. “No one gets a say in what is and isn’t the right way for us to be in love. Our lives; what we like is the only thing that matters.”

 

"Okay... _John_.” Cas grinned for a moment. "Let's have a wonderful hunting vacation."

 

Dean chuckled. “You wanna hear somethin’ funny, _James?”_

 

Cas bit his lower lip to apparently keep himself from smiling out right. It didn't work and his blue eyes glinted with amusement when he asked, "What, _John_?"

 

“I think people who hunt animals are scumbags. I don’t see the damn point. S’not like humans hunt Bambi for meat. You can get meat at any grocery store. It’s a sick sport.” Dean grinned at him. “Ironic, huh? I hate hunters.”

 

Cas gave him a quick nod, followed by quick smile. "How about we hunt for wild berries and mushrooms instead?"

 

Dean’s smile grew into a smirk. “How ‘bout we hunt a werewolf?”

 

Cas scrunched up his nose in disgust. "Only if you don't force me to eat it afterwards."

 

“But I have _the_ perfect wine pairing for werewolf succotash,” he quipped.

 

"A white or red wine?" Cas asked with a quirked brow.

 

“A Mclaren Vale Shiraz. The tannins will accentuate the flavor.” Dean waggled his eyebrows. He actually didn’t know if that was true, but he’d watched some cooking show with some angry British dude who screamed at people. When the show ended, one on wines started and Dean couldn’t be bothered to find the remote. It was crazy the shit he could retain sometimes.

 

Cas scrunched up his nose and squinted his eyes at him. "I still don't want to eat werewolf."

 

Dean feigned a gasp and clutched his heart. “I’d slave over a hot stove for you and this is the response I get?”

 

"What response would you favor?" Cas asked with a playful smile.

 

“A little gratitude wouldn’t hurt,” he murmured, tone falsely grumpy.

 

Cas cleared his throat before he replied dryly and in a accentuated monotone, "I'm so grateful for you, wanting to cook a disgusting werewolf dish for me."

 

Dean barked out a laugh. “See if I cook my ungrateful boyfriend any more dinners.”

 

"I'm suddenly very happy you're just my pretend boyfriend. Thank you for showing me that being alone has its positive sides," Cas replied dryly, the underlying heartbreak was clear, even between the lines.

 

Trying to not feel disappointed in the sudden shift in their back and forth, Dean nodded. “Well, at least I’m useful for something.”

 

Cas looked up at Dean, giving him a pained look. "I'm sorry... I shouldn't have said... I... You're being a great help in all of this and I'm grateful that you're my friend. I don't know how I would get through this if it wasn't for you."

 

“Don't worry about it. I'll be here for you, even when you're being a little bit of a dick.” Dean smiled at Cas as they pulled onto a long driveway up to the main cabin of the resort.

 

Cas looked out of the window for a moment. "I’ll try to be less of a dick then. You deserve better."

 

Dean chuckled as he parked Baby. “Be whatever you need to be. Ain't a right or wrong way to come to terms with a fucked up situation. Just know, I'll always be here. Through the good and the bad.”

 

Cas gave him a quick, grateful smile before he got out of the car and waited for Dean. He seemed to be taking in the location, the lush trees and the warm sun rays falling through the leaves. The wind rustling through them. It was treacherously peaceful.

 

Dean made his way up the cobblestone path to the main doors of the cabin. The place was huge. An earthy and pleasant aroma – that always accompanied the woods – filled his nostrils and he took a deep inhale.

 

He looked back and saw Cas following behind, a curious half smile on his face as he soaked in his surroundings. Cas almost looked like Cas again. Dean couldn't help but smile.

 

When they reached the registration desk, it was surprising how much the interior contradicted the exterior. Outside looked like a woodsy cabin. Inside looked like a five star hotel. Dean was suddenly grateful for the undercover shtick.

 

A younger brunette woman with clear hazel eyes and pock marks – from years of adolescent acne – littered her youthful features. Dean smiled and greeted her. “Heya. My boyfriend and I are checking in.”

 

"Welcome to the Heartland Moose Guest Ranch resort,” the young woman greeted them. “You must be…” She looked at her computer screen and frowned before she chuckled. “Did you two meet because both your parents were Led Zeppelin fans?"

 

Dean was half tempted to high five the kid. She was pretty young to know who Zepp was. “Kinda perfect, right?”

 

The young woman chuckled. "For serious. It's like you were made for each other." She cleared her throat and rubbed her eyebrows before she handed Dean a form. "Just fill this out and I’ll get your keys. You have cabin number seven."

 

Cas was close enough that Dean could feel him tense, likely in response to her well-meaning comment.

 

“This is great, Miss?” Dean prompted in the hopes of changing the subject.

 

“Miss Watson,” she replied with a smile. “I hope you will enjoy your vacation here. Do you have any plans, know what you want to do? We can help. There’s rivers tours, canoeing, or I could recommend a route for you two if you want to go on a long, romantic walk through our wilderness.”

 

Dean rubbed the back of his neck in feigned nervousness, years of practice playing different roles having fine tuned his acting skills. “Uh… Wh–where were the, uh… attacks?”

 

Miss Watson visibly paled and started fidgeting. "We have a lot of wild animals in our forest. Bears and mountain lions. Usually they don't get this close to civilization. Our veterinarian said it was likely a sick animal and rangers are searching the forest to find it. If you are worried, we have guided tours, but I assure you, something like this hasn't happened here in over a hundred years. This was a very tragic, but isolated case."

 

Dean visibly relaxed and gave her a smile. “So the attack didn’t happen on the actual resort property, just close to it?”

 

The girl rubbed the back of her neck. "It was on our property, but you will be safe here now. We installed a high electric fence around our gardens, pool, and spa area. The security of our guests is most important to us. You have nothing to fear."

 

Poor kid. She looked as terrified as Dean was pretending to be. Dean nodded and thanked her as she handed them the keys to their cabin. Cas carried their bags in and Dean followed behind, closing the door and letting out a sigh. “I’m guessin’ Miss Watson is _definitely_ not the perp.”

 

Cas threw the bag on the king sized bed and looked around the cabin with a frown. "Do we know how many people work here?"

 

“Staff of fifteen according to Sam. Now we just gotta try to narrow down which of those fifteen were here the nights of the chicken attacks and the vic.”

 

“And the goat,” Cas added before he sat down on the edge of the bed. "Where do you want to start? Walk around the perimeter?"

 

Dean nodded. “That’s a good idea. Get an idea of the layout. See who we might get the chance to meet.” He grabbed a silver blade and loaded his gun with silver bullets before tossing Cas an unloaded gun. “Alright, _honey._ Ready to take a romantic walk?”

 

Cas caught the gun with an almost bored expression and loaded it with the silver bullets Dean handed him. He pulled up his t-shirt – revealing his stomach and parts of his hip bones where Dean's jeans hung low on his hips – as he tucked the gun into his waistband before covering it up with his shirt, doing the same with his blade on the other side. "So what if we find the werewolf and it's in the midst of other guests and staff?"

 

“We try to get it alone. No need to traumatize innocent people anymore than they already have been.”

 

"Okay... _Baby_." Cas winked at him. "Let's go."

 

Dean chuckled and held the door open for Cas, smirk firmly in place.

 

Cas gave him an insecure look before he went through the door. “That was okay to say?”

 

“Pretend boyfriends. Cutesy pet names are a given.” Dean smiled as they descended the steps of their cabin to the main dirt path.

 

"You sometimes give me pet names even though we aren't boyfriends. You call me sunshine. Especially in the mornings."

 

A habit Dean hadn’t been able to break since his teens. Dean shrugged and said, “Hazard of bein’ in my life. If I like ya’, you get called almost anything but your full name.”

 

“Then you must like me very much.” Cas grinned at him.

 

“You’re alright,” he quipped, feigning a bored tone.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

The resort was beautiful, surrounded by mixed woodland and lush green fields. Cas could even hear the river nearby. The garden was huge, stones and rocks divided partitions with a kitchen garden for herbs, bees flying around to pollinate them. Cas closed his eyes for a moment to let the sun warm his face.

 

For a brief moment, it felt like Heaven.

 

But he wasn't here for a vacation. Somewhere in this peaceful area was a werewolf. He hated that his grace seemed to be so low. It normally would be so much easier to find it.

 

They walked past a few pens with rabbits and chickens when they noticed a young woman with long black hair, feeding the animals.

 

Cas raised his eyebrow at Dean before he greeted her, "Hello. Can I feed them too?"

 

The woman nodded and waved for them to draw closer. “There’s hand sanitizer over there. Clean your hands and you can grab some feed.”

 

Cas cleaned his hands like the woman had told him before he grabbed a few carrots and dandelions. He kneeled in front of the pen as all the rabbits came to him, surrounding his hand to eat out of it. He pet a black one between its ears. "Thank you. I like animals."

 

“Me too,” she said a little wistfully, smiling down at Cas.

 

Dean nodded and leaned against the fence. “Has there been added security for the animals, too?”

 

The woman gave him a confused and suspicious look before she slowly replied, "We got an electric fence around our garden after the attack. There’s no need to be worried."

 

Cas looked up at her. "John... _my boyfriend..._ is just a little anxious about everything after what happened. We almost decided against our vacation here, but I convinced him that things like that aren't common."

 

The woman nodded. "This is the first time in over a hundred years, I think, that someone got killed in this area. Not that attacks from wild animals don't happen, but usually they don't end up being lethal. If I remember correctly, at least three of the people that work here have been attacked by a wild animal at least once."

 

“That’s terrible,” Dean said, his expression unfathomably sympathetic. “What happened?”

 

"Curtis, um, he’s our cook. Anyway, he got attacked by a mountain lion last year when he was hiking up in the forest. He still has the scars on his shoulder." She shrugged. "It's always better to go with a group than alone."

 

“Mountain lion?” Dean asked in a feigned frightened tone. It was getting difficult to keep a straight face with witnessing Dean’s innocent and terrified human act.

 

"At least that's what he believed it was. It attacked him at night." The woman cleaned her hands with a towel before she continued, "But seriously. There’s nothing to be afraid of. Especially if you always have your boyfriend at your side." She winked at Dean.

 

Dean chuckled and said, “Oh, I have no doubt my boyfriend will protect me from a mountain lion.”

 

Cas walked up next to him and grinned. "Of course I would."

 

The woman held her hands in front of her chest and looked at them as if they were little baby kittens. "Aww, you two are such a nice couple. How long have you been together? I'm Susan, by the way."

 

“We’ve known each other for over nine years, but been dating for five,” Dean said as he cleaned his hands and grabbed some feed for one of the goats.

 

Cas shook Susan's hand, making sure the silver touched her palm. "I'm James and this is John."

 

Susan smiled as she shook his hand, no reaction to the silver. "That's a long time."

 

Dean smiled. “Yeah. Not sure how James has put up with my shit for so long, but I’m damn lucky he has.”

 

Cas put his hand on Dean's shoulder and gave him a playful smile. The best lies were rooted in truth. "Because you're the most important person in my life and I need you."

 

“And I will always need you,” Dean said, a soft smile on his lips, but a seriousness in his eyes. He was being entirely truthful.

 

Susan interrupted the moment with a weird and indescribable noise before she said, "You should totally take the romantic boat tour down the river. I bet you guys will love it."

 

“How, uh… How long is the tour? I’m not a fan of boats,” Dean said, tone reticent. In that moment, it didn’t appear that Dean was feigning his fear.

 

“Two or three hours. It’s a slow ride, nothing to be afraid of.” Susan grinned before she winked at Cas.

 

Cas put his arm around Dean and gave him a soft smile. "How about we start with a walk through the forest, baby?"

 

Dean rested his head on Cas’s shoulder and returned the smile, looking visibly relieved. “Sounds good.”

 

The closeness felt like a relief and he couldn't help himself when he pulled Dean closer and into a side hug, pressing his face into Dean's hair. Dean's body was warm and welcoming under his touch and, for a moment, Cas felt as though he were melting against him. And then he remembered that this was all pretend and he shouldn't use Dean to combat the fact he felt lonely. But despite knowing that, he still couldn't let go of Dean.

 

"You can also take romantic picnics here in the garden. Or order dinner to your cabin and enjoy the sunset from your cabin terrace, if you're not into sporty-outdoor activities. There’s plenty to do here. We even have a spa area where you can have a partner massage, and there’s also the pool."

 

Dean nodded and said, “You’ve been really helpful, Susan. Thank you. We’ll definitely check everything out while we’re here.”

 

“Do that. Especially make use of our cook. He’s amazing.”

 

Cas let his hand slide down Dean's back as he reluctantly pulled away from him. Even though Dean hadn’t given him any indication, he didn't want to make his friend uncomfortable. "We will. Thank you, Susan."

 

Dean let Cas guide him away from the animals as they continued their trek through the grounds. Once they were out of earshot, Dean said, “Well, we can scratch Susan off the list.”

 

“Only thirteen people left as suspects. Not bad for thirty minutes,” Cas replied, his eyes raking over the garden. "Do you want to take a walk through the forest?"

 

“Good idea. Maybe we can find more evidence.”

 

Cas wasn't sure if they would find evidence, but he really just wanted to take a walk. "Do you know where exactly Mr. Corvin was killed?"

 

Dean shook his head. “The reports indicated within a couple hundred feet of his cabin, so if we stay near the outskirts of the forest, maybe we’ll luck out?”

 

“You think whoever killed him ran into the forest afterwards?” Cas asked curiously, his shoulder bumping into Dean’s while they walked.

 

“Possibly. If it’s a wolf, which it’s lookin’ to be, and the fucker came running back to the resort, there would have been more than one human vic.”

 

“And I checked the weather. It didn’t rain the past couple of days, so we might still find some clues.”

 

Dean smiled and said, “Ready for a romantic walk, _James?”_

 

Cas returned the smile, his heart suddenly missing a beat before he answered, "Of course, _John._ Lead the way."

 

That was met with an amused head shake and chuckle as Dean crossed the path into the forest. He looked right, then left before he turned to Cas. “Should we split up to cover more ground?”

 

Cas didn't want to, but he had no logical reason to disagree with the suggestion, so he just nodded hesitantly. "Okay. That is probably faster."

 

“Cool. Call me if you find anything and I'll do the same. Otherwise meet back at our cabin in an hour?”

 

"Alright." Cas nodded before he took in a deep breath and turned around, walking in the opposite direction Dean went. He followed the path to the north before he left it and went straight into the forest.

 

It felt strange, walking through the forest with human senses. But not in a bad way. He could smell the trees and plants, but without analyzing it in his mind. He was just doing it to enjoy it.

 

He kept his gaze to the ground, searching for broken twigs and prints when he suddenly thought about Mr. Corvin's husband. How he had to drive home from a vacation without his loved one, all alone, knowing that he would never see him again, because he had died in such a horrible way.

 

He had never really thought about the victims before. And now he could relate. The feeling paralyzed him as he stumbled forward against a tree and knelt down next to it.

 

What was he even doing here? Was this his life now? Hunting creatures until the Winchesters retired? Or worse?

 

He felt the cold metal of the blade against his skin before he reached behind himself and took it in his hand. It would be so much easier just to end his life. Dean didn't need him to solve this case and this place was peaceful. A good place to die.

 

His cell phone started ringing, interrupting his internal reverie. Cas looked down at the display. It was Dean calling him.

 

For a moment, he debated whether or not to just ignore it, but he knew he wouldn’t. He was never good at ignoring Dean. "Dean," he answered quietly.

 

“Hey, I think I found something. Start heading my direction.”

 

Cas took in a deep breath, wondering if he should say anything. He didn't even feel like getting up. So after a moment, he just hung up on Dean and stared up at the sky. The wind rustled through the leaves, allowing the warm sun rays to dance over his face.

 

He liked this place.

 

His phone rang again. It was Dean calling him back. Cas tried to ignore it, but couldn't. When he answered, he couldn't get a word passed his lips.

 

“Did you seriously hang up on me?”

 

Cas closed his eyes as he remembered his last talk with Dean and how he had promised Dean he would tell him when felt like... like how he was now feeling again. "I'm sorry. I'm not feeling so... well."

 

“Alright. Okay. I’m comin’ to you. Stay where you’re at. Okay?”

 

Cas let out a deep breath before he looked up in the sky again. "Okay."

 

In a matter of minutes, he could hear Dean’s heavy breathing from his running. When he was within a few feet, Dean braced his hands against a tree and caught his breath. “Fuck. I gotta ease up on the crap food.” He looked at Cas, eyes rife with concern as he approached. “Cas? What’s goin’ on?”

 

Cas handed Dean his blade. "I think you shouldn't leave me alone with this."

 

Dean’s eyes widened and he took the blade, tucking it into the back of his pants. Cas braced himself for a litany of concerned questions and sympathetic looks. So he was taken aback when Dean reached out his hand to Cas and simply said, “Come on.”

 

Cas squinted his eyes at him before he took Dean's hand and let himself get pulled up from the ground, right into Dean's personal space. "I–I'm sorry, Dean. I'm not a great help."

 

“You are, actually. So what if this is gonna go slower than usual? I ain’t bitchin’. So, let’s put the case on hold for the next hour or two. Is there anything you’d like to do?”

 

Cas shook his head with a frown. "You can show me what you've found... and maybe then we can..." He rubbed his hand over his face. Why was he so tired? "I don't care. Just stay with me."

 

Dean nodded, gently grasping Cas by the wrist as he led him back the way he came. “I found a necklace. Could’ve been the wolf’s, or maybe the vic’s. I didn’t move it because… well… You’ll see.”

 

Dean's fingers felt warm around his wrist and he suppressed the urge to slide his hand down and take Dean’s hand in his. When they reached the location of Dean's finding, Cas looked down at where he was pointing.

 

It was a golden chain with a broken heart as a pendant, the pendant was trampled into the Earth by a large paw print and there were red splatters on it. "Blood? Did the… husband say anything about a missing necklace?"

 

“No. He didn't.” Dean sounded perplexed in that moment.

 

“So this is either from the werewolf or another victim we don’t know about,” Cas concluded, scratching his chin.

 

Dean pulled his cell phone out and took several pictures of the necklace. He then pulled out a small piece of burlap and used it to pick up the jewelry. At Cas’s perplexed head tilt, Dean shrugged. “In case it’s cursed.”

 

“Will you give it to Sam? See if the police can find the owner?” Cas asked curiously.

 

“Yeah. I’m gonna text him, see if he can contact the vic’s husband just to confirm. And we’ll go from there.”

 

There it was again. The victim's husband. It felt like someone had plunged an angel blade into his heart. He took in a shuddered breath and tried to think of something else. But the feeling of coldness and emptiness didn't fade. “Dean… Can you… um…” He held his hand over his face. “Can you distract me?”

 

“Uh, okay…” Dean appeared contemplative for a moment, chewing the inside of his cheek in one of his more endearing ticks. “What’s your favorite Socrates quote?”

 

"διά τὸ θαυμάζειν ἡ σοφία." Cas gave Dean a soft smile as he translated, "Wisdom begins in wonder."

 

Dean smiled in return. “Wanna know mine?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“I drank _what?”_ Dean smirked at him.

 

Cas tilted his head in confusion. “I’m pretty sure Socrates never said that.”

 

Dean let out a soft chuckle and shook his head. “Man, Cas. Way to Spock up one of the few smart jokes I have in my artillery.”

 

“Oh, that was a joke?” Cas asked in surprise.

 

“Yep. And I wasted it on a damn vulcan.” Dean’s tone and expression was teasing and pleasant.

 

"I'm sorry. I had hoped with all the pop culture references Metatron uploaded into my mind I would finally understand you better. But clearly that isn't the case." Cas sighed deeply. He probably would never understand humanity. And by humanity, he meant Dean in particular.

 

Dean chucked his chin and shrugged. “Hey. At least I distracted you for a second, right?”

 

Cas couldn't help but smile at Dean. "You did. Thank you." He stepped closer to Dean, taking a deep breath. "Do you want to go down to the river? One of the people from the resort works with the boats. Maybe we could check him out, too?"

 

With a nod, Dean looped his arm over Cas’s shoulder. “For you. You just gotta promise me one thing.”

 

“Anything." Cas smiled softly and leaned into Dean's warmth.

 

“Don’t make me go on a boat,” he practically whined as he slightly collapsed against Cas.

 

Cas wrapped his arms around him without thinking, holding him close. "Why?" he asked breathlessly.

 

Dean groaned, his face pressed into the crook of his neck. He started mumbling, but Cas managed to decipher most of what the man was saying. “Don’t like traveling in anything but a car… Freaks me out.”

 

Cas carded his fingers through Dean's hair and closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying how Dean felt against him. "I would never let anything happen to you."

 

“Thanks, Cas,” he murmured. “Still don’t wanna go on a boat, though.”

 

Cas leaned back to look at Dean. The sunlight fell directly on the hunter's face, brightening his green eyes in a way that the golden flecks in them shone, completely captivating him. For a moment he forgot how to breathe before he swallowed and murmured, "I won't force you."

 

The smile that met that comment managed to brighten the man’s face even further. If Dean was breathtaking with a neutral expression, his smile magnified that quality tenfold. “Okay. Let’s go talk to the boat guy and then I vote for room service on the terrace and an early night. Sound good?”

 

Cas returned the smile. "That sounds perfect."

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

The boat guy who worked the morning shift turned out to be human, too. Dean was frustrated, but at the same time, was actually looking forward to taking advantage of the vacation part of the undercover vacation. Cas had scared the fuck out of him earlier that afternoon, but Dean was keeping his panicking in check. He needed to be strong for his best friend. While also straddling the line of not being overbearing or overprotective. Which was a line he played jump rope with his entire life.

 

When they got back to the cabin, Dean had given Sam the low-down on what they’d found out so far and texted him the pictures he took of the pendant and leftover crime scene. Sam was going to call the vic’s husband and go back to the police station in the morning. After making their arrangements, Dean called in for – what was considered – _the_ romantic moonlight room service package.

 

Which apparently included a bottle of champagne, a ridiculous series of appetizers, a main course of filet mignon on a bed of mashed yukon potatoes, and asparagus wrapped in bacon. Finishing with a platter of chocolate covered fruit. Dean figured if he was going to be playing a gay dude on a romantic getaway with his boyfriend of five years, then he was going to reap the benefits of that sort of farce.

 

Dean came back inside after making the order and found their room empty. He went to the patio door that led to the open and beautiful terrace that faced acres and acres of forest. It was kind of breathtaking. He smiled when he saw Cas leaning against the rail.

 

“Put the order in. Hopefully you’re powered down enough to taste it,” Dean said as he moved to brace his forearms against the railing next to Cas.

 

Cas had his eyes closed and it looked like he was absorbing the last rays of sunlight. His facial expression almost tranquil, but Dean knew better than to think that his friend was okay. "I can barely feel my grace," Cas stated quietly before he looked at him, giving him a soft smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Tasting won't be a problem."

 

That was pretty worrisome. “What do you mean you can barely feel it?”

 

"It's hard to explain." Cas shrugged and sat down on the porch swing, slowly swaying back and forth. "I can't access my grace since the separation. It's still there. I can feel it inside of me, but it's... I don't know... It feels like it's behind a wall of glass."

 

“Like when Eve shut you down?”

 

Cas shook his head. "No, that was... different. I still felt like an angel, I just couldn't use my powers. Now I feel... human."

 

Dean didn’t know what to say to that. It was even more concerning considering the overall depression his friend appeared to be going through. Grief was hard enough, but angels didn’t deal well with an onslaught of emotions, so to tack on being able to actually feel his grief… No wonder Cas seemed so broken.

 

“Well, plus side, you get to enjoy the human things you couldn’t before?” he suggested, knowing full well that it wasn’t really a plus side. Not for Cas anyway.

 

"Yes, I can enjoy food." Cas gave him a soft smile. "That's actually something I really missed. And I'm looking forward to tasting new things."

 

“Good. ‘Cause I ordered us the ultra mega romance package.” Dean grinned, feeling a little relieved that he finally said something right.

 

"I didn't know you can order romance," Cas stated dryly as he leaned back to swing a little faster.

 

Dean smirked. “You can order just about anything.” He approached the swing and gently stilled Cas’s movement by bracing his hand on the bar. Dean then sat down next to him and pushed off with his own feet, smiling at Cas as he did.

 

"Like what?" Cas asked as he leaned back against the pillows, smiling at Dean. This time it was a genuine smile.

 

“Well, did _you_ know, you can order animal feces and have it mailed to people you hate?” Dean chuckled at the disgusted look on Cas’s face.

 

"That's disgusting. But not entirely unbelievable." Cas helped him push the swing back and forth. "What else?"

 

Dean smiled, enjoying the relaxing back and forth of not only the swing, but their easy exchange. “You can buy unicorn horns for your pet cat.”

 

Cas gave him a pointed look. "I hate to burst your bubble, but unicorns don't exist."

 

“You know, we used to believe that about angels, too.”

 

Cas looked at the horizon again, a soft smile playing around his lips. "You didn't believe me when you first saw me." Cas turned to look at him. "Do you sometimes wish we didn’t exist? No monsters, no angels, no unicorns?"

 

Dean let out a deep exhale as he thought about Cas’s question. No monsters would mean no broken family. No fucked up life. No burying or burning most of his loved ones. But no monsters would also mean no angels. Which meant, no Cas. “I know the right answer to that question is yes. But I have to go with no.”

 

Cas raised a surprised eyebrow. "Why? Nothing bad would have ever happened to you and your family."

 

“Well, there’s no guarantee of that. Just because real, actual monsters wouldn’t have had their shot at us, don’t mean some other monster, a human type of monster, couldn’t have gotten us. And in that world, I would never have gotten to meet you. So big downside right there.”

 

Cas gave him a long, thoughtful look before he asked, "Are you just saying that so I don't feel miserable anymore?"

 

Dean rolled his eyes and flicked Cas’s nose. “Don’t cheapen me saying something heartfelt by implying I’m only saying it to make you feel better.”

 

Cas scrunched up his nose and gave him a quick, shy smile. "Thank you, Dean."

 

There was a knock on the door, interrupting the moment. Dean put a hand on Cas's knee, telling him to stay put when he answered the door. A young man with friendly brown eyes stood in front the door with a cart. "Good evening, sir. My name is Taran and I have your deluxe romantic moonlight dinner for you."

 

Dean smiled and extended his hand out to Taran. “Nice to meet you. I'm John. My boyfriend James is already on the terrace.”

 

Taran shook his hand and, to Dean's disappointment, nothing happened other than the young man giving him a friendly smile as he pushed the cart inside. "I hope you’re enjoying your vacation so far?" he asked, pulling the cart up to the table outside and laying out plates and food, planting a silver candlestick in the middle, that he lit up a moment later. “It’s a nice night for a romantic, moonlight dinner.”

 

Dean nodded. “That's what we thought, didn't we, honey?” he called out to Cas.

 

"Yes, a perfect start to our vacation." Cas smiled, leaning against the handrail now.

 

“It's, uh… it's safe to eat outside?” Dean asked, playing his role of scaredy cat while simultaneously attempting to suss out any extra information he could.

 

Taran hesitated for a moment before he looked over the expanse of the garden. “Yes, we have an electric fence around our whole garden. No wildlife can come through. And… I can assure you… even when we didn't have the fence, something like that has never happened before.”

 

It sounded like all of the employees had read the same memo about how to deal with questions from guests. But unlike the others, Taran seemed to be afraid. Cas appeared to catch onto it too and Dean couldn’t help but feel proud of him in that moment.

 

“Were you here the night it happened?” he asked in a soothing voice.

 

Taran froze while he was laying out the platters on the table. “No,” he clipped when he finally got the strength to keep doing his task.

 

It reeked of a lie. Dean stepped over to Cas and rested his head on his pretend boyfriend’s shoulder. “I don’t know how you guys keep working here. I’d look for new work.”

 

“Well… it’s not that easy to find work in these parts.” Taran never stopped laying out the food, then setting up an ice bucket with the champagne.

 

“And you said it yourself, this is a single incident, right? Probably just a sick animal that the rangers will find and kill soon,” Cas replied, carding his fingers softly through Dean’s hair. “If it really was dangerous, you wouldn't accept new customers.”

 

“Ye–yeah. Right,” the younger man said with a nervous chuckle. It was clear that Taran knew something, or maybe saw something.

 

Dean contemplated how to play it. He decided coy hadn’t been getting them anywhere. “You saw something… Didn’t you?”

 

Taran halted in his movement, looking down as he straightened the napkins. "I saw the animal running away in the forest. It was dark... I–I don't know. I still have nightmares about that night. I hope they find it soon." Taran cleared his throat and made a hand gesture towards the table. "Everything’s ready. I hope you enjoy your evening."

 

“Thank you, again,” Dean said, giving the guy a soft smile. “So you saw the animal? What do you think it was?”

 

The guy clearly wanted to go and was uncomfortable with the conversation. After a moment he shrugged. "It looked like a wolf. A big one."

 

“I didn’t realize wolves were native to this part of Nebraska.” Dean looked at Cas with a feigned contemplative expression. “Do wolves migrate this far, babe?”

 

Cas shook his head. "There haven't been any wolves in this region for over a hundred years. But it happens on rare occasions. I wouldn't worry, I'm sure they will find it soon. Especially since the wolf is sick."

 

Taran looked a little better and nodded. "I'm sure your husb–your partner is right. Enjoy your dinner."

 

Dean thanked Taran again and walked him to the door. Maybe if they ran into Taran again they could get him to open up a little more. As he made his way back to the terrace, Cas was looking over all of the food in awe. Dean smiled at him. “Might not be PB and J, but I’m guessin’ you’ll enjoy it.”

 

That's when Cas's stomach rumbled and his friend looked down at it in surprise. "I think I might be hungry."

 

“I think you might be right.” Dean chuckled as he pulled out a chair and took a seat. He didn’t really know where to start, so he grabbed a roll and some butter. “I wasn’t expecting there to be so much.”

 

“It’s a shame Sam can’t eat with us.”

 

Dean sat up with a bright smile as he pulled out his cell phone. “You’re right.” Without hesitation, he took several pics of their feast and shot his brother a few texts. Rubbing it in a little. Dean chuckled to himself and put the phone on the table, winking at Cas as he grabbed what appeared to be some sort of raisin thing covered in bacon. Dean didn’t care, he just saw bacon.

 

"Did you send those photos so Sam would be envious?" Cas asked slowly while putting a little of everything on his plate.

 

“Maybe,” Dean said as he took a bite of the bacon thing. _Damn._ It was actually pretty good.

 

Cas shook his head with an amused smile. "That's not very nice." He carefully lifted some mushrooms and bread to his mouth and chewed with a thoughtful expression before he raised his eyebrows. Cas hummed. “I really missed tasting things.”

 

“And what a way to welcome you back to taste.” His phone went off and he looked at it. Dean couldn’t help but chuckle at the solitary word his brother texted in response:

 

_Dick!_

 

Dean smiled and moved to grab the bottle of champagne. “You down?” he asked with a nod to the bottle as he popped the cork.

 

Cas nodded and held up his glass for Dean. "I'm warning you though. My alcohol tolerance may be very low at the moment."

 

“We’re in the middle of nowhere. Pretty sure the only bad decision you could make is taking your clothes off and running naked through the woods.” Dean chuckled as he filled Cas’s glass before his own, dropping the bottle back in the bucket.

 

Cas nipped at his glass before he tilted his head with an amused glint in his eye. "What if I do? Would you save me if I stole a boat like that?"

 

Dean barked out a laugh and took a sip of the champagne. It was pretty damn good. “Please don’t steal a boat in your birthday suit, Cas.”

 

"Pity. I’d always dreamed of doing that," Cas replied dryly before he grabbed something different from his plate.

 

“I’m sure your dream will come true one day,” he said, tilting his glass in salute.

 

Cas chuckled and shook his head before he looked up at the night sky. The sun had set completely and the lamps in the garden painted the plants and trees in a warm orange glow. "The garden is pretty well lit at night. Do you think Taran saw the werewolf and just didn't say anything because humans don't believe in their existence?"

 

Dean nodded. “That’s what it seems like. I mean… It ain’t all that easy to accept that the things from horror flicks are real.”

 

"At least we know now for sure that it's a werewolf." Cas leaned back in his chair after the last bite. "And I think we should look for the cook tomorrow so we can thank him personally for that great meal, what do you think, _my dear?”_

 

Dean smiled and leaned back against his chair, kicking his heels up on the table. “I think that’s a great idea, _sweetheart.”_

 

Cas drank the rest of his champagne with a soft smile, his gaze wandering over the garden again. "Do you think this is romantic?"

 

“Well, I ain’t no expert, but yeah, seems pretty damn romantic.” Dean sighed in contentment as he grabbed the bottle and refilled both of their glasses.

 

"I felt sad before because of the victim's husband," Cas murmured after a beat of silence. "I think, for the first time, I could empathize with someone."

 

Dean nodded and braced his hand over Cas’s. “Sucks, huh.”

 

Cas looked down at his hand before he turned it around and took Dean's in his. His voice was just above a whisper, "Yes."

 

“The thing about empathy though? It means you realize you aren’t actually alone.”

 

Cas pulled back his hand and chewed his lower lip, his gaze tethered to the garden. "There are other people who lost their partners. Do you think that Mr. Corvin will find love again at some point in his life? That he will get through this?"

 

Dean shrugged as he finished his second glass. “That’s subjective. He might, he might not. The key is, just because his husband, the man he loved above anyone else is gone, doesn’t mean he’s not loved by other people. And when he remembers that, he’ll realize he can get through it.”

 

Cas gave him a long look. "Are we still talking about Mr. Corvin?"

 

“Caught me,” he murmured as he poured the last of the champagne in their glasses.

 

Cas nipped at his glass again with a thoughtful expression. "Don't get me wrong, Dean. This... having you and Sam as my family is helping me a lot. But I just... I miss the closeness I had with Inias. I miss having someone who just belonged to me and no one else. I miss the intimacy."

 

“Is that completely out of the cards for you? I mean…” Dean shrugged as he kicked his heels up on the table again. “Who’s to say you couldn’t find a human to share that with?”

 

Cas frowned and shook his head. "I'm an angel, Dean. I can't grow old with a human. I could potentially live forever. And I don't want to drag someone into my life."

 

How could he argue that? But there was one thing he _could_ argue. “Can I ask you something?”

 

“Of course.” Cas nodded before he emptied his glass.

 

“Knowing how things ended, if you had the chance to do it all over again... If you could have said no to being bonded to Inias… Would you?”

 

Cas took in a deep breath before he nodded. "Before Inias was bonded to me, I never wanted something for myself. I never had the urge to find my personal happiness. In many ways, my life had been easier."

 

“You prefered not being bonded?” Dean asked, a little surprised at his friend’s preference for solitude.

 

Cas chewed his bottom lip for a moment before he rested his elbows on the table. "It's not easy to explain. When I was younger, I always wanted to get bonded. Just the idea of it, never being alone wherever I am, always having someone I belong to and who belonged to me, someone who would care for me... forever. Just knowing it existed made me stronger, made me less afraid."

 

He rifled his fingers through his hair. "But wanting those things only makes sense if I still called Heaven my home. I can only have those things with another angel. So, if I would have known that Inias would leave me, I would much rather have been alone from the start, not knowing what I would lose."

 

“If none of what you had with Inias was worth going through this pain for you, then why let it consume you?” Dean chewed the inside of his cheek, hoping he hadn’t crossed a line.

 

"It's worth everything, Dean–" Cas's voice broke as a tear fell from his eyes. "And if it was in my power, I would do anything to reverse it. To persuade him to stay on Earth with me. But he left me. He left me because I don't deserve him anymore."

 

Dean snorted and finished his champagne. “He didn’t leave you because of that. If anything, _he_ doesn’t deserve you.”

 

Cas stood up and walked over to the handrail. "He's not the one that got kicked out of Heaven."

 

“So? If Inias got kicked out of Heaven tomorrow, would you turn him away?”

 

Cas shook his head. "Never... do you think I should... try to get him to talk to me again?"

 

Dean stood up and headed over to stand next to Cas, leaning his back against the handrail to look him in the eye. “That’s up to you. But what I’m trying to say here is, you wouldn’t see Inias being kicked out of Heaven as undeserving. Get what I’m saying?”

 

Cas shook his head. "It wouldn't matter to me if it was deserved or undeserved. I would have stayed at his side. I made a promise."

 

“Point. Hence why _he_ didn’t deserve _you._ Not the other way around.”

 

Cas gave him a pained look. "You needed over a year to teach me what's important in life. I can't judge him for leaving me when I didn't even have the time to show him that this could have worked. I should have... I should have told him to stay."

 

“If he wasn’t going to stay when you asked him to stay, why would forcing him to stay be any better? Knowing he didn’t want to?”

 

"Maybe he would have changed his mind over time? What if he is regretting this already... It–it's just so unfair that we didn't even have enough time." Cas turned around and went inside their bedroom, rifling his fingers through his hair in frustration.

 

Dean followed, standing in the doorway as he looked at his friend. “You’re wasting a lot of energy on possibilities. What if you realized that maybe this could be a chance to try something new or different?”

 

“You mean with someone else?”

 

“Maybe,” he answered honestly. “You never know. And you could have a short lived span of happiness again.”

 

Cas sat down on the edge of the bed and looked up at Dean. "You think I would find another hunter, one that would accept me with all my baggage as an angel and would fall in love with me?" He gave him a lopsided grin. "I think Hell freezing over is more likely."

 

Dean folded his arms against his chest and returned the grin. “Stranger things have happened.”

 

“That’s a pretty good series on Netflix,” Cas returned dryly.

 

“You and your damn Netflix.” Dean chuckled and stepped into the room, moving to sit beside Cas on the bed. “You feeling a little better?”

 

Cas seemed to think about that for a moment. “I'm hoping this grace situation is only temporary. I could deal better with all of this without throwing human emotions and urges into the mix.”

 

“S’why humans drink. It's how we numb ourselves.”

 

“Maybe I should drink more then,” Cas mumbled before he let himself fall back against the bed. He scrubbed his hand over his face before he said, “Even though we only had sex once, I miss it. I can't stop thinking about it. It was so much better than the one time with that reaper.”

 

Dean rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly feeling extremely uncomfortable. Which was confusing, considering he had no qualms about pretending to be Cas’s boyfriend for this undercover stint. So, why the hell was Cas talking about gay sex freaking him out so much? “Well, uh… I’m sure anytime you aren’t tortured and stabbed right after has got to feel better,” he joked lamely.

 

Cas braced himself on his elbows and frowned at him. “You usually aren't uncomfortable when you talk about sex with me. Why is this different?”

 

Well, fuck. The more human Cas got, the less clueless he was. Or maybe he was never really clueless. Maybe as an angel he kept those confusing thoughts to himself more. “I honestly don’t know.”

 

Cas tilted his head and squinted his eyes at him. “Is it because it wasn't… meaningless? Because you high five Sam when he gets… ‘laid'.”

 

“Shit. Maybe,” Dean murmured, a little surprised that maybe that was more his issue. That made him feel a little better. Maybe he wasn’t a homophobe, so much as he worried anytime any of them got seriously involved with someone. Maybe it was just an innate protectiveness, knowing any romantic situation for any of them always ended badly.

 

Cas hummed before he carded his fingers through his hair. “I think that might have been the reason though. Even if April hadn’t stabbed and tortured me, it wasn't as good because it didn’t mean anything. One more reason why I hope my grace will regain full power again after this.”

 

“Maybe you prefer dudes,” Dean said before he could stop himself.

 

Cas’s frown deepened. “You mean because Inias’s body was male?”

 

Dean waved him off. “I’m being an asshole. Just ignore me.”

 

Cas shook his head. “No, it's okay. I'm just surprised because I didn't think in that direction… I actually don't think it's very different. You’re with someone you like, you want to be close, make the other person happy… share pleasure in a very intimate way.” He shook his head. “It’s about being with that person for me.”

 

“I get it. There’s something comforting in the familiarity.” Dean sighed and leaned forward. For the first time in years he thought about Lisa. The closest Dean had ever come to an apple pie life. It was short lived and almost ended with Lisa’s death, but once in awhile, Dean would think back on the times that were good – before he dragged them into his shitshow of a life – and smile. And yet, if he got the chance to do it all over again, knowing how it ended… Dean would. Because that short lived span of happiness was one of the few positives in his life. The others being Baby, his brother, and Cas.

 

“Don’t you miss it sometimes, Dean? To get into bed with someone who just… wraps his arms around you and makes you feel like you’re home?”

 

Dean chuckled. “His?”

 

Cas groaned and rubbed his hands over his face again. “Her arms in your case then.”

 

“‘Course I do, Cas. But I’ve gotten to a point of acceptance that it won’t happen for me. It’s easier.” Dean braced his elbows on his knees as he took a deep inhale. “But, yeah… I miss it.”

 

“Why do you think you couldn’t meet someone one day? You are very attractive. I’m sure it wouldn’t be hard for you to find someone.”

 

Dean shook his head and laughed softly. “Just because you think I’m pretty isn’t proof that I can have a relationship with anyone. Besides, I’m getting too old for all that shit anyway. Dating, hooking up, all of it.”

 

“Dean. I am literally older than dirt and even _I_ don’t think I’m too old for those things.”

 

That caught him off guard. Dean let out a surprised snort and shrugged. “Point. Fine. You want the real truth?”

 

“Yes.” Cas sat up on the bed again, giving Dean a curious look.

 

“I’m scared, Cas,” he breathed out, looking straight ahead. “And don’t get me wrong, I know it’s dumb. I know the whole, ‘you’ll never know if you don’t take the risk,’ idealistic crap. I also know that the bad luck, or Winchester luck, we have with relationships isn’t some cosmic joke. It’s reality. Sammy and me… we’ve made a lot of fucked up choices, cost a lot of people their livelihoods, their _lives._ And we have more enemies than we even planned. And what’s the best way to get to a Winchester? Target someone they love.”

 

Dean shook his head and let out a mirthless chuckle, still staring straight ahead. “I know it should be worth the risk, but I’m still scared. So it’s easier to not think about it.”

 

Cas nodded with a forlorn expression. “It’s not fair. If anyone deserves a happy ending, it’s you. But I understand what you’re saying. More than you think.”

 

“At least we have each other.” Dean smiled.

 

“Cursed or not.” Cas smiled back at him.

 

“Cursed or not,” he repeated. Dean sighed and looked Cas over. “I should let you sleep.”

 

Cas nodded slowly before he squinted his eyes. “What about you? Aren’t you tired?”

 

Dean stood up and grabbed one of the pillows next to Cas. “Yeah. I’m used to sleeping in cramped spaces, so I figured I’d take the couch, so you can have the bed.”

 

“Are you sure? I don’t mind sharing it,” Cas replied tiredly before he rested his head on the remaining pillow.

 

Considering Cas’s gratitude that Dean said he would keep the PDA to a minimum, sharing a bed with Cas would probably be the opposite of helpful to him. Dean smiled and shook his head. “Nah. Pretty sure waking up in my death grip with my dragon breath making you feel faint…” Dean chuckled. “Trust me… you want me as far away from you as possible.”

 

Cas chuckled into his pillow before he looked up with a grin. “So, when you sleep you turn into a dragon and treat every person in the vicinity as your gold treasure?”

 

With a finger snap Dean winked at Cas. “You found me out.”

 

“That’s creepy, Dean,” Cas mumbled into his pillow.

 

Dean let out an audible sigh and clutched the pillow over his heart. “I guess nobody will love this sad, little dragon. Not even his angel buddy.”

 

Cas looked up from his pillow with wide eyes. "Don't be sad, little dragon." Cas bit his lip, trying (and failing) to keep himself from smiling. "I will always love you."

 

Even though it was part of their silly back and forth, it still shook him up a little hearing those words out of Cas’s mouth. Like the first time, after their run in with that Prince of Hell. Dean wasn't awake enough to try and figure out why. He smiled and nodded. “Alright, Whitney. I'll let you sleep now,” he said as he made his way to the couch.

 

“Good night, Dragon,” Cas mumbled from somewhere beneath his blanket.

 

“Night, Angel.” Dean smiled as he took off his shirt and jeans, sprawling out on the surprisingly comfortable couch. He groaned in frustration when he realized he hadn’t turned the light off. Dean sat up and clicked the light switch on the wall. As he settled back onto the couch, he let out a sigh and turned on his side, trying to focus on anything that wasn’t widened blue eyes and mumbled Whitney Houston lyrics.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

He was moaning under him, begging him to fill him. So obedient, so pliant and open for him. His. Forever. He kissed him, losing himself in the moment, enjoying how deep he was inside of him, heat consuming him, like he was bursting with pleasure.

 

He leaned back, licking over a freckled shoulder before biting down at the soft skin of his throat, sucking a mark into otherwise unmarred skin.

 

“Fuck,” Cas groaned out when he startled awake, his cock throbbing and achingly hard. “Damn it.”

 

There was the sound of a gun being cocked and a groggy voice going, “What's happening?” It was Dean.

 

"Um. nothing," Cas pressed out. "Um, just a dream, a bad dream." He felt horribly guilty when he realized that he had dreamed about Dean in a sexual way. What was wrong with him?

 

“Shit,” Dean grumbled and he could hear the man shuffling, maybe moving to sit up. It was too dark to really tell. “Your mojo _must_ be low if you’re dreaming.”

 

Cas pressed his palm down on his cock and stifled a groan. It was scaringly low if he couldn’t even control his physical urges. “I hoped it would be better by now.”

 

He wondered if he should go into the bathroom. Maybe take a shower.

 

“Can I do anything?” It sounded like Dean’s voice was drawing closer.

 

Cas felt panic rising inside of him. "Um, no, no. Just go back to bed, Dean. I–I'm fine."

 

“You don’t sound fine. Here,” he said, followed by a clicking noise and the lamp on the bedside table turned on. Dean smiled down at him. “Maybe a little light will chase off the nightmares.”

 

Cas blinked against the too bright light as he tried to turn away from the lamp and Dean, hoping against hope the hunter didn’t notice his erection. He slowly tried to pull the blanket – that he had kicked away in his sleep – over himself. "That's really not necessary, Dean. You, um… should really, um... go back to sleep."

 

Dean furrowed his brow, clearly sleepy and confused. “You sound weird.”

 

The freckles on Dean's shoulder were highlighted by the harsh light of the lamp as Cas blinked against it. He licked his suddenly too dry lips when he had instant flashbacks to his dream. "Hmm, um, sorry... I didn't want to... uh... wake you."

 

It was difficult to look away as Dean lifted his arm to scratch his head, the muscles in his arm and chest twitching with the movement. “It’s alright. Well, uh… wait ‘til I’m back on the couch before you douse the light.”

 

He felt heat rising to his cheeks as he looked down at his lap, hoping the erection would go away, instead of getting harder the longer he looked at Dean. Why did his friend have to be so attractive without any clothes? It was unfair. He managed a nod and a way too high sounding, "Okay."

 

Dean chuckled as he looked down at Cas. “You’re getting squeakier. You sure you’re okay?”

 

Cas gave Dean a begging look. "Please, just go to bed."

 

With a surrendering gesture, Dean sighed out a reluctant, “Fine.” As he made his way back to the couch he grumbled, “Just tryin’ to help.”

 

Great, now he made Dean angry with him and that was the last thing he wanted to do. "I'm sorry, Dean. It's just..." Cas's voice dropped to a whisper, "I'm embarrassed."

 

Dean stopped and turned back to face him. “Why?”

 

Cas stared at his kneecap, feeling too warm in his skin. "I didn't have a nightmare. I... I had a sex dream and I’m still having a, um... a physical reaction to it." He hoped he could just sink so deep into the bed that it would swallow him whole.

 

He wasn’t anticipating the bark of laughter. “Is that all? Dude, you don’t have to be embarrassed about getting a boner.”

 

Cas glared at him. "Yes, well, I had a sex dream about you."

 

That appeared to shut Dean up as he awkwardly cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck. “Oh.”

 

He probably shouldn't have said that, but at least Dean wasn't laughing anymore. Cas rubbed the back of his neck and looked to the side. "I'm sorry... I don't know why I dreamed about you. This has never happened before."

 

“It’s, uh… It’s fine, Cas. Dreams don’t, uh… Don’t necessarily mean anything.” Dean sat back on the couch, leaning his elbow against the knee he propped up against himself.

 

Cas rifled his fingers through his hair. “I think it's just my mind getting confused with our current situation and my effort to accept my fate.”

 

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “I guess it’s a good thing you didn’t have to play boyfriends with Sammy. Now that would be a nightmare sex dream.”

 

“Oh, man,” Cas groaned as he pictured it. He looked down at himself. His erection was going down. “Well, that did the trick. I warn you though, if my next dream is about your brother, I'm going to smother you with my pillow in your sleep. Cute little dragon or not.”

 

“Before you smother me, you gotta promise me one thing,” Dean said with a smirk.

 

Cas squinted his eyes at him. "Okay?"

 

“You gotta tell me who’s better. Me or Sammy.” Dean winked at him as he settled on his side, facing Cas.

 

Cas crossed his arms behind his head and leaned against his pillow before he grinned. "I don't have to dream about Sam to know who I would enjoy more under me."

 

Dean’s eyebrow quirked as he let out an almost scoff. “Under you, huh?”

 

Cas raised his eyebrow in a challenging way. "Or against the wall."

 

At that Dean let out a breathless chuckle. “Fair enough.” He shook his head and nestled himself into the couch, eyes fluttering closed.

 

Cas noticed that this little conversation had been very counterproductive. His imagination was far too vivid to not picture it, especially with the underlying arousal.

 

He sighed in defeat as he slowly slid to the edge of the bed, contemplating what he should do. "Um, Dean… I know you want to sleep, but would you mind if I take a shower?"

 

Dean shook his head, eyes still closed. “Go ahead.”

 

He probably walked a little awkwardly, but he hoped Dean didn't look too closely in his direction as he made his way to the bathroom and pulled his t-shirt and boxer shorts off.

 

He rubbed his hand over the head of his erection, spreading the precome over it with a silent moan before he turned on the water, holding his hand under it until it reached a nice, warm temperature.

 

The shower was spacious, with a huge shower head that made it almost feel like standing in the rain. He closed his eyes as he enjoyed the water running down his body, his hands following the trail over his chest and stomach before finally reaching his achingly hard cock.

 

He was no stranger to masturbation. When he had been human before, he had spent a few nights experimenting. He tried to not think about Dean while stroking himself. He also tried not to imagine Inias, although he felt he had a right to do so.

 

But there was a new spark inside of him, a defiant one that wanted to move on, so he didn't want to dwell on things he couldn't change anyway.

 

His mind wandered back to Dean, the images still so present in his mind. His friend was very attractive and it was not like he would know he was imagining spreading Dean out on the bed, kissing and licking all over his skin, marking his freckled shoulder like in his dream.

 

He braced one hand against the tiles, moaning quietly as he imagined how it would feel to be inside of Dean. How it would feel to look at him, getting lost in his beautiful green eyes, kissing him gently while thrusting deep into his body.

 

Cas stroked himself harder and faster, biting his lower lip to keep himself from moaning out loud. When his orgasm hit, Dean’s name fell from his lips as he watched himself paint the tiles in front of him with his come. “Fuck,” he groaned, listening in the quietness of the bathroom when the word echoed far too loud against the walls. He hoped Dean hadn’t heard him as he washed away the proof of what he had done.

 

Cas quickly washed himself with the fancy and nice smelling soap before he shut down the water and dried himself in a big, fluffy and soft towel.

 

Although this was a case, it really felt like a vacation, at least in this moment, and he realized how much he had needed one.

 

Feeling a lot better, he made his way to his bed again in only his boxer shorts and quickly climbed under the covers. A quick gaze to his watch on the bedside table told him it was too early to get up, so he tried to fall back asleep.

 

He listened to Dean’s breathing, guessing his friend was sleeping. Lucky for him because that meant he probably hadn’t heard anything. He listened to Dean’s breathing for a moment before a pleasant tiredness took over and he fell asleep again.

 

**…. :::: ::::. ...**

 

He knew the moment Cas told him he wanted to take a shower what that was, in fact, code for. But the guy had been mortified enough that Dean didn’t feel the need to shine a spotlight on it. With his eyes firmly kept shut, Dean tried to pretend that it was as innocent as Cas was trying to make it out to be.

 

Dean had spent half the night trying to force himself to fall asleep. It was a helluva task and no matter how many times _Ramble On_ played on repeat in his head, hearing Cas groan the word ‘fuck’ while in the shower forced his imagination into overdrive. Which was friggin’ weird, but he summed it up to the fact that Cas had told him he had a sex dream about him.

 

While he wasn’t new to sexual fantasies that featured men, those fantasies never featured men he actually knew. And that was fucking him up. Just as he was about to fall asleep, his treacherous subconscious would proceed to plant images of himself with men, getting hotter and more and more raunchy with every passing minute.

 

And when Cas groaned loud enough for him to hear, suddenly the faceless men turned into Cas and Dean found himself teetering on the edge of a little freak out. Not only was it highly inappropriate, but fantasizing about his best friend who was presently in mourning of a broken bond made him feel even more like a douchebag. A predatory douchebag, no less.

 

Dean probably didn’t fall asleep until an hour after Cas had crawled back into the bed. As he shifted and turned to try and get comfortable on the lumpy couch, he let out a soft sigh in aggravation before he just allowed his imagination to run to full completion. It left Dean with a case of blue balls, but trying to think of anything else wasn’t doing anything.

 

The fantasy was dirty in the best way imaginable. Dean had never had anal sex, but it wasn’t like he was new to assplay. Between some of the more freaky women he’d been with and porn, Dean understood the logistics. He’d just never imagined being on the receiving end of it. And he probably never would have had Cas not basically said that he was on top of Dean in his sex dream scenario.

 

Which piqued an interest he never thought he had. And while there was some guilt over fantasizing about his best friend, he figured what Cas didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. So Dean allowed the fantasy to play out. He allowed the images of himself and Cas basically ripping each other’s clothes off in a frantic need; fingers, lips, and tongues exploring each other. Grunting in harmony as they touched each other in a way they never had before. Completely submitting himself to Castiel.

 

Dean finally fell asleep to the image of lust-filled blue eyes raking over his naked form. Which meant it should have been unsurprising that he woke up with morning wood hard enough to hammer nails into concrete.

 

He blinked his eyes open and sighed in relief to see Cas still asleep, slightly snoring. Dean slipped into the shower and took care of himself in a fast tug that barely required thought or effort, considering his subconscious had been edging him throughout the night. When he got out of the shower, fresh and refreshed, he wrapped a towel around his waist and came out to find Cas grumbling at the coffee pot.

 

With a soft chuckle, Dean came up behind him and smiled. “Coffee pot not cooperating?”

 

“It might be pos–nngggh,” Cas had turned around, his eyes raking over Dean’s bare chest, lingering on his shoulder before wandering lower. “Um, possessed,” he finished lamely.

 

Well, at least Dean wasn’t the only one dealing with an inappropriate attraction, if Cas’s flubbering over his words and blatant staring at Dean’s bare torso was any indication. Dean chuckled and waved his hand in front of Cas’s face. “Yo. My eyes are up here,” he said with a satisfied smirk as he pointed to his face.

 

Cas squinted his eyes at him before he growled, “I'm aware.” He swallowed, his eyes wandering over Dean’s body again before he turned to the coffee machine with a sigh.

 

“Damn. Someone needs his coffee,” he murmured fondly as he looked over the coffee pot. Dean found the issue. The damn thing wasn’t plugged in. He debated for a moment whether or not it was appropriate to give Cas so much shit for that, but he decided on giving his friend a break. He surreptitiously plugged it in when Cas wasn’t looking and turned it on, the familiar sound of water bubbling music to his ears.

 

Cas gave the machine an affronted look. “I pressed that button a million times and nothing happened!”

 

Dean smirked as he leaned his back against the small counter. “You don’t have the magic touch.”

 

Cas glared at him. “Put on some clothes, Dean.”

 

He couldn’t help but laugh outright. “And if I don’t?” he challenged.

 

Cas stepped right into his personal space, his lips close to his ear. His voice sounded even deeper than usual as he practically growled, “If not, I'll get the impression that you like it when I stare at you.”

 

Dean chuckled and braced his hands on the counter behind him, looking down at Cas through his lashes. “Well, it _is_ flattering.” Apparently Dean’s jerkoff session in the shower made him way more brazen than was probably appropriate.

 

Cas licked over his lips, his eyes on Dean’s shoulder again and Dean wondered what was so fascinating that it seemed to catch Cas’s attention so often. Cas hummed. “I'm not sure I can concentrate on our case like that.” He licked over his lips again and swallowed.

 

“Guess we should be grateful we aren’t undercover at a nude beach, huh?” Dean leaned back against his hands, the towel now dangerously low on his hips.

 

Cas’s eyes wandered over his chest and stomach, and Dean could hear his breathing hitch. “Dean, I'm very human at the moment… and considering my dream last night… um, you might provoke a dream like that again.”

 

Dean nodded and straightened his posture. It wasn’t fair of him to flirt with Cas the way he was. “Sorry.” He moved to his duffel bag and pulled out a clean pair of jeans, boxers, and a t-shirt. Piling the clothes in his arms he said, “I’ll go change in the bathroom.”

 

Cas chuckled and shook his head. “Human emotions are very contradicting. I feel relieved and disappointed at the same time.”

 

Well, Dean definitely got that. He knew he shouldn’t flirt with Cas, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. “Well, we can compromise?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Without hesitation, Dean whipped his towel off and threw it at Cas’s face before making his way back to the bathroom, ass clearly on display for the guy, unless he was hiding behind the towel. Dean smirked to himself as he closed the door behind him and started getting dressed.

 

Alright. So Dean wasn’t a saint.

 

When he came back out, Cas seemed to be frozen in the same spot he had left him, Dean's towel lying on the ground before him. His cheeks were tinged a red hue as he swallowed and said in a breathless voice, "You have a nice, um… backside."

 

Dean barked out a laugh and smiled. “Thanks, Cas. But you know you can call it an ass, right?”

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck and looked at the coffee pot before he busied his hands with taking out two cups, filling them with coffee. Cas had made coffee for Dean in the bunker a million times and he had a talent for always making it exactly right.

 

He handed Dean his cup, still looking shy before he mumbled, "A very nice... ass."

 

Dean quirked his brow as he blew on his cup of Joe. “Now I’m curious what other dirty thoughts you have as a human?”

 

Cas cleared his throat and turned around to get his own cup, that was more milk and sugar than coffee. "I'm not sure you really want to know, Dean." He nipped at his coffee and grimaced. "Ugh, that is disgusting."

 

The thing was, he actually _did_ want to know, but decided against pushing. Instead, Dean smiled and said, “Not enough sugar?”

 

Cas shook his head in surprise. "No, the opposite. I think it's too much sugar."

 

Dean feigned a gasp and clutched his chest. “No!”

 

Cas gave him a wide eyed look, the sarcasm flying right over his head. "That _is_ very alarming."

 

“So with your mojo on the fritz, your usual coffee to sugar ratio is too much?” Dean chuckled as he took a sip of his perfect tasting coffee.

 

"It seems like it." Cas put the coffee on the counter with a contemplative expression. “I’m starting to get worried about my grace. I don’t feel like it’s getting better.”

 

“What do you mean?” Dean asked as he held out his own coffee to Cas. He wasn’t above sharing.

 

Cas took a sip from Dean's coffee and raised his eyebrow. "That tastes good." He handed Dean back his coffee and poured his own down the sink to make a new one. "Yesterday I could still feel my grace, it was weak, but it was still there. But now... I can't even feel it anymore."

 

Dean shook his head in confusion. Did that mean Cas was human again? “I don’t understand. It’s completely gone?” He grabbed one of his switchblades and cut into the tip of his pinky finger, holding it out to Cas. “Try to heal it.”

 

Cas gave him a pained look, but wrapped his fingers gently around his hand and closed his eyes. After a moment he let go of Dean and shook his head. "Nothing. I can't access my power. I don’t understand why this is happening."

 

Yeah. It was probably a bad thing. Anytime an angel ended up downgrading to human status wasn’t ever good. Dean just hoped it didn’t mean Cas was dying. “Could it be because of what happened with you and Inias? I mean, what usually happens when angels sever their bonds?”

 

Cas frowned and shook his head. "There aren't many cases of a separation between angels. I know that the angels that were hurt in the process needed a few hours to get back to their full strength. But there was never a case of an angel who lost his grace afterwards." Cas looked down and took a deep breath. "But I am very different from the other angels. So it could be possible this affected me differently."

 

“You don’t… don’t, uh… feel like you’re dying, right?” Dean shook his head at the way his voice broke in fear with his question.

 

Cas raised his eyebrow. "Um, no... I just feel very hungry."

 

Dean let out a sigh of relief at that. “Hunger I can deal with.”

 

“I could eat an elephant filled with a bear. I'm very hungry." As if on cue, Cas's stomach rumbled.

 

Dean smiled. “How about eggs and bacon instead?”

 

Cas shrugged. “It’s a start. Come on, let’s go. I don’t want to start eating you.”

 

“That a promise?” he quipped with an eyebrow waggle.

 

Cas hummed before he grinned at him as he waited at the door for Dean. "I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to promise that. Please don't be mad at me when you find bite marks all over your skin."

 

Dean chuckled. “Who told you I’m into that?”

 

The way Cas visibly swallowed and his breathing hitched was definitely worth saying it. Cas cleared his throat before he opened the door. "Good to know..."

 

“Is that why you kept staring at my shoulder? Is that what you dreamed?”

 

Cas turned around to him, looking like he got caught with his hands in the cookie jar. "Um, that may or may not have been a part of my dream."

 

“Maybe I should invest in some tank tops.” Dean winked at Cas as he almost reached out to hold his hand. In the last second, he stopped himself. That was a weird fucking urge. Dean didn't even like holding hands when he was dating someone.

 

Cas had noticed it though and he reached out to grab his hand, intertwining their fingers with a soft smile. "If you walk around being a temptation, you should be aware it could have consequences."

 

It was weird how such a small action could have such an effect on Dean. He smiled and squeezed Cas’s hand. “I dunno, Cas. I think you're all talk.”

 

Cas tugged at Dean's hand and pushed him gently against the wall outside of their cabin, his lips ghosting over Dean's throat before he growled into his ear with a challenging, "Oh, yeah?"

 

And that shouldn't have been as fucking hot as it was. Dean repressed the urge to groan and drew back to look Cas in the eye. “I thought you were hungry.”

 

"I am." Cas licked over his lips and grinned at him before he pushed himself from the wall, his hand still holding Dean's, squeezing it.

 

Dean quirked his brow and smirked. “Pretty sure the protein you'd get from me won't satiate your hunger.”

 

Cas chuckled and shook his head. "Not that hunger, no. But the other one."

 

“Huh,” Dean hummed thoughtfully as they started walking to the main cabin again. “Never realized human you was such a perve.”

 

"I had a great teacher," Cas replied without hesitation.

 

“Point,” he said with a chuckle. “Guess I wasn't the best role model.”

 

Cas pulled him closer, letting go of his hand in favor of wrapping his arms around his shoulders. "You taught me we all have free will, you taught me how to fight for something that is right... I'm not sure why you think you haven't been the best role model, because I don't see it that way. I never have."

 

Give Dean playful and flirty banter, and he can hang with the best of them. Give Dean heartfelt words and he can't help but feel exposed and insecure. Dean nodded and looked away. “Well, you're biased.”

 

"And after all these years you still don't think you deserved to be saved." Cas chuckled lowly and nudged his shoulder. "It's just another part of you that I like."

 

“My crippling self-hatred?” he quipped as he ruffled Cas’s already gravity defying hair.

 

"Your humility," Cas answered with a grin as he leaned into Dean's hand like a cat. "The crippling self-hatred is a rather annoying side effect.”

 

Dean chuckled again. “I guess there’s no point in arguing, huh?”

 

"Not even the slightest." Cas slid his arm around Dean's waist and pulled him closer before he gave him serious look. "Dean, I’ve known you for a long time now and I’ve seen you at your worst and your best. I'm still here and that should tell you something."

 

“You’re a glutton for punishment?”

 

Cas rolled his eyes. "No." He reached up to put his hand on Dean's shoulder, squeezing it. "That no matter what you think of yourself, you have people in your life that love you. And they’re not going anywhere."

 

Dean gave him a serious look and said, “I’ll hold you to that.”

 

“Good.” Cas smiled and reached for his hand again. "Now let’s feed your pretend boyfriend before I turn into the next human eating monster around here."

 

“Well, now I just don’t feel special. I thought _I_ was the only human you wanted to eat.” Dean feigned a wistful sigh and wiped away an invisible tear.

 

Cas chuckled lowly before he playfully licked over his canine. "You are."

 

Dean flicked his nose. “You’re either really good or really bad at being a pretend boyfriend. I can’t figure out which one.”

 

Cas scrunched up his nose before he asked, "Can we pretend I'm really good at it?"

 

 _Ah._ The message came through loud and clear. Cas was having fun flirting, but there was nothing actually behind it. Dean needed to watch his step, tread carefully with Cas and his emotions. Because the dude was still in post breakup mode and it wasn’t as if Dean was actually a viable option. “Sure, Cas.”

 

Cas gave him a quick, grateful smile. "It's my first time doing an undercover case. I'm still learning. Do you think the cook will speak to us?"

 

“You’re doin’ good. And as long as we’re not coming to bitch about the food, I don’t see why not?” Dean returned the smile and squeezed Cas’s hand as they made their way to the main lobby where a continental breakfast was served to all of the guests.

 

Dean stirred Cas to a secluded table at the window, somewhere they could have a good overview of the room. There were only two other couples, an elderly man and woman, and a young couple that looked like a couple of nature freaks.

 

The elderly woman greeted them with a friendly smile when they sat down and Cas more or less started to inhale his bacon and eggs.

 

"You must be new. Do you like your cabin? I'm Sybil and this is my husband Frank."

 

Dean chuckled at the wave Cas gave the older couple with his fork, cheeks protruding from the sheer amount of food. “Yeah, we checked in yesterday. I'm John, and the man stuffing his face is my boyfriend James.” He leaned over and shook their hands, unsurprised that neither of them reacted to his ring.

 

"Oh," Sybil replied and exchanged an odd look with her husband. "I thought he was your brother or maybe a friend."

 

“Nope. Love of my life. We've been together for five years now,” he said proudly, resisting the urge to poke his tongue out at the couple. Sometimes it was easy to forget just how homophobic people were.

 

"I see." Sybil frowned. "So you never wanted to marry and have kids?"

 

"Sybil!" Her husband chastised, "leave those people alone."

 

Dean sat against his chair and patted his stomach. “Nah. Don't wanna lose my figure.”

 

Cas swallowed his food and gave Dean a disappointed look. "You don't want to marry me and have my children?"

 

“Baby, if that’s a proposal, you better try again.” Dean waggled his eyebrows at Cas.

 

He didn't expect Cas to stand up from his chair just to kneel in front of him, grabbing his hand in his before he said in a serious tone, "If you marry me, I will learn to make the best pie in the world to make one each day for you for the rest of your life."

 

Dean quirked his brow in disbelief. “This better not be a joke,” he threatened, playing every bit the part of a hopeful boyfriend.

 

Cas shook his head. "I would never joke about pie."

 

Without hesitation, he leaned forward and pulled Cas in for a tight hug, making sure to proclaim loud enough for the homophobes to hear, “Of course I’ll marry you! Took you long enough to ask!”

 

The young hippies from the other table made catcalls and Sybil and her husband looked like they wanted the floor to swallow them whole. But it all went out of focus when Cas leaned back and cupped his cheeks, replying equally loud, "You make me so happy, baby."

 

And then Cas leaned forward to kiss him.

 

Dean was frozen for a moment before his eyelids fluttered closed and he wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck to deepen the kiss. For a fake kiss, it sure as hell felt real.

 

When Cas pulled back, it was only an inch, his warm breath ghosted over Dean's lips, hesitating for a moment before his lips grazed Dean's again, moving softly over his upper lip.

 

He couldn’t help but sigh into the contact, parting his lips in invitation as Cas’s tongue tapped at his lips and slipped in. There was an almost electricity passing between them as the kiss grew more and more heated. Shit. If this was Cas fake kissing, he’d hate to see what a real kiss was like.

 

Cas quietly groaned into the kiss before he pulled back, breathing heavily. His fingers were buried in Dean's hair as he slowly retreated, giving Dean a surprised look, his cheeks tinged a red hue. "Okay... um... I'm so glad I finally asked you." He awkwardly stood up and walked over to his seat, looking incredibly shy.

 

Dean was still in a post amazing kiss daze, he was sure he was staring at Cas in awe. Before he could say anything, a couple members of the wait staff approached, holding a bottle of champagne. A young Hispanic woman and a Middle Eastern man closer to their age.

 

The woman smiled and said, “We couldn’t help but overhear and thought it would be best to celebrate! A bottle of champagne on the house for the newly engaged couple!”

 

Cas looked up at them with a happy smile. "Thank you. That's very nice of you. I still can't believe he said yes." Cas held out his hand for them to shake. Both of the staff members shook Cas's and Dean's hand to congratulate them, but had no reaction to the silver rings.

 

They were narrowing it down more and more. Dean chuckled and smiled at Cas. “Would’ve said yes years ago if you manned up.”

 

"The important part is that I have you now." Cas smiled at him before he grabbed his hand over the table and squeezed it. He could hear both of the staff members making a quiet almost cooing noise before they left their table, whispering excitedly with each other.

 

Dean chuckled and leaned over the table. “Guess you’re my pretend _fiancé_ now.”

 

Cas smiled at him and winked. "I'm not sorry about that."

 

“Was this all a ploy to get me in the sack? Buy the cow?” Dean chuckled as he sank back against his seat and grabbed a piece of bacon, and by a piece it was closer to three pieces, but if he held them all together it looked like one piece.

 

Cas tilted his head and gave Dean a confused look. "Why would I want to put you into a sack or be interested in purchasing a cow?"

 

And there was the angel. Dean smiled and shook his head at Cas. “Damn, it’s a good thing you’re pretty. Getting me in the sack means sex and buying the cow means marrying me.”

 

Cas tilted his head before he shook his head in wonder. "You humans have a very weird way of saying things sometimes." He grinned before he looked up from the orange he was murdering with a spoon. "So you think I'm pretty."

 

Dean rolled his eyes. “So? I think a lot of things are pretty.”

 

Cas looked up from his orange with a puppy eyed look. "Oh, and here I thought I was special."

 

“Fine. You _did_ just propose to me, the least I can do is tell you how pretty you are. You’re the prettiest pretty to have ever prettied.” Dean winked at him as he stuffed bacon into a piece of toast, folding it in half before shoving the entire thing in his mouth.

 

"Okay. That’s a lot of... pretty." Cas grinned before he wiped his fingers on the napkin and stood up to walk to one of the staff members that had given them the bottle of champagne earlier.

 

The girl chuckled and held her hands in front of her mouth with whatever Cas had said to her and Cas nodded at her before he came back to their table with a contented sigh. “I’ll meet the cook later.”

 

Dean pursed his lips in feigned displeasure. “Did you just flirt with a chick in front of your fiancé?”

 

"What?" Cas asked with a shocked expression. "No, I told her that I wanted to speak to the cook because I wanted to surprise you with a pie in our room… And now I’ve ruined the surprise," Cas added as a saddened after thought.

 

He couldn't have stopped himself if he tried. Dean leaned in and pressed a chaste kiss to Cas’s lips before he murmured a fond, “You're the best, Cas.”

 

Cas gave him a shy smile and looked away as he murmured, "Thank you... _Dean_."

 

 _Shit._ What a rookie mistake. And Cas friggin’ called him out on it. Dean gave him a sheepish grin. “Sorry, James.”

 

Cas grabbed his hand over the table and squeezed it before he rubbed his thumb over it. "My appointment with the cook is a little later today. Do you want to check out the pool?"

 

Dean smiled. “Sure. I don’t have any swim trunks, though. Which means, neither do you.”

 

“Can we buy them in the town?” Cas asked, biting his lower lip.

 

“Sure, I don’t see why not. Hopefully it’s still summer enough they’re being sold,” he said thoughtfully as he dropped a few bills on the table to tip the waitstaff. Dean made a point to wrap his arm around Cas’s waist when they stood up, for the homophobic couple’s benefit.

 

Cas tilted his head in confusion and leaned into Dean, kissing his cheek before they passed the elder couple. "It's the middle of July. How is that not summer enough?"

 

Dean chuckled. “You’d be surprised when stores stop selling ‘seasonal’ shit.”

 

"Well, maybe we'll get lucky." Cas smiled at him before he leaned closer. "Would be nice to meet the staff working at the spa of this resort."

 

“I hope they have a hot tub. I could use a nice, long soak.” In that moment Dean felt a little guilty that they were using their pretend vacation as more of an actual vacation, as opposed to the fact this was a front in order to work a case. His last actual vacation, which hardly counted as one because he was hanging out with Crowley most of the time, had been years ago. And Hell, Cas had probably never had one. As they made their way to Baby, Dean was totally lost in his reverie – wondering if he could sneak Sammy into their cabin so he could relax with them – that he didn’t catch what Cas had said.

 

“What, Cas? I wasn’t listening.”

 

“I asked what you are thinking about.” Cas chuckled, squeezing his hand that he was somehow still holding.

 

Dean chuckled and ducked his head. “Just how we haven’t had a real vacation in forever. We should all take one together after this case.”

 

Cas was smiling brightly at him and Dean felt relieved that he was obviously starting to feel better about everything that had happened. "Yes, I like that idea. It's a shame Sam can't be here with us. On the other hand..." Cas grinned and looked away for a moment.

 

“Couldn’t spring surprise proposals on me if Sam was bein’ the third wheel?”

 

Cas pulled him closer, gently pushing him against the Impala. "That and there wouldn't have been the nice kiss that followed."

 

“Careful, Cas. I’m gonna start thinking you don’t want to pretend anymore,” he teased. God. Why was that such a depressing thought? The idea that Cas wasn’t actually interested in him.

 

Cas licked over his lip and looked up at Dean through his lashes. “Interesting. I thought the same about you earlier.”

 

 _Ah._ So payback. Dean supposed that was only fair. He pushed Cas’s face away with a chuckle. “Alright. You're officially way too good at flirting.”

 

Cas answered with a grin and winked at him before he got into the car.

 

Dean rolled his eyes and chuckled as he slid into the driver’s seat, trying desperately to ignore the heat in his cheeks.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

They were lucky. They actually found a store that sold swim trunks and seasonal clothing, so Dean got Cas a few more new t-shirts, because according to the hunter, it didn't hurt to have a variety in his wardrobe.

 

They met Sam after that at a burger joint to compare what they found. Since they were in a very small town, they had decided to uphold their appearance of a couple, Dean holding his hand when they went into the restaurant where they met Sam on "accident".

 

It felt nice, holding Dean's hand. Occasionally he rubbed his thumb over the back of it and it left him with a pleasant tingle running through his body. Sadly, Dean let go once he received the third smirk and innuendo from his brother.

 

“Actually not bad for just a day. You already eliminated one third of the possible suspects. The police is still running the DNA. If it's from the victim, we only need to find who owned that necklace," Sam explained before he picked at his salad with a fork. "So are you enjoying the vacation part of this case, at least?"

Dean chuckled. “Yeah. Got a comped bottle of champagne when Cas proposed to me this morning.” He turned to look at Cas. “We should try that in other places, see what other free shit we could get.”

 

Before Cas could say anything, Sam's eyes widened. "You proposed to Dean? I'm so sorry I missed that!"

 

"Well," Cas started and rubbed the back of his neck before he explained, "James proposed to John." What he didn't say was that it was Cas who kissed Dean afterwards. He wanted to kiss Dean. It had started out harmless enough, but when he noticed how amazing it felt, to kiss Dean, he couldn't stop himself from kissing him again. It was utterly stupid, because Dean was just his friend, but that didn't seem to change the fact that he liked it very much.

 

He gave Dean a shy smile. "That sounds like a good idea, Dean."

 

“Right?” Dean smiled and looked at Sam. “Put a couple’a old homophobes in their place, too. Getting all judgy about us being a gay couple.”

 

“I’m proud of you, Dean.” Sam grinned at his brother. “I wish I could have been there.”

 

Dean balled up his straw wrapper and tossed it at Sam’s face. “You kiddin’? Even if it was just pretend, you would’ve squealed louder than the hippie chick did.”

 

Cas smiled at the indignant face Sam was making before he added, "But we both thought it would be nice if we could actually go on a real vacation after this."

 

“Yeah. Whaddya say, Sammy? After this case, the three of us go drink endless margaritas on a beach somewhere?”

 

“Oh, hell yes.” Sam smiled at both of them. “We’ve earned it. Why haven’t we done it before?”

 

“Because the world was about to end, multiple times, over the last few years,” Cas tried to explain helpfully.

 

Dean chuckled at Sam’s frown. “Yeah. For once that's not the case. We should take advantage of it while we can.” Dean reached into his jacket pocket and handed Sam a piece of paper. “While we keep investigating the resort, can you look into this for me?”

 

Cas gave Dean a confused look. “I didn’t know you took notes.”

 

“Hey, you and Sammy aren't the only professional ones.”

 

Sam looked at the note with a frown before he nodded and folded the paper into his pocket. “Sure, I’ll do that.”

 

“Thanks, Sam.” Dean stuffed a couple of fries in his mouth and grinned at both of them.

 

Cas couldn't help but smile at the funny face Dean was making. His hand twitched under the table to reach for Dean's again, but he stopped himself in the last second.

 

"I have to speak to the cook in two hours. Should we head back and go to the pool first to meet the other staff members we haven't seen yet?"

 

Dean nodded and looked to Sam. “We'll keep you updated on what we find. Let us know if you find any leads on that necklace.”

 

“Will do. I’ll try to not be envious about the pool." Sam stood up and straightened his suit before he grinned at Dean. "Have fun with your fiancé and let me know when you have a date for the wedding."

 

Dean hummed thoughtfully. “I'm thinking a spring wedding. What do you think, _James?”_

 

"But it's so long until spring." Cas sighed deeply, enjoying this game. Especially because it made Dean smile. "I wanted to marry you yesterday."

 

“Well, unless you have a time traveling Delorean, you're S-O-L.” Dean smiled and stood up from the chair, holding his hand out for Cas to take. “Let me know what you find,” Dean said to Sam with a pointed look.

 

Cas still tried to understand what Dean had meant by, "S-O-L," but stopped thinking about it as soon as Dean held his hand again. It was interesting how fast such a small action was able to silence his thoughts. He waved at Sam with a friendly smile as he let himself get pulled out onto the street again and back to the Impala.

 

He reluctantly let go of Dean's hand when they climbed in, annoyed with himself for letting it influence him so much. He was afraid he only enjoyed the affection because he felt so lonely, and he didn't want his friendship with Dean to suffer because of it. A very selfish part of him argued that Dean didn't seem to have a problem with it, so he shouldn't either.

 

He bit his lower lip and shot Dean occasional glances on their way back. Cas hated himself a little for hoping they would get into a situation where it would be appropriate to kiss Dean again. "Dean, have you ever kissed another man before?"

 

Dean glanced over at Cas and chuckled. “Why? Am I terrible at it?”

 

"No, more like the opposite... but that isn't why I asked. I just wondered if it felt weird for you."

 

“Nah, man. Part of the whole undercover deal. Gotta be comfortable in all situations, right?” Dean smirked at him and added, “Besides, it helps when your partner knows how to kiss.”

 

Cas raised an eyebrow. "So you had someone as a pretend boyfriend partner before me?"

 

Dean rolled his eyes and shook his head. _“You,_ doofus. I was talkin’ about you.”

 

Cas hated when that happened. He could feel the heat rising to his face. Something he could easily suppress as an angel, but was now completely powerless against. It was surprising to hear that Dean thought Cas was a good kisser. At least now he knew that he hadn't made Dean uncomfortable, so should it happen again, he would feel less guilty about enjoying it. He rubbed the back of his neck. "Um, thank you."

 

“I know you, uh… you weren’t up for PDA, but since you instigated it… I’m hopin’ you’re okay?” Dean looked over at Cas again, expression soft and slightly concerned.

 

Cas nodded slowly. "I thought physical affection would remind me of what I lost, but I think it is actually helping me to move on."  He was still surprised how much better he was feeling today.

 

“Well, you know what they say… Best way to get over someone?” Dean smirked at Cas as he turned left at the light to get on the road that led to the resort.

 

"I don't know what they say."

 

Dean chuckled and clarified, “The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else.”

 

Cas stared at Dean with wide eyes. "Um... what are you saying?" He couldn’t help picturing his dream again.

 

“Well, it’s kinda crude, but sometimes when humans are heartbroken, having sex with another person, usually known as a ‘rebound’, helps. It doesn’t cure the pain or heartache, but it definitely helps with the whole loneliness thing. That’s probably why you’re enjoying holding my hand and stuff. I’m supplemental. Because you and I both know if you weren’t heartbroken, you wouldn’t even look twice at me.” Dean smiled at him, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

 

Cas wondered if that was true. Dean was the most important person in his life and he loved him. But he always looked at him like his best friend, his family. He never even considered Dean as something else before, but then again, that was mostly because he never wished to have a lover. He already had Inias.

 

"I see," he murmured quietly, wondering if his wishes regarding Dean had started to change. He wasn't sure what his recent dreams, fantasies, and thoughts about Dean meant. Maybe Dean was right and he just needed to feel less lonely. "So you think I should have sex with someone else?"

 

“Only if you want to. That's your call, you know what feels right for you. And in the meantime, like I said before, if holding my hand helps, I'm more than happy to do that for you.”

 

“Thank you, Dean. I appreciate that… It really helps a lot.” A treacherous voice inside his mind suggested that more kissing would also help a lot. He rolled his eyes at his own thoughts.

 

Dean smiled and patted his knee. “Always happy to help. My services also include: cuddling, fake proposals, and ass grabs to make people uncomfortable.”

 

His skin tingled under Dean's hand on his knee and he felt braver with the heat he felt in that moment. "Does it also include more kisses?"

 

“Do you _want_ more kisses?”

 

Cas couldn't look at Dean as he answered, "I wouldn't be opposed to more."

 

Dean chuckled. “Good to know.”

 

He couldn't help but smile at the warm tingly feeling spreading through his body. Cas wondered if that meant Dean would kiss him again, but he was not brave enough to ask. Instead he tried to hide his smile for the rest of the drive by looking out of the window.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Dean most absolutely did _not_ think about the fact that Cas wanted to kiss him again the entire way back to the resort. Or into their cabin. Or while they were getting changed and grabbing towels before they headed to the pool and spa area.

 

He also did _not_ think about the fact he wasn't entirely opposed to the idea. Dean couldn't help the bizarre confusion that was trying to make him insane. This was Cas, for fuck’s sake! His best friend, the guy he'd always go to bat for, the guy who had saved his and Sammy’s asses more times than he could count.

 

And the most confusing thing was how much the fact Cas was a guy wasn't bothering him as much as it probably should have. Dean was also torn up over the fact that Cas had never expressed interest in this sort of thing before, so there was an underlying guilt and almost sadness. Because this wasn't anything more than a comfort, a security blanket.

 

He shook his head of his thoughts and held the gate open for Cas to the pool area. It absolutely wasn't so he could take advantage of staring at Cas’s ass without scrutiny. Dean was classier than that.

 

“I wish my husband still looked at me like that.”

 

Dean startled when a young woman in a red lifeguard swimsuit appeared beside him. Rubbing the back of his neck, Dean ducked his head, cheeks heating at having been caught staring. “Uh, yeah. Can't help myself sometimes.”

 

The young woman giggled before she whispered conspiratorially, "Well, if you don't mind me saying, he looks very dreamy."

 

Cas turned around with a confused look before he gave the young woman a friendly smile. “Hi, I’m James and this is my fiancé John.”

 

He reached out to shake the woman’s hand, who didn’t react to the silver ring on his finger. “Hey, I’m Beth. I’m the lifeguard.” Her eyes wandered over Cas’s chest and stomach as she raised an eyebrow. Dean didn’t like how she looked at Cas. “Woah, you two have interesting tattoos.”

 

Unable to stop himself, Dean sidled up to Cas, slipping his arm around Cas’s waist and murmuring an affectionate, “Yeah, it's how we met. We were both fascinated with different lore on different old school religions. Happened to be in the same tattoo shop at the same time. Small world, huh?”

 

"Aw, that's so romantic. And sexy," Beth replied, licking over her lips as she ogled Cas's body.

 

Cas gave Dean an uncomfortable look. "Um, should we go to the pool, baby?"

 

“Yeah,” Dean said as he tightened his grip on the guy’s waist. That girl was anything but subtle.

 

Beth winked at Cas. "Well, have fun. I have an eye on you should you be in need of saving."

 

"Thanks," Cas replied awkwardly, "but I already have a hero to watch over me." Cas tugged at Dean’s hand with a smile, so he would follow him to the pool.

 

Dean followed without hesitation, pressing a kiss to Cas’s cheek for good measure, for the benefit of Beth. Maybe she’d finally get the damn hint. When they were out of earshot, he chuckled and shook his head. “Unbelievable.”

 

“Did she flirt with me?” Cas asked in confusion.

 

“Not so much flirt as she eye fucked you. So, apparently, if you want to get laid, you probably have a shot with her.” Why the hell couldn’t he keep his damn mouth shut?

 

Cas grimaced and shook his head. "I'm not interested." He held his foot in the water of the pool to test it with a raised eyebrow. He elegantly dove into the deep end before he came up for air and swam to the edge.

 

Dean instead slowly stepped into the pool. Even though it was warm outside, the pool was unseasonably cold. When he got about waist deep, he took a deep breath and submerged himself. When he came up he shook the water from his hair and smiled. It’d been a helluva long time since he swam for fun.

 

Cas swam up to him with a smile and splashed water in Dean's face.

 

“Oh, that’s how it is?” Dean challenged with a laugh before diving under the water, going for Cas’s waist before tackling him underwater. They proceeded to play fight with each other in the deep end for several minutes before Dean swam to the side to catch his breath. “Time out, dude.”

 

Cas chuckled as he swam up next to him, bracing his back against the wall, propping his elbows on the cement border. "I don't think I’ve ever had so much fun."

 

“Well, _that’s_ depressing.” But now that Dean thought about it. It had been way too many years since he’d had this much fun, which meant he wasn’t much better off than Cas. As he looked up, he noticed Beth still eyeballing Cas. He scoffed. “Do I have to fuck you right here for her to get the hint?”

 

Cas grabbed his wrist and pulled him closer, kissing his cheek before he whispered in Dean's ear, "Is she still looking?"

 

Dean’s breath hitched and he was at a loss for words for a moment. Finally, he breathed out a husky, “Yes.” He honestly had no idea if she was still watching, but he was too busy with what Cas’s proximity was suddenly doing to his brain to really pay attention to anything else.

 

Cas slid his hands in Dean's wet hair, nudging his nose against his cheek as he pressed him against the pool's wall. From Beth's position, it probably looked like he was kissing Dean.

 

He tried to not feel disappointed that he wasn’t. Dean wrapped his arm over Cas’s shoulder to hide their faces better. He turned his head slightly and chuckled. “I swear if she’s still staring after this…”

 

Cas hummed and turned his head too, their eyes suddenly locked. The blue in his eyes was barely visible and his breathing was shallow. The tension was rising between them when Cas licked over his own lips. "We should maybe make it more obvious that I'm yours."

 

“What’re you thinking?” he asked in a breathless whisper.

 

Instead of answering, Cas cupped Dean's face and gently rubbed his thumb over Dean’s right cheek as he carefully leaned closer. He hesitated for a moment, giving Dean enough time to stop him, before finally capturing his lips in a soft kiss.

 

 

 

Everything went oddly quiet in that moment. There was a phrase for it. The calm before the storm. And that was exactly how it felt when Dean groaned and completely succumbed to the kiss. A storm. The winds swirling his thoughts around his head in a haphazard tornado that took his breath away. Sound drowned out from the cracking of lightning from the sheer electricity of their connection.

 

Holy shit, Cas was a _really_ good kisser.

 

When Cas pulled back, he leaned his forehead against Dean's, panting hard. "Uh," he whispered, "I had no idea kissing could feel this good."

 

Dean let out a breathless chuckle and a murmured, “Yeah.” He turned his head slightly to see if they still had an audience and, thankfully, they did. Beth’s gaze was locked onto them. “Damn. I think we made it worse.”

 

"How did we make it worse? Maybe we weren't obvious enough?"

 

“No. I mean, I think she wants both of us now,” he said with another chuckle.

 

Cas gave him a confused look. “So what should we do?”

 

Dean shrugged helplessly. “Got me.”

 

Cas bit his lower lip and gave him a wide eyed puppy look. “Should we kiss again?”

 

The answer probably should have been no, because Dean felt as though it was almost bordering on taking advantage. Instead, he cupped Cas’s cheek and chuckled. “You wanna?”

 

Cas leaned into his hand and gave him a shy smile before he nodded. “Yeah.”

 

With the green light, Dean dove in lips first, happy to lose himself. He’d always liked kissing, but there was something about how Cas kissed. How he seemed to completely surrender to instinct. It was a little mesmerizing. They were interrupted by a wolf whistle and applause.

 

Dean looked up and saw the hippie couple from earlier that morning giving them a thumbs up as they stepped in through the gate. Drawing back a little from Cas, he rubbed the back of his neck and gave Cas a sheepish smile.

 

“Guess we got a little carried away there.”

 

“At least no one will doubt our story now.” Cas grinned before he wrapped his arms around Dean, getting closer as he rested his head on Dean’s shoulder. Dean could feel him shivering slightly against his body.

 

Dean craned his neck to look down at him. “You cold?”

 

"Yes, I think so." Cas gave him a shy smile. "You're very warm though."

 

“Come on. Let's go find the hot tub.”

 

Cas nodded with a smile and pushed himself out of the water, bracing his hands on the ground at the wall. The water dripped from his body and Dean could see that his swim trunks left nothing to the imagination. Cas knelt next to the pool to give Dean a hand.

 

Shaking his head of his further inappropriate reverie, he accepted Cas’s hand and allowed himself to be partly manhandled out of the pool. Dean stumbled forward, bracing his hands on Cas’s shoulders to steady himself. He chuckled. “Guess you just saved the dragon.”

 

Cas carded his fingers through Dean's wet hair. "Guess I'm used to gripping you tight and raising you from something."

 

Dean barked out a laugh and shook his head. “Well, I vote for you raising me out of pools over perdition.”

 

“I agree. It’s much easier, plus I get a nice view.” Cas gave him a lopsided grin as he let his eyes wander over Dean’s wet body. He grabbed his hand and pulled Dean over to the hot tub, but gave Dean a hesitant look when he spotted the older couple from breakfast already in it.

 

Giving Cas’s hand a squeeze, Dean kept walking them over, giving the old couple a bright smile as he slipped into the tub across from them. As Cas was sinking into the hot tub, Sybil stood up and nodded for her husband to follow her. He did with an apologetic nod to Cas and Dean.

 

As they left, he could hear Sybil grumbling about how not only were Dean and Cas pansies, but devil worshippers too. He couldn’t help but chuckle. Dean spread his arms out along the brim, sinking deeper into the tub with a groan of appreciation. He’d never been more grateful for an undercover gig in his life. “Let’s never leave this place.”

 

Cas still looked after the couple with a thoughtful expression. “Why do they think that we are flowers that worship Lucifer?”

 

Dean chuckled and pointed to his anti-possession tattoo. “To the untrained eye, this _probably_ looks satanic.”

 

“A pentagram is a protective sigil,” Cas stated with a head shake. “And you don’t have the slightest resemblance to a flower, Dean.”

 

At that Dean couldn’t help but laugh outright. “A ‘pansy’ is a derogatory term for a gay dude.”

 

“I think pansies are beautiful flowers.” Cas sighed deeply and sank deeper in the water. “This feels very… relaxing.”

 

“You can say that again.”

 

Cas gave him an odd look before he shrugged and repeated, “This feels very relaxing.”

 

Dean chuckled. “You’re too damn cute sometimes.”

 

Cas looked away, but Dean had seen the cute, shy smile. Cas really should smile more often. It was a good look on him. After a moment Cas asked, “What pie do you like better? Apple or cherry?”

 

“I don’t really discriminate when it comes to pie.” Dean started gently kicking his feet out into the tub, enjoying the feel of the jet between his shoulder blades.

 

“So every kind of pie is good?” Cas asked splashing some water at Dean before giving him an innocent look.

 

Dean splashed him back and grinned. “Exactly.”

 

“Good to know.” Cas looked away for a moment. “I must confess I‘m torn between finding the werewolf soon and the prospect of staying longer at this place.”

 

At least he wasn’t alone in that boat. Dean nodded and submerged himself for a moment, shaking his hair out before bracing his arms along the brim again. “I’m right there with ya’.”

 

"Couldn't we just stay? I mean, if we catch the werewolf, could we stay here for a while longer?" Cas asked softly, his fingers touching Dean's on the brim.

 

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “It's never a good idea to linger, but we've all agreed to take a real vacation after this. We’ll still get our relaxing on.”

 

“You’re right. Of course.” Cas licked over his lips. “Can we steal the hot tub for the bunker then?”

 

“And disregarding the logistics of stealing it and somehow driving it back to Kansas in my car, where would we put it?”

 

“You’re no fun.” Cas splashed some more water at him, but this time he didn’t look innocent at all.

 

Dean chuckled. “See? This is precisely why we can’t have it. You’re using it as a weapon.”

 

Cas gave him a wide eyed look. "What? Me? Never! That was an accident." He splashed some more water again, biting the side of his lip to keep himself from grinning.

 

“I’m not taking the bait,” Dean sing-songed as he relaxed against the wall of the tub even further.

 

Cas pouted before he sighed in defeat. “Alright. You go on relaxing. I have an appointment anyway.”

 

“You’re ditching me?” he asked with a feigned pout.

 

"Yes." Cas braced his arms on the brim and pushed himself out of the water. "I'm leaving you for the cook."

 

Dean pressed his forearm against his eyes and sighed dramatically. “I should’ve known! Well, it was fun while it lasted.”

 

Cas shrugged, giving him a sympathetic clap on his shoulder. He leaned over to whisper in his ear, "I'm sure an attractive little dragon like you will find a new angel... or pot of gold."

 

“Here’s to hoping for gold,” he quipped with a smirk.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

The first thing thing Cas noticed when he greeted the young cook was the obvious scar on his neck. Three healed and slightly red claw marks. The second thing was that the guy wore plastic gloves when he shook Cas’s hand. So much for testing his reaction to silver.

 

“I’m Curtis,” the guy greeted with a friendly smile. “Heard you wanted to speak to me about making a surprise pie for your fiancé?”

 

“Yes.” Cas returned the smile. “He doesn’t have a preference as long as it’s pie, but I thought about the classic. Apple pie. To remind him he can have an apple pie life with me.”

 

Curtis held his hand in front of his mouth. “Oh, man, that is so romantic. I wish my boyfriend would do something like that for me.”

 

“So you’ll help me?” Cas asked.

 

“Of course. I’ll make a really amazing apple pie. I won’t finish it today, but you’ll have it tomorrow evening?” Curtis smiled, rubbing his hands together in obvious glee.

 

“That would be perfect.” Cas hesitated, his eyes wandered to the scar again. “Do you mind if I ask you a question?”

 

“It’s about this souvenir, right? I bet you heard the stories about what happened here,” Curtis replied as he rubbed his hand over the scar.

 

Cas frowned and looked worried. “Did you get attacked by the same animal that killed the the man a few days ago?”

 

Curtis shook his head. “No, mine’s a little older. I was camping with my boyfriend and when I stepped out at night to take a leak, I got attacked by a mountain lion. I was so lucky my boyfriend came out to look for me. He scared it away.”

 

“Are you sure it was a mountain lion? I guess in the darkness it must have been hard to see.”

 

Curtis rubbed over the scar again. “What else could it have been? I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a bear, although it was a pretty massive animal. But then again… when you’re afraid everything seems bigger, right?”

 

“You’re probably right. I mean what else could it have been?” Cas squinted his eyes at Curtis.  “You don’t have any wolves here, I guess?” Curtis didn’t bat an eyelash to that question, so either he was a good actor, or he really had no idea what he was attacked by.

 

Either way, Cas still thought the cook was suspicious, but he would need Dean’s opinion on that.

 

“No, I don’t think so. Wolves haven’t been in this part of the area for over a hundred years. Anyway, you won’t need to worry about taking walks with your fiancé. We have a fence now and most of the animals only come out at night.”

 

Cas nodded and gave him a hesitant smile. “Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind. And thank you again for making a pie.”

 

Cas couldn’t wait to tell all of this to Dean. He hoped he would be pleased with what Cas had learned. He wanted to show him that he could do this. Hunting. Even without the help of his grace.

 

He wondered why he wasn’t more worried about his situation. But then again, becoming human wasn’t the worst fate he could imagine. More like the opposite. If this ended up being permanent, it would be the answer to all of his problems.

 

Now he just had to prove to Dean that he wasn’t a baby in a trench coat without his powers. To Dean and to himself.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And our other arts! Seriously Zelirocks. You're amazing and we can't stop staring at the art! <3<3<3

**Chapter 4**

 

After meeting a few other members of the staff throughout the day, when they came back to the cabin, Cas went to take a shower while Dean put in an order for dinner. It’d been a really productive day. Dean decided to take the opportunity to talk to Sam about their other problem while Cas was otherwise occupied.

 

Practically dropping himself onto the swing on the terrace, Dean dialed his brother and counted out the rings before he answered. If he answered after one ring and gave the code word, he was in danger. If he answered after two and brought up a random movie, that meant he was getting laid or in the process of sealing the deal. They always picked up after three rings to indicate free and clear.

 

Like clockwork, Sammy picked up on the third ring.  

 

“Hey, Dean, how’s Cas?” Sam asked, the worry in his voice was prominent.

 

“Aside from suddenly being human again?” Dean sighed and shook his head. “I dunno, man. He seems okay, other than his grace is, as he put it, ‘behind frosted glass.’ Were you able to find anything?”

 

"Not much with the resources I have. Most of the books I need are back at the bunker. Did you ask Cas if that could happen after a separation?"

 

“Yeah. He said there are no accounts of what's happening to him. On the rare occasion that there were bond separations, the angel who took the hit was back to himself after a couple of hours.”

 

"Weird," Sam replied thoughtfully. "You think it could be because his grace was still... I don't know... damaged from that spell Metatron used?"

 

“Maybe.” Dean let out a sigh of frustration and ran his fingers through his hair. “I mean, as long as it doesn't kill him… I'm not _as_ worried. And he's, uh… he's been smiling more, so I'm counting that as a win.”

 

He could practically hear Sam smiling through the phone. "That's good to hear, after everything. He seemed pretty down." There was a beat and a deep sigh. "But I'll continue to look into it. I’ll call you as soon as I find anything."

 

“Thanks, Sammy.” Dean hesitated for a moment. He wanted to tell his brother what was going on, on the personal front, but he wasn't entirely comfortable saying the words out loud. “Uh… If I…” With a shake of the head he stopped himself. “Nevermind. Just let me know what you find and I'll keep you updated on what we find here.”

 

"You know you can talk to me, right? If you’ve got something on your mind? I know this isn't easy for you."

 

Dean sighed, playing with a loose string on the hem of his shirt. There was a brief moment in which he contemplated playing dumb, but he really was getting too old for this shit. So Dean just bit the bullet. “I think I have a thing for Cas. And that's just all kinds of fucked up.”

 

There was silence on the other line, so much so Dean had to pull the cell away to see if maybe the call was dropped. That was when Sam softly replied, "It's not fucked up, Dean, but I'm glad you’re finally realizing it. Took you long enough."

 

“What do you mean?” Dean had only just realized he had a weird crush on his best friend. Dean was already more than confused – especially having to add a pseudo sexual identity crisis to all of his complex feelings – so Sam’s know-it-all comment wasn’t helping.

 

"Cas was always your exception for everything. And I saw what losing him did to you. I saw how you were after you came back from purgatory and I was there for you after Lucifer killed him. You would do anything for him, Dean."

 

Dean took in a shuddery breath and nodded, even though Sammy couldn’t see. “I would. That’s _why_ this is fucked. He’s mourning the loss of his angel husband bond. Talk about completely inappropriate.”

 

Sam took in a deep breath. "Dean, it's okay to have feelings for Cas. The heart wants what it wants. The important part is that you are there for Cas and make him feel better. That's what you should focus on. Show him that he isn't alone in this."

 

“Yeah, but… isn’t it almost like taking advantage? He’s playing a role, maybe a little more than usual because he’s enjoying the comfort of physical affection. And I’m friggin’ playing house.”

 

Sam hesitated before he answered, "It's not taking advantage if you both enjoy it, but, Dean... Look after your own heart, too. I'm sure he'll understand if you set up some boundaries."

 

Boundaries? Dean was only beginning to grasp and acknowledge he was attracted to Cas. He wasn’t ready for boundaries and whatever the hell else that could entail. Dean sighed. He sure was sighing a lot. “Dude. I don’t know what I’m doing here. I just know I don’t want to make it worse.”

 

"Dean, you're _already_ there for Cas and he still needs you. You said it yourself, he’s already doing better and I think that's all on you. Just trust your instincts on this..." Sam chuckled suddenly. "Follow your heart, Dean."

 

Dean chuckled. “Alright, cornball. But if I fuck it all up, I’m blaming you.”

 

“You do that.” Sam laughed before he added, “I’m pretty sure you won’t though." His voice went serious after that. "I know you still sometimes think you don't deserve it, but you do... you _both_ deserve some happiness in your lives."

 

“So do you, Sammy. So do you.”

 

“Yeah.” There was a moment of silence on the other line. After a beat, Sam finally said, “And I won’t stop looking for it, Dean.”

 

Dean smiled, a sad and wistful thing, but still… After everything Sam had been through, if anybody deserved a damn win in the lovelife department, it was his baby brother. “You _will_ find it. And if you don’t, you’ll always have me and Cas.”

 

"Yeah, well. No offense, but I’d rather find someone than watch you two making heart eyes at each other."

 

He couldn’t help the chuckle that erupted from his chest. “Dude. Just you wait. If Cas gives the green light, I’ll pull out all the friggin’ stops. It’ll make you sick.”

 

Sam laughed at that. "Okay, okay. I take everything back. I really hope I can see that!"

 

“Shut up, dick,” he said with a chuckle.

 

"Alright, alright." Sam chuckled again. "You go back to your fiancé and I’ll text you as soon as I find something. And Dean... don't overthink it."

 

“Yeah, yeah. I got it.” Dean smiled and ended the call, stuffing his phone in his pocket as he started swinging a little faster, soaking in the tranquility of such a peaceful and remote resort. There were fireflies in the distance. He couldn’t help but sigh contentedly.

 

After a moment, Cas joined him on the swing, sitting down next to him with his own contented sigh. His hair was still a little wet, and in disarray as usual, a drop of water running down his cheek and over his throat. "It's a nice night."

 

Dean smiled. “Yeah. I ordered us another ridiculous package of romance, by the way.”

 

Cas leaned back against the swing's backrest and turned his head towards Dean, a soft smile playing around his lips. "Do you think the fireflies came inclusive?"

 

“No. I had to pay extra for that,” he quipped with a wink. Dean looked Cas over for a moment. Humanity looked good on Cas.

 

Cas chuckled and rubbed a finger over the other side of his throat as if something was bothering him. When he retracted his fingers, there was blood on them. "Oh, I think I cut myself when I shaved."

 

Dean leaned over and saw a wicked nick. He pulled out a package of tissues and ripped a piece off. “Here,” he said as he gently pressed the tissue to Cas’s neck. As he withdrew, Cas was staring at him intensely, in that insanely intimate way that had become almost habit after nine years. “You should be good now.”

 

"Thank you," Cas breathed out before he suddenly leaned over and drew him into a soft and gentle kiss. His lips ghosted over Dean's for a moment. When he pulled back just an inch, his shallow breathing caressed Dean's lips.

 

 

He scrunched his brow in amused confusion. “What was that for?”

 

Cas leaned back, looking slightly confused as well. "I–I don't know." He rubbed his hand over his heart and looked away from Dean, taking in a deep breath, still looking thoroughly confused. "Um. Sorry."

 

Without hesitating, Dean cupped Cas’s face and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. He smiled, hopefully reassuringly. “I wasn't mad. I was just curious.”

 

Cas leaned against Dean's hand, before he slid closer for another soft kiss. "It feels really good to kiss you," Cas admitted quietly.

 

Dean chuckled. “See? Told ya’. Rebounds help.”

 

Cas gave him a soft smile and shook his head. "I thought a 'rebound' is someone who has sexual intercourse with you?"

 

“Well, yeah. But you can have rebound makeouts,” he said, trying to not feel hurt at that thought.

 

"I never really understood what 'makeouts' entail. Does that only mean kissing?" Cas asked as he leaned closer against Dean, his finger sliding over Dean's thumb where their hands met between them.

 

Dean adjusted his hand to interlace their fingers. “Kissing. Maybe some heavy petting, a little over the flannel action.” He smiled.

 

Cas leaned in closer, looking up at him with an insecure expression, his lips askew from the way he bit down on the lower lip. "Over the flannel action?"

 

“Yeah. Groping. Fondling. Whatever you wanna call it. Basically sex without taking off your clothes.”

 

"I see," Cas whispered before he leaned in closer. "Can I–can I kiss you again?"

 

The way his breath caught in his throat, Dean was certain he would have choked had it been anything solid. Dean swallowed dryly and nodded. Scared to speak, for fear of his voice cutting out.

 

Cas cupped his cheek, his thumb gently caressing the skin. This was different now. This wasn't James and John kissing. There was no reason to pretend. It was just them.

 

Gentle and pliant lips met his in a few soft kisses before he could feel Cas's tongue hesitantly lick at his upper lip.

 

Dean’s hands found their way to Cas’s waist as he drew impossibly closer, their lips falling together in a sleepy and exceedingly comfortable collision. Like they’d been doing this for years. Centuries. It was weird how right kissing Cas felt. It was like discovering kissing for the first time. Dean was a little lost in the way Cas was all taking, as though he might never get the chance to breathe again, so he shared Dean’s air.

 

Cas's palm slid from Dean's cheek, down over his throat and chest until he rested it against Dean's stomach. He could feel the way Cas's breathing hitched and he moaned into the kiss, giving it more heat and an almost desperate note.

 

Taking the lead from Cas, he slid his palm up Cas’s chest, fingers cupping and caressing his pec through the t-shirt. As his hand drew higher, Dean grew bolder. He didn’t know why, but he desperately wanted to touch Cas in the spot he saw him touch Inias. Even though his grace was muted, he wondered if he could garner a response. When he reached the area, just below the pulse point, Dean pressed in.

 

He hadn't expected Cas to react so violently, suddenly pushing Dean away from him with wide eyes. Cas was clearly in shock, breathing heavily and keeping his hands up to keep Dean at a distance.

 

“Shit, Cas. I’m sorry. I…”

 

Cas shook his head slowly. "No, um, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you... I just..." He stood up and walked over to the handrail, bracing his hands on it as he looked out into the night. "That still has a lot of meaning to me."

 

If someone wanted to look up inconsiderate asshole in the dictionary, they’d friggin’ find the definition of inconsiderate asshole, which Dean completely was in that moment. “No, you’re right. I shouldn’t have done that. You… shit. I mean, you’re still… And I’m such a fucking asshole.” Dean moved to stand, but didn’t come any closer.

 

Cas shook his head and turned to look at Dean. "I'm not mad at you, Dean. I know you only did it to make me feel good." Cas gave him a soft smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "I know it's a stupid tradition I'm hanging onto. I believed in this system all my life. I like to think that this..." Cas touched his neck before he continued, "is something I only want to share with someone who really wants me. Who loves me and I love in return."

 

Dean swallowed dryly and nodded. “No. I get it. I shouldn’t have… You couldn’t even if… I get it. I’m sorry, Cas. I really am.”

 

Cas turned around and walked up to him, squinting his eyes. "I couldn't even what, Dean?"

 

With a deep sigh, Dean held his hand out in front of him in a placating gesture. “I get what this is, Cas. And I’m totally okay with it. You’re finding comfort with me and I’m on board with it. As long as you need, man. I’m happy, hell, I’m ecstatic. But we both know when you’re healed, you won’t need me like that.”

 

Cas tilted his head. "I'm confused. Would you... I always thought..." Cas shook his head slightly. "This is all very complicated and confusing. Would you even want me like that?"

 

Dean shrugged a little helplessly. “Look. This is all new to me. I mean, I’ve checked a guy or two out, but… I mean... Chinese to me. Never thought about a guy enough to want to do anything. But what we’ve been doin’ here, even though it’s,” Dean paused and used air quotes with his next word, “‘pretend,’ or whatever… I like it. More than I thought I would.”

 

Cas looked surprised for a moment. "I like it, too. And I’m kind of curious to see where this leads us... But I also don't want to do anything that could damage our friendship. I'm very confused about my feelings right now and I'm not an expert... I don't want to do anything that would hurt you."

 

“Me either,” Dean affirmed with a head shake. “We can hit pause, Cas. Anytime. If this is too much right now, maybe we agree to keep the PDA strictly for the job and try to… I don’t know, just be Dean and Cas. You know?”

 

Cas looked down at the ground for a moment with a frown. "It's not too much. I just don't want you to touch me... on my neck."

 

Dean nodded. “I can do that. No neck, I’m a vamp on the wagon.”

 

Cas chuckled and shook his head. "Should I be worried that you’re comparing it to a vampiric desire to bite me and suck my blood?" Cas asked as he stepped closer to Dean, cupping Dean's face.

 

“Dude, I swear I’m not a vampire. Well… _anymore.”_ Dean smirked.

 

"Are you sure?" Cas somehow managed to step even closer, his lips only a mere few centimeters away. "You look like you want to bite me."

 

Dean chuckled and arched his brow in challenge. “Pretty sure we established you’re the one with a biting fetish. Or do I need to remove my shirt to remind you?”

 

Cas smiled at that, leaning forward to growl in Dean's ear, "I'm not stopping you if you want to remove your shirt."

 

Without missing a beat, Dean grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it up and off, tossing it onto the swing and holding his hands out, palm up. “Now what?”

 

Cas let his eyes wander over Dean's chest, licking over his lips before he stepped closer again, cupping Dean's cheek in one hand, while the other gripped Dean's shoulder firmly. His nose nudged the side of Dean's face when he whispered, "Do you want me to bite you?"

 

“Depends,” Dean murmured, smirk still firmly in place as he craned his neck slightly to look Cas in the eye.

 

"On what?" Cas breathed out, capturing Dean's lips in a quick, barely there kiss before he leaned back.

 

Dean chuckled and cupped Cas’s face. “On if you mean it.” He didn’t so much as kiss Cas, as he collided with him. The tender, tentative kissing now completely off the table. He grasped a fistful of Cas’s shirt and started walking him back to the room, never once breaking the sinful contact of lips and tongue.

 

Cas suddenly wrapped his arms around him and lifted him up on the table behind Dean, pressing between Dean's legs as he deepened their passionate kiss, sliding his palm over his chest and nipple.

 

Unable to repress the moan, he wrapped his legs around Cas’s waist to draw him closer. He impatiently tugged at Cas’s shirt, trying to pull it up, but unable to separate himself from Cas’s lips. With a growl he finally succumbed and yanked Cas’s shirt up.

 

Cas helped him and quickly pulled his shirt over his head when he captured Dean's lips in a deep kiss again before the shirt even touched the ground.

 

As his hands reached for Cas’s belt with a tremble, they were shaken out of their lust filled daze by an unwelcome knock at the door. Dean groaned and pressed his forehead to Cas’s shoulder. “I forgot I ordered dinner.”

 

Cas grimaced and shook his head. "Damn... um, what do you call it again? Um, 'raincheck'?"

 

Dean chuckled a little breathlessly as he nodded. It was weird, he was actually kind of grateful. Dean wanted to explore the next steps with Cas, but it was moving so fast. He felt out of his comfort level. Sex with women? Oh, yeah. Dean had that down. But with a guy? A guy that was his best friend, no less? Novice was putting it mildly.

 

Cas pulled on his shirt and opened the door for Taran, who greeted him with a friendly smile as he rolled the cart into their room. "Do you want to dine outside again?"

 

“Yeah, might as well enjoy the weather while we can.” Dean smiled and led them out to the terrace. He kept catching the shy glances Cas was periodically shooting him while trying to maintain small talk with Taran.

 

Taran opened a little bowl with chocolate covered strawberries. "A little treat from the kitchen to enjoy your night." The guy smiled at them before he folded his hands behind his back after finishing preparing the table for their dinner. "I wish you both a very relaxing and nice evening."

 

"Thank you, Taran. And please tell Curtis my thanks as well," Cas replied politely as he accompanied Taran to the door.

 

Dean popped open the champagne, hoping a drink would calm his nerves. Cas had returned by the time their glasses were filled. Dean held a flute out to Cas then tapped his glass with his own. “Here's to working one of the better cases in the past few years.”

 

"I’ll gladly drink to that." Cas smiled before he nipped at his champagne. He sat down at the table and looked at the awesome food in front of him. "I can't get myself to feel bad about my grace situation with food as delicious as this."

 

“Right?” Dean chuckled as he sat across from Cas. “One of the few upsides of being human.” Pulling the cover off of the main course, Dean laughed. A friggin’ lobster.

 

"I know I should feel bad that Sam is missing out on this, but..." Cas shrugged, putting some vegetables on his plate. "I don't."

 

Dean chuckled. “I don't either.” Unlike his brother and best friend, Dean eyeballed the green stuff and went straight for the meat, pulling off one of the claws. He grabbed a cracker and sank back against his chair as he proceeded to crack the sonofabitch open.

 

Cas eyed him with a suspicious grimace. "I'm not sure I want to eat that animal."

 

As he succeeded in cracking it open, Dean pulled a piece of the meat out and dipped it in the melted butter. He practically moaned as the succulent, juicy, amazing flavor overpowered his tongue. He shook his head and pulled another piece out, dipping it in the butter and leaning towards Cas. “You gotta. It's the best damn thing I've ever tasted.”

 

Cas reluctantly reached out to the lobster, but he was clearly having an internal fight about it before he retracted his hand again and shook his head. "I can't. I don't know why, but everything in me just refuses to even touch it."

 

“Uh, uh. You might never get the chance again to taste this. Hell, I may never get another chance.” Dean moved to stand and approached Cas. He held it to his mouth. “Just try it.”

 

Cas's shoulders were tense and he looked up at Dean with serious skepticism before he finally gave in and wrapped his lips around the meat, _and_ Dean’s fingers, as he almost sensually licked the rest of the butter from the digits.

 

When he pulled back, he chewed carefully before he swallowed. “It’s… It tastes good, but I still don’t think I want to eat it.”

 

Dean nodded dumbly and moved back to his chair. “Why are you so freaked out by it?”

 

"I don't know. I’ve never felt anything remotely similar to it before. It's a very strange feeling." He could see that Cas was moving his mouth and his tongue in a weird way, like he was chewing on a dish towel. "Hmmm, my tongue feels weird."

 

Dean groaned and shook his head. “Motherfucker.” Without missing a beat, Dean ran into the room and grabbed his first aid kit. Pulling out the Benadryl, he ran back to the terrace, ignoring Cas’s confused expression as he placed two of the pills in his palm. This would make Cas loopier than a fifth of whiskey, but better than spending the night in the ER. “Take these. Now. Before your throat closes.”

 

Cas gave him a confused look, but did exactly as Dean said, swallowing the pills with the rest of his champagne. Which was probably a bad mix, but at least he got them down. "The underside of my mouth is itching." Cas scrunched up his nose and Dean could see that he was moving his tongue inside. "What is happening?"

 

Dean sighed and poured Cas a glass of water. “Apparently, in your human form, you have a shellfish allergy.” He moved to sit next to Cas after handing him the glass and braced his hand on his knee. “Gonna give it a minute to kick in, if you start having trouble breathing tell me or signal it to me.”

 

Cas gave him a shocked look. "Oh... Jimmy had this allergy, but I thought I had fixed everything when I took over this body."

 

Now _that_ was weird. Dean shook his head in confusion. “When you were human before, did you have the allergy again, too? Is that what happens?”

 

"I'm not sure. But then again, I never ate a lobster during that time."

 

“Probably a good thing. You definitely wouldn't have known what to do.” Dean patted his knee. “You doin’ okay?”

 

Cas nodded thoughtfully. "I feel a little dizzy... This shouldn't have happened, Dean. I'm pretty sure I fixed that genetic defect permanently. Whatever is happening to me, it's not normal."

 

Dean was pretty freaked out too. “Do you need me to take you to a hospital?”

 

Cas gave him an insecure look. “You think I should? I’m not sure.”

 

“Your call. I could call the front desk, maybe see if they have any epipens or anything? What do you feel? Does it feel like your throat is closing or anything like that?”

 

Cas shook his head. “No, my heart is beating very fast though and my mouth still feels funny and itches.”

 

“C’mere,” Dean said as he reached out his hand. “Let’s get you into bed.”

 

Cas grabbed his hand and let himself be pulled inside and to the bed. He slowly pulled his shirt over his head and threw it on a chair.

 

Dean helped him with his pants, pulling them down to his knees before gently pushing Cas to sit on the bed, proceeding to remove the jeans and socks. “Alright, crawl into the bed. Do you need me to grab you anything?”

 

Cas nodded before he vanished under the blankets. "Can I have another glass of water... and you?"

 

“Sure,” Dean said with a chuckle. He grabbed Cas’s glass from outside, refilling it and placing it on the nightstand. He yanked down his jeans, leaving his boxers and t-shirt on, as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed. “What do you need me to do?”

 

"Just sleep here tonight? That way if I feel worse I can just... So you're not that far away," Cas replied tiredly after he drank the rest of the water.

 

Dean nodded and slipped under the covers, turning to lay on his side, facing Cas. “Alright, but no complaining about being in the clutches of a dragon later.”

 

"Why would I complain about that? I like my dragon," Cas murmured from under his blanket.

 

“You said, and I quote, that it was, ‘creepy’.” Dean smirked as he braced his right arm underneath his pillow and propped his head against it.

 

"I don't think it's creepy anymore. At least I have a dragon to keep me warm. It's pretty cold in here, right?"

 

Dean furrowed his brow. “Do you want me to turn up the thermostat?”

 

"Or you could come a bit closer?" Cas asked after a moment.

 

Who could say no to an invitation like that? Dean smiled and moved closer, draping his left arm over Cas’s waist, their faces mere inches apart. “Better?”

 

Cas gave him a soft smile. "A lot better." Cas slid even closer before he rested his head on Dean's arm and pressed his face against his shoulder. "I'm tired," he mumbled against Dean's shirt.

 

“I bet. I'm sure that Benadryl and champagne is starting to kick in,” he said with a chuckle as he started carding his hand through Cas’s hair.

 

Cas hummed contentedly. "That feels nice."

 

Dean chuckled. “I swear, if you start purring…”

 

Dean absolutely did not expect Cas to suddenly start making purring noises. He could feel him smile against his shoulder.

 

Without hesitation, Dean leaned down and pressed a kiss to the crown of his head. “Nerd,” he said affectionately.

 

"I thought I was a cat?" Cas slurred quietly.

 

“Nerd cat, then.” Dean let out a contented sigh as he sank against his pillow.

 

Cas hummed again, he sounded like he was half asleep. "I think you're very attr... good looking."

 

Dean laughed at that. “You’re clearly already loopy.”

 

“Doesn’t change the facts.” Cas nudged his nose against Dean’s shoulder and pressed a kiss there, over the fabric on his chest.

 

“Well, that’s good to know. And you clearly become more and more honest the more fucked up you get. So, tell me, Cas. How do you _really_ feel about being stuck as a pretend couple with me on a case?”

 

"It's nice." Cas chuckled lowly. "I like kissing you."

 

Dean was grateful Cas couldn’t see his face in that moment, because he was sure his cheeks were now beet red. “So do I,” he murmured.

 

Cas cuddled closer to him, wrapping his arm around his waist to pull him tight. His breathing evened out after a while and Dean thought he might have fallen asleep when Cas murmured, "I miss you... Inias."

 

And suddenly the wind was completely knocked out of his sails. Dean stiffened, but didn't move. Of course Cas thought he was in bed with Inias, further cementing the fact that Cas was only seeking comfort in Dean’s embrace.

 

He swallowed against the lump in his throat and sighed. “Night, Cas.”

 

Cas exhaled a warm breath against his shoulder. "Good night, Dean."

 

Dean blinked a few times, now feeling completely and utterly confused. He was too damn tired to try and figure it out. He pressed a kiss to Cas’s cheek and as his eyes fluttered closed, he couldn’t help but smile as his last conscious thought was the memory of their earlier makeout session.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

When Cas woke up, he felt comfortable and warm, but something heavy was more or less draped over him. He opened his eyes and noticed (with a smile) that Dean hadn’t been kidding. He laid on him like a dragon protecting his pot of gold.

 

Cas carded his fingers through Dean’s soft hair. “My little dragon,” he murmured fondly.

 

Just to solidify his comment, Dean growled and tightened his grip on Cas.

 

Cas couldn't help but smile. It felt amazing. Like everything he had ever wanted. He wished he could always be so close to Dean. He wished this job would never be over.

 

Several minutes later, Dean started to stir, shifting and moving, his hand sliding lower down Cas’s torso. “Cas,” he growled again, nuzzling into the crook of Cas’s neck.

 

His heart skipped a beat before it started beating even more quickly, his breathing hitched, not only from hearing Dean growl his name like that, but also from the feeling of Dean’s calloused, warm palm on his skin.

 

Cas turned his head to kiss Dean’s forehead. “Dean?” he asked quietly, wondering if his friend was already awake.

 

“Huh?” he murmured, voice sleep logged and deeper. He raised his head slightly and blearily blinked his eyes open. When he saw Cas’s face, he tiredly smiled at him. “Mornin’, Sunshine.”

 

It was the most perfect moment he had ever experienced in his entire life. Waking up with Dean, seeing him smile like that... at him, _because_ of him. Cas couldn't stop himself as he pushed Dean into the mattress and kissed him.

 

That was met with an appreciative growl as Dean allowed Cas to completely take control, hands sliding down his back as he arched up into the kiss.

 

Cas slid over Dean's body, wrapping his fingers around Dean’s wrists and pulling his arms over his head, pushing now-pinned arms into the mattress as he deepened the kiss.

 

Dean gently bit Cas’s bottom lip as he drew back. “Fuck, yes.”

 

“Dean,” Cas breathed out, surprised by Dean’s reaction. He didn’t anticipate him kissing back so eagerly. He also didn’t anticipate how much it would affect him to feel Dean’s teeth against his lips.

 

He drew him into another gentle kiss, sliding one hand down Dean’s arm and over his torso until he reached the hem of Dean’s t-shirt. Hesitantly he pushed his hand under it, stroking his thumb and fingertips over the warm skin.

 

The way Dean’s breath hitched was melodic and enticing. He looked up at Cas through dark blond lashes, bottle green eyes shimmering with lust and mild confusion, but the almost imperceptible smile was hard to miss.

 

Cas slid his fingertips higher under Dean’s shirt, watching him as he experimentally circled his left nipple before he gently rubbed over it.

 

Dean gasped at that, eyes widening as he looked at Cas. The gasp quickly turned into a groan as he arched up and gave him a pleading look. “Cas, please…”

 

Cas swallowed dryly before he grabbed the hem of Dean’s shirt to push it up, revealing Dean’s stomach and chest. He helped Dean pull it off before he leaned forward and kissed along Dean’s chest, letting his teeth graze over Dean’s shoulder.

 

His heart was beating erratically, excited about this new aspect of their friendship. He was still surprised how good kissing Dean felt. A treacherous voice in him told him that it was even better than kissing Inias. And he knew why. Dean was giving just as much as he was getting. With Inias it had felt… one-sided.

 

He tried not to think about that. He suspected he was still angry with Inias for leaving him, even though he had no right to be pissed at him. But there was some part of him that resented Inias for not even _trying_ to stay with him.

 

“What do you want?” he asked breathlessly, hoping Dean would be open to seeing where this was going.

 

Dean, arms still pinned above his head – looking every bit the temptation he was in that moment – actually gave him an almost shy smile. He’d never seen Dean Winchester look so… wholesome. It was a little breathtaking. “I, uh… I really wanna see where this goes, but… I’ve never…” He ducked his gaze and looked down. “You know. With a guy.”

 

Cas tilted Dean’s chin up with his free hand, drawing his attention back. “I’m not exactly experienced either, but I want to... try this. If you don’t like something I do, just tell me, okay?”

 

That was met with an almost imperceptible nod. “Okay,” Dean breathed out.

 

Cas gave Dean a reassuring smile, cupping his face with his free hand before he leaned in for another gentle kiss.

 

Kissing Dean was incredible, like sparks lighting up all over his body. He still didn’t quite understand why this had suddenly happened between them, why Dean was letting him kiss him. Whether he was just trying to comfort him while satisfying his own curiosity, or some other conclusion he was unable to draw in that moment; either way, Cas hoped Dean would indulge his curiosity a while longer, because of how much he needed this closeness. How much it helped him in finding a renewed hope for his life.

 

Not everything was bad. There were things worth living for.

 

It was then that it hit him how much he had wanted to die. The sudden realization that he wanted to live was so overwhelming that a tear escaped his eyes, dropping onto Dean’s cheek.

 

“Cas?” Dean asked, brow furrowed in concern. There was so much sympathy in those bottle green eyes, it draped over him like a blanket of affection. “Should we stop?”

 

Cas brushed the tear away with his thumb and shook his head before he slid his other hand from Dean’s wrist as he turned on his side, pulling Dean’s body close. He kissed him again, softly, murmuring against Dean’s lips, “No. I just feel really happy, Dean.”

 

Dean, now with the use of his hands again, gently cupped Cas’s cheek and gave him a bemused smile. “Then what’s with the waterworks?”

 

“I just realized… that I don’t want to die anymore,” Cas admitted quietly. “I guess I feel very relieved.”

 

At that Dean’s eyes widened as his smile grew. He yanked Cas into a brief but passionate kiss. He pressed his forehead against Cas’s and breathed out a relieved sounding, “Thank fuck.”

 

“You’re helping me a lot, Dean.” Cas nudged his cheek with his nose before he kissed Dean’s shoulder. “I didn’t think I could feel happy again, but you’re showing me that isn’t the case.” He looked up at Dean with a soft smile before he whispered, “Thank you.”

 

Dean gently swiped the pad of his thumb along Cas’s bottom lip and nodded. “I’m just glad you’re feeling better.”

 

Cas kissed Dean’s thumb with a smile when he got an idea. He carefully licked over the underside of Dean’s thumb, curious to know how Dean would react to such a bold move.

 

It was met with an appreciative groan as Dean chuckled. “You know, I'm seriously questioning this so-called lack of experience,” he teased.

 

Cas’s lips curled up into a smile. “Lack of practical application then. I didn’t say I don’t know what I’m doing.” He wrapped his lips around Dean’s thumb and sucked on it for a moment before he pushed Dean on his back again, hovering over him before he started kissing along Dean’s throat.

 

“Cas… Cas, as much…” Dean chuckled and gently cupped Cas’s face to push him back. “As much as I really wanna see you put your knowledge to good use, we have a case.”

 

Cas stopped kissing him and pushed himself up on his elbows to look at Dean. “Oh, yes. Um, you’re right. We probably should get up.” He hoped he managed to mask the disappointment in his tone.

 

Dean halted him with a hand at the nape of his neck. “Maybe… You know. Tonight?”

 

Cas gave Dean a quick, soft smile. “Are you sure you want this?”

 

“Well, as long as you do. When you get sick of me, we’ll figure things out from there.”

 

Cas tilted his head in confusion. “Why would I get sick of you?”

 

Dean fixed him with an incredulous expression. “Cas, you and I both know I’m just a substitute. And like I said, I’m totally fine with that. I’m here as long as you need me.”

 

“Oh, um... right,” Cas stammered as he slowly slid out of bed. He started to question if Dean really was just a substitute for him. Especially when he was starting to realize that whatever there was between them felt better, more profound, than what he had experienced with Inias. “I–I, um… I’m going to take a shower.”

 

Dean nodded and smiled. “I’ll start a pot of coffee. Want it like mine again? Or is your grace back in action?”

 

“Like yours.” Cas sighed deeply and frowned. “I still feel human.”

 

With a gentle grasp on his forearm, Dean gave him an understanding and hopeful smile. “We’ll figure out what’s going on with your grace. And in the meantime, get you to taste all the foods you can’t otherwise. Except for stuff you’re allergic to.”

 

Cas covered Dean’s hand on his forearm with his, rubbing his thumb over it. “Dean... I don’t think I want my grace back.”

 

Dean furrowed his brow. “You sure? I mean, I know cheeseburgers are awesome, but don’t you hate not being able to mute your feelings or whatever?”

 

“I’m sure.” Cas was surprised by his own answer, but he knew it was true. “I would rather have one lifetime spent with my family than spending an eternity alone.”

 

Without missing a beat, Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck, pulling him into a hug. “Good,” he murmured into Cas’s ear.

 

Cas pulled him tighter, closing his eyes for a moment to enjoy the feeling of being in Dean’s arms. The last day had felt like a revelation. He had started to question so many things in his life; and all because of Dean. That was nothing new though. His best friend had always had such an effect on him, since the very start.

 

But now...

 

For millions of years he had thought his life would be spent in Heaven for eternity, next to his companion. Now everything had changed and he had a human life. A life with a new hope and a new mission. Suddenly everything didn’t look so bleak anymore.

 

Dean had made him see that he could find happiness again. Dean made him happy.

 

The last thought left him relatively confused, mostly because he had no idea what to do with it. The only thing he could do to figure this out was to wait and see. Just thinking of what the night would bring for them left him feeling incredibly excited.

 

When he pulled back from the hug, it had felt like an eternity and he couldn’t help but smile at Dean, cupping his cheek in another grateful gesture. His gaze fell to Dean’s lips and he licked over his own, trying to resist the urge to kiss Dean again, which seemed to grow more and more difficult with every second.

 

Dean took the choice from him when he leaned in and captured his lips in a soft kiss. As he drew back, he chuckled. “Go shower, smelly. Then we can get to the bottom of this case.”

 

Cas turned his face towards his shoulder to smell himself. “I don’t smell,” he grumbled without feeling annoyed in the slightest. He gave Dean a soft smile before he turned around and went to the bathroom. “The shower here is amazing. It’s also very spacious.”

 

“What’re you suggestin’?” Dean asked, lips tilted in an amused smirk.

 

“Nothing,” Cas replied, trying to look innocent, “I’m just stating a fact.”

 

Dean nodded and clicked his tongue. “Right.”

 

Cas shuffled his feet, looking to the ground. “I’m just saying... should you… feel the need to shower too... and, um, want to save time, there _is_ a lot of space.”

 

That was met with an amused chuckle as Dean crossed his arms over his chest. “Huh. I wonder what happened to the brave, dominating guy that lifted me onto a table last night?”

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck, feeling embarrassed that his insecurity had won out. “I’m not quite sure where our boundaries are and how far I can go?”

 

“Look, Cas. Go with what feels right. With what you want. If I’m not comfortable, or not ready, I’ll tell you. As long as you do the same for me. Deal?”

 

“Okay.” Cas nodded. He could do that.

 

Cas walked up to him and took Dean’s hand in his, pulling him closer to draw him into a deep, lingering kiss before he looked at him. “I’ll leave the door open.”

 

He turned around to walk into the bathroom, not waiting for Dean’s reply. It was up to Dean if he decided to take the invitation. He hoped he would take it though as he got rid of his boxer shorts and started the shower with his other hand. He couldn’t suppress a moan falling from his lips as he accidentally came into contact with his erection when he pulled down his underwear. The last couple of kisses had left him achingly hard.

 

“You know, there’s no point in inviting me if you were just gonna take care of yourself,” Dean quipped from behind him, leaning against the frame of the door with a quirked brow and salacious smile.

 

Cas stepped under the spray of water with a smile, his heart skipping a few beats. “I had no intention of taking care of it.”

 

Dean whipped his t-shirt off in one fell swoop before yanking down his boxers. As he stepped out of them, he smirked at Cas, opening his arms in invitation. “Well, I could help, if you want…”

 

“Come here.” Cas reached out and pulled Dean under the shower with him, taking in the way the water ran down his body, caressing his freckles and muscles as his gaze fell on Dean’s beautiful erection. It was nice to see he wasn’t the only one affected by what was happening between them.

 

He gently pushed Dean against the wall, drawing him into a deep kiss, before he suggested huskily, “We could help each other. It would only be fair, don’t you think?”

 

That was met with an enthusiastic nod. “Can’t see anything wrong with that plan.”

 

Cas trailed the backs of his hands down Dean’s sides until he reached his hips, flipping him in a fluid move to hold him in place as he rocked his erection against Dean’s before he drew him in for another deep kiss. He couldn’t get enough of Dean’s lips, especially when need and want washed over him like a wave, carrying the desperate need to get closer.

 

He slid one hand between them, caressing over Dean’s stomach and slowly wandering lower as he pulled back and looked at Dean. He wanted to see his expression when he touched him so intimately.

 

Dean let out a shaky exhale, smiling as his hand closed over Cas’s and guided him lower.

 

Cas wrapped his fingers around Dean’s hard erection, caressing softly over the velvet skin before he gripped him tight and started to stroke him while teasingly rubbing his thumb over the head.

 

He got lost in Dean’s beautiful face. The light turned Dean’s eye color a fresh spring colored green, water drops running over inviting parted lips. He was seeing a side of Dean he had never seen before and it stunned him. Gone was the habitual wall of anger and roughness Dean usually hid behind. Instead he could see openness, vulnerability, and unconditional trust.

 

For a moment Cas forgot how to breathe.

 

When Dean’s fingers slowly wrapped around Cas’s erection, he actually did forget how to breathe for a moment. Dean never broke eye contact as he slowly started stroking Cas.

 

It was incredibly intense, like so much more was happening between them than either of them expected and Cas found it impossible to find words to describe it. This was so far off of what he had felt when he had been with Inias. Because Dean was sharing this intensity with him, he wasn’t just taking it.

 

His eyes were questioning, searching Dean’s, wondering if he was as surprised about what was happening between them as he was.

 

Dean smiled and closed the gap between them, capturing Cas’s lips in a rather tender kiss as he started to pump his throbbing erection a little faster.

 

Cas moaned into the kiss that quickly turned more heated as the need and pleasure was getting more intense. He wanted to be closer, to be one with Dean. It felt like too much and not enough, maddening and glorious, all at the same time. “Dean,” he gasped against his lips, pushing him harder against the wall as he quickened the pace. He knew he was close.

 

“Fuck, Cas. Fuck,” he breathed out as he succumbed to Cas’s strength and power. He kept up his pace, now circling his hand as he stroked him. “Yes,” he hissed out before diving in for another frantic kiss.

 

Cas kissed him back with everything he had when he used his other hand to cup Dean's balls before he slid his fingers between Dean's legs, stroking teasingly over Dean's ass.

 

Dean let out a gasp as his head lolled back against the stall wall. “Fuck. fuck.”

 

Cas used his fingers to spread Dean's cheeks, rubbing his index finger over Dean's hole, circling it before he licked over Dean's throat, softly biting down on the meat of his shoulder. The exact same spot he had dreamed of.

 

“Cas, Cas… Fuck,” he said with a gasp. “Please, wait. Wait.” Dean looked as though he were torn between complete pleasure and a sort of fear.

 

Cas kissed him gently before he looked at him. “Shh, it’s okay.” He kissed him again. “I won’t do anything more than that. I promise.”

 

Dean nodded, letting out a shaky exhale. “Okay.”

 

“Do you trust me, Dean?” Cas asked breathlessly, kissing behind Dean’s ear as he continued to pump Dean’s cock.

 

“Always,” he murmured as he resumed his strokes on Cas’s erection.

 

He needed to remind himself that Dean had never done anything like this before. So he needed to find a way to take away his fears. He stopped Dean’s hand on him and drew him into a quick, deep kiss before he looked at him. “Turn around, brace yourself against the wall.”

 

He could see the way Dean’s adam’s apple bobbed with a nervous swallow, but still he did as instructed. Dean braced his hands on the wall and craned his neck to watch Cas as well as he could.

 

Cas wrapped his arm around his chest, sliding his palm down over his stomach before he gripped him again, resuming stroking him. He kissed Dean’s neck, nudging it with his nose, “I promise I’m not going to do more than I already have.” He rocked his hard erection against Dean’s soft ass cheek before he growled into his ear. “The only way you get more from me is if you beg me for it.”

 

“Fuck,” Dean breathed out as he nodded.

 

Cas pushed Dean’s legs a bit further apart, reaching between them to caress his balls while still stroking his cock with the other hand. He licked over Dean’s neck and trailed soft kisses to his shoulder, letting his teeth graze over the freckled skin.

 

The way Dean canted his ass towards him made Cas smirk. It was surprising how particularly submissive Dean was, even with his reticence about taking this step. Dean’s breaths were coming out short and stuttered. “Cas, I’m close.”

 

Cas hummed in acknowledgement, letting go of Dean’s balls as he dropped to his knees and spread Dean’s cheeks with his fingers. He licked over the tight ring of muscle, circling and teasing it, but never putting any pressure on it, like he had promised.

 

The sharp and almost needy sounding gasp that escaped was like a symphony to his ears. The gasp became an almost whine as he arched against Cas’s teasing tongue. “Fuck, Cas.”

 

Cas turned his face and gently bit Dean’s cheek. “I’m going to come all over your ass, Dean.”

 

“Oh, fuck,” he cursed. Dean canted his ass again, his body was trembling slightly. “Please…”

 

Cas teased Dean’s hole with his tongue one last time, circling his rim with the most gentle pressure possible before he stood up again. He spread Dean's cheeks with his free hand while stroking Dean, sliding closer, having to repress a groan when the head of his erection dragged over Dean's hole.

 

He nearly came just by hearing Dean’s moans and how he arched his ass against him, watching in an almost daze as his precome was smeared all over Dean’s hole.

 

Dean’s voice was somehow deeper when he let out a soft moan. The capillary response in his fingertips indicated he was almost trying to grip the flat of the tiled wall. A litany of curses escaped Dean’s lips, mostly unintelligible babbling really, but his voice became clear when Dean practically whimpered, “Cas, Cas… I’m gonna…”

 

He was interrupted by his hips shuddering with the force of his orgasm, painting the wall in front of him. Dean let out another soft whimper.

 

Cas stroked him through his orgasm, leaving soft, breathless kisses along Dean’s shoulder as he gripped his own throbbing erection and stroked over it a few times. It was all he needed to come all over Dean’s beautiful ass with a deep moan.

 

Dean let out a shaky chuckle, slowly turning himself around. He yanked Cas into a wet, hard kiss. It was brief, and desperate, and oh, so wonderful. When he drew back, he shook his head in amazement. “Shit, Cas.”

 

Still out of breath Cas smiled at Dean, sliding his teeth over his bottom lip before he raised his eyebrow. “That was…” He tried to come up with a word, but his mind was incredibly empty, so he just chuckled and drew Dean into another open mouthed kiss, smiling brightly at him when he leaned back.

 

“You bet your ass we’re gonna do _that_ again later,” he said with a grin. He pressed a chaste kiss to Cas’s lips. “But we really should do our pretend-not pretend jobs.”

 

“Yes. Let me just… um, help wash your back, okay?” Cas gave Dean a shy smile, letting his fingertips slide over Dean’s chest.

 

Dean chuckled and nodded. “Alright.” He turned his back to Cas, craning his neck slightly to flash him a quick smirk.

 

Cas poured some of the fancy soap in his hand, biting his lip as he spread it all over Dean’s back and ass, washing away the rest of his come that the water hadn’t already washed away. He massaged it into the skin, enjoying touching Dean in such a way. He knew he could do this all day, but he also knew they had a job to do. Pity.

 

“Dude, Cas. How did I never know you have magic hands?” Dean groaned out.

 

“I don’t have magic hands, Dean.” Cas chuckled and washed the rest of the soap away. “I just remember where all of the nerve endings and sensitive spots are located on your body.”

 

Dean turned and quirked his brow at him. “Hands of nerdy attention to detail, then.”

 

Cas leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “I healed you so often that I know your body like the back of my hand. I just never knew I could put this knowledge to a different use.”

 

“Well, if you ever get bored of hunting, could always open your own massage parlor that specializes in happy endings.” Dean winked and pressed a kiss to Cas’s lips again.

 

“Only if you’re my only customer,” Cas murmured against Dean’s lips before he deepened the kiss.

 

Dean gently pushed him away. “Cas, seriously. Case, we're on a case,” he said through a laugh.

 

Cas held his hands up in surrender. “Alright, it’s just very difficult not to kiss you when you look at me like that.”

 

With that he knocked his hip into Cas’s and stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel. “I’m gonna make us some coffee. You finish up, then we’ll go over the game plan.”

 

Cas hoped he hadn’t crossed a line, or had been too forward. He just nodded and concentrated on finishing washing his hair and himself, trying to enjoy the leftover relaxation from his orgasm. He couldn’t stop smiling when he remembered that Dean wanted to do this again tonight.

 

When he was finished toweling himself dry, he bound the towel around his hips to look for some fresh clothes in their room. Dean was already clothed and making coffee, looking incredibly serene, standing in the sunlight flooded room. He couldn’t stop staring.

 

“You know, I don't think I've ever felt this relaxed. Especially on a hunt,” he said as he handed Cas a cup of coffee.

 

“It is very nice here,” Cas replied softly as he took the cup and leaned over his duffel bag to pull a t-shirt out of it with his free hand.

 

Dean sighed and sank down on the couch, sipping his coffee and half staring out of the window. “Who's left on the list we need to meet? The groundskeeper, a few more of the kitchen staff… I'm forgetting someone.”

 

“There are two more. The other employee who works for the romantic river tours and one for the guided hikes,” Cas answered as he put down his coffee on the nightstand and pulled the shirt over his head. He let the towel fall to the ground before he put on some clean underwear and his jeans. “Do you think we need to do a river tour to check him out?”

 

“Can't we just ask him about it without doing it like the last time?” Dean countered, his expression was teasing, but his tone was a little more nervous.

 

“I know you don’t want to. We can try, but if we don’t have a choice, you might need to come with me on that boat trip.” Cas walked up to Dean and put his hand on his shoulder. “I hope it won’t come to that.”

 

Dean smiled. “Could always take one for the team and go without your fiancé.”

 

“On a romantic boat tour?” Cas asked skeptically. “Wouldn’t that be weird?”

 

“Probably. I just _really_ don't want to go on a boat.” He chuckled and took another sip of his coffee.

 

“Okay, so we’ll try to avoid that. But we should go down to the river and speak with the tour guide. Maybe we'll be lucky and he’ll get out of the boat."

 

“Wanna grab breakfast first? Or are you gonna propose again?” He chuckled as he finished off his coffee.

 

Cas gave Dean a confused look before he shook himself out of it. “Breakfast sounds good. I think I’m hungry.”

 

“I bet you are. You didn't get to eat much before you pulled a Hitch on me.”

 

“What does that mean? ‘A hitch on me’?” Cas asked before he finished his coffee and took Dean’s hands in his, ready to leave.

 

Dean chuckled again and interlaced their fingers. “Shitty chick flick. Will Smith has an allergic reaction on his date with… shit. I can't remember her name, but she's really hot.”

 

Cas hummed in acknowledgement, hoping to interrupt Dean’s musings about the attractive actress. He didn’t know why it bothered him all of a sudden, but it did. “You’re right, I didn’t eat much. It’s still weird to suddenly need food.”

 

“And we did expend some extra energy this morning,” he said with an eyebrow waggle.

 

Cas gave him a shy smile before he rubbed the back of his neck. “If I had a choice between doing that again and eating, I would definitely do that again, even though I’m starving.”

 

Dean let out a short bark of laughter. “I guess I should take that as a compliment?”

 

Cas nodded and squeezed his hand before he pulled him out of the cabin. The weather was really nice again. Although it was early, it was already comfortably warm outside. Birds singing, bees humming, the sunlight warming their faces, and a light breeze rustling through the leaves of the lush green trees. It was incredibly peaceful.

 

“If we don’t find the boat guy today, we should do the guided hike maybe? What do you think?” Cas asked with a smile on his face as he blinked against the sunlight.

 

Dean nodded. “Good idea. We can use it to see if we can find any other evidence.”

 

“And we can see if the tour guide might be our werewolf. They start the tours at nine so we have enough time for a relaxing breakfast.” Cas held the door open for Dean when they reached the main building.

 

When Dean saw the older couple again, he became a little more affectionate with Cas, clearly for their benefit. Leaning exceedingly close to Cas as they walked, before pressing a kiss to his cheek when they separated at the continental breakfast buffet.

 

Thankfully, after they both had their plates, Dean at least chose to sit further away from the couple, as opposed to right next to them. He sank down in the seat and started eating the absurd amount of bacon off of his plate with his hands. Dean had the most abhorrent table manners.

 

With a mouth full of food, he looked at Cas with a bemused smile and asked, “What?”

 

“I should inform you that I’m no longer capable of cleaning your arteries since I lost my healing powers,” Cas explained dryly before he actually tried to be a good example and ate something healthy. He needed to take care of this body in a human way now.

 

Dean stuffed two full pieces of bacon in his mouth at the same time and grinned broadly at Cas. He proceeded to chew with his mouth open as he said, “I live to eat, not eat to live.”

 

Cas shook his head after a moment before he raised his eyebrow. “I guess I need to find something else you want to live for, without reducing your lifespan.”

 

That was met with a bright smile and a chuckle. “Dude, Cas. I’m in my late thirties. I’ve already exceeded the expiration date for a hunter. Unlike Sammy, I’d consider it an honor to die at the hands of something absurdly human. Like a heart attack. Or simply old age.”

 

“I would prefer if you chose the old age option. I want you in my life for as long as possible.” There was a sting in his heart when he said that. An afterthought that reminded him that everyone would leave him in the end. Even Inias left him, even though they had been promised to each other for eternity.

 

Dean reached over the table and took Cas’s hand. He offered him a sweet smile and said, “Would it make you feel better if I go grab a banana?”

 

“Yes. A little. I would feel even better if you also ate a few strawberries.” Cas squeezed Dean’s hand before he reluctantly let go. He really liked that this case was giving him so many opportunities to hold Dean’s hand. He wondered if Dean would still do this when the case was over. He wasn’t sure about how much of this was pretend and how much of this was Dean trying to comfort him physically because it seemed to help with the loss.

 

When he came back, he was holding a banana and a plate of chocolate covered strawberries. Dean smirked as he sat down, placing the plate between them.

 

“They are covered in chocolate,” Cas stated in surprise because he hadn’t noticed that before. Well, they were still healthy fruits under the chocolate.

 

Dean grinned. “Figured we could meet each other halfway. Plus, I can feed you a chocolate covered strawberry and make Ma’ and Pa’ cringe a little. Whaddya think?”

 

Cas suppressed the urge to look over at them, feeling weirdly thankful for that unfriendly couple giving them so many opportunities to be closer. He was sure that wasn’t an appropriate emotional reaction though. He just smiled at Dean conspiratorially and nodded before he leaned closer to him over the table. “You want to feed me?” he whispered with a raised eyebrow.

 

“Yeah, but please warn me if what I feed you causes an allergic reaction,” he teased as he propped his elbows on the table and kneeled on his seat to draw closer. Dean grabbed a strawberry and drew it to Cas’s lips. He arched his brow and smirked. “Open up, sunshine.”

 

Cas held Dean’s gaze as he slowly opened his mouth, his tongue darted out to lick at the underside of the strawberry. He hoped that Dean got the message, that he wasn’t thinking about the strawberry while doing this.

 

Instead of getting a snarky comment, a joke, a lewd implication, Dean simply stared, eyes hyper focused on Cas’s lips, his tongue darting out to wet his lips as he let out a shaky exhale.

 

Cas wrapped his lips around the strawberry, grazing Dean’s fingers while he wished he could read Dean’s mind in that moment. He bit a piece off of the fruit, leaning slightly back as he enjoyed the taste explosion on his tongue before he swallowed it with a hum. “Kiss me?” he asked breathlessly.

 

Dean smirked as he grabbed another strawberry and pressed it between his lips before he leaned even closer. He waggled his eyebrows and nodded, a silent request for Cas to bite the other half.

 

It was an awkward angle, but it didn’t matter as soon as he bit off the other half and felt Dean’s lips on his. Strawberry, chocolate, and Dean’s lips. Cas was sure this was developing into his favorite flavor.

 

He could feel the tremble from Dean’s chuckle as he purposefully licked the seam of Cas’s lips before plunging inside. Scratch his previous thought. Strawberry, chocolate, and Dean’s _tongue_ was now his favorite flavor.

 

Cas moaned into the kiss, his fingers found their way to Dean’s neck to pull him closer. When he could feel his jeans getting uncomfortably tight, he reluctantly pulled back, his breathing labored. “We should stop, otherwise I can’t guarantee not dragging you back to our room,” he growled deeply at Dean.

 

Dean grinned and drew back a little. “I like this side of you.”

 

That surprised Cas. In a very good way. He returned the grin and took Dean’s hand in his, intertwining their fingers before he gently tugged at it. “Come here for moment.” Cas nodded at the free space on the bench next to him.

 

Without hesitation, Dean slid onto the bench, giving him a curious smile and shrug.

 

Cas cupped Dean’s cheek before he leaned closer and carefully licked the smear of chocolate from the corner of Dean’s mouth, taking his time. When he pulled back, he bit his own lip for a moment, shrugging shyly. “You still had some chocolate there.”

 

Dean tongued his canine and smirked. “Could’ve just told me.”

 

“I could have, but I needed an excuse to kiss you again,” Cas admitted with a grin.

 

“Thought you wanted to stop that?” he challenged.

 

“I didn’t say anything about ‘want’.”

 

Dean chuckled. “You know, now I’m wondering how hunter couples do it. Like, how the hell do they find time to solve cases?”

 

“We’re not a couple though,” Cas replied quietly before he shook his head. “You’re right, I shouldn’t get sidetracked so much.”

 

“Right,” Dean said, his tone of voice sounded… disappointed? Cas couldn’t be certain, considering Dean’s expression implied aloofness.

 

“I’m sorry...” Cas rubbed the back of his neck. “I keep forgetting we’re here for a reason. I didn’t anticipate this between us being so… irresistible. I’ll try to behave.”

 

Dean smiled and looked down. “I get it, man.”

 

All he wanted was to draw Dean into another kiss, just to see him smile again. But he knew he shouldn’t. Dean had reminded him of his duty for the umpteenth time now and he was getting the message. This was fun and all, as long as it didn’t get in the way of their mission.

 

He sighed deeply and nodded. “Are you ready? Can we go now?”

 

“Sure,” he said with a nod as he moved to stand. Dean held his hand out for Cas. “Shall we, _James?”_

 

“Can’t wait, _John_ ,” Cas replied quietly, softly squeezing Dean’s hand as he took it. He didn’t know what to feel in that moment. He just felt strangely empty again, even with Dean at his side as they left the breakfast table to start the day.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

After one hell of an intense morning, Dean hated the fact it ended on an unpleasant note. It felt like all of the progress they’d made was undone because Dean couldn’t keep his fat mouth shut. But the thing was, he needed to open his fat mouth. Cas kept saying and doing shit that was blurring the line between comfort and something much more substantial.

 

The last thing Dean Winchester needed was to start confusing his friend’s need for physical affection for real feelings. Because that would lead them down a road he wasn’t all that certain he was ready to explore himself. And then if that happened, Dean would find himself fucked up over having real feelings for Cas, which would make the day Cas realized he didn’t _need_ Dean anymore all the more painful.

 

He was barely paying attention when the hike guide guy was explaining the rules, or dangers, or something. Dean wasn’t worried about it, seeing as he’d survived a hell of a lot worse. It was him, Cas, and the hippie couple. Surprise, surprise. Thankfully they seemed more entranced by nature, or some crap, as opposed to the resident gay couple.

 

But there was a tenseness between him and Cas. They were holding hands, but it didn’t quite feel the same as before. Cas was nodding and humming in attentive affirmation to everything the guide was saying, while Dean half-heartedly searched for something that might be useful in their investigation.

 

They weren’t speaking to each other, though. Considering they were only playing a couple, it sure as hell felt like the aftermath of a real fight. Dean lasted about fifteen minutes – a new personal best – before he couldn’t take it anymore. He released Cas’s hand and dropped to re-tie both of his shoes, casting glances up to make sure the guide and crunchy couple were far enough ahead.

 

When Dean stood up, he looked around quickly before pushing Cas off of the walking path, a little deeper into the woods. After he made sure they were pretty much alone, Dean crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t know what happened between us back there, but I vote we fix it right now.”

 

Cas looked confused as if he wasn’t quite following. “Did I do something wrong? I tried to concentrate on the mission and I even shook the guide’s hand when we greeted him. He didn’t react to the silver.”

 

“You don’t feel this weird tension?” Dean asked, wondering for a moment if maybe he was reading too much into things. Was he already confusing Cas’s behavior for real feelings?

 

Cas gave him in an insecure look before he looked away. “Yes… but I thought you were maybe annoyed with me? Because I’m behaving unprofessionally. Was I wrong?”

 

Dean shook his head in confusion as he took a step closer. “No, Cas. That’s not what I was saying. I was… Well, I was just making a joke about the fact that it was way too easy to get distracted on a hunt with someone you’re foolin’ around with.”

 

“But you’re right. And I must admit my thoughts aren’t exactly on the case,” Cas replied quietly, biting his lower lip.

 

“Neither are mine,” he said in an almost amazed scoff. “I’ve never been this… distracted before.”

 

Cas looked up at him, his expression full of question, before he stepped closer. Close enough that Dean could feel his exhales against his skin. “The worst part is that I–I want to give in to that distraction. Though I know I shouldn’t.”

 

Dean lazily draped his arms over his shoulders and pressed his forehead to Cas’s. “Why?” he challenged. It was dumb. It was dangerous. But why the hell shouldn’t they? Apart from it not being real to Cas and too real for Dean? Damn. Dean was getting whiplash from the hard one-eighties his mind kept doing.

 

Cas wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him closer. “Because when I give into this, we won’t leave the bed until the next full moon.”

 

“That’s a long time,” he teased, smirking down at him as he played with the hair at the nape of Cas’s neck.

 

“Probably longer, but I guess your brother would have killed us by then,” Cas breathed out quietly before he walked Dean back against a tree. “Dean...”

 

A strong hand on his neck pulled Dean forward and into a deep kiss as Cas pushed against him with his full weight, pinning him against the tree, kissing him like his life depended on it.

 

Dean groaned and sank into the kiss, enjoying the gentle way Cas would get rough, take control. There was something exhilarating about giving up that control. Dean slid one of his hands down Cas’s side as he got a little lost in heat, and stupid soft lips, and surrendering to him.

 

Cas’s other hand, the one that wasn’t holding him in place at his neck, slowly slid over Dean’s throat and down his chest, before it dropped to the hem of his t-shirt, slipping under it. Cas rubbed his thumb against the skin of his side. The touch felt almost possessive.

 

Just as that teasing hand got closer to the button of his jeans, the sound of a throat being cleared shook them from their heated impromptu makeout. It was the guide.

 

“You guys can always go back to your cabin if you're bored,” he teased with a knowing smile.

 

Cas looked cute with the red tinge to his cheeks. That seemed to be a new development since his weird grace situation, happening every time he was clearly embarrassed. Dean watched him licking over his lips, his gaze wandering between the guide and Dean. “Um, sorry. We... It’s not boring. The tour, I mean.”

 

Dean chuckled and said, “Sorry. We got engaged yesterday and we’re in our honeymoon phase already.”

 

The guide nodded. “I get it. But it’s safer if we stick together. So, if you guys need alone time, you should head to your cabin.”

 

At that, Dean looked at Cas expectantly. He gave Cas a questioning look. At that point, he’d go with whatever Cas wanted, because he didn’t trust himself to make the right decision.

 

Cas seemed to be very reluctant with his answer before he looked at the guide with a frown. “Is it really that dangerous out here?”

 

“Well, uh…” Suddenly the guy looked nervous and unsure. He swallowed and finished with a noncommittal, “We don’t want to take any unnecessary risks if we don’t have to.”

 

“So, this is just to be on the safe side after what happened? Nothing ever happened before?” Cas inquired further.

 

If it wouldn’t have seemed out of place in that moment, Dean would have kissed Cas. He’d come so far over the years, it was amazing to see his progress.

 

The guide seemed even more petrified over Cas’s line of questioning. Clearly something had happened; the question was, was he nervously refuting the bizarre deaths of the chickens and goat? Or something or _someone_ else? Which meant they would need to follow the rest of the hike and try to get the guide to cough up more information.

 

Dean grabbed Cas’s hand. “We’ll stop separating from the group.”

 

The guide nodded, giving them a quick smile. "You have nothing to worry about. But staying together is really advised. The forest is huge, you could also get lost." With those words, the guide turned around and walked back to the others.

 

Before Dean could follow him, Cas squeezed his hand and leaned over. "We always have tonight."

 

“Damn right we do.” Dean pressed a kiss to Cas’s cheek. “Come on, let’s see if your adorable baby blues can get the guide to spill more.”

 

Cas smiled brightly at him, a smile that was pretty infectious. “You think he knows more? I wasn’t sure if he was hiding something or just trying to not make us nervous.”

 

“He does, I’m seriously convinced. But the question is, is he hiding what happened to the goat, or something else?”

 

Cas leaned closer towards Dean. “Any idea on how to get him to talk?”

 

Dean shrugged. “One of us needs to get him alone. He’s not gonna spill in front of everyone.”

 

“Maybe I could try... I don’t know... try to come across as concerned?” Cas asked hesitantly.

 

“Yeah,” he said as he nodded. “You look sweeter than I do, anyway. People would probably be inclined to spill to you.”

 

Cas raised his eyebrow before he smiled softly. “Was that a hidden compliment?”

 

Dean smirked. “Nope. That was an overt compliment.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

When Cas had given him the silent nod, Dean managed to distract Hippie one and Hippie two enough that Cas could talk to the guide with a semblance of privacy. Unfortunately, the rest of the hike had gone by without any action. No extra evidence, no trails, no happenings on a damn werewolf.

 

Sometimes Dean hated when cases weren’t so cut and dry. Where they had to actually think outside of the box and figure out what the hell was going on. He lived for the days when all they had to do was find the pack, or nest, and just gank all the sons of bitches without thinking twice. Now things like reason, ethics, morals, and other shit really made their jobs difficult.

 

The plus side in this instance was how much he and Cas got to enjoy the vacation part of their fake vacation. And… well… The whole making out and exploring each other sexually thing didn’t hurt.

 

After saying goodbye to the hippies and tour guide, Dean practically dragged Cas back to their cabin. To the untrained eye, it probably looked like a fiancé dragging his man back for some much needed alone time. But in reality, Dean needed to know if Cas was able to bring them any closer to figuring out who the wolf was.

 

They were running out of suspects, only a couple more employees left to “test”. And if they weren’t wolves, then that meant it was pure happenstance or coincidence as far as the wolf attack and the goat murder. Or maybe a wolf that was passing through. Which would basically mean they wasted the last few days for nothing.

 

Well, not wasted. At least not as far as Dean was concerned. When he closed the door to their cabin behind him, he smiled at Cas. “Get anything good?”

 

Cas answered with a wry smile, his voice sounded a bit tired. “Not much. Just that the tour guide really doesn’t like the woman who is running this resort. Um... Mrs. Petersen. After the ‘wolf’ attacked the chicken and goat, the tour guide said they needed a fence, but she dismissed him because it would be too expensive. So, basically, she only did something after it was too late. Do you think we should maybe speak to Mrs. Peterson? It’s a pretty vague lead, but... we don’t have many suspects left.”

 

Dean nodded. That was actually a damn good lead. “Bet you a blowjob she's our wolf.”

 

Cas visibly froze as he looked at Dean in surprise. “Is that just a phrase or...”

 

“Well, that depends on if you're willing to take the bet.”

 

“Okay. So If I say Mrs. Peterson is _not_ our werewolf and she turns out to be one, then?” Cas asked with a raised eyebrow and a playful smirk around his lips, that was only noticeable because he knew Cas so damn well.

 

Dean grasped the hem of Cas’s shirt and pulled him closer. “Then you owe me a blowjob. And if she turns out to be human, I owe you one.”

 

Cas leaned in closer, nudging Dean’s cheek with his nose like a cat. “It seems like no one really loses that way. Okay. I’m in.”

 

“Well, then we should get on it, don’t you think?” Dean gently grasped Cas’s chin to tilt his head up. Without any hesitation, he closed the gap between their lips. Dean was ninety nine percent sure he would never get sick of kissing Cas.

 

The kiss turned heated very fast, especially when Cas walked him backwards until the back of his legs made contact with the couch. Cas’s hands slipped under Dean’s t-shirt, stroking over his stomach and up to his chest, before he leaned back breathlessly. “Do you want to go now or later?”

 

Dean chuckled. “Sooner we find out, sooner one of us has to pay up.”

 

Cas captured Dean’s upper lip in a soft kiss before he leaned back with a deep sigh and closed his eyes, murmuring, “Crowley in a skirt, Crowley in a skirt.” After a quick moment, he opened his eyes again, his breathing having now returned to normal. “Okay, I’m good.”

 

The bemused snort of laughter that escaped was purely automatic. Dean shook his head and stared at Cas for a moment before he asked, “What the hell was that?”

 

“The quickest way to kill my arousal. Never failed me before,” Cas answered dryly.

 

“Do I even wanna know how many times you’ve had to think of Crowley in a skirt?”

 

“Probably not. Let’s just say, it’s sometimes even more effective than my grace and leave it at that.” Cas winked at him before he intertwined their hands. “I think we should try to speak with Mrs. Petersen and ask her if we can rent the garden for our wedding. What do think?”

 

Dean barked out a laugh. “Destination wedding? I figured we’d go old school and get hitched in Vegas.”

 

"A garden is so much more romantic though and I bet Mrs. Peterson would love to talk to us if she gets an offer for a fully rented out resort. Don't you think?"

 

Damn. Cas was a quick study. He smiled and nodded. “You’re getting better and better at this all the time.”

 

“Like I said, I had a good teacher.”

 

Dean chuckled and playfully shoved Cas’s shoulder. “Shut up.” He reluctantly took a step back and adjusted himself, their impromptu makeout session still having a physiological effect. Holding his hand out for Cas to take, he smirked and said, “Fine. If we get married here, then we honeymoon in Vegas.”

 

“Whatever you want, _my love_.” Cas squeezed his hand with a smile. “Let’s go. I want to get this over with so we can get back here and I get my prize.”

 

“Someone’s cocky. What makes you so sure you’re gonna win the bet?” he asked as he opened the door for Cas.

 

When Cas walked past him, he braced his hand on the small of Dean’s back to guide him closer. “Just a feeling. The guide described her as pretty greedy. I doubt she would have paid so much money for the fence if she was the werewolf. But who knows?”

 

“Or she didn’t want to build the fence so she had free range access to all of the animals. You know. Because she’s a werewolf,” he countered with a smirk. Dean slipped his arm around Cas’s waist, as they continued to walk towards the main office cabin.

 

Cas wrapped his arm around him too, his thumb rubbing over his side. “Whoever wins this, I won’t feel as a loser afterwards.”

 

Even though he’d never given a blowjob in his life, Dean couldn’t help but agree. It was a little exhilarating. The thought of doing something he’d only ever fantasized about. And it was weird how Cas’s proximity made the disapproving voice of his father drift further and further away. But, because he was Dean Winchester, he had to make a joke of it. “Aren’t you glad you didn’t have to team up with Sammy?”

 

To his surprise Cas just gave him a thoughtful look for a moment before he frowned deeply, as though he was thinking about something that hurt his head. After a long moment, he hummed absentmindedly. “Yes, I am.”

 

Dean chuckled and shook his head in bemusement. “You had to think about it?”

 

Cas shook his head and gave him a soft smile. “No, I… It just reminded me how different my friendship to Sam is compared to ours.”

 

“What do you mean?” Dean had always considered them all good friends. Granted he and Cas shared the whole profound bond thing, seeing as he was the one that broke him out of Hell, but still… Sam loved Cas just as much as Dean did. Considered him just as much part of their little, broken family.

 

Cas licked over his lips for a moment before he gave Dean a shy look. “Sam is my friend. But you–you were always more to me. I don’t know how to describe it, but for example: the things that we’re doing now, I would never do with Sam.”

 

“You wouldn’t bet a blow job on a case with him?” he teased. And Dean understood it. Hell, a week ago, he wouldn’t have imagined himself taking these steps with Cas either. But now that they’d started, he was weirdly into it. He just hoped Cas would still be down after the case.

 

“It isn’t because of the case though,” Cas stated quietly after a moment. “This is because you want to help me get over Inias, right?”

 

The ten thousand dollar question. Is that what they were doing? Dean knew it was what Cas was doing, but as for himself? He wasn’t so sure anymore. Somewhere between the fake proposal and the makeout session a few minutes ago, Dean had stopped pretending. Pretending he was just being a good friend. Because, damnit, his feelings for Cas were changing with each kiss, each touch, each shy smile, and adorable head tilt.

 

But the recollection that – for Cas – this was just a means to an end for his grief over his ended soul bond, or whatever angels got bonded with, caused a painful tug on Dean’s heart. Dean forced a smile and nodded. “I’m just glad to be here for you.” At least that much of it was true.

 

He could feel Cas’s eyes on him, searching for something, his expression unreadable. “But you like what we’re doing, don’t you?”

 

“More than I even thought possible. I’m just sorry I’m so… scared, I guess?”

 

Cas stopped in their walk towards the main house and pulled him closer, faces only inches apart as he whispered, “About what?”

 

Dean swallowed dryly. “I want to try all of it with you, but… I’ve never… I’m just scared ‘cause I’ve never done it. You know?”

 

“Dean.” Cas cupped Dean’s face and soothingly rubbed his thumb over his cheek. “I would never do anything that could hurt you and I would never do anything you don’t feel ready for.” He leaned over and captured his lips in a soft and gentle kiss before he added, “And it’s just me. I would never judge you about anything, I trust you unconditionally and I know you, Dean. I’ll take good care of you, I promise you.”

 

“I know that, Cas. I’m not scared you’ll hurt me. I’m scared that… well, I have no idea what I’m doing. I might suck, and not in the fun way.”

 

Cas gave him a soft smile. “I’m pretty sure that’s not possible, Dean. Don’t overthink this. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

 

Dean returned the smile. Feeling a little bit better. At least his nerves regarding his inexperience with dude on dude stuff was a little less daunting. “Can you promise me something, Cas?”

 

“Of course,” Cas replied, not even hesitating for a second.

 

“When, uh… when you don’t need me anymore, will you talk to me about it? I don’t need a sonnet or anything, but I’d appreciate if you didn’t just… stop and act like it never happened.”

 

Cas tilted his head and frowned. “You don’t need to worry about that, Dean. Whatever will happen in the next few weeks, as far as I’m concerned, we’re doing this together. So the same goes for you. If you think you don’t want this anymore or this could have a bad influence on our friendship, I want you to tell me, so we can stop.”

 

Dean stopped walking and stared at Cas. “Cas? Are you…” he was scared to ask, but the way Cas was talking… “How much of what we're doing is because you need the comfort and how much is because you're into it?”

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m not sure. It started out as comfort, but I–I really like this.”

 

“Are…” He didn’t want to ask this either. That damnable hope was flaring up again. But he pushed through, because Dean would regret it if he didn’t. “Are you interested in seeing where this goes for real? Not for a case, or to help you cope?”

 

Cas’s eyes widened for a moment and Dean instantly regretted his question. “I… um, are you?”

 

Dean sighed. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I won’t ask again. Let’s just pretend that I never asked that, okay? I’m an idiot and–”

 

Cas pressed his fingers to Dean’s lips to stop his rambling. “I’m not uncomfortable. I’m just not sure. My first instinct is to say yes. I want to see where this is going. But another part of me is afraid... because I think I’m not a good judge in this situation.”

 

“It is kind of fast. Considering you just got… You know.” Dean didn’t need to finish the sentence. No need to say the words out loud.

 

Cas nodded slowly. “I don’t know how much this is influencing my decision making. But other than that… I like this, between us, very much.”

 

“Me, too,” he murmured with a smile. Dean grabbed Cas’s hand and interlaced their fingers. “There’s no deadline. We can go as slow as you need. And if you realize there’s a reason my ass is still single, and call it quits, we’ll still be friends. Okay? The shit we’ve been through? Pretty sure a failed attempt at taking our relationship to the next level won’t even touch us.”

 

Cas nodded as he stepped closer. “You’re right, we’ve been through worse.” He nodded again as if he had made a decision in his mind. “I like that idea, Dean. I would very much like to try this for real.”

 

Dean wanted to jump for joy, but he kept his shit together and simply nodded and smiled. “Okay. Then, uh… I guess we’ll just see where this goes?”

 

Cas mirrored the smile before he asked in a shy tone of voice, “Can I kiss you again?”

 

“Never have to ask,” he murmured as he drew in closer, gently cupping the side of Cas’s face. “In fact,” he started with a smirk, “if you ask to kiss me again, instead of just doing it, I’ll revoke kissing privileges for a day.”

 

"It won't happen again," Cas returned before he drew Dean into a deep kiss, licking into him like he wanted to taste every inch of Dean's mouth.

 

Dean couldn’t repress the outright moan that barely escaped before Cas swallowed it down. In that moment he wanted Cas to take complete control. Maybe even manhandle him again, lifting him onto a table. He got why chicks liked it when he did it to them. There was something deliciously erotic about being with someone strong and assured.

 

Cas licked over his upper lip and softly bit down, causing Dean’s whole body to tingle with excitement, before he carefully leaned back, not far, just a few centimeters. His hitched breath ghosting over Dean’s lips. “Just say the word and I’ll take you back to our room.”

 

“The word,” he growled as he pulled Cas back in for another heated kiss.

 

Cas moaned into the kiss before he grabbed Dean and lifted him up, carrying him back to their cabin. Although the guy was nearly human now, he still seemed to be stronger than normal, looking like he had no problem carrying Dean up the two steps to the door before he opened it with one hand, still holding him close to his body with the other.

 

They didn’t get far though. As soon as Cas had kicked the door shut with his foot, he had pinned Dean against it, growling into an open mouthed and thorough kiss that left Dean breathless.

 

Holy fucking shit, he’d never felt so turned on in his entire life. When Cas trailed down his neck, mouthing his pulse point before grazing his teeth over it, Dean arched up, wanting more. Wanting to feel that sinful mouth everywhere. Needing the scorching, burning heat of Cas’s lips to leave scars in their wake, on every inch of his skin.

 

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck and legs around his waist when Cas lifted him. “You’re so fucking hot,” he growled before losing himself in another frenetic kiss.

 

Cas carried Dean over to the bed before he put him down again, grabbing the hem of Dean’s shirt and pulled it over his head, throwing it to the ground before he dropped his hand instantly to Dean’s belt, expertly opening it. “How far do you want to go?” he asked breathlessly.

 

“I…” Dean chewed on the inside of his cheek, unsure why it was suddenly so difficult to speak. He wasn’t entirely sure, but he sure as hell wouldn’t say no to what Cas did to him in the shower. “A repeat of this morning? Minus the shower, and go from there?”

 

“Okay,” Cas breathed out, kissing him again and rubbing his palm over Dean’s groin area before he opened his jeans and pulled them down to his ankles. Cas pulled back for a moment to get rid of his own shirt before he gently pushed Dean back on the bed, mouthing Dean’s hard cock over the fabric of his underwear for a moment.

 

Dean moaned and bucked his hips up. “Fuck, Cas. Please…”

 

Cas helped him, pulling the rest of his clothes off, but taking his time as he slowly pulled down his underwear. His lingering gaze on Dean’s hard cock almost predatory. He toed off his own shoes, still looking at Dean, breathing heavily as he opened his own pants, sliding them off. His lower lip was captured between his teeth before he asked, “What, Dean? Tell me what you want.”

 

“I… I want to feel your tongue,” was all he managed before he spread his legs and bucked his hips again. “Please.”

 

Cas’s eyes were almost black with lust as he knelt between Dean’s legs, hands braced against Dean’s hips before he bent over and licked over Dean’s cock with a deep groan. He sucked the head between his lips for a moment, in a teasing manner, leaving it again to kiss a trail down the length to his balls.

 

Dean had no idea where Cas had learned to do that. Why he was suddenly so confident and unafraid? When Dean clearly remembered how nervous he had been back when he had taken him to that brothel. He also wasn’t sure if he wanted to know, since he knew that Cas had been with another man before. Well, not man, but definitely an angel with a male body.

 

The one thing he did know though was that he loved Cas’s unapologetic way of just going for what he wanted. There was no holding back, no shame, just unfiltered lust and need, and Cas seemed to know exactly where he needed to touch him to make him lose his damn mind.

 

Cas’s clever tongue circled his balls before he dipped lower, his hands sliding to Dean’s ass, spreading his cheeks, exposing his hole before Cas started to flick his tongue teasingly over it.

 

“Oh, fuck,” Dean cursed as his hands fisted the sheets. While he was no stranger to assplay, he'd never been rimmed before and he suddenly realized why some of the girls he hooked up with lost their minds over it.

 

It was like all of his pleasure receptors were being teased by a soft electric current. It wasn't so much a turn on as it was a blinding, white out of light and heat. Dean arched up, lost somewhere between pleasure and an unbearable need.

 

Cas used the fingers of his left hand to keep teasing him before he felt Cas pushing against his hole with light pressure. More than the last time and definitely with more intention.

 

Dean gasped and found himself unwittingly trying to drive himself closer. It was incredible and he desperately needed to feel more. “Yes, oh, Cas, please…” he practically whimpered.

 

But Cas pulled back to look at him, rubbing his thumb gently over his hole. "Please, what, Dean?" He more ordered than asked.

 

“More, I need more,” he begged. Dean had no idea what it was he needed more of. More pressure, more pleasure, more Cas?

 

Cas pressed his thumb against Dean’s hole, not breaching the muscle, but damn close. “Do you want me to prepare you?” Cas asked, sounding breathless.

 

Dean shuddered with nervous excitement at the thought. “Ye–yeah.”

 

Cas leaned over to pull an unopened package of lube out of the drawer from their nightstand. As he ripped the plastic open with his teeth, Dean couldn’t help but wonder why a) the resort offered free lube and b) how Cas knew it was there and what to use it for.

 

He would have asked, but his thoughts left the office the second Cas started to tease and circle his rim with slick fingers.

 

“Oh, fuck, Cas…” Dean was almost shaking, the weird combination of nervousness, never having done anything like this before, and the overwhelming pleasure that was dimming the strength of his anxiety. When Cas slowly slid the tip of his finger inside, he let out a low hiss from the slight burn. It wasn’t entirely unpleasant, but definitely sort of alien.

 

Cas leaned forward and licked over Dean’s hard cock, swirling his tongue around the head, licking up precome as he looked up at Dean. It was the hottest thing he had ever seen. Well, until Cas wrapped his sinfully beautiful lips around his cock, starting to suck him.

 

He didn’t even notice that Cas had pushed his finger deeper inside of him until said finger rubbed over his prostate. And holy fuck was that a sensation. Dean had never been able to find his own the few times he got drunk and a little adventurous. He was surprised he didn’t come the moment Cas’s skilled digit found the little bundle of nerves.

 

The way Dean choked on his gasp caused Cas to chuckle, creating a tremor of sensation to reverberate up his dick. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Dean couldn’t refrain from bucking his hips up, almost wiggling them in a silent plea for more.

 

Cas must have heard it because he could feel a second finger teasingly playing with his rim before Cas pushed it in. When both of his fingers tapped at his prostate, Dean couldn’t stop himself from trying to fuck himself onto those damn digits.

 

“Cas, Cas, Cas…” he kept murmuring Cas’s name in between gasps of pleasure. It was almost depressing he’d never tried the whole having sex with a guy thing before. Years of missed opportunity.

 

“You ready for one more finger?” Cas asked, breathing hard.

 

Dean opened his eyes, seeing Cas’s lips wet and red from the stretch of having been around his dick, the feeling of two fingers gently scissoring him open, lust blown pupils… Even if Dean wasn’t ready, the breathy, “Yes,” that escaped would have tumbled out, with or without his permission.

 

Cas licked over his cock again, watching him as he carefully pushed in a third finger.

 

The way it burned made Dean gasp. The pleasure dwindling slightly, until Cas sucked the head of his dick between his lips, a hot, wet tongue circling him. Dean exhaled shakily and tried to relax into it. Cas got to his prostate again and the pain instantly melted into pleasure. “Oh, oh, fuck, Cas. Cas, yes!”

 

As Cas slowly started fucking his digits into Dean, he groaned and couldn’t stop his hips from meeting Cas halfway, riding those fingers like his life depended on it.

 

Cas quickened his pace then, started to really fuck him with his fingers, rubbing them relentlessly over his prostate. If he kept this up, Dean wasn’t sure how long he was going to last.

 

“Cas, please,” Dean begged, his tone coming out in a needy whimper.

 

Cas let go of his cock and looked up at him, the blue in his eyes barely visible anymore. "Do you want me?"

 

Dean swallowed down another moan and nodded. He wasn’t even sure his synapses were firing enough to actually speak.

 

Cas leaned back on his knees and grabbed another package of lube, ripped it open with his teeth, never taking his eyes off of Dean or slowing down his pace as he continued to fuck him with his fingers. He spread the lube over his erection with a few firm strokes, causing his eyes to flutter closed and his breathing to hitch for a moment as soon as he had his hand on himself.  

 

He carefully pulled his fingers out of him, wiping his hand on the sheets before he lined himself up, the head of his dick pressing against Dean’s hole. Cas leaned over him, bracing himself on his elbow as he drew Dean in for a kiss. “You sure?” he whispered against his lips.

 

Dean nodded. “Yeah,” he breathed out, “just go slow.”

 

Cas nodded and drew him into a gentle but deep kiss as he very carefully pushed into him, stopping every time Dean tensed up against the intrusion to give him time to get used to it.

 

It hurt, more than he anticipated it would, considering how Cas’s fingers fast became intense pleasure. Dean assumed a dick would be an even smoother, more pleasurable sensation. He kept breathing, trying to relax and focus on Cas’s expression, the unadulterated lust reflected in ice blue eyes.

 

When Cas bottomed out, he stilled his hips. Dean let out a shaky exhale as he got used to the feeling of being so full. One thing was certain, he sure as hell had a newfound respect for the bottoms of the world. Huh. He was one of them now.

 

Dean looked up at Cas, feeling insanely lucky in that moment. He wanted this to be good for Cas, too. With a nod of his head, Dean breathed out a soft, “Fuck me, Cas.”

 

Cas growled deeply and Dean had expected him to start fucking him roughly with the need he could see in his eyes. Instead Cas was starting a slow, controlled pace, sliding one hand down to Dean’s hip to adjust it, until he was striking Dean’s prostate with every slow thrust. “You feel incredibly tight, Dean,” Cas murmured against Dean’s lips before he kissed him again.

 

The breathy gasp that escaped with each slow thrust, connecting with his prostate, was almost making him dizzy. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas, pleasure now blending in with the pain, making everything feel like the buzz in the air from static electricity, the way you can feel the universe shift around you for a split second before the shock trembles through you. “Fuck, Cas, please… I need more.”

 

Cas’s fingers carded gently through his hair as he stared at Dean, open mouthed and breathing hard, nodding. He nearly pulled out completely before he slammed into him again, hard and fast this time, upping his pace as he starting to fuck him in earnest.

 

“Fuck!” Dean cried out, grip around Cas’s neck tightening as he completely succumbed to the delicious pleasure tingling through him. As Cas continued to fuck him a little harder, a little faster, Dean was trembling with need. He’d never been so close to orgasm without touching his dick, but he knew he would need that little extra push. He just didn’t know when, Dean wanted this to last as long as it could.

 

Cas suddenly wrapped his arm around him and pulled him up into his lap. The new position trapped his cock against Cas’s stomach, leaving him with a delicious friction from Cas’s movement when he continued to fuck into him. Cas held him close, strong arms wrapped around his body, giving him a weird sense of intimacy and security he wasn’t used to feeling. Cas’s lips trailed over his shoulder; hot, quick breaths caressing the skin of Dean’s throat as Cas murmured, “Dean, I’m so close.”

 

“Yes,” Dean hissed as he started undulating his hips to meet each thrust. He was already there, the friction enough contact to push him over the edge. Dean cried out as he came. Hot, wet streaks coating both of their torsos. He cupped Cas’s face and yanked him into a frantic kiss as he rode out his orgasm.

 

Cas gasped into his mouth as his hips suddenly stilled, pressing hard and deep against him. He rocked into him a few more desperate times before he looked up at Dean in surprised awe, breathing hard as he carefully lowered Dean back on the bed.

 

When he slipped out of Dean, he could feel wet and sticky come running out of him and down his leg.

 

Dean chuckled as he let out another shaky exhale, collapsing into the pillow. “Holy shit.”

 

A soft smile played around Cas's lips as he kissed along Dean's chest. "Don't go anywhere, I'll be right back."

 

Cas slid off of the bed, giving Dean a nice view of his ass as he went into the bathroom.

 

That’s when the realization hit him. Cas had fucked him bare. Dean didn’t know how he felt about that. The uncomfortable mess aside, it had felt really good. But fucking without a raincoat always did. He was still lost in thought over the ramifications of barebacking when Cas returned.

 

Dean smiled at how serene Cas looked, how content, and suddenly his thoughts were quiet again.

 

Cas had a wet washcloth with him, gently pushing Dean’s legs apart before he knelt between them. He started to clean up the mess from his stomach and chest before wandering deeper between his legs and ass. He was careful, gentle, with a concentrated frown on his face and his lower lip trapped between his teeth. Cas was weirdly good at taking care of him.

 

“Thanks, Cas,” he said with a chuckle, feeling a little weird that he was being cleaned.

 

“My pleasure,” Cas replied, sounding content when he discarded the towel and draped himself over Dean, kissing him deeply before laying on his side next to him, his fingers sliding through Dean’s hair and down his throat. He looked happy, but also slightly conflicted.

 

Dean furrowed his brow and tapped his cheek. “What’s going on? You okay?”

 

Cas gave him a reassuring smile and nodded. “Yes. I was just surprised, I guess.”

 

“By what?”

 

To his surprise Cas looked embarrassed. “Um... I know I shouldn’t say this or even think it, but…” Cas rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. “That was the best sex I ever had.”

 

Dean barked out a laugh. A little uncontrolled because he realized just how tense he’d been feeling, seriously worried that Cas regretted having sex with him. Dean smiled and said, “If it makes you feel better, same here.”

 

Cas’s eyes widened in disbelief. “I somehow can’t believe that.”

 

“Seriously, dude. Cross my heart,” he murmured as he drew an invisible X over the left side of his chest.

 

Cas stared at him for a moment before his lips turned up into a smile and he leaned over to kiss Dean, softly. When he leaned back he stayed a little closer than before, cupping Dean’s cheek. “I wanted to thank you for trusting me with this.”

 

“My ass?” he joked, winking at Cas as he started playing with Cas’s hair behind his ear.

 

Cas chuckled as he leaned in closer, murmuring lowly in his ear, “Yes. With having your tight, virgin ass.”

 

Dean half groaned and half chuckled as he playfully pushed Cas away. “You’re unbelievable.”

 

“And you like it.” Cas chuckled, running his fingers over Dean’s chest with a hum. “It’s nice to touch you like this. You’re very attractive, Dean.”

 

Dean smiled and relaxed into the mattress, absorbing the contentment and affection. “I do like it,” he affirmed. He opened his eyes and said, “I like you.”

 

Cas gave him another smile before he gently pushed him into the mattress again, sliding over him. “I like you, too,“ he whispered, gently biting Dean’s lip. “Very much.” He licked over his lips before he pushed into his mouth and kissed him, almost possessively.

 

Wrapping his arms around Cas’s neck, he groaned into the kiss, enjoying succumbing to the hurricane that was Cas. When they drew apart, breaths coming out in ragged pants, Dean chuckled again. “Best kisser, too.”

 

“It’s easy to kiss you, Dean. You’re perfect,” Cas murmured as he dragged his thumb over Dean’s lower lip. He arched his eyebrow at him before adding in a husky tone of voice, “We have a problem.”

 

Dean furrowed his brow. “What?”

 

Cas gave him a serious look. “I’ll never let you leave this bed again.”

 

He couldn’t stop the chuckle. “And what do we tell Sammy?”

 

“We tell him, sorry, but he has to find the werewolf on his own. Because we are indisposed,” Cas suggested with a shrug.

 

Damn, that was really tempting. “And when our reservation is up and they have to kick us out of the cabin?”

 

“Can we also be too indisposed to open the door?” Cas asked with a soft grin.

 

Dean shrugged and laughed. “I can see the headline now: gay couple refuse to leave cabin, are dragged out by police and arrested for not stopping having sex while the police broke down the door.”

 

Cas frowned. “We can no longer have sex when we are in prison. We need an alternative plan... How about we quickly find that werewolf, then very quickly drive back and not ever leave your bedroom in the bunker?”

 

Dean nodded and put on the most serious expression he could. “Deal. Let’s go.” He sat up and nodded for Cas to follow him.

 

Cas planted a quick kiss to Dean’s cheek as he slid out of the bed and bent over for his shirt, giving Dean another great view of his ass, that was only topped by seeing his half erect, thick and long cock when Cas turned around to shrug into his shirt.

 

It wasn’t until Cas barked at him about standing there that he realized he’d been staring for longer than was appropriate. Dean shrugged his shoulders. “What? Don’t dangle your sexy everything in front of me if you want me to do stuff, like hunt,” he defended, tone purposely condescending and petulant.

 

“My sexy everything?” Cas repeated, obviously trying to hide his amusement, but failing epically as he stepped closer to Dean, leaning in to growl into his ear, “You have two minutes to dress. Otherwise I’ll bend you over the table.”

 

Dean repressed a groan and feigned a confused expression. “Wait. Do you _want_ me to get dressed or…”

 

“Clock is ticking and the irresponsible part of me hopes you will fail. Does that answer your question?” Cas raised an eyebrow as he slowly, very slowly pulled up his boxershorts.

 

The irresponsible part of Dean wanted to stand there in defiance and wait for his ‘punishment’. But they really did need to get to the bottom of the case. Dean grabbed a t-shirt and pulled it over his head. “You’re really bad at threats and incentives, you know that?”

 

Cas gave him an almost disappointed look. “Yes, I’m beginning to see that.”

 

Dean chuckled. “If we solve this case in the next two hours, you can drag me in here and make good on that threat. Deal?”

 

“That’s very motivational.” Cas quickly pulled up his jeans.

 

Dean was looping his belt through his jeans as he toed on his shoes, both of them now in a race to be the first one dressed and ready to go. Cas beat him by half a minute and smirked. Dean rolled his eyes and grabbed Cas’s hand, intertwining their fingers. “Come on, _sweetums._ Let’s go plan our wedding.”

 

Cas gave him a very intense look before he shook his head and added, "Um, right. John and James' wedding."

 

Interesting. Dean refrained from chuckling and pressed a kiss to Cas’s cheek. “Yeah.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

With the additional motivation, it was probably the fastest hunt they had solved in a long time. After talking with the owner and recognizing Rachel – the front receptionist girl – in an employee Christmas photo wearing the necklace they found. They waited until she was alone and confronted her.

 

Dean was clearly expecting her to go aggressive and run, instead she started to cry and told them that it was an accident. That she usually went deep in the woods when she felt herself turning and that she didn’t know anything about werewolves and never wanted to hurt anyone.

 

Dean still wanted to “gank” her, Cas called Sam to ask for his opinion. In the end they gave her the contact details for Garth and Dean threatened her that they now knew her name, should she ever kill someone again.

 

Which meant that they had no more reason to stay and could pack up their things when they went back to their room.

 

“It’s a pity about your pie though. It was going to be ready for tonight,” Cas mumbled quietly. He would miss the romantic dinners and the swing on the patio.

 

That was met with a smirk. “Well, I mean… We already paid for the night, right?”

 

Cas raised an eyebrow. “What about Sam? Won’t he ask questions if we choose to stay a bit longer? He was pretty eager to go home.”

 

Dean shrugged. “Well, I mean, we could invite him to share the food and we all head out in the morning?”

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck and nodded slowly. “Yes, that would be... um, a solution.” But it also meant that Dean and him wouldn’t be alone.

 

“I’ll call him, tell him to sneak in through the back.” Dean smiled and stepped onto the patio as he pulled out his phone.

 

Cas stepped behind him and dropped a kiss on Dean’s neck before he slipped past him to sit down on the swing, pushing his feet against the wooden floor to start the soothing rocking motion. He would really miss this.

 

“Sammy,” Dean barked. “Yeah, Cas ordered a crazy feast. Get your ass over here and sneak in through the back. Cabin seven. Yeah. Alright.” Dean pocketed his phone and braced his hands on the bar above Cas, smiling down at him. “He’s, uh… he’s gonna be thirty minutes.”

 

Cas looked up at Dean, his gaze wandering over Dean’s strong arms and the way his muscles were flexed from bracing them against the bar. “Thirty minutes is not a lot of time...”

 

His sentence was interrupted by Dean yanking him up by his t-shirt and dragging him back into their cabin. “It’s enough,” he murmured before pulling Cas into a slightly desperate kiss.

 

Cas never wanted to compare Dean and Inias, but sometimes he couldn’t help himself. Dean kissing him was so different to what he felt with Inias.

 

Dean was like a force of nature, sweeping him away, just making him feel and want and need. Cas pulled Dean’s shirt off in one swift motion before he pushed him onto their bed and got rid of his own shirt. He crawled over him, diving back into a long, deep kiss; knowing that he would never get enough of this.

 

“Cas,” he murmured against his cheek in a breathy moan. “I wanna feel you again,” he begged.

 

Cas gasped from all of the things Dean’s begging did to him. Not that Dean needed to beg, but it was really nice to hear. He slid back between Dean’s legs and quickly opened Dean’s jeans, helping him remove the rest of his clothes quickly so they could make the most of their short period of alone time.

 

He stumbled slightly when he stood up to get rid of his own pants, his eyes never leaving Dean’s naked, pliant body, that was just begging to be claimed. He licked his lips as he went to the drawer to grab the lube. “Turn on your stomach.”

 

There was no hesitation as Dean flipped himself onto his stomach, propping himself on all fours before craning his neck to look back at Cas with a smirk. He wiggled his hips to entice Cas to action.

 

Cas’s head was spinning with desire, especially with the way Dean was offering himself. He lightly smacked Dean’s ass with one hand before he kissed along his vertebrae. “Hold still,” he growled against Dean’s heated skin as he pushed one slick finger into Dean, a bit rougher than the first time.

 

“Oh, fuck,” he cried out, arching up, an involuntary movement from the whimper that followed.

 

Cas gripped Dean’s hips hard to hold him in place. “Dean,” he chastised with a low growl. “This will take longer if you move around. Do you want me to hold you down?”

 

Dean let out another whimper. “Sorry, I’ll be still.”

 

Something instinctual settled deep inside of him when Dean complied so readily. He rewarded Dean by teasing his hole with another finger while crooking the one inside of him and seeking his prostate.

 

“Fuck,” he moaned, his muscles tensing at trying to keep stock still.

 

Cas stroked the palm of his free hand over Dean’s ass, kneading it, his fingertips following an invisible trail of sensitive nerve endings under Dean’s skin until they reached the man’s balls. He gently teased them, only for a moment before he stroked over the underside of Dean’s cock, pushing the second finger slowly into Dean, starting to opening him up.

 

“Cas, please,” he begged again.

 

Cas was really starting to get addicted to the way Dean begged.

 

He pushed a third finger in, impatient with the desperate need to bury himself in Dean. He knew Dean could take it though. He could practically feel his arousal, how he quivered with want around his fingers. “Can’t wait to fill you again,” he growled against Dean’s lower back, licking over the skin as he fucked his fingers inside of him to get him ready.

 

Dean whimpered and growled a needy, “Please fuck me, please!”

 

Cas growled, gently biting into the flesh of Dean’s ass as he pulled his fingers out of Dean and spread lube on his erection. He couldn’t wait any longer, not when Dean begged so beautifully.

 

He pushed the head of his cock against Dean’s hole, his voice coming out a little breathless when he asked, “Do you want to stay like this?”

 

“I just want you, however you want me,” he breathed out in a gasp, clearly unable to stop himself from canting back against the head of his cock, almost enough to start to breach his puckered hole.

 

That settled it then. Cas pushed forward into Dean’s needy hole, his hands gripping quivering hips so he could hold Dean in place as he carefully slid inside, giving Dean a few moments to get used to him. It was perfect and oh, so incredibly tight. Like Dean was made for him.

 

Dean’s hands fisted the sheets as he completely relaxed his hips, allowing Cas to be in complete control. The breathy moans and unintelligible murmuring was music to his ears.

 

Cas started with long and slow thrusts, building up the pressure against Dean’s prostate. He wouldn’t be satisfied until Dean was mad with lust. He wanted to make this so good for him, but at the same time he knew he wouldn’t stand a chance at holding back his own orgasm if he fucked into Dean any harder or faster. He wanted to savor this, prolong the intimate connection for as long as possible.

 

Everything between them was still so new and it was hard to believe Dean was letting him do this, even begging him for it, liking it.

 

It felt to good to be true.

 

“Fuck, fuck, Cas,” he groaned out. “Can I touch myself?”

 

“No,” Cas growled. “If you don’t come like this, I’ll make you come with my mouth.”

 

Dean let out a shuddery moan. “Ye–yes. I understand.”

 

Cas gasped when a wave of pleasure ran through his body, nearly causing him to come. It was so much more difficult to control as a human, but Dean being so beautifully compliant hit a deep, instinctual need in Cas.

 

He bit his own lip hard as he upped his pace, hammering hard and deep into Dean.

 

“Cas, Cas, oh, fuck, Cas, please,” he managed to gasp out between a litany of moans, his hips starting to tremble.

 

Cas fucked him at a brutal pace now, wanting to guarantee that Dean would still feel him on their drive back home. He was on the verge of coming, it wouldn’t be much longer. The tight heat combined with the friction was just too much. “I’m close, Dean,” he groaned out.

 

“Wi–will you come on my back?” Dean begged, voice coming out hoarse from the strength of his almost incessant moaning.

 

Cas groaned, biting down hard on his lip again with that image. “Yes. Um, Dean.” He was so close he couldn’t hold back any longer. He thrusted into Dean a few more times before he pulled out and after a couple of firm strokes, Cas came all over Dean’s back, mesmerized by the sight of his come marking Dean’s skin. Some of it ran between Dean’s ass cheeks and Cas spread them with his hand, pressing the head of his cock against his hole with the last pulse of come. He used his finger to push the come inside of Dean, trying to calm his breathing.

 

“Turn around,” he ordered, still breathless.

 

Dean practically collapsed onto his back, staring up at Cas, eyes almost black from lust. He lolled his head back and arched up for Cas, offering himself.

 

Cas didn’t hesitate before he wrapped his lips around Dean’s leaking erection and swallowed around him, sucking him down as far as possible without choking himself. He wrapped one hand around the base of Dean’s cock, stroking in tandem towards his mouth, the other played with Dean’s wet hole, pushing more of his come inside of Dean with his fingers.

 

Dean didn’t last, he bucked up and cried out as he succumbed to his orgasm, his hot come filling Cas’s mouth.

 

Cas swallowed quickly, nearly choking because he didn’t expect so much. Although the taste was bitter, he licked up every drop. Because it was Dean’s come, he was greedy for it. He licked over Dean’s cock one last time after the pulses had ebbed away and looked up at Dean, feeling incredibly light and happy with how blissed out Dean was, sprawled out like a starfish on their bed.

 

“Holy shit, Cas. I'm gonna be walking funny.”

 

Cas chuckled lightly as he crawled over him and pulled him into a possessive kiss. “I hoped you would feel me for a while, so I’m not sorry.”

 

Dean let out a breathy laugh. “I really do dig this side of you.”

 

Cas tilted his head. “What side?”

 

“The growly, possessive, aggressive side of you. It's sexy as hell.”

 

Cas smiled at him, taking in a deep breath. “I’m relieved to hear you say that. I must confess that I really like this side of _you,_ submitting to me. It’s very… arousing.”

 

Dean chuckled. “You make me feel like my head is empty, all I can do is what you tell me to do. It's awesome.” He sighed contentedly.

 

“I like taking care of you,” Cas admitted, nudging his nose against Dean’s shoulder before he kissed along his throat.

 

“Me, too,” he murmured fondly as he carded his hand through Cas’s hair.

 

“Can you turn around for me? I’ll get a wet towel and clean up your back.” He kissed Dean’s forehead. “I think Sam will be here soon. Do you want to, um, tell him about us?”

 

Dean turned onto his stomach. “Do you? I mean, if you want to, we can. Whatever you're comfortable with.”

 

Cas leaned over Dean and kissed his neck. He was only aware afterwards where he had kissed Dean. For a moment he swore his heart skipped a few beats. Not that it had any significance to Dean, but it definitely had significance for Cas. Confused about his own instincts, he hesitated before he answered, “I want to be able to kiss you anytime I want to.”

 

Dean smiled. “Then we tell him. Simple.”

 

Cas hovered over Dean’s neck, hesitating for a moment before he mumbled, “Good.” He pressed his lips to that spot again, this time with intent, an attempt to gauge how it would feel. It felt so incredibly right, even though it shouldn’t. It couldn’t.

 

“Cas,” Dean chastised with a chuckle. “I know you want to tell Sammy, but I'd rather he not find out this way.”

 

Cas slapped Dean’s ass before he slid from the bed with a chuckle, trying to imagine Sam’s face if he found out about them like this. He drenched half a towel in water as soon as he was in the bathroom, still trying to come to terms with his feelings. Did he really just kiss Dean on his neck? The place an angel usually only kissed his mate?

 

It should feel wrong. Even with the bond broken, he still – in some way – believed he belonged to Inias. Cas was incredibly conflicted about this revelation.

 

Inias had left him and since then Cas had felt more or less human. He wasn’t even sure if he was an angel anymore. He didn’t know why he was still clinging to his promise.

 

A part of him knew though. It was the last thing that was left of his angelic self. The last thing that connected him to his old life. If he lost that too, there would be nothing left. And Cas wasn’t ready to let that part of his life go.

 

He went back to Dean, admiring the beautiful view of naked skin as he sat down on the side of the bed, starting to clean Dean up.

 

Dean propped himself up on his elbows and craned his neck to look at Cas. He smiled and said, “I'm looking forward to having a real one of these soon.”

 

“A real one of what?” Cas asked in confusion, still deep in thought about his recent revelations.

 

“Vacation,” he murmured as he braced his forehead on his folded arms.

 

Cas smiled and dried the wet patches with the other half of the towel. “Me, too.” He trailed Dean’s vertebrae gently with his fingertips. “You’re all cleaned up again.”

 

Dean turned onto his side and waggled his eyebrows suggestively before waving him over with a nod. “C’mere,” he murmured as he started leaning forward.

 

Cas hesitantly drew closer, but found himself unable to do anything against the force of gravity that was Dean Winchester. “We should really, um... get up,” he murmured.

 

“You’re right,” he growled before pulling him in for another kiss. Dean tapped his tongue on the seam of Cas’s lips in silent request to be let in. As Cas parted his lips, Dean swallowed his small gasp as their tongues fought for dominance. It was the one aspect of their shift in relationship where Dean was not submissive. He found he preferred Dean’s inclination towards dominance in this case.

 

It was still hard not to just push Dean back against their bed and make him his. He pulled back, breathlessly, bracing his hand against Dean’s shoulder as he looked at him. “I really like kissing you. But my restraint has its limits.”

 

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, we should probably get dressed befo–”

 

“Hey, guys, so I can’t believe how easy it was to snea–” Sam’s tirade was cut off by his own scream. He covered his eyes with his hand, the other hand extended out in frustration. “Seriously? I know you’re on a pretend vacation, but you knew I was coming!”

 

Dean shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Ain’t nothin’ you’ve never seen before.”

 

“Wrong. I have _not_ seen you and Cas naked, in bed together!”

 

“Well, now you can strike that off your list…” Dean smirked as he pressed a kiss to Cas’s cheek and moved to stand up. “Stop being a baby, Sam.”

 

Cas had never dressed so fast is in his entire life. He gave Sam a sheepish look, rubbing the back of his neck. “I apologize, Sam. We thought we had enough time.”

 

Sam chuckled, hand still braced over his eyes. “Well, I should have friggin’ known. When Dean said he had a crush on you, I knew it wouldn’t take long before you guys did the deed–”

 

“Shut _up,_ Sammy!” Dean growled as he yanked his jeans up.

 

Cas froze. Dean what? Had a crush...

 

Cas squinted his eyes. That meant that Dean already had feelings for him, provided he wasn’t completely off with his interpretation of that word. He looked up at Dean with a questioning look. “Is that true?”

 

Dean actually blushed and shoved his brother. “Why can’t you just keep your fat mouth shut?” he demanded.

 

Sam started laughing as he uncovered his eyes to shove his brother back. “It’s not like it was a friggin’ secret!”

 

Dean narrowed his eyes at Sam and folded his arms over his chest. “You’re uninvited. Go back to the shitty motel and microwave burrito.”

 

“Would you excuse us for a minute, Sam?” Cas asked before he grabbed Dean’s hand and pulled him out onto the patio, closing the door behind them. He walked Dean towards the handrail and before Dean could say anything, Cas gently pushed him against it, drawing him into a soft kiss. When he leaned back he looked at Dean, his voice just above a whisper, “Talk to me.”

 

“Like, dirty talk or–”

 

Cas gave him a pointed look. “Do you have... ‘a crush’ on me?”

 

Dean chewed the inside of his cheek and looked down. “Didn’t want to weird you out.”

 

“It doesn’t ‘weird’ me out,” Cas replied slowly as he wrapped his arms around Dean and pulled him closer. “I just need time to... understand what it is I’m feeling at the moment.”

 

He wished he could tell Dean that he had feelings for him too. But he felt too confused with the onslaught of different and contradicting emotions. He wanted to wait before he said anything definite.

 

Dean drew back and cupped his face. “Hey, man. You don’t gotta feel anything for me in return just because I caught feelings. Like I said, we take this slow and it turns out you’re not into it, we’re still best friends at the end of the day. Okay?”

 

“Are you sure?” Cas asked quietly. The last thing he wanted was to hurt Dean.

 

Dean chuckled and nodded. “Dude, if we could be _here,_ where we are _right now,_ after the shit we’ve both pulled? Yeah, if you end up realizing you don’t really dig me the way I dig you, we’ll survive. I promise.”

 

“Alright.” Cas nodded, rubbing his thumb over Dean’s cheek before he pulled him into another deep kiss. “Good,” he murmured against Dean’s lips.

 

“Can you two stop sucking face and join me? ‘Cause if I answer the door when they bring the food, you two are gonna look like weirdos.”

 

Cas rolled his eyes, much to Dean’s obvious amusement, and he intertwined their hands as he pulled Dean back inside, “You’re right. You should hide in the closet when someone knocks.”

 

“‘Cause you guys no longer need to, am I right?” Sam winked and snapped his fingers at Dean.

 

To which Dean shook his head and threw a pillow at Sam’s face. “You’re not funny. When you accept that, we will all be happier people.”

 

Cas had no idea what Sam meant by that, but it didn’t matter. There was a content warmth in his heart and for the first time in the past few days, he felt truly happy.

 

When there was a knock at the door, Dean practically shoved his brother into the closet before straightening his clothes and nodding at Cas. “Alright, let Taran in.”

 

Cas opened the door and Taran greeted him with a bright smile, a beautiful apple pie and three course dinner decorated his cart. “Special evening tonight?” he asked Cas as he pushed the cart inside the room and towards the patio.

 

“Yes, we’re celebrating… John agreed to marry me.” Cas bit his lip. He had been so close to saying, ‘Dean’.

 

Dean chuckled and came up behind Cas, pressing a kiss to the nape of his neck. “And I only agreed to it because he promised me pie.”

 

Cas leaned back into Dean’s embrace with a smile. “I love you, too.”

 

Taran chuckled and shook his head as he set the table. “You two are a cute couple.”

 

“We get that _all_ the time, don’t we, babe?” Dean gushed as he pressed a kiss to Cas’s cheek this time.

 

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and pulled him closer. He got lost in his eyes and in a serious tone of voice – because he wanted Dean to know he was talking to _him_ , not John – replied, “I bet it’s because we really do share a profound bond.”

 

Dean’s smile was a clear indication that he heard the message, loud and clear. “Yeah, I guess I’ll keep ya’.”

 

Cas returned the smile before he pulled him into a deep kiss, not caring that Taran was in the room with them. He needed this. He wanted to feel in his heart that he could have a future with Dean, if he could ever let go of his past as an angel.

 

Taran cleared his throat after a while. “Everything’s finished. Enjoy your evening.”

 

Dean thanked Taran as he walked him to the door, surreptitiously slipping him a tip as he did. When Dean closed the door, he turned and looked at Cas with an amused expression. “You know what I just realized?”

 

“No, what?” Cas asked, stepping in front of Dean because he was too far away for his liking.

 

“We could’ve had Sammy hide out in the bathroom.” Dean burst into laughter in that moment, clutching his side as he wiped the mirth from his eye.

 

Sam chose that moment to practically fall out of the closet, wrapped in clothes and trying to free himself. Cas exchanged a surprised look with Dean before he started to laugh. He laughed even harder when Sam lost his balance in his struggle to free himself and landed on his ass.

 

How did he even manage to get tangled up in clothes and hangers like that?

 

Dean was still laughing as he approached his brother and helped him. He hadn’t even stopped laughing when he breathlessly asked, “Why didn’t you tell me you were takin’ classes at Three Stooges Academy?”

 

“I hate you,” Sam replied. “I hope the food is worth it.”

 

Cas helped free him from one very persistent hanger, which seemed to have fallen in love with Sam’s hair. “I assure you it’s very good. Especially if you aren’t allergic to it.”

 

Dean barked out another laugh. “You know, I always felt like our lives were a sci-fi horror show, but now I’m thinking we’re living a comedy.”

 

“Romantic comedy made by HBO looking at your bed,” Sam countered with a bitch face.

 

“That was there when we got here,” Dean quipped.

 

“Yeah, sure,” Sam replied dryly before walking outside.

 

Cas grinned at Dean and leaned over his shoulder to whisper, “I don’t think he bought that, Dean.”

 

“Gotta work on my lying skills…” Dean pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before he grabbed the champagne and popped the cork.

 

“We don’t have enough plates and glasses.” Cas looked over the table and grabbed a third chair from inside the room.

 

Dean nodded and stepped inside for a moment, coming back out with a coffee mug. As he poured the champagne in the two flutes and mug, he smiled. “And we can just eat off of the platters. Who needs plates?”

 

Dean was right. The main thing was they were all together now. Cas raised his glass towards Sam. “I’m glad you can share this with us, Sam. I’m really grateful for all of your help over the past few days. Thank you. Both of you.”

 

Sam smiled and clinked his flute against Cas’s before tapping it to Dean’s mug. “Thanks for letting me join. If this fucker sent me one more pic...”

 

“I wanted you to know I was thinking about you.”

 

“You’re a dick. I don’t know what you see in him, Cas.” Sam leaned forward and grabbed a steamed carrot.

 

“A possible future,” Cas admitted without thinking before he looked away from them, annoyed with himself for letting that slip.

 

There was a beat of silence before his chin was tilted up and he locked eyes with Dean. “It’s okay, Cas. Little cheesy maybe, but I liked it.”

 

Cas gave him a shy smile before he got lost in Dean’s eyes.

 

Sam cleared his throat. “Seriously, you two are still eye-fucking? I thought that would end now that you have the real thing.”

 

Dean flipped his brother off and moved to sit down on the bench next to Cas, purposely sliding close enough their legs were pressed impossibly close. “What can I say? I’m a sucker for blue eyes.”

 

Sam groaned, but Cas had no problem tuning him out. Especially not when Dean looked at him like that. It made him forget about the world around him. He smiled at Dean, leaning closer before he wrapped his arm around Dean’s shoulders. He kissed behind his ear, nudging his nose against his cheek before leaving a soft kiss at the corner of his mouth.

 

“Are you sure you fake proposed? You look like you already skipped right to the honeymoon period,” Sam mumbled around his mouthful of carrots.

 

Dean pressed another kiss to Cas’s lips before fixing his brother with an arched brow. He grabbed a turkey leg and took a bite out of it – like the barbarian Dean Winchester apparently was – as he said, “Warned ya’. You’re gonna be surrounded by this crap until Cas gets rid of me.”

 

“Which could take some time. Possibly forever,” Cas added before he leaned over and forked a potato.

 

Sam groaned. “Well, then… Can you guys stay in Cas’s room? Dean’s is right across from mine.”

 

“I’m sure that won’t be a problem, Sam.” Cas smiled, thinking of all the things he wanted to do with Dean when they were alone again. He gave Dean a meaningful look and he seemed to get the message before he drew him into another deep kiss.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Cas was a little wistful when they had to leave the beautiful resort and their nice room, but Dean had promised him a real vacation where they didn’t need to pretend to be a couple. All in all Cas felt incredibly happy on their way back. Sam had let him sit in the front next to Dean.

 

While Sam was dozing in the backseat, Dean was holding his hand during the drive home, occasionally stroking his fingers over his hand and singing off-key to the songs from the tape.

 

Cas couldn’t even remember why he felt bad in the first place as he lost himself in the way Dean smiled at him, the way a combination of sunlight and happiness highlighted his already bright green eyes and softened the worry lines.

 

When they reached the bunker the sun was setting and Cas was just about to grab his duffel bag from the trunk when the familiar sound of wings startled them.

 

He turned around, his eyes wide with shock. Inias was standing behind him, looking heartbroken. “Castiel… I can’t do this. I miss you so much. I want you back.”

 

Dean and Sam looked just as shocked as he felt. Dean reached over to grab his bag for him and gave him a reassuring nod. “We’ll, uh… we'll let you guys have some privacy.” Cas caught the sad expression on Dean’s face before he turned towards the door, nodding for Sam to follow him.

 

Cas was frozen to the spot and completely torn. He had wanted this, he had dreamed about this, wishing Inias would come back to him, but…

 

Then there was Dean.

 

He looked to Dean, their eyes met before Dean ducked through the bunker’s door. Suddenly Cas felt sick.

 

Inias walked up to him, whispering his name. There wasn’t really a choice, was there? He had made a promise. He was bound to that promise.

 

He looked up into heartbroken blue eyes. “Castiel...” Inias’s voice was soft. “I’m so sorry. Please take me back.”

 

Something in Cas’s heart broke. Something small, fragile yet somehow warm. Something that had been born only a day ago and hadn’t been given the chance to grow. He knew what it was. It had been something that was born from his choice to let go and move on.

 

Only now Cas realized that choice had been an illusion. He was responsible for Inias. He had no right to move on. He had made a promise and the promise was for forever, no matter what happened.

 

He took in a deep breath and nodded. “Of course. I’ll keep my promise.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

 

Cas had told Inias to wait outside of the bunker for him. He needed to speak with Dean, explain the situation to him. He still felt sick when he went down the stairs.

 

They both looked at him expectantly when he reached the bottom of the stairs. It was hard for him to look at Dean. When he finally did, he asked, “Can I talk to you? Alone?”

 

Dean looked at his brother and they shared a silent nod. He stood up. “Where?”

 

“Your room?” Cas suggested quietly.

 

“Okay.” Dean clapped his brother on his shoulder and got up, starting the trek to his room. There was a tense silence between them. When Dean opened the door to his room, he held his hand out in an offer for Cas to go in first. 

 

Cas walked passed him, his eyes trained on the floor. Even when Dean closed the door behind him. He took in a deep breath. “I promised to stay at his side for all eternity. Even without the bond, I can’t break that promise.”

 

Dean let out a soft sigh and had closed the distance between them enough to tilt Cas’s chin up to look at him. The man’s expression was sad and yet he was offering Cas a smile. “I get it, Cas. And I won’t make this more difficult for you. Best friends, no matter what happens. Remember?”

 

In that moment Cas wished Dean  _ would  _ make it difficult. That he would yell at Cas, or do something,  _ anything  _ to fight for what they had started together. But maybe it hadn’t been enough. 

 

So he answered with a barely there nod. “I ...” The words got stuck in his throat. He needed a few tries before he got them over his lips. “I’m sorry. I... um, thank you, Dean.” He took in a deep, shuddering breath before he asked with a frown, “Is it okay if he stays here with me?”

 

Dean nodded and gently clasped his arm. “Of course. I…” He shook his head. “Nevermind. This is your home. That includes your angel husband.”

 

“He isn’t my husband anymore,” Cas murmured. “He broke our bond.” He was still a little latently angry about that fact. “And I’m practically human now.” He didn’t even know if Inias would still want him considering that new fact.

 

He wasn’t expecting to be pulled into Dean’s arms. The hug was unexpected, but exactly what he needed in that moment. “I just want you to be happy, Cas,” he whispered.

 

He wrapped his arms around Dean, pulling him tight as he pressed his face against his throat. He had been happy. He didn't want to give this up. He felt so incredibly selfish in that moment and it made him ashamed of himself, because Inias was standing outside, waiting for him. It wasn't Inias’s fault that Cas had started to move on. 

 

The worst part was that he had wanted Inias to take time to reconsider. He had even wanted to force him to take his time. And in the end Inias  _ had  _ reconsidered and Cas himself had given up.

 

Inias wasn’t the one at fault, no matter how much Cas wished he could blame Inias.  

 

Cas drew back slowly, cupping Dean’s face and rubbing his thumb over Dean’s cheek. “You made me happy.”

 

Dean’s smile finally faltered, his lip trembled and he looked away. “Damnit, Cas. Don’t make it worse.”

 

“I’m sorry.” Cas reluctantly let go of him. “You’re right. That was selfish of me. I... um, I should go.”

 

Dean nodded and angrily wiped his left eye. “Yeah… Maybe you should.”

 

He felt sick again. Every cell in his being screamed at him to stay. To pull Dean close again and to comfort his...

 

No. That wasn’t what they were. Inias was the one he was promised to. They were compatible. He was the only one who could make Cas happy. No matter how much he felt like a human now, he was still an angel.

 

“I’m sorry,” Cas repeated, trying to steel himself as he turned around.

 

“Cas?”

 

He didn’t turn around. Cas just closed his eyes and nodded. “Yes?”

 

Dean gently grasped him by the shoulder, turning Cas to face him. “I’m not gonna ask. Just… Let me do this and you can go back to Inias. I promise I won’t be shitty, or cause drama, or anything. I meant it when I said I just want you to be happy. But I’m gonna be selfish for one minute.”

 

Before he could ask what Dean was talking about, he stepped closer and gently cupped Cas’s cheek before leaning in and pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. 

 

It felt like Dean was saying goodbye. A goodbye that Cas wasn’t ready to reciprocate. Cas grabbed the back of Dean’s neck and kissed Dean back before he roughly pushed him against the door, deepening the kiss.

 

Dean let out a soft whimper as his hands fisted Cas’s shirt and he completely submitted to the kiss. Diving into a tidal wave of heat and unadulterated lust. 

 

Cas gripped him tighter, hands snaking down for a moment to lift Dean up in his arms, pushing him backwards against the door again with a deep moan. He couldn’t stop, he didn’t know how to let go.

 

Dean drew back, a little breathless, staring at Cas with such intense need. A war was being waged behind emerald eyes before he apparently found his resolve, diving in for another frantic kiss, unbuttoning Cas’s shirt as he continued to lose himself in their connection.

 

And Cas let him. He stumbled back with Dean towards his bed, pulling him down on his lap as his fingers started to quickly open up Dean’s over shirt. They never broke the kiss, well, until Cas gently bit and licked those beautiful lips. “Dean,” he breathed out in a broken almost plea for more. For Cas to stay, to fight.

 

There was a frantic need in the way Dean ripped off his t-shirt, tossing it to the floor before he started kissing Cas again, hands reaching down for Cas’s belt. 

 

Cas was torn. Was this still Dean saying goodbye? One last time before he let him go? But what about Inias? He was waiting outside. 

 

Cas pulled away from Dean with a frustrated groan as the guilt overwhelmed him and he felt sick again. “Dean, I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”

 

Dean nodded and looked down, letting out a shaky exhale. “You're right. I’m sorry. I guess I got carried away.” He got off of Cas’s lap, moving to grab his shirt from the floor. “I promise it won't happen again.”

 

_ Tell me to stay. _

 

He couldn’t bring himself to say it. No matter how much he wanted to. It wasn’t fair to Inias and it wasn’t fair to Dean. Cas fished his shirt from the floor, hesitantly throwing it on and buttoning it. 

 

He didn’t have a choice and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt Dean. Hurting him made Cas feel physically sick.

 

“You have nothing to be sorry about. I let myself get carried away. It wasn’t fair to you or Inias.”

 

Dean gave him a sad half smile. “Guess it's a good thing you don't have feelings for me. Makes the decision easier.”

 

“No, it doesn’t, Dean.” Cas stood up and frowned, straightening his clothes. “I’m doing this because I have a responsibility to Inias. I already started to move on and I feel... like I’ve changed. But you were there when he left. You heard how much I wanted him to rethink our situation and he did. I wanted this. And just because I changed my mind, no.” He shook his head before he corrected himself, “My heart. I have no right to go back on my promise. I owe Inias.”

 

“But it’s okay for him to?” he accused. Dean let out a sigh and shook his head. “Sorry. It’s not my place.”

 

Cas walked up to Dean, reaching out before he stopped and retracted his hand. “I don’t expect you to understand. He had every right to leave… And I’m the one that didn’t wait long enough for his return.”

 

Dean scoffed and shook his head. “I never would have left you.” He took a deep breath and looked down. “I never will.”

 

Cas swallowed hard as his eyes started to burn. “Don’t say that, Dean. I don’t want… I don’t want to give up on this… us either. But I have to do the right thing. At least once, I need to do the right thing.”

 

“Right for who?”

 

"For Inias," Cas breathed out before he straightened himself. "And for myself. I’m exiled, Dean. If it just affected me, I wouldn't really care, but I did this to Inias too. I ruined his life. He deserves better."  

 

“There’s no one better than you, Cas.” Dean’s expression was sincere and determined as he folded his arms over his chest. 

 

“I need to make it up to him. At least once I want–I _need_ to make it right for another angel. I need to do this for myself as much as I need to do this for Inias.”

 

Dean sighed and relaxed his shoulders. “I’ll support you, whatever you want or need to do. All I ask is you promise me that you’ll try to be happy. If you’re giving up on this, even though you don’t want to, that you find the happiness you deserve. And you  _ do  _ deserve happiness, Castiel.” 

 

Cas shivered slightly from the way Dean said his full name. "I'll try, Dean. But..." He shook his head. Happiness wasn't high on his priorities anymore. But he knew Dean needed to hear him say it. "I’ll try."

 

“Good.” Dean licked his lips and looked down again. “You should probably get back to your… Back to Inias.”

 

Cas rubbed the back of his neck, breathing out slowly before he mumbled, "Yes. Um, Dean? Is there anything I can do? To make this easier?"

 

“Find a way to soundproof your room?” Dean gave him another sad half smile as his joke fell flat.

 

Cas just stared at him for a moment, trying to process the emotion he was feeling. He was uncomfortable. “I don’t think you need to worry about that, Dean,” he whispered.

 

Dean nodded and looked down again. “Just… Give me a day or two. That’s all I need. Then we can get back on track of being best friends.”

 

“Promise?” Cas asked, hoping with every cell inside of him that he didn’t ruin everything.

 

Dean gave him a genuine smile. “I’d rather have you. Whatever capacity that is. So, yes. I promise. And I promise to not kiss you again.”

 

The thing was that Cas  _ wanted  _ Dean to kiss him again. But he knew he couldn’t and he shouldn’t even think that way. He nodded at Dean, hoping his voice sounded determined enough, “Thank you, Dean. For everything you’ve done for me these past few days.”

 

“Your happiness is all the thanks I need, Cas.”

 

Cas looked away. "I should go... before I hug you again and... I can't leave."

 

Dean let out a mirthless chuckle. “Yeah. Before I won’t let you leave, too.”

 

Cas closed his eyes. He wanted Dean to keep him here. “Hiding under your bed is probably not a good option, is it?”

 

“More comfortable  _ in  _ my bed,” he said before his eyes widened in realization. “Shit. Sorry, Cas. I’ll stop.”

 

Cas looked up at him before he couldn’t help but chuckle, even though he didn’t feel particularly amused. “It’s okay. It’s a rather bizarre situation and I started it.”

 

“Yeah. Doesn’t help I spent the whole drive back thinking of you bending me over my bed. Fuck, this sucks.”

 

Cas had tried to suppress the little gasp that escaped his lips, but he was unsuccessful. “That’s… ugh.” He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. “That’s not helping, Dean. At all.”

 

“Yeah, I'm sorry.” Dean sighed and slumped down on his bed, bracing his elbows against his knees as he stared at the floor.

 

Cas pressed his eyes shut, willing himself to leave even though every fiber of his being told him to go to Dean. He was weak apparently, because his feet carried him over to Dean’s bed, sitting next to him before he wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close. “I hate this,” he murmured, frustrated with how helpless he felt.

 

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s shoulders and let out a shaky exhale. “Me, too. Fuck, I wish…” Cas could feel Dean shake his head, clearly no longer wanting to finish his sentence.

 

He didn’t need to. Cas had the same wish. “Me too, Dean.” He pressed a kiss to his forehead and pulled back, hesitating for a moment before he left Dean’s room without looking back. He knew if he did, he would never leave.

 

When Cas finally made his way outside, Inias was still standing where he had left him, right beside Dean’s car.

 

He still didn’t know what to feel. Cas should be happy that Inias was back. He knew there was a part of him that had missed Inias very much. He tried to concentrate on that mindset.

 

“Hello, Inias,” he greeted as he stepped in front of him.  

 

Inias smiled and pulled him into an embrace. “Castiel,” he breathed out.

 

Cas hesitantly reciprocated the hug, just for a moment before he pulled back. “Why are you here? You left me, you broke our bond.”

 

“I did. I… I thought it was what I was supposed to do. You had been so adamant that your mistakes were unforgivable. And… Castiel. They informed me that while you were no longer welcome in Heaven, our bond did not need to be severed. That’s when I realized what a mistake I had made. But I wish… I missed you so, Castiel.”

 

Cas looked down. He wasn’t sure what to say. After a moment he asked, “Why now? I… I suffered from this. A lot. At times I didn’t even want to live anymore because you were gone. Why have you come now?”

 

“Oh, Castiel,” he murmured, looking truly saddened. “I’m here because my grace ached for you. All I wanted was to be with you again. In whatever capacity I was able. I am so relieved that you did not take your life. You mean far too much to me.”

 

“Inias.” Cas shook his head. "Something happened to me. I'm sure you’ve already noticed, but I'm practically human. It started after we broke our bond. Do you really want me again? Because I'm not even a real angel anymore. I can't go to Heaven with you, I can't... I can't think I’ll have you in my life just to lose you again."

 

Inias withdrew, brow furrowed in concern. “I don’t understand. There’s no record of an angel turning human after a severed bond.”

 

“I’m aware. I don’t have an explanation for you… I think maybe it’s because my grace had been very weak to begin with due to the spell Metatron used it for.”

 

He cupped Cas’s face in his hands. “It doesn’t matter. I told you I wish to be with you. With or without your grace, you’re still the angel to whom I was promised.”

 

Cas took in a deep breath. “And I will honor this promise, Inias. But I will need time to… get used to you being back again.”

 

“Anything you need, Castiel. I just wish to be yours again.”

 

Cas closed his eyes for a moment. He had made a promise. This was how it should be. “Okay.” He finally nodded before he wrapped Inias in his arms again, clutching him tight, trying not to think about how much he wanted Dean to be in his arms instead.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Dean stared after his closed door for several minutes, debating whether or not to go after him. But he couldn’t do that to Cas. He deserved better than a broken hunter with no hope of any kind of decent future. A fallible being who had made his fair share of mistakes. And it fucking sucked, but at least this happened before Dean’s feelings for Cas got any deeper.

 

“Fuck!” he cried out before punching the wall. The sharp pain instantly shot up his arm as the sound of one or more of his knuckles cracking echoed in the tiny room. A desolate symphony that harmonized with his breaking heart. 

 

He should have known better. Winchesters weren’t meant for any semblance of happiness when it came to their love lives. No apple pie life for Dean or Sam. No matter how hard they tried. Dean decided then he needed an escape. He needed to book a cheap motel room for a couple of days, drink away any feelings he developed for his best friend, destroy a lamp or two, and maybe get laid. 

 

But first he needed to ice his stupid hand. With a frustrated grumble, Dean grabbed a duffel bag with some stuff and went out to the kitchen. No point in coming back to his stupid room. After grabbing an ice pack and duct taping it over his hand, he shouldered his duffel and made his way outside.

 

He wasn’t expecting Cas and Inias to be in front of the bunker, far too close to Baby for his liking.  _ Goddamnit.  _ Chuck clearly hated Dean Winchester.

 

They were hugging each other, for fuck’s sake. Dean swallowed against the lump in his throat and kept his gaze down as he approached Baby, opening the backseat passenger side door to toss in his bag and slam the door before he approached the driver’s side.

 

“Dean?” Cas was suddenly behind him, looking confused and anxious. “Where are you going?”

 

“Uh, just, uh… Out.” Dean couldn’t bring himself to look Cas in the eye.

 

Cas grabbed his arm and moved him a little further away from Inias. “Is this because… Are you coming back?”

 

“Yeah, I’m comin’ back, Cas.” Fuck, he wasn’t gonna last. The waterworks were on the verge and he’d be damned if he cried in front of the stupid ass angel husband.

 

Cas bit his lip and nodded slowly, whispering softly. “Okay… um, be careful.”

 

Dean swallowed dryly and nodded. “Yup.” He moved to open the driver’s side door again. 

 

He could see from the corner of his eye how Cas went back to the other angel, his head hanging low, hunched forward before he just stopped in front of the other man. He turned to look back at him when Dean sat down in the car. Their eyes locked and Dean could see that Cas looked as broken as he was feeling.

 

_ I wish you chose me. _

 

Dean prayed, knowing full well it would fall on deaf ears. 

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Cas took Inias down into the bunker and to his room, trying to come to terms with his decision. He knew he was doing the right thing with Inias. He owed him, but he still felt miserable about it. 

 

He shouldn’t. He should be happy that Inias had returned to him. 

 

He shook himself from his thoughts. He had made a promise, he had a responsibility. He couldn’t just leave Inias just because he was happier with Dean.

 

Cas tried to think of all of the good times he and Inias shared together, how the other angel had made him feel. Maybe if he just remembered it, his feelings for Inias would come back. He must have had feelings for Inias, because why else would he have been so devastated when he left?

 

It wasn’t just because of what Inias had represented, right? A connection to Heaven, a reassurance that he would never be alone.

 

But the longer he thought about it, the louder the voice of doubt in his head was, telling him that his feelings for Inias weren’t the same as his feelings for Dean.

 

But maybe they could be. At some point. He could love Inias if he gave it a chance. 

 

Cas turned to Inias and took his hand in his, squeezing it as he pulled him into his room, closing the door behind him. 

 

Inias looked devastated, his blue eyes full of sorrow and remorse, his hair in disarray. Cas believed Inias when he said that he was suffering from their separation as much as Cas had. 

 

Cas wrapped his arms around him and pulled him tight against his chest. “I’ll keep my promise to you. You’re mine and I’m yours.”

 

“I am so grateful, Castiel. Not everyone can be so forgiving,” he murmured before drawing back to cup the side of Cas’s face. The smile he gave him was hopeful and earnest. “Should… should we do the human kissing thing?”

 

Every part of him screamed in protest and this time Cas listened to that instinct. He shook his head. “No… I’m sorry, I can’t. Not yet.” He wasn’t sure if he could ever kiss Inias again without thinking of Dean. It just felt wrong.

 

Inias withdrew from him, expression solemn and dejected. “I understand.”

 

“Is that really important to you? When we were in Heaven our relationship was never physical,” Cas stated carefully, sitting down on the edge of the bed and patting the empty space next to him. He didn’t want to make Inias sad, but at the same time he was feeling too selfish.

 

Inias gave him an unsure shrug of the shoulders in response. “I had assumed with our reunion combined with your own humanity that a kiss would be the appropriate response.” He rubbed the back of his neck as he looked down and added, “I did  _ like _ kissing you.”

 

“I...” Cas looked down for a moment. “I was with Dean.”

 

That was met with a bemused furrowed brow and head tilt. “I don’t understand.”

 

“When you left me, I was devastated and Dean and Sam ... they were there for me. Trying to help me. I tried to get over you and...” Cas looked away again. “I kissed Dean and we had sex. I was happy again.”

 

Inias looked down and rubbed the back of his neck. “Do you… do you wish…” He shook his head and looked up. “If you found happiness again, I do not want you to suffer. Could you be happy with me again?”

 

Cas didn’t want to lie to Inias. He owed him the truth. “I don’t know, Inias. But it doesn’t matter. I promised to be with you. And even if our bond is broken, I didn’t want to break my promise. Just give me some time to get used to you being here again.”

 

“Used to me,” he said in a saddened tone as he moved to lean against the wall. “I see.”

 

“Inias...” Cas slid over to him to gather him into his arms. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just so sudden. I never thought I would see you again. I still don’t understand why you’re here.”

 

“I told you why. I missed you and I feared my decision was a terrible mistake.”

 

“But in doing this you will need to leave Heaven for me. Is that really a sacrifice you want to make? For someone who is basically human?” Cas asked as he leaned back to look at Inias.

 

Inias nodded. “I know you’re afraid I’ll change my mind again, but… I realized in Heaven that what made it my home was you. Being with you. And if I can’t be with you in Heaven, then I needed to just be with you to feel that again.”

 

It felt like his heart was melting and the only thing he could do was to gather Inias in his arms again and hold him tight. “I never understood how I deserved you. Why I was the lucky one in getting promised to you.” 

 

“I am sorry I left you. And I’m the lucky one to be deserving of a second chance.” Inias drew back and cupped Cas’s face. “Thank you, Castiel.”

 

Cas looked at Inias. Seeing all of the things he loved about this angel for such a long time, still present, still there, radiating from him like a warm and comfortable blanket. 

 

The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Inias, but he knew he was with his reluctance. He leaned over and softly kissed Inias’s lips. “I’m trying to be what you deserve.”

 

Inias let out a soft and relieved sounding laugh. He pressed his forehead against Cas’s and sighed. “I promise to do the same for you.”

 

Cas pulled Inias down onto his bed and into his arms, nudging his nose into his hair. “Tell me about Heaven.”

 

“It’s…” Inias started before a sigh silenced him. He started drawing small circles on Cas’s forearm. “It’s not what it used to be.”

 

“Because so many are dead?” Cas asked quietly.

 

“Among other things.” Inias looked up at Cas and gave him a sad smile. “The heart is gone. Whatever was keeping us together and content, stopped beating. So, like I said… It’s not what it used to be.”

 

“Would you have stayed in Heaven if it hadn’t changed?” He knew it was an unfair question, but he needed to know.

 

Inias was silent for a beat. “I don’t know.”

 

At least Inias was being honest with him. But then again, Inias probably didn’t even know how to lie. “What if they come and ask you to help rebuild Heaven?”

 

“What will rebuilding do? What good will it be if you’re not there to share it with?”

 

“So no matter what… you won’t leave me again?” Cas asked quietly.

 

Inias smiled. “Only if you ask me to.”

 

“I’m yours, Inias. You know that. As long as you want me, I’m yours.” Cas needed to say it out loud. Not only for Inias, but for himself. To remind himself why he was doing this and why he couldn’t be with Dean.

 

“I do want you, Castiel. Thank you for giving me a second chance.”

 

“Of course,” Cas replied quietly, carding his fingers through Inias’s hair.  “I’m very tired, Inias. I think I need to sleep for a while.”

 

“Okay. I’ll let you be. I’ll start some research on what’s causing your humanity. Perhaps I can find a way to reverse it.” Inias smiled and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

 

A part of him wanted Inias to stay and wondered why Inias didn’t feel the same. The other part of him was happy to be alone again. He tilted his head as he squinted his eyes at Inias. “I’m not sure I want to reverse it, Inias.”

 

Inias chuckled and cupped his cheek. “I forgot how funny you can be sometimes, Castiel.” He pressed a kiss to his cheek and moved to stand. “Get some rest.”

 

Cas braced himself on his palms as he frowned. “I’m not being funny, Inias. I mean it. Of course I want to know why this happened to me, but I’m happy it did. I like being human.”

 

Inias’s brow was furrowed in concern. “I’ll still look. In case you change your mind.”

 

Cas nodded before he leaned back on his bed, asking, “When are you coming back?”

 

“When you awaken. Sleep well, Castiel.”

 

Cas looked down for a moment, suddenly feeling petulant. “I hope this isn’t how it’s going to be in the future. That you just leave whenever I sleep.”

 

Inias furrowed his brow and tilted his head. “Castiel, you are sleeping. You are not even aware of your surroundings. What would my presence provide you?”

 

“It’s not about that.” Cas could hear his frustration bleeding into his tone. “I shouldn’t even need to explain it to you. If you like someone, you want to stay with this person, no matter if it’s entertaining or not.”

 

“Do you wish for me to stay, then?”

 

Cas scrubbed his hand over his face. “Not if you’d rather be somewhere else.”

 

Inias shook his head. “I don’t understand. Would you rather I spend my time alone in here while you sleep, or use that time more productively?”

 

Cas scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Just go, Inias. Be productive.”

 

“And that is what you want?”

 

Cas had no idea what he wanted, but he had a pretty good idea what he didn’t want. “Yes. Go.”

 

Inias stepped outside with a muted nod, gently closing the door behind him.  Cas stared at the door for a moment before he threw his pillow at it with a frustrated cry. When he leaned back against the headrest, his emotions still in turmoil, he heard the soft trill of his cell phone’s text message notification. He picked up his phone and smiled at seeing it was from Dean.

 

_ Dean: Hey Cas. Sorry I bailed, I just needed to get away.  _

_ Dean: I’m not taking it as well as I wanted, so I’m just taking a step back. But I don’t want you to feel bad or anything. _

_ Dean: I just wanted you to know that. _

 

His chest hurt, reading those words and he wiped away a tear that ran down his cheek. This was all wrong. He knew he had to keep his promises, but it still felt like a massive mistake.

 

_ Cas: I’m not taking it well either, Dean. _

_ Cas: I just threw my pillow against the door. _

_ Cas: Everything just feels wrong. _

 

He felt particularly weak in that moment as he texted:

 

_ Cas: I miss you. _

 

_ Dean: Shit Cas. I’m sorry. I wish I could fix it. _

_ Dean: I miss you too. _

_ Dean: A guy came onto me at the bar I was at earlier. I wanted to hook up with him just to spite you. _

 

Another tear fell from Cas’s eyes and he hated how much he had hurt Dean.

 

_ Cas: I’m so sorry, Dean. I never wanted to hurt you. _

 

He wrote,  _ “I wish I could be with you.”  _ But then he deleted it again.

 

_ Cas: Will you ‘hook up’ with this other man? _

 

_ Dean: Nah. Best case scenario I don’t think about you for ten minutes. Worst? I still think of you, wish it was you.  _

_ Dean: Sorry. I shouldn’t have sent that. _

_ Dean: Had a little too much to drink. _

 

Cas bit his lip as more tears ran down his cheeks. Stupid, stupid,  _ stupid  _ emotions.

 

_ Cas: I miss you so much. _

_ Cas: I wish you were here. With me. _

_ Cas: I wish I could be with you. _

_ Cas: I know I shouldn’t say that.  _

_ Cas: I feel horrible. _

_ Cas: Stupid emotions. _

_ Cas: I feel so alone and you made me so happy. _

_ Cas: I just don’t know what to do. _

 

The phone started ringing a minute later. Dean was calling him. 

 

He answered it a with rapidly beating heart and a broken sounding, “Dean?”

 

“I didn’t want to have this conversation through text.” Dean sounded as sad as he felt.

 

“It’s good to hear your voice.” Cas sniffled, feeling incredibly pathetic.

 

Dean let out a soft sigh. “Wanna talk about it?”

 

“Yes.”  Cas rubbed his fingers over his eyes to wipe away the tears before taking in a deep breath. “I don’t know if I’m strong enough to keep my promise to Inias. I just had my first fight with him and he didn’t even notice.”

 

“That’s, uh… that’s rough. Is it ‘cause he’s an angel and doesn’t understand?”

 

“I don’t know. Maybe. I told him I want to stay human and he thought I was joking. He doesn’t even want to stay with me when I’m sleeping. I mean, when you love someone, you just want to spend every minute with them and it’s not important if that person is asleep, right?” Cas knew that because he felt that way about Dean. He wanted to spend every second with him. Even as an angel, he could have watched over Dean all night long.

 

There was a beat of silence and Dean let out a soft sigh. “I can’t speak for him. I know what I would do, but… I would think that even if they’re sleeping, staying with them is kind of a given. And why would he think you’re joking? You’ve only been in my life for almost a decade and even I know you’ve never been a big joker.”

 

“I know. It’s strange. We just don’t understand each other anymore. Everything was so easy before and now it’s like he is… no… not Inias. It’s like  _ I  _ am completely different.” Cas inhaled sharply before he said what he had been thinking for a while now, “We’re not compatible anymore.”

 

“Is it ‘cause you’re human now? Or is it something else?”

 

Cas was quiet for a moment. In his heart he knew the answer. “I don’t think me being human is the reason. I think it’s because I know now... how love should feel.”

 

Dean chuckled, but it was a sad sound. “And how’s that?”

 

“It’s unbearable pain when you can’t be with that person and complete happiness when you can.” Cas bit his lip. “I don’t know what to do. I want to follow my heart, even though it’s selfish, and I’m not sure what is right or wrong anymore.” 

 

There was another soft sigh before Dean finally responded, “I can’t tell you that, unfortunately. Because I’m a little biased and I don’t really trust myself to tell you what’s right for you without my own selfishness coming into play. But… whatever you do decide, I’m gonna be there for you, supporting you one hundred percent.”

 

“Thank you, Dean,” Cas mumbled, a weird numb and empty feeling spreading throughout his chest. “When are you coming home?”

 

“Probably tomorrow. Being away from you didn’t really help, so I might as well deal with it with the comfort of my own bed and coffee pot.” Dean let out a mirthless chuckle. 

 

“Okay,” Cas breathed out tiredly. “I’ll try to speak with Inias again… Hopefully it will help.”

 

He couldn’t think anymore. He just wanted to curl up beside Dean on the bed and fall asleep with him. “I want to be with you,” he whispered, not sure if it was loud enough for Dean to hear.

 

“Cas,” Dean said with a broken hearted sounding sigh. “You can’t keep saying that to me. It makes the fact that you chose him that much more painful.”

 

“I’m sorry, Dean. I just don’t feel this is a matter of choice.”

 

“Whether you want to see it as a choice or not, I can’t change that. But you chose to honor your duty by staying with him. Either way you slice it, you made a choice, Cas.”

 

“Would you still respect and trust me if I’m the type of person who breaks a promise to someone for selfish reasons?”

 

That was met with a soft laugh. “Am I really the person to judge someone for pulling that move?”

 

“That wasn’t my question, Dean. Would you still respect me if I didn’t honor a promise?”

 

“I didn’t answer your question because it’s a stupid question. You could pretty much do anything and I’m always going to respect you, I’m always going to see you as family, as my best friend, as the one constant in my life besides my brother. But if you insist on getting an answer, then yes. I’ll still respect you. Ain’t much you could do to lose that.”

 

The question now that remained was if Cas would still respect himself, but that was something he would have to decide on his own. “I see.”

 

He needed to talk to Inias, but first he needed to sleep. He was exhausted and his emotions were hard to control, pretty much all over the place. “I should sleep. I’m exhausted. Can I least tell you that I wish you were here with me?”

 

Dean sighed again, there was a distinct sound of sniffling, before he croaked out, “Yeah. Me too.”

 

“I wish we were still back in Nebraska,” Cas pressed out, the air completely vanished from his lungs.

 

“Man, that was such a nice case. Easy. We got awesome food, among other things…”

 

Cas nodded even though Dean couldn’t see it. “And fireflies and a swing… and falling asleep next to you.”

 

Dean chuckled and this time it sounded fond. “Better yet, waking up next to you.”

 

“It was like a dream. Even though it wasn’t that long ago,” Cas replied wistfully after a moment of silence.

 

“Right?” Dean hummed thoughtfully. “It was a nice dream, though.”

 

“Yes, more than nice. Perfect.” Cas took in a deep breath. “Good night, Dean.”

 

“Cas?”

 

“Yes?” Cas asked as he buried himself under his blanket.

 

“If…” he started, letting out a soft sigh before he finished with a quiet, “if I wasn’t me. If I wasn’t the fuckup I am. Would you have chosen me?”

 

Cas was immediately awake again. “What?” he asked kind of dumbly before he frowned. “If I had to choose between Inias and you, I would have chosen you in a heartbeat. I’m only with Inias because I owe him and I have promised to stay by his side. You make me happy, Dean. You’re the one I want to be with. I know that now.”

 

There was a beat of silence and a soft, “I see.”

 

“I feel guilty because of Inias. I feel like I’m letting him down. But… he has to see that this isn’t going to work. I don’t even want to be an angel anymore.”

 

Dean sighed and said, “I don’t want to fuck things up for you, Cas. Maybe you should give it a little more time. Make sure first. I mean… If it wasn’t awkward with Inias, would we even be having this conversation right now? Hell, if he hadn’t left in the first place, we definitely wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

 

“Maybe not, but it doesn’t change how I feel about you.” Cas scrubbed his hand over his face and sighed deeply before he continued, “But I understand what you’re saying. I’m angry with Inias and I shouldn’t make any decision in anger.”

 

“Exactly. Maybe you’re only missing me because you’re upset with him.”

 

Cas closed his eyes for a moment. He knew in his heart that wasn’t the case, but he also knew that Dean wouldn’t believe it if he told him as such. Not because he didn’t trust Cas to be honest with him, but because Dean still didn’t think he deserved this. He needed to prove it to Dean. Words wouldn’t work.

 

He still said them though, “I miss you, Dean. And it has nothing to do with my anger. I miss the way we were in Nebraska. And no one can take those days of happiness from me. That was all you.”

 

There was a beat of silence before Dean finally responded, “If you woulda let me, I’d have spent the rest of my life trying to make you happy. And I’m not saying that to make this any more difficult on you. I just thought you had the right to know that.”

 

“Dean…” Another tear ran down his cheek. “Where are you right now?”

 

“Shitty motel in town. About twenty minutes away. Why?”

 

“Do you want me to come?” Cas asked breathlessly.

 

“I… yeah, Cas. I do.”

 

“Text me the address. I’m on my way.” Cas slid out of his bed and put on his jeans with one hand, trying to find his shirt as he looked around his room.

 

“Okay,” Dean said before the line disconnected. A minute later his text notification went off.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Dean wasn’t stupid. He was well aware why Cas asked for his address. Why he wanted to come out to the shitty motel he was staying at one in the morning. He’d been on this end of a booty call enough times to know what it meant. But still, he couldn’t bring himself to give a damn. 

 

If this was his last chance to be intimate with Cas, he was going to take it. Angelic marriage bonds or whatever be damned. Dean had sacrificed enough in his life. He was allowed to be selfish just this once. 

 

In the thirty minutes he was waiting for Cas, he managed to grab a quick shower and brush his teeth. Last thing he wanted was to reek of the bottle of whiskey he’d literally tried to drown his sorrows in. And Dean wanted to be as sober and lucid as he could. 

 

When the knock came on his door, he wiped his sweaty palms on his t-shirt and stood up to open the door. At seeing Cas, Dean couldn’t help but smile sadly. “Hey, Cas.”

 

Cas stared at him for a moment before he breathed out, “Hello, Dean.” He stepped forward and cupped Dean’s cheek before he pulled him into a deep, desperate kiss, walking him backwards into the motel room.

 

Without hesitation, Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck and allowed him to walk him towards the bed. The only time their lips drew apart was so Dean could frantically yank his t-shirt up and over his head. “Fuck, I didn’t realize how much I’d miss this.”

 

Cas pushed Dean back on the bed, pulling his own shirt over his head. A shirt that Dean realized was one of his own. Cas knelt over Dean on the bed, capturing Dean’s lips in a gentle kiss before he murmured, “I missed you so much. I just couldn’t… stay, couldn’t wait.”

 

Dean nodded against his lips. “Please, Cas. I need you,” he begged as he raked his nails down Cas’s back. 

 

Cas moaned and started to trail kisses down Dean’s chest and stomach. When he reached the hem of his jeans he quickly opened them before he pulled them down with his boxers. He didn’t hesitate for a moment before he bent down and licked over Dean’s erection before he wrapped his lips around it and started to suck.

 

“Oh, fuck!” Dean bucked up, fingers twisting into Cas’s hair as he urged him further. “Cas, Cas… Fuck… please… prep me while you do that,” he urged frantically, completely losing himself to pleasure. This was what he wanted. What he needed. And while a part of him felt a little guilty about Inias, the selfish part of him was elated that Cas was here, wanting him over the angel in that moment.

 

Cas leaned back, using the moment to get rid of his own jeans and underwear while he asked, “Do you have lube?”

 

“In my duffel bag,” he murmured before he yanked Cas into another frantic and desperate kiss. As though this was the last time he’d ever get to feel Cas.

 

Well. It kind of was.

 

Cas drew back from Dean and pressed his palm against his chest before he growled, “Don’t move.”

 

He slid from the bed and went through Dean’s bag, quickly finding the purple bottle. When he came back he knelt between Dean’s legs, giving him an intense look. “I need you so much, Dean.”

 

“I’m yours, Cas. Take me.” It was kind of intense how much he meant every single word.

 

Cas nodded, breathing heavily as he opened the bottle and went back to sucking and licking Dean’s cock. It didn’t take long before he could feel Cas’s slick finger circling his hole before he carefully, but insistently, pushed inside.

 

“Oh, oh, fuck,” he moaned as he couldn’t help but arch into the touch, trying to fuck himself on the digit as wet heat completely enveloped his dick. Cas had better be quick about it, otherwise Dean wasn’t going to be able to hold back.

 

Cas pushed in a second finger, scissoring him open for a moment before a third was pushed in a little more roughly, more desperate and possessive. Cas stopped licking him for a moment and looked up at Dean. “Are you ready?”

 

“Yeah,” he breathed out. He wanted it to hurt. He needed and wanted to remember this for as long as possible. Dean wanted a constant reminder of what could have been, if fate didn’t hate the Winchesters.

 

Cas pulled his fingers out of him and lubed up his erection before he lined himself up and pushed into Dean without hesitation or letting him get used to it. It was perfect, exactly what he needed. Cas leaned over Dean, breathing hard when he was completely inside.

 

“Dean, please… I want you to put your hand on my neck.”

 

Dean gasped, eyes widening as he locked his gaze with Cas’s intense one. “I… I thought…” he couldn’t even bring himself to finish the sentence. Cas told him, in no uncertain terms, that his neck was off limits. He couldn’t bring himself to hope anymore than he already was.

 

Cas captured Dean’s lips in a surprisingly soft kiss, whispering, “This is how I want you, Dean. I want you to be mine. Please.” 

 

The urge to cry suddenly overwhelmed him, but like everything else, he repressed it. Dean tentatively reached out and touched Cas on the spot he’d seen him touch Inias. At the intimate contact, a tear escaped and Dean yanked Cas into a kiss to hide the evidence.

 

Cas moaned into the kiss, deepening it as he slowly started to rock into Dean’s body. “Missed you so much, Dean. Feels so good, so right,” Cas mumbled against Dean’s lips.

 

Dean gasped at the way Cas was slowly and purposefully fucking into him. Despite how frantic and desperate the start of their tryst was, this was at the opposite end of the spectrum. The words, “making love,” popped into his head and he shook them away, angry with himself for getting caught up in his emotions. “Cas, please,” he pleaded. 

 

“What do you need?” Cas cupped Dean’s cheek with one hand and looked at him, his blue eyes intense and full of intent. 

 

“Can you pretend you love me?” he breathed out, surprised that his voice didn’t crack.

 

For a moment Cas gave him a pained look. “Dean, do you really think I would let you touch me like this if that wasn’t the case? I love you. I want you to be my mate. I only want you. Please, Dean.”

 

Dean’s lip trembled as another tear escaped. “Then choose me. Please, Cas.”

 

“I already did by coming here, Dean. I chose you. I want you.”

 

With a muted nod, Dean gently rubbed the spot on Cas’s neck. “I choose you, too, Cas,” he breathed out as he pulled him in for a much gentler kiss. 

 

A kiss that quickly got heated when Cas moaned and started to fuck him faster, growling against his lips, “My Dean. My mate.”

 

“Yes, yours,” he gasped out as he continued to rub that spot, arching his hips to meet Cas halfway with each thrust. When he hit Dean’s prostate, he shuddered and almost completely lost control of his motor function. “Oh, fuck, Cas. Yes!” 

 

“Uh, Dean. Uh, I’m so close.” He fucked him harder and deeper, as though he was trying to come as deep as possible inside of Dean.

 

Dean groaned, trying to arch his hips to get his lover even deeper. “Come in me. Mark me as yours.”

 

Cas gripped his hips and fucked him harder, moaning Dean’s name as they both got lost in each other’s eyes. “I love you, Dean. Oh, please come for me. Come with me.”

 

Carefully he slid his free hand between them, gripping his neglected erection. He pumped it a couple of times before the familiar heat pooling in his groin started to boil over. “Oh, fuck, Cas! Cas, oh, fuck, I... I love you!” His vision whited out and Dean was completely gone to the pleasure that consumed him. 

 

Cas watched him, intensely focused on Dean’s pleasure before he apparently let himself go and came deep inside of Dean with a possessive growl and gasp. When he stopped rocking his last pulses of come into him, he drew Dean into a gentle kiss, one hand cupping his face as he murmured, “I love you so much.”

 

“Stay,” Dean breathed out in a soft plea.  _ Stay tonight. Stay forever. _

 

“Of course, Dean.” Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and pulled him close. “I have no intention of going anywhere.”

 

Dean couldn’t help but smile as he curled into the warm and protective embrace of Cas. If this was a dream, he really hoped he never woke up. But, of course, he was a Winchester, which meant… It had to be.

 

When he startled awake, Dean groaned into the pillow of his shitty motel bed. He grabbed his phone, realizing he had fallen asleep waiting for Cas. Which… He should have arrived at least an hour ago.

 

Opening his text notifications, there were no missed calls or texts. Maybe Cas changed his mind? But if that was the case, the bastard should’ve had the audacity to let him know. Not giving a damn about the time, Dean called Cas’s cell. With each unanswered ring, Dean grew more and more frustrated and annoyed, which made the memory of his dream all the more painful. Especially considering the content.

 

After the fourth time it went to voicemail, Dean decided if Cas was going to ignore him, he was going to get creative. Dean dialed Sammy’s number and on the third ring, was met with a groggy and unintelligible answer, having clearly woken up his brother from a deep sleep.

 

“Sammy. I need you to go to Cas’s room and hand him your phone.”

 

“What? Dean, where are you?” Sam asked tiredly, his voice sounding muffled as if he was rubbing his hand over his face.

 

Dean sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Shitty motel in town. Just… Please, I’ll explain more later, but I need to talk to Cas.”

 

“Yeah, Yeah, wait.” He could hear rustling and Sam walking through the bunker when Sam murmured, “I’m sorry, Dean. This whole situation can’t be easy for the two of you.”

 

“The word you’re looking for is, ‘sucks’. This situation fucking sucks.”

 

“Look, I know you’re not big on talking about your feelings, but I’m here for you, if you need me,” Sam replied in a soothing voice.

 

Dean nodded, despite the fact that Sam couldn’t see, and let out a deep exhale. “I know, Sammy. And I promise, when it doesn’t hurt as much to talk about it, I’ll talk to you.”

 

Sam was quiet for a moment before he breathed out, “Yes, okay, good.” He heard him knocking on Cas’s door. “Cas? Cas!” After a moment Sam murmured, “He’s not answering, I’ll go in, okay?”

 

“Yeah, he’s a heavy sleeper.” Dean hated that he knew that now.

 

“Cas? I’m coming in,” Sam announced before Dean could hear the door opening. “He’s not here, Dean.”

 

_ Shit!  _ And because he had a pessimistic brain, he started conjuring the worst case scenarios. “See if his truck is outside still,” he breathed out as dread started to clutch at his heart.

 

“Sure. Did you two have a fight, Dean? What’s happening?” Sam asked, now sounding worried.

 

“Not quite. He was feeling upset about Inias and was gonna come here.” Dean didn’t clarify further, Sam was smart. He’d get enough from the implied context.

 

“Was he… like the last time, when Inias left him? You don’t think he hurt himself again?” 

 

No. There was no way. Dean refused to accept that as a possibility. “I don’t think so.”

 

He could hear the heavy bunker door being opened as Sam clearly went outside. After a moment he stated, “His car is gone, Dean.”

 

“Fuck! Sammy. I don’t know why, but I think something might have happened. I’m going to drive the route from my end he was gonna take. Can you drive this direction and call me if you find anything? We can meet at the halfway point if we don’t find anything?”

 

“Alright sure. You already tried his GPS, right?” Sam asked, he appeared to be running into the bunker again. “And couldn’t he be with Inias?”

 

Dean swallowed the bitterness that suddenly filled his mouth. No. Cas made it sound like he was coming to see Dean. “I don’t think so. I’ll check his GPS, if you can check and see if Inias is still there?”

 

“Just checked the library and kitchen. He isn’t here,” Sam answered, breathing heavily from running through the bunker. “Okay, I’ll get in my car. Text me the address where you are and if you find him on GPS.”

 

“Okay. If I find anything, I’ll call you.” 

 

Dean disconnected the call and immediately pulled up Cas’s phone GPS on his laptop. It was stopped off on road sixty. Another wave of dread constricted his heart. After calling his brother with the coordinates, Dean grabbed his keys and shrugged on the jeans and shirt that had been left on the floor before he was out of the door in a heartbeat.

 

_ Please be okay. _

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

When he reached the area Cas’s phone was, Dean saw the bed of Cas’s truck protruding from a ditch off of the side of the road. He swallowed against the lump in his throat and made his way to the truck. 

 

There was no relief at finding the cab empty. Particularly because of the telling shattered windshield. Dean pulled out his flashlight and started looking around. The nausea that struck was almost debilitating when he saw Cas’s unmoving body on the ground about ten feet away. There was blood, the bone of his right arm poking out through the skin, a deformed and abnormal angle.

 

Dean was immediately at Cas’s side, trying to keep his shit together as he felt for a pulse. It was there, but faint and far too slow to be healthy. “Cas! Please!”

 

He frantically looked around, a little lost on what to do, so he did the first thing he could think of. 

 

_ Inias. Get your ass here now! _

 

A familiar sound of wings followed by the displacement of air around him announced the arrival of Inias, who had suddenly appeared next to him. Inias knelt next to Cas’s body and looked over him with a frown. “Castiel?”

 

“Why are you just standing there with your thumb up your ass? Heal him!”

 

Inias shook his head, his voice sounded matter-of-fact, “I can’t. He is dying. It’s against the rules.”

 

Dean narrowed his eyes at the angel. If he wasn’t too preoccupied with holding his best friend’s head in his lap, he would have jumped up and pummeled the guy. “He is your  _ mate,  _ or whatever the fuck you want to call it. Or he was. He saved you when you needed it. You owe him!”

 

Inias squinted his eyes at Dean. “This is a good thing, Dean. He is practically human, if he dies now, he can finally go back to Heaven and be with me. Why would I want to prolong his life as a human on Earth?”

 

The way his lip trembled, Dean was surprised he managed to keep his voice steady. “Heal him,  _ now,”  _ he growled.

 

Sam suddenly appeared out of nowhere and he must have heard the conversation because he yelled at Inias, “Do you really think he wants that? If you think Cas doesn’t like his human life, you know nothing about him, at all. You really think Cas wants to spend eternity with you if you just stood by and didn’t help?”

 

Dean had never loved his brother more than in that moment. He pressed a kiss to the bloody crown of his best friend’s head and fixed Inias with a disgusted glare. “If you don’t heal him right now, I will make it my life mission to hunt you down. And you’ve heard of and seen the damage a Winchester can do. When I find you, and I promise you, I  _ will  _ find you, what Crowley put you through? Will look like a walk in the fucking park. So, for your sake, you should do what I say. Heal him, you selfish asshole!”

 

Inias appeared contemplative for a moment before he reached out with two fingers and healed Cas. Dean had to look away because the light was too bright, but when he could look again, Cas was stirring in his arms, totally confused.

 

"What happened?" Cas croaked out, voice deeper and rougher than usual.

 

"You had an accident with your vehicle, Castiel. You were dying and I healed you," Inias explained quietly.

 

Cas gave Inias a confused look before he tried to sit up and murmured a disbelieving, "You healed me?"

 

Dean looked Cas over for any other visible injuries. He felt the loss immediately when Cas moved to sit up.

 

Inias nodded and gave him a soft smile. “Yes.”

 

Cas stared at Inias like he was a freakin’ world wonder. “Thank you, Inias… I don’t know how to thank you.”

 

Sam shot Dean an imploring look to say something when Inias pulled Cas in for a hug and said, “You’re mine. I want to be with you.”

 

Dean felt sick. He shook his head at Sammy, silently communicating to not say anything. All that mattered was Cas was alive. He didn’t have to watch him die again. He took a step back. “I’m, uh… I’m gonna see if your truck can run.”

 

“Dean…” Sam stopped talking before he just nodded and said, “I’ll help you.”

 

He nodded and got as far away from the happy reunion as he could, heading straight for the hood of the truck as he propped it up and open. Dean gripped the sides of the car and let out a shaky exhale, trying to calm himself down. 

 

Sam put his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “He’s lying to Cas.”

 

“Don’t you think I know that?” Dean snapped in a hushed whisper.

 

“Then why didn’t you say anything?” Sam asked, shaking his head in confusion.

 

“Because it’s not my place. If I said something, it would look like I’m acting out of a place of jealousy or some shit. Besides…” Dean looked over to where Cas was presently still in Inias’s embrace, a smile on his face as he drew the angel in for a gentle kiss. The pain was palpable. Dean sighed and looked away. “Now he can be happy.”

 

Sam shook his head. “It’s not right. I don’t know. I have a bad feeling about this guy.”

 

Dean shrugged. “Cas trusts him. It’s good enough for me.”

 

“Cas is also pretty biased about him. And we just witnessed Inias lying to him. I think Cas deserves to hear the truth.”

 

Dean shook his head. “Your call. But I’m not telling him.”

 

“Do you want me to talk to him?” Sam asked slowly. “That way it doesn’t look like you’re just jealous instead of concerned for your best friend.”

 

“Do whatever you want!” Dean snapped. Shit. Jealousy was a bad shade on him.

 

Sam raised his hands in a defensive gesture. “Chill, dude. I’m just trying to help.” 

 

Dean rubbed the back of his neck, thankfully Cas didn’t seem to take notice of his outburst. “Look, Sammy. It’s your call. So the guy lied about why he brought Cas back. Can’t say I blame him. We’ve all lied to each other.”

 

Sam massaged his fingers over his temples before he leaned in closer and whispered, “Dean, I want you to answer me honestly here, okay? Do you really think Cas is happier with him?”

 

He let out a resigned snort. “He will be now.”

 

Sam gave him a pointed look before pursing his lips and nodding. “Alright. Let’s give it a few days. I won’t say anything. But if I see that he isn’t making Cas happy, then I’m telling him.”

 

Dean swallowed dryly and grumbled, “Fine. Now go grab my kit from Baby so I can fix his stupid truck.”

 

When Sam turned from him with an eyeroll, Inias and Cas approached him. “I’m going to take Castiel to the bunker.”

 

Cas cleared his throat and looked away for a moment. “You don’t have to, Inias. I’m fine now. I could help... if you need my help, Dean?”

 

Dean ducked his gaze, tonguing his bottom lip before he shook his head. “I don’t know how long it’ll take. You should go. Get some sleep and Inias can bring you back here to pick it up in the morning.”

 

Cas looked disappointed before he frowned and nodded, mumbling quietly, “Okay. Thank you, Dean.”

 

“Yup,” he murmured as he turned his back to Cas to look at the engine.

 

“Let’s go, Castiel.” 

 

Dean could hear the swoosh of wings and when he turned around, they were both gone.

 

With a deep sigh, Dean let out a mirthless chuckle before he slammed his fist into the hood of the truck, causing the skin of his knuckles to split open before it slammed shut with a loud echo.

 

“Fuck!” Dean cried.

 

“Dean?” Sam called out for him in a worried tone as he came back with the repair kit. 

 

He held his injured fist to his chest and waved his brother off with his uninjured hand. “I’m fine, Sammy.”

 

“Yeah, sure you are,” Sam replied sarcastically as he handed him the kit before he pulled him into a hug. “It’s just me, Dean. Stop bullshitting.”

 

Dean pushed Sam away. “What am I supposed to say? That I’m jealous? We were only dating, if you can even call it that, for a couple of days. It’s not like it was long enough to mean anything, right? So whatever stupid ass emotions I’m feeling are stupid and I just need to stop being such a bitch about it.” It was eerily familiar and wrong how much he sounded like Dad in that moment.

 

“It wasn’t bullshit, Dean. I saw you two together and how happy he was,“ Sam replied, sounding frustrated. “Are you going to just give up on that?”

 

“He made his choice, Sam!” 

 

“That didn’t stop you before,” Sam replied in a serious tone before he grabbed a wrench and opened the hood of the car.

 

Dean snatched the wrench from his brother’s hand. “The hell are you talking about?”

 

“Cas has made a ton of stupid choices in his life. Just because he chose to do something, doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.”

 

“You don’t get it,” Dean exhaled in a disbelieving laugh. “This is the first time he didn’t pick me. Choose me. Whatever.”

 

Sam squinted his eyes at Dean. “Why was he driving to you?”

 

“‘Cause he was upset with Inias. I already told you that.” Dean folded his arms against his chest in defiance.

 

His brother gave him a pointed look. “And you’re telling me he just wanted to drive to where you were to dodge Inias, in the middle of the night,  _ and  _ in a motel room, just to hang out?” Sam’s voice was dripping with sarcasm.

 

Dean shook his head. “Well, we’ll never know now, will we?”

 

Sam rolled his eyes and shook his head before he concentrated on the car. “This is a mess, Dean. We should tow the truck or just leave it here. Not sure this car will ever drive again.”

 

“Baby’s been in worse shape. Most of the damage is superficial.”

 

“If you say so,” Sam murmured with a head shake.

 

Dean scoffed and shook his head. “I’m kind of not having the best day, could you cut me a little fucking slack?”

 

Sam sighed in defeat. "Okay, alright. I’ll keep you company in your avoidance of going back home by repairing his truck in the middle of the woods." Sam leaned back and shook his head. "I get it, okay? When Amelia’s husband came back, I went through the same thing you are."

 

Dean couldn’t help the snort of derision. “Dude, you were with Amelia for a long time. Longer than a couple of days.”

 

“How long have you had feelings for Cas?” Sam asked quietly.

 

“Pretty much since he kissed me that first time,” he said without thinking.

 

“So, you’re saying the thing I had with Amelia was more than what you have with Cas because it only lasted a few days?”

 

“Exactly.” Dean shook his head again and got to work checking the engine.

 

“Okay then. If it meant nothing, then you did the right thing.” Sam shrugged before he opened the driver’s door. “Tell me when I should start it.”

 

Dean sighed and stared down at the washer pump, which had a crack in it. It was easy to get lost in parts, makeshift sealants, and grease. Both literal and elbow. If Dean had had feelings for Cas longer than a week, he was pretty sure he would have been aware of that on some level. It’s not like he’d be that deep in denial. Right?

 

It was a pretty sudden realization. It had to be. Because if it wasn’t, then all of this was still his fault for not having the balls to take a shot at something that was… really fucking good, even if it was brief.

 

“Okay! Hit it!” Dean called out as he wiped his hands on his jeans and took a step back.

 

Sam started the car and it roared to life, choked for a moment, sounding like it might die on them again before it spluttered and started to run pretty smoothly.

 

Dean slammed the hood down. “We should drive her back first. Don’t want to risk her dying the moment the engine is off. Then you can bring me back to grab Baby.”

 

“Alright.” Sam left the car running as he slid out and put his hand on Dean’s shoulder. ”Everything is going to be fine. Eventually.”

 

“As long as he’s good to Cas, that’s all I give a damn about.” It was surprising how much truth was in that resigned statement.

 

“I hope he still is, now that Cas is more or less human,” Sam replied thoughtfully.

 

Dean narrowed his eyes at him. “You think he’d try to hurt Cas? It’s one thing to want to stick to some stupid rule for selfish reasons, it’s another to want him dead.”

 

Sam shrugged. “What do we really know about him? We know he left Cas for Heaven and hurt him in the process. And we know that he would’ve let Cas die if we hadn’t intervened.”

 

“And we know Cas feels duty bound and I shouldn’t make him feel worse about his choice.”

 

“Do you know if he made his choice just out of duty, or because it makes him happy, Dean?” Sam asked after a moment of silence.

 

“Why does that matter?”

 

“I thought you wanted him to be happy?”

 

Dean rolled his eyes. “Stop trying to spin this like I’m the knight to Cas’s damsel. It’s not how reality works.”

 

“I’m not, Dean. Seriously.” Sam sighed deeply before he shrugged his shoulders. “Cas is my friend, too. I just wish he’d be a little more selfish once in awhile. He always puts his life behind others, like he’s less important. And I just want him to be happy for once.” 

 

“That’s all I want, too.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Dean had been avoiding him like the plague for several days now and Cas tried to make it easier by staying in his room, mostly rolled up in his bed like a cat, brooding over his situation.

 

Inias didn’t spend much time with him, a few hours here and there before he vanished – Cas had no idea where. Inias never felt the need to tell him. He still didn’t even stay overnight. Their whole relationship had changed. 

 

Cas was grateful to Inias for saving his life, but whenever they stayed together, things were tense and awkward between them. They still hadn’t had sex and, even though Cas had kissed Inias after he had saved him, he hadn’t felt the need or desire to do it again after that. 

 

Inias held him on the bed in a hug every time he was there. The angel didn’t pressure him in taking things further, but Cas could practically feel his discontentedness. 

 

Cas felt horrible about that. Mostly because he felt guilty and trapped. He felt guilty because he loved Dean and wanted to be with him, he felt guilty because he had hurt Dean, and he felt guilty because Inias was the one he should love, but didn’t.

 

Was this how his life as a human would look from now on? Trapped in a relationship he didn’t want to be in until his life ended and after that, an eternity in Heaven, assuming he would even get there. He still wasn’t sure if he would return to Heaven after he died, being practically human. Metatron seemed to have thought so in the past, so who knew? 

 

He still had no clue as to why he was becoming human and why he had lost the ability to connect to his grace. Maybe that was the reason Inias kept leaving him all of the time. Maybe he was still trying to figure out what had happened to him.

 

Inias had even apologized to him because he thought it had been his fault when they separated. Cas didn’t see it that way. But then Cas didn’t believe being human was a bad thing. Inias just didn’t understand why he was more interested in staying human instead of being an angel again.

 

And how could he? Cas had purely selfish reasons to want to stay human. Reasons he tried to not think about as he felt himself grow more and more unhappy with each passing day gone by. 

 

Two days after he stopped showing up to eat, a gentle knock on his door interrupted his brooding, followed by the door being opened and soft footsteps approaching. The mattress dipped as someone sat down on the edge.

 

“Hey, doofus.” 

 

Cas looked up in surprise to see Claire sitting on his bed, smiling down at him. He braced himself on his elbow to sit up. “Hello, Claire. What are you doing here?”

 

“The wannabe wonder twins were worried about you. They figured if I didn’t get you out of bed, nothing would.” Claire quirked her brow and gave him a sly smile.

 

“Dean was worried about me?” Cas asked carefully as he tried to straighten his hair.

 

Claire rolled her eyes. “He’s always worried about you. He’s kinda annoying with it.”

 

Cas attempted to smile at her, but it slipped the moment he tried. “I don’t feel like leaving the bed. I’m tired. I always seem to be tired lately. Since I lost my powers.”

 

“Well, I’m sure not eating isn't helping.” 

 

Cas looked down at his lap, sucking his lower lip between his teeth before he shook his head. "I don't want to see Dean."

 

Claire sighed and nodded. “Sam told me what happened.”

 

"I don't know what to do, Claire. I feel like I'm trapped and I can't decide what to do, because no matter what I choose, I end up hurting someone." 

 

She regarded him for a silent moment, brow furrowed as she appeared to choose her next words very carefully. “So, be selfish. If someone’s going to get hurt either way, then do what makes  _ you  _ happy.”

 

"It's not that easy. I promised, Inias," Cas murmured, looking away for a moment. "If I go back on that... I’ve already made so many mistakes and I got exiled . He is the last of my kind that even speaks to me. If I give up on him, I’m giving up on Heaven forever.”

 

“Let me ask you something. If you could choose Heaven, right now. If they showed up and said, ‘Come back! We want you back!’ Would you go? Would you tell Sam, Dean, me, Jack, and everybody else goodbye and leave us forever?”

 

"Of course not, Claire. You're my fami–" Cas stopped talking and looked at her with wide eyes before he smiled softly with his realization. "It seems like my heart already made the decision, though my mind may be too stubborn to admit it."

 

Claire smiled. “So, if you wouldn’t choose Heaven now? Why would you choose it at all? Especially when you know what you can have here is what you really want, deep down.”

 

He took Claire's hand as she she pulled him out of the bed with a grin. Cas nodded and said, "You're right. I think it's time Dean and I talk." He looked down at his feet and sighed deeply. "And I need to talk to Inias when he comes back."

 

Claire pulled him into a hug. “I’m really glad I didn’t have to resort to manipulative tactics.” When she drew back she pressed a kiss to his cheek. 

 

Cas raised his eyebrow. “Manipulative tactics?”

 

She smirked. “I was this close to batting my eyelashes and using my little girl voice on you. You wouldn’t have stood a chance.”

 

Cas chuckled and nodded. "You're right. I can't say no to you. It's terribly inconvenient."

 

“Perks of having these baby blues. You could have the same power if you tried.”

 

Cas tilted his head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

 

Claire pursed her lips and quirked her brow at him incredulously. “You’ve got Hasselhoff wrapped around your finger. You could literally get him to agree to anything if you wanted to. If you gave him a good enough pout.”

 

Cas gave her a quick smile and shook his head. "I'm pretty sure it works better with your face."

 

“You’d be surprised.” Claire chuckled and looped her arm through Cas’s. “Come on. Let’s get some food in you, then you can have your talk.”

 

"Alright." He gave her a tight but brief sideways hug. "Thank you for coming, Claire."

 

Claire punched him in the arm. “Next time, you should be the one to call! Not your worried boyfriend.”

 

“He is not my boyfriend,” Cas returned automatically before he smirked at Claire and added, “yet.”

 

Claire grinned, it lit up her already pretty face. She dragged him out of his room and straight to the kitchen. “My cooking skills basically means I can make you PB and J, or PB and J. So what would you like?”

 

Cas scratched his chin thoughtfully and pretended to think about it. "Tough choices. I think I’ll take the second one."

 

As she pushed him to take a seat at the table, she winked at him and proceeded to try and find the ingredients for the sandwich. After several failed attempts at trying to find the peanut butter, she growled out a frustrated, “Ugh. Boys are dumb. Not putting foods in places they belong!”

 

“The peanut butter is behind the green… drink in the fridge,” Cas supplied helpfully. “Sam hid it there.”

 

“Why the hell would anyone put peanut butter in the fridge?” Claire let out a huff of annoyance as she finally pulled it out. 

 

"I assumed it's so Dean wouldn't find it." Cas rubbed the back of his neck. "You and Dean share a lot of similarities."

 

Claire chuckled. “Yeah. Well, it’s still dumb. Now it’ll be harder to spread,” she grumbled as she proceeded to make his sandwich.

 

Dean came into the kitchen in that moment, his eyes momentarily widening at seeing Cas. “Oh, hey. You’re up.”

 

Cas's heart was beating erratically and all of the air had left his lungs. He was nervous, which was weird considering that it was just Dean. His best friend. The man he wanted to have a life altering conversation with; a conversation he had no idea how to start. So he just stammered out, "He-llo, Dean."

 

Dean clearly forced a smile and nodded. “I’m, uh… I just came to grab a beer. I’ll be out of your guy’s hair.” He walked towards the fridge, nodding to Claire as he passed by her.

 

Claire nodded silently to Cas before she forcefully kicked his leg. "Ooof... um, Dean? Would you, um, can I talk to you for a moment?" Cas pressed out between gritted teeth, trying to ignore Claire's smug smile.

 

He leaned against the fridge after pulling out a beer, popping off the cap and taking a swig before he said, “Sure. What’s up?”

 

"And that's my cue," Claire said as she put down a very weird looking PB and J in front of Cas and quickly left the kitchen. Cas looked after her for a moment before he sighed deeply and folded his hands in his lap, nodding for Dean to sit down.

 

"I'm going to tell Inias this isn't working and I need to break my promise to him. I thought it didn't matter that I'm not happy, or I maybe would get used to it... but..." He shook his head, his gaze trained on the table.

 

“If it’s what you need to do, you know we’ll support you,” Dean said, his voice weirdly devoid of emotion.

 

Cas rubbed his fingers over his jeans. For the first time he feared that Dean wouldn't want him back. That when he had chosen to honor his promise to Inias that Dean had closed the door on any possible future relationship. He felt stupid for not thinking about that sooner.

 

He had hurt Dean. Why should Dean want him back? But still he needed to know because the uncertainty was eating away at him. “I want to be with you, Dean. I miss you.”

 

There was a soft sigh before the chair next to him made a scratching sound as it was pulled out. Dean turned the back of the chair to face Cas and straddled it, leaning his arms over the back and giving Cas a pointed look. “I… I miss you, too, Cas, but…” He looked down at the floor and continued, “Maybe it’s a better idea that we, uh… We just stick to being friends.”

 

“I see,” Cas murmured as his world suddenly broke apart. He stood up and turned around, needing to leave the kitchen before the tears that were burning at the edge of his eyelids started to fall. He just needed to be alone. Why had he thought leaving his room had been a good idea? Why had he thought talking would help him and make him happy again, when it would just make him even more unhappy? 

 

He needed to leave the bunker. He needed to talk to Inias. He bit his lip hard as he started to walk out of the kitchen and into the library.

 

He was halted by a soft grasp at his elbow. Dean held him in place and looked at him, expression mostly unreadable, but there was sadness there. “Don’t you dare run away from me again.”

 

Cas gave him a pained look. “Please, Dean, just let me be alone for a while. I promise, I won’t run away. I just can’t –” He shook his head, biting his lip hard to keep the tears at bay.

 

“Look, I get it sucks. And you deserve the same time I needed, but understand it’s not that I don’t want you back, okay?”

 

“It’s because I chose wrong, isn’t it? I made a mistake and now you just want to be friends. I lost... what could have been between us, because of my mistake.” He stumbled over the words as he couldn’t stop a tear from falling.

 

Dean sighed and shook his head. “No, Cas. It’s ‘cause… It’s ‘cause you have real potential to hurt me in a way I don’t think I can handle. And not in the normal way we get hurt. And…” His lip trembled and his eyes shimmered with unshed tears. “I don’t know if I could survive it if you changed your mind again.”

 

“I won’t change my mind,” Cas mumbled before he shook his head. “But I understand why you would think that.”

 

“I want to, fuck, Cas, I really want to take the chance. But what happens the next time Inias lies to you and you go running back to his arms?” Dean gasped and took a step back. “Forget I said that.”

 

His whole body tensed up. "What do you mean, Inias lied to me?"

 

Dean took another step back. “Just forget it, Cas.”

 

Cas grasped Dean’s shoulder and squinted his eyes at him. “Tell me, Dean. When did Inias lie to me?”

 

“That night you got in the accident,” he said with a resigned sigh, ducking Cas’s gaze. 

 

The night Inias healed him. Something that was against the rules, especially when it was a fatal wound, a rule Cas had constantly broken in the past, but Inias... Inias never went against those rules. Cas had believed Inias had broken that rule because he loved him.

 

His gaze wandered over Dean's face. "You forced him to heal me, didn't you? He would have let me die."

 

Dean folded his arms over his chest. “Fuck yes I forced him to heal you! No fucking way was I watching you die…  _ again!” _

 

Cas nodded slowly as he tried to let that information sink in. "How could he lie to me? He never lied to me before. What’s wrong with him?" It just didn't make any sense. It felt like his whole world was upside down.

 

“Look, he…” Dean sighed and appeared to steel himself to continue, “I don’t know the guy, but he probably lied because the truth sounds kinda bad. And you were grateful to him. He thought your death would mean you guys could be together in Heaven.”

 

Cas frowned before he nodded. "It's an explanation, but he was never afraid to tell me the truth, even if it was uncomfortable. He should have known I would have understood. Just because I constantly break the rules, I never expect other angels to follow my example." Cas sighed deeply before he added, "I mistook him breaking that rule as an act of love."

 

Dean let out a mirthless chuckle. “It was. You just pinned it on the wrong guy.”

 

Cas stared at Dean for a second before he grabbed him by the neck and pulled him into a desperate kiss.

 

For a moment Dean reciprocated, with just as much fervor and desperation as his own, before he drew back, holding Cas back by the lapel of his coat. His lip trembled and he shook his head. “I can’t keep being your rebound, Cas. I  _ can’t.” _

 

Cas still had his hand on Dean's neck, rubbing his thumb over the skin. "What can I do to show you, to prove to you, that you're not? I want you. I'm not going back on that. Tell me, please… What do I need to do?"

 

The way Dean’s lip trembled again was just as painful as when he first broke off what was happening between them. He looked at the ground and breathed out, “I’m seeing someone.”

 

“What?” Cas asked breathlessly. "What do you mean?"

 

There were actual tears in impossibly green eyes when he looked up again. “It’s new, only this past week. But what was I supposed to do, Cas? You made your choice and I… I needed to get over you.”

 

If there had ever been doubt about Cas's feelings for Dean, it was eradicated the moment his heart shattered into a million pieces. Cas was too shocked to feel anything after that. So he just nodded and frowned. "I... I'm sorry, that I kissed you. I... I have to go now."

 

Dean nodded and took a step back. “I’m sorry, Cas.”

 

Cas shook his head. "It's okay. I deserve it. I did the same to you."

 

“Cas…” Dean’s voice broke as a small shudder appeared to course through him. He swallowed dryly and gripped Cas by the hand. “I’m not apologizing for seeing someone. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to wait for you.”

 

He couldn't stop the tears then as he roughly pulled his hand away from Dean. "Thank you for telling me." His voice sounded monotone. "Don't be sorry. I'm the one who got the wrong impression. I was naive."

 

“You didn’t get the wrong impression, Cas. You didn’t.”

 

"Didn't I?" Cas realized that his frustration and anger over the situation started to seep into his voice, but he couldn't stop it. "Claire told me I should be selfish. That I should choose the one person that would make me happy. And I naively thought if I just talked to you, everything would get better. But it just got worse. And now I’ve lost you, because I hurt you and you found someone else. Inias left me and you didn’t wait. I guess…” More tears fell from his eyes and his voice started to break as he murmured, “I’m just not worth fighting for.”

 

Dean roughly grabbed him by the shoulders. “If you think I never fought for you, then you’re a fucking moron. I did what I thought would make you happy. I backed down, despite the fact that all I wanted was to charge into your room and kick Inias to the fucking curb! But I  _ didn’t.  _ Because my feelings for you meant that you came first. You always came first, and even though it fucking killed me that you chose Inias, for weeks I hoped you’d change your mind, that you’d realize what we could have had. But you didn’t. And I was sick of fucking crying over you.”

 

He released his hold on Cas and stepped back with a shrug. “Sue me for trying to move forward.”

 

"So that's it? Now you're over me?" Cas asked without looking at Dean.

 

Dean scoffed. “I’ll never get over you.”

 

"Then why can't you be with me?"

 

“‘Cause I’m fucking terrified!”

 

"Then say it!" He needed to hear the words because otherwise he would go crazy with the hope of winning Dean back. "Say you and I will never happen. Say I need to give up on you."

 

“You already  _ did!”  _ Dean shook his head and angrily wiped away a tear before he repeated in a broken whisper, “You already did.”

 

Cas just stared at him for a second. "I'm telling you I want to be with you. I'm telling you that I’m leaving Inias to be with you. How can you get the impression that I’ve given up? I want you. I will only give up on you if you tell me to."

 

“Let’s be real here, Cas. I’m never going to compete with the guy you had an eternal bond with. And whether consciously you recognize that or not, subconsciously? You still want him. Hell, you said as much that night in Nebraska when you and I first slept in the bed together.”

 

"I had no idea what love really felt like before you, Dean. Don't you dare think you know my own feelings better than myself." Cas was furious now as he started to pace like a caged lion. "So yes, let's be real. I'm going to speak with Inias now and tell him that this isn't working out. You either give us another chance or you don't, but never question the nature of my feelings for you ever again. I made my choice and I'm sticking to it."

 

“And what? That’s it? That’s the way it goes down? Either I have to be ready to take this step with you right fucking now or not at all?” Dean took a step closer, his expression just as angry as he felt. “As far as I’m concerned this came out of left field, and talk about not being willing to wait long enough or fight for it. I’m sorry my answer isn’t good enough for you,” he spat.

 

Cas squinted his eyes at Dean, because he only understood half of his tirade. "You misunderstood me. I'm not giving you an ultimatum, Dean. I'm just giving you the facts. I love you. I’m leaving Inias. I would be happy if you gave me another chance. If you're not willing now, I'll wait. I’ve got nothing more to lose."

 

Dean sighed and looked away. “You hurt me, Cas.”

 

"I know I did. If you're ever going to forgive me, you know where to find me," Cas mumbled before he turned around and walked towards the door.

 

“That’s it, huh?”

 

Cas stopped, looking over his shoulder. "Tell me what else I can do and I’ll do it."

 

“No. I’m not gonna give you an order, or stipulations. I’m not going to dictate how or what you should do. You’ve followed enough orders.” Dean shook his head, tracks of tears shimmering against heated, freckled skin, making him look both incredibly innocent, and far too worn for a man his age.

 

"If you don't talk to me, I have no way of knowing how to make it up to you, or how to fight for you. I'm not even sure if you want me to at the moment, because you confuse me, Dean."

 

Dean let out a soft, mirthless laugh. “Pot. Kettle.”

 

Cas scratched the back of his head. “I’m not sure how I can make my intention towards you any clearer.”

 

“This is all so  _ fucked.” _

 

Cas nodded slowly. "I know. I wish I could just go back a few weeks and make the right decision. My mistakes tend to haunt me for a long time."

 

Dean sighed and leaned against the library table. “What’re we gonna do, Cas?”

 

Cas shook his head. "All I can offer is to give you time to think about us. I still hope you'll change your mind and give me another chance."

 

“Are you gonna leave?”

 

“No.” Cas shook his head again. "I'm just going to talk with Inias. Let him know about my decision."

 

Dean approached Cas, grasping both of his hands in his own and holding them against his chest. “Promise me. Promise me, no matter what happens, you won’t leave.”

 

Cas lost himself in Dean’s green eyes for a moment as he replied, voice full of determination, "I promise. I will never leave you, Dean."

 

“If you ever do, we’re done. I’m tired and too damn old to keep feeling like the last kid picked for dodgeball.” Dean swallowed dryly and held Cas’s stare, his eyes shimmering from the well of tears threatening to escape.

 

"The only thing that might keep me away from you is death. And not even that has been successful in separating us. I’ll always come back to you, no matter what, and if I have to tear apart the universe..." Cas shrugged as he gave Dean a sad smile. He licked over his lips and leaned forward for a moment before he stopped himself as he remembered he wasn't allowed to do that anymore.

 

Dean cupped Cas’s face and drew him in for a soft, chaste kiss. As he gently swiped the pad of his thumb along Cas’s bottom lip, Dean finally let go of him. “You know why I’m scared?”

 

"Because you think I will hurt you again," Cas quietly repeated Dean’s earlier words. "And because you think you won't recover from it."

 

“Because when I fall, I fall hard. And right now? I feel like I fell further and harder for you than when the angels fell from Heaven. And that terrifies me. To know I’m even capable of loving anyone that much.”

 

Cas bit his lower lip hard. "Please take me back," he begged brokenly. He could not stop himself.

 

“Cas,” Dean whispered just as brokenly. “If I do, if I take you back, I won’t be able to do this again. You understand? If you change your mind or get sick of me, I’ll be done. Forever.”

 

"Dean. Not choosing you in the first place was the stupidest thing I have ever done and that includes Leviathans and working with Metatron. I never regretted anything more than what I put you through. I'm not going to change my mind. I want you. I want you forever." He couldn't help but feel hope in that moment. Treacherous hope that was going to crush him when reality set in.

 

Dean nodded. “Okay.”

 

“O–okay?” Cas stammered. “You… um… you want to give me another chance?”

 

At that Dean gave him a soft smile. “I’m tired of ignoring my heart.”

 

Cas stared at him for another disbelieving second before his face nearly split with a bright smile. "Yes. Oh, Dean. Thank you. I – I don't know what to say."

 

Dean chuckled and cupped his face again. “We, uh… we should probably take care of our breakups soon.”

"Yes." Cas licked over his own lips before he leaned in and captured Dean's in a soft kiss. "I’ll do it right away."

 

“Me, too.” Dean pressed another kiss to Cas’s lips. “Fuck, Cas. I swear if this is another dream…”

 

"Another dream?" Cas asked against Dean's lips as he softly pushed him against the table to dive in a little deeper.

 

Dean hummed in affirmation as he wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck. “Yeah, the night of your accident, I had a dream similar to this.”

 

“If I hadn't fallen asleep while driving, it wouldn’t have been a dream,” Cas murmured against Dean’s lips. “I missed you so much.”

 

Dean gently caressed the side of his cheek with the pad of his thumb, bottle green eyes raking over Cas’s features as though he’d never quite seen anything like him before. “And you’re sure about this?”

 

“The time without you felt like my life didn't even make sense anymore. I never felt as happy and complete than I did in the few days I spent with you. I want you. I'm sorry it took me so long to be selfish in that matter.”

That was met with a fond chuckle and another gentle kiss. “Good.”

 

“I should go and get it over with… it’s already hard to stop kissing you. If I stay longer, this could be a problem,” Cas explained as he stepped back from Dean.

 

Dean nodded as his lips curled up in a half smile. “I should call Allie.”

 

Cas looked down for a moment, feeling guilty about being selfish. He wasn’t used to wanting something for himself. What if this girl could have made Dean happy? “I’m sorry ...” Cas murmured, unable to finish the sentence. He was sorry for so many things.

 

“I’m sorried out, Cas.” Dean closed the gap between them again as he gently grasped his hand. “And honestly? It’s not fair of me to lead her on.”

 

“Lead her on?”

 

Dean sighed. “Yeah, man. I was still fucked up over you when we first hooked up, and after it kept happening and she wanted to label it, I said yes, because I needed to stop thinking about you.” 

 

“I didn’t have sex with Inias,” Cas suddenly blurted out before he shook his head. “Sorry, um, I just wanted you to know that I couldn’t get you out of my head either.”

 

“I wouldn’t have been pissed if you had.” Dean chuckled. “But I’m kinda glad you didn’t.”

 

“It just felt wrong because I still felt… that I belonged to you.” Cas looked up at Dean with a soft smile as he repeated, “I belong to you.”

 

Dean shook his head and gave him a smile. “You aren’t my possession, Cas. We just… we make sense together. Like PB and J.”

 

Cas chuckled and shook his head. “Are you the peanut butter in this?”

 

“Clearly,” he returned with a smirk. Dean pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “Come on, we should do what we need to do.”

 

Cas nodded, giving him a soft smile. "I’ll see you later."

 

He kissed Dean's cheek before he turned around and walked up the stairs of the bunker to go outside. He felt nervous about his conversation with Inias. He didn't want to hurt him. But on the the other hand, they just weren't working out and Inias was better off with another angel than whatever Cas was at the moment.

 

So when he was finally outside, he looked up at the sky and started to pray to him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this fic is now officially complete!! Again, sorry for the lack of author's notes! Time got away with us, but make no mistake, we loved writing this fic. It feels like we've been writing so many AU's at the moment, that this was a breath of fresh air. But there will be a lot more stuff coming from us in the next few months, whether via one of the many Bangs we're participating in, or just one of the several completed fics that are in the edit process! We hope you like this fic, because we loved writing it. Thank you for all of the amazing comments so far, and massive kudos, squishes, and adoration for our art, Zelirocks! 
> 
> Your art is totally compatible with our fic. SEE WHAT I DID THERE? Bad puns aside, send her and us your love if you dig it! 
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> You can follow our artist Zelirocks on her tumblr [here](https://zelirocks.tumblr.com/)!
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> And feel free to follow us on our joint tumblr [here](https://the-real-anyrock.tumblr.com/)! It's a little inactive ATM, but we're working on that. And you'll see why we've been weirdly quiet, I mean, BESIDES the lgbt content ban posing as a porn ban.

**Chapter 6**

 

Dean kind of couldn’t believe his luck. Not only was Allie really cool with the whole ending things speech, but he and Cas were going to actually give the whole destiel thing a shot. After weeks and weeks of basically avoiding each other, attempting to drown his misery in booze and broads, the dream sequence he played on a loop in his head became reality.

 

It was the happiest he’d felt since Nebraska. They were actually going to give it a shot. Dean was probably more excited about that idea than a hunter should be, but he couldn’t even find it in himself to give a damn.

 

Cas had left to break the news to Inias a couple of hours prior and Dean was starting to get a little worried. He was no expert, because he rarely dated anyone long enough for there to actually be a breakup, but he was pretty sure even the messy breakups didn’t take over two hours. When Dean finally got fed up, he searched through the bunker before going outside. On the off chance that Cas needed some alone time after the breakup.

 

There was a pit of dread in his stomach when Dean found no trace of the former angel in any of his usual spots. His room, the kitchen, the library. When Dean reached outside, he was pretty much in full on panic mode when there was no trace of Cas anywhere.

 

He pulled out his cell to call Sam and get a search party going when he saw a missed voicemail from Cas. It was weird, he never heard his phone ring. Dean put it on speaker and held it out to listen to the recording:

 

_ Dean, it's me Castiel. I decided to go with Inias and back to Heaven. I'm sorry that I couldn't tell you in person, but I needed to go. _

 

Dean narrowed his eyes at his device. Something was up. Everything about that message sounded and felt wrong. Without a second thought, Dean ran back into the bunker, calling out for his brother. “Yo! Sammy!”

 

Sam was in his room, walking out and looking like he hadn't slept well. "What is it?"

 

“He sound funny to you?” he asked ungracefully as he held up his phone in front of Sam’s face and replayed the message, giving his brother an expectant look every few seconds.

 

Sam furrowed his brow and listened to it before his face fell. “Oh, shit. Dean, I’m so sorry.”

 

Dean shook his head and blinked a few times. “You didn’t answer my question. He sounds off, right? I think something bad happened to Cas.”

 

Sam grimaced and shook his head. “Are you sure that’s the case? I mean, yeah, he sounds off, but wouldn’t that be normal if he was sad to leave?”

 

“You don’t understand, he chose me. He left to break up with Inias. So clearly, something’s up, right?” Dean hadn’t even been able to fathom Cas actually leaving after promising he wouldn’t. There was no way.

 

“Maybe he changed his mind?” Sam suggested carefully. “He does that sometimes.”

 

Dean shook his head. “No, not possible. He promised me.” The sympathetic look his brother was giving him had Dean on the verge of smacking him upside the head. 

 

“Isn’t there a chance he might have changed his mind about the break up? I mean, he and Inias were pretty close, right? They shared a bond.” Sam put his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Look, this is an emotional time for both of you and Cas hasn’t handled this too well in the past. Couldn’t it be that… he really left?”

 

It was strange, but Dean couldn’t bring himself to think of that possibility. It wasn’t just his tone. It was the little things, like the fact he referred to himself by his full name, which Cas hadn’t done in years. Or the fact that no matter what the content was of any message he left Dean, Cas always started it with a:  _ “Hello, Dean.” _

 

Hell, he even did it through text. Dean shook Sam off. “I’m telling you, something ain’t right here. He wasn’t having cold feet. We… we were gonna try being together for real. This isn’t what he wanted. I think he was forced to leave that message.” 

 

Sam rubbed his forehead and sighed deeply. “Alright, then what happened? You think Inias kidnapped him?”

 

“Makes sense, right? Maybe he didn’t want to accept Cas was breaking up with him?” Dean used his phone to pull up Cas’s coordinates, but for whatever reason, his location wasn’t coming up. “Shit, I think he turned off the GPS on his phone.”

 

“Or he’s someplace with no signal,” Sam argued, now sounding worried too. “If he really is in Heaven, how are we going to get him back?”

 

Dean sighed. There was no way any of the winged dicks would let him or Sammy anywhere near that place, even if it was a survivable journey. If they kept using Bobby for help, the guy would end up eventually getting sent the other direction. “Fuck, I have no idea.”

 

“Maybe we could call Jack? I know he didn’t want to use his powers anymore and that he’s on a trip to see the world and find himself, but ... it’s Cas. He will make an exception for Cas,” Sam suggested.

 

Dean had already put that kid through so much, the thought of begging for his help left a bad taste in his mouth. But Sam kind of had a point, and Dean had no other options. “Alright, but, uh… I’m gonna call him.”

 

Sam nodded tersely. “But be nice.”

 

“Yeah,” he murmured as he stepped aside and pulled his phone out of his pocket. Dean took in a deep breath as he pulled the kid’s name up in his contacts. Shaking his head at himself, Dean just clicked the name and held the phone up to his ear, waiting for the kid to pick up.

 

After a moment the phone went to voicemail.  _ Um, my name is Jack, which you probably know because you called me. And this is my voicem  _ – And then it cut out with a shrill beep.

 

Dean chuckled. It was weird how much he was like Cas. He hung up and dialed again, hoping he’d get him the second attempt.

 

"Dean?" Jack asked in a worried tone, only it wasn’t from his phone, but from right behind Dean.

 

Dean startled, wondering if he would ever get used to these freakin’ angels, or half-angels, appearing right behind him. “Hey, kid. Uh… We, uh… we need your help. It’s about Cas.”

 

“I know. He is in prison,” Jack replied, looking alarmed and wide eyed, his eyes glowing yellow. "In Heaven."

 

“What?” Dean practically yelled, causing Sam to look at him in concern. He shook his head; dread, fear, all the nasty emotions he was so used to feeling when it came to Cas being missing multiplied in that instant. “Jack, can you get him out?”

 

Jack looked hesitant before he answered, "I'm not sure. Father doesn't want me to go to Heaven. He said it is too dangerous. But I want to help."

 

“Yeah, dangerous for them. They fucked with the wrong guy for the last time.” Dean angrily ran a hand through his hair. “What can you, uh… see? Exactly?” he asked Jack.

 

Jack squinted his eyes and it reminded Dean a lot of Cas before the young man replied slowly, "He is talking to another angel. They are arguing. Apparently my father is worried the other angel has been... brainwashed. What does that mean, Dean?"

 

“That means Cas is in a helluva lot more trouble than we fucking thought.” Dean turned to his brother and barked, “The hell’re we gonna do, Sammy? I can’t lose him again.”

 

Before Sam could answer, Jack interrupted, "You can't enter Heaven, but I can. I can go and save him."

 

Dean shook his head and waved his hand. “Hell no. We ain’t sending you alone into Heaven. If they don’t outright try to kill you, guess who’ll be next on the brainwashing list?”

 

Jack looked thoughtful for a moment before he gave Dean a pleading look. "So what can we do? We need to get him out of there. What if they torture him again?"

 

Sam cleared his throat. "What do you mean, 'again'?"

 

Jack reluctantly answered, "He tries to hide it from me, but he is in pain."

 

Dean pressed his lips together to keep them from trembling, letting out a shaky exhale as he tried to process everything. He was fucking sick and tired of Heaven and their stupid games. He was going to hurt every last angel that even thought about touching Cas, if it was the last thing he did. But first, he needed to get Cas out.

 

“Jack, can you communicate with regular people who are in Heaven? Not angels? Kinda like how you woke Cas up?”

 

Jack looked like he was embarrassed for a moment. "I talk to my mom since I found out how."

 

Dean nodded to him, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “Good, good.” He looked at Sam. “Remember how you guys got Metatron out? Think it’s too cliche to pull the same move twice?”

 

Sam leaned against the table and shook his head. "Dean, Bobby only opened the portal to Heaven for Cas. Cas did all the work freeing Metatron."

 

“Fuck!” Dean slammed his fist against the table and kicked one of the chairs out of his way.

 

"What about a invocation spell?" Sam asked, more to himself than to the room. “Couldn't that force Cas to Earth?"

 

Jack gave Sam a skeptical look. "Don't you think they would have precautions in place for something like that?"

 

Sam sighed deeply and nodded. "You're probably right. What else?"

 

“We gotta lure them out and convince them to bring Cas,” Dean murmured. He had an idea, but it wasn’t one that Sam or Cas would be even a little bit okay with.

 

“Why would they give him back to us, Dean?” Sam asked, sounding frustrated. 

 

Dean’s lip trembled as he looked at Jack, then back to his brother. “We offer them Jack in exchange for Cas.”

 

Sam stared at him like he had lost his mind. "Are you nuts? We are  _ not  _ going to do that!"

 

Jack was quiet for a moment before he nodded. "But I want to. It's my father. I already lost my mom. I'm going to do everything that is necessary to save him."

 

Sam made a frustrated noise. "No, Jack. Cas would never agree to it. He always wanted to protect you from the angels. It's too dangerous. They could kill you."

Dean shook his head and said, “No, look. We’ll  _ tell  _ ‘em we’ll exchange Jack for Cas. And when we get Cas out of their clutches, we turn Damien’s mojo on and obliterate every last one of those fucks.”

 

Jack smirked at Dean. "I like that idea."

 

Sam clearly wasn't a hundred percent on board. "But, Jack, you said you didn't want to use your powers anymore..."

 

"It's for my father. I’ll make an exception." Jack touched Sam's shoulder with a smile. "I know you're worried about me, but I can handle this. I can do this."

 

Sam took in a deep breath before he finally nodded his consent. "Alright. Let's do this."

 

As Sam disappeared to the war room to grab different things they would need, Dean grasped Jack by the elbow and halted him. “I, uh… I wanted to thank you for stepping up, Jack.”

 

"Of course, Dean. It's Castiel," the kid replied slowly before he tilted his head. "I know he means a lot to you, but he also means a lot to me."

 

Dean nodded. “I know he does, kid. And you’re sure you wanna do this?”

 

“Yes." Jack nodded firmly before he gave Dean a smile. "But if my father is angry with me for doing this, I expect you to defend me."

 

Dean chuckled. “Trust me, if anyone’s gonna be in the doghouse, it’ll be me.”

 

“You have a dog?” Jack tilted his head.

 

_ Damn.  _ It was kind of ridiculous how similar to Cas Jack was. Dean rolled his eyes, but gave him a genuine smile. “I swear if I didn’t know better, I wouldn’t doubt for a second that Cas was your real dad.”

 

Jack smiled at that, obviously taking it as a compliment. "So how will we give them the message?"

 

Dean sighed. “Well, we’re gonna get ourselves to a secure location, arm ourselves Rambo style, and I’m gonna pray to Inias. If he’s been brainwashed, it means he’s being controlled.”

 

“Who’s Inias? And how do you know father was talking to him?”

 

Dean let out a mirthless chuckle as his lips curled down in a scowl. “I just do. And Inias… he’s like… he’s your dad’s ex. Do you get what I mean when I say, ‘ex’?”

 

Jack squinted his eyes. "I think so. He had a... boyfriend?"

 

Dean nodded and said, “Yeah. Well, kinda. He was like… his angel husband, I guess. Well, ex-husband. He, uh… He left to go end things with him, then whaddya know? Suddenly he’s being tortured in Heaven. Two and two usually equals four.”

 

Jack looked very disturbed by that news. "I don't understand. If this angel was father's husband... why would he do this to him?"

 

Dean shook his head. “I don’t know, kid. If he’s being controlled he might not realize what he’s doing. Either way, he’s gonna regret what he’s done to Cas. I fucking promise you that much.”

 

"Dean, can I ask you something?" Jack bit his lower lip for a moment before he asked without waiting for a reply, "Do you love my father?"

 

“He’s my best friend,” Dean said without even thinking. 

 

"I know, but do you love him? In a... romantic way?" he asked carefully, sounding like he wasn't sure about the wording.

 

Dean quirked his brow at Jack. “Why do you wanna know?”

 

Jack looked away, suddenly very interested in his own feet. "It's nothing. I'm just confused because I always thought... It doesn't matter."

 

“You always thought what, Jack?”

 

Jack rubbed the back of his neck. "I got the impression that my father likes you like that and I thought... you would never let anything happen to him. I wish he would have... you."

 

Dean was taken aback by that. Considering the history between him and Jack, he wouldn’t have pegged the kid to be Team Dean. Ever. Dean clapped a hand on Jack’s shoulder and said, “I do. More than I thought possible. It took me way too fucking long to realize it, but… Your dad? He’s it for me.”

 

Jack smiled at him, all white teeth and happiness. "I'm glad. I think you will make him very happy, Dean." He nodded. "Let's bring him home."

 

“Sounds like a plan.”

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Cas groaned as he wiped the blood from his face. “This isn't you, Inias. Please… try to remember what we had.”

 

Inias gave him a cold look, his voice sounded monotone, “Had. Not anymore. You love the human now, you are a disgrace to all angels.”

 

Cas shook his head. It hurt to hear Inias say those words. Inias loved humanity. He wasn’t like this. “This isn’t you, Inias. Please.”

 

Inias scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “I know why you are becoming a human. It's because you fell for Dean. The moment our bond was broken, so was the last thing that bound you to Heaven. When an angel falls in love with a human, the angel becomes one. That’s why the host chose you for me before you went on a longer mission to Earth. To prevent this from happening.”

 

Cas shook his head slowly. That couldn't be true. "What?"

 

Inias gave him a cruel smile. "It's true. But you will not be going anywhere now. You will stay here in this cell forever for your crimes. You won't see your precious human again."

 

Cas had no idea how he could get through to Inias. He needed to remind him of the time they had spent together. He hated to see him like this. Caged in the grasp of someone who still performed this terrible procedure of brainwashing other angels. "Inias... Do you remember the first time we talked?"

 

“To what end will your feeble attempts at nostalgic discussion bring? Now, will you attempt to cooperate and give us the location of the nephilim? Or will we have to resort to less than ideal tactics with you again?”

 

Cas ignored the question, trying to remind Inias of their past so he could hopefully break through to him. "You know what I loved about you? Your serenity. It was the first thing I was drawn to when we talked. Remember when they announced that we were to be bonded and we held each other after we talked for... ages? How we couldn't let go of each other even though... even though we had to return to our responsibilities? Do you remember that, Inias?"

 

Inias rolled his eyes. “Perhaps we need to use a different tactic. We’ve already replicated your voice once. Maybe the threat of killing your precious human will cease this nonsense?”

 

"Inias, please. This isn't you. I need you to snap out of it. Please. I need you to fight. Help me, please," Cas begged, desperation and fear clutching at him the more he realized he wasn’t getting through Inias's mind control. 

 

“What makes you think that this isn’t the real me? Perhaps I was assigned to you to keep an eye on you? Considering your predilection for rebellion. Perhaps none of what you remember was real, Castiel. Have you ever considered that?”

 

Cas shook his head, his lips pressed into a thin line before he answered with a determined tone of voice, "No, I know you, Inias. I know what we had was real. I know that you loved me for real. And no matter what I feel now, I know that  _ I _ loved you, Inias. When I lost you, it broke me... I know you felt the same about me." 

 

Inias scoffed and rounded on him then. “That is laughable. Do you understand what I told you? You are a disgrace, in every way imaginable. You are human, because after your bond was severed with me, you fell in love with a mud monkey! Don’t tell me you loved me. It was, what? A matter of days? Before you became what they always feared you would.” He gripped Cas’s chin and yanked his head up. “Now are you going to divulge the nephilim’s location? Or shall we see what tortures we can come up with for your  _ precious  _ human?”

 

"So would you still do this to me if we had never severed our bond? If you had stayed with me like you promised you would! Instead you left me!" Cas yelled at Inias, hoping if he hurt him, maybe he could pierce through the mind control. "Do you have any idea what you did to me? Did you know I wanted to end my life because you left me?"

 

“Maybe you should have,” he spat coldly. Inias shook his head. “If you aren’t going to cooperate, then I will have to resort to extreme measures.”

 

Cas shook his head. Dean had gotten through to him when Cas was brainwashed by Naomi. Maybe Dean and his connection had always been stronger than anything and that's why he was losing Inias now. He just didn't know how to get through to him. 

 

He looked away, his voice too quiet for his own liking, "Do what you want with me. If you go against Dean you will be killed. Others have already underestimated him and paid with their lives. I don't want you to get hurt."

 

Inias laughed, a sound that was very unfitting and unwelcome for his character. “Those pathetic humans ruined you, Castiel.”

 

"There was a time you thought differently about this, remember? When we talked about the first civil war in Heaven against Raphael? How you told me to do everything to fight against the apocalypse, even if it meant killing our brethren?"

 

“What are you trying to do, Castiel? Are you hoping you’ll reach me? Are you hoping I’ll recall our time together and have a moment of weakness and release you?”

 

Cas shook his head. "I just don't want to lose you again. They did this to me too, trying to override my own free will, to make me their tool. They’re using you, Inias and I just want you to fight it. To remember who you are. Because I know you, Inias. If you break free, everything you do from this point forward, will break you."

 

“Where is the nephilim?” he asked, voice annoyed and mildly strained, as though it was beneath him to be having this conversation at all.

 

Cas pulled against his chains in frustration as he tried to get closer to Inias. "I'm not going to tell you. It doesn't matter what you do to me."

 

“Come on, Castiel! What have you got to lose at this point?”

 

"You." Cas glared at Inias. "Yes, I love Dean Winchester. But that doesn't change who you are to me. That you are my  _ Aisaroel _ . I lost you twice, I'm not giving up on you."

 

He didn’t anticipate the slap across the face. “Don’t call me that.”

 

The slap burned his cheek, but he knew Inias could have punched him or slapped him harder. Maybe that meant he could reach him somehow. "You are my  _ Aisaroel _ . You held me and promised to be there for me forever, as I promised you."

 

“I am no such thing. You made sure of that when you fell for a human,” he spat, his lips twisted in disgust. 

 

"You know what you aren't, Inias? A liar. You never were. So how is this brainwashed version of you still you?"

 

Inias shook his head. “I’m going to ask you one more time, where is the nephilim?”

 

Cas sat back on his heels, gazing up at Inias with a determined look. "Did you lie to me when you told me you liked having sex with me, or that you liked when we kissed?" 

 

“And if I told you I did?”

 

“Then why did you do it? Why did you ask me to kiss you and show you such intimacy if you didn’t want to?” At least now Inias was talking to him.

 

“Is that what you want, Castiel?” Inias stepped closer, moving to his knees to cup Cas’s face in both of his hands, feigning a caring and loving expression. “Would you do that human kissing thing again?” he repeated in a purposefully feigned tone. 

 

Cas looked Inias directly in the eyes, hoping to find something in them, anything of the angel he once loved so dearly. His voice sounded broken as he leaned into Inias's hand, although the touch wasn't meant as a comfort. "Inias, please... I need you to come back to me."

 

“As what, Castiel? You told me you chose Dean.” For the first time, he actually sounded sincere, his expression saddened.

 

Cas couldn't stop the tear from falling. "I chose you, despite my feelings for Dean, but when you returned to me, you were different... Had they already gotten to you by then? Is that the reason you decided to come back? Not because you love me, but because they told you to?"

 

“You chose me out of some guilt ridden obligation. Be honest with me now, Castiel, on this one thing. If you followed your heart, if the love you felt was what guided you and nothing else… Disregarding all that has happened in the last twenty four hours. Who would you choose?” Inias arched his brow expectantly. 

 

Cas shook his head and squinted his eyes at Inias, feeling incredibly angry. He knew it was counterproductive, but he couldn't help himself. If he told Inias that he would choose Dean because he loved him, it wouldn't help his case. "You're being unfair, Inias. If you hadn't left me, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. You can thank Dean for my decision to even let you go in the first place. If it hadn't been for him, I wouldn't have let you go and you wouldn't be asking that question."

 

“So he’s to blame for all of this?”

 

"Are you saying that's what you would have wanted? Me to force you to stay?"

 

Inias chuckled darkly and shook his head. “If you claim to love me, like you say you do, give up the nephilim’s location and end this. End your suffering.”

 

"If you really love me you wouldn't ask this of me," Cas countered with a soft sigh.

 

“I never said I love you.” Inias quirked his brow and let out an annoyed huff. “I’m done with this. I do wish you would have done the right thing for once. Instead, now you’re going to spend the rest of your existence isolated in this cage, while we finally take out the Winchesters.”

 

Inias straightened his stance and adjusted the tie he was wearing before clearing his throat. Suddenly, his voice changed, mimicking Cas’s voice perfectly, “Dean! I escaped. Can you come get me?”

 

Cas pulled on his chains again, pressing out desperately, "Please, Inias, don't do this."

 

“I look forward to being the one to rip out his heart. The way you did with mine.”

 

"Oh, so what now? Do you love me or not? How could I have hurt you if all of this was just a game to you? Make up your mind, Inias!" Cas yelled at him.

 

“Just because I don’t love you now, doesn’t mean I didn’t when you broke my heart with your actions.”

 

"So this is how you justify this? First you break my heart and leave me, and then you come back when I just started to feel happy again, just to take it away from me and break my heart a second time? If that is what you call love, then I have to disappoint you, Inias. Because you never loved me. So spare me the, ‘being hurt by me choosing Dean,’ talk."

 

Inias laughed and shook his head in amusement as he sat down on the bench. “I told them it wouldn’t work. You would catch the inconsistencies. Fine, Castiel. Have it your way. Dean Winchester will die and you will rot in this cell, unless you give us the location of the nephilim. If you do, we will leave the Winchesters alone and allow you to return to them.”

 

“Go to Hell.” Cas wasn’t worried about Dean and Sam. He knew they both could look after themselves. He was more worried about Inias, but he didn’t know what else he could do. It seemed hopeless.

 

“I already have. Do you have any idea what it feels like to be forced into a bond with the first angel in a millennia who was actually  _ worse  _ than Lucifer?”

 

Although Cas knew that wasn't what Inias really thought about him, it still hurt. He tried to remember Inias as kind and selfless, exactly like he was when he had met him. This wasn't Inias. This was whichever angel was manipulating him. "Then you got what you want. You're free now. Oh, wait... no, you're not. You’re actually just a tool for whoever is manipulating you."

 

“If that’s what you need to believe.” Inias stopped talking and closed his eyes before a positively feral smile split his face. He yanked Cas by his chains to stand. “Change of plans.”

 

He opened the cell door and started dragging Cas out into the hallway. “Grab Eremiel. We’re taking Castiel on a field trip.”

 

“What are you planning, Inias?” Cas asked, completely unable to hide the worry in his voice.

 

Inias smirked. “Dean has just offered us the nephilim in exchange for you.”

 

“No… he wouldn’t. You’re lying.” 

 

“Am I? Oh, Castiel. I do look forward to seeing your face when you see I’m not. His name is Jack, isn’t it? The nephilim?” 

 

Cas frowned, pressing his lips to a thin line. There was no way Dean would exchange Jack for him. They must have a plan.

 

“Inias, would you answer a question for me?” he asked calmly.

 

Inias regarded him with an unreadable expression as he continued to walk Cas through the halls of Heaven. “I suppose it depends on the question,” he said with an annoyed sigh.

“We were chosen for one another when I was promoted as a Commander, before I went to Hell to rescue Dean… Did you love me then?”

 

“Why does it matter, Castiel?”

 

"It matters to me, Inias. You don't need to understand it." He hadn’t been successful in getting through Inias’s mind control, but it didn’t stop him from hoping that reminding Inias of what they had would have an effect on him.

 

Inias sighed. “If I told you yes, whether it was true or not, you would continue these asinine attempts at getting through to me. If I told you no, I doubt that would stop your attempts. So, I will leave you with this, whatever emotions, feelings, or connection I had with you in the past is dead. It does not matter, because whether I felt anything for you or not when we first met, that is not what I feel for you now. Would you like to know what I feel for you now?”

 

Cas shook his head with a soft smile to throw Inias off. Inias didn’t know it, but by saying that he had revealed more than he probably intended. “It doesn’t matter what you say now. I’ll only hear this other angel speaking, the one that did this to you. Was he too afraid to face me himself?”

 

“Your optimism is mildly annoying. And what will you do when you realize I’m not being controlled, as you so arrogantly believe I am?”

 

“You are controlled. There is no doubt in my mind. You went back to Heaven out of a sense of loyalty, something I always loved about you. And then they did this to you. My Inias wouldn’t have come back. And even if he did come back to me, he would have stayed every second by my side. You are not him.” Cas looked away for a moment, shaking his head. “I’m sorry this happened to you.”

 

“Castiel,” Inias started, shoving him to sit down on a chair as they waited for, what he assumed would be, a cavalry. “Would you say you’ve changed? Since your mission to save the Righteous Man?”

 

"Yes. I changed a lot. You know that, we talked about it after I saved you from that cage. Remember?" Cas asked as he looked up at Inias, still seeing nothing in his expression.

 

“Is it so unbelievable that I, too, could have changed? After losing my bondmate, being kept as a prisoner and tortured for information for  _ years…  _ Is it not possible that I could have changed? Or do you need to believe I’m being controlled, because the reality is, you blame yourself for what I’ve become?”

 

Cas shook his head. "We only spent a few days together before you left for Heaven and... you were always strong, Inias. Stronger than me. You were always kind and serene. All those things – even after so many years of torture  –  were still a part of you. You changed after you came back from Heaven." Cas squinted his eyes at him before he continued, "And even if Heaven thinks what I have become is something reprehensible…” He shook his head. “I don’t believe that. I feel guilty about my mistakes, about the deaths… But not about how I changed. It’s the best thing that has happened to me.”

 

Inias chuckled, a sarcastic and hollow sound that was entirely alien coming from the angel he had cared for, so deeply. “I chose to break our bond because I did not wish to live my life in exile, like you. But because of my association with you, I had a choice. Do what was asked of me, or suffer a long, torturous death. You wanted the truth? Seeing as soon we will part forever, I will give you that much. This is me, Castiel. And I chose to attempt to gain your trust in order to gain access to the nephilim. Nothing more. You are nothing to me. Not anymore.”

 

Cas was taken aback for a moment. It sounded like they had gotten their hands on Inias during his first visit back to Heaven, before he broke their bond. "Inias, before you broke the bond... had they already talked to you about this?"

 

Inias rolled his eyes. “I’m done talking. Time for you to be quiet and grateful for the fact that we’re intending on allowing you to return to the Winchesters, as opposed to smiting you all.”

 

Cas probably looked white as a sheet as the realization hit him. They had brainwashed Inias into breaking the bond with him. It had never been Inias’s choice.

 

What would that mean for them if he could free Inias from the mind control?

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Dean was drumming his fingers against the back of a bench at the Heaven’s Gate park. Sammy was in the process of explaining why their guns would be able to kill the angels if needed.

 

Getting the idea from Bizarro Earth, Sam and Dean had taken a few of the extra angel blades they had collected over the years and melted them down into bullets. Much to Cas’s chagrin.

 

Fuck. He really hoped Cas was okay. It had been an hour since he prayed to Inias and made the offer. With a frustrated sigh, he turned around and shook his head. “Maybe this was a stupid idea.”

 

"They’re coming," Jack said quietly, "Father is worried about me."

 

Dean nodded and readied his gun. “You ready?” he asked Jack.

 

Jack nodded tersely before he shot Sam a nervous look. Sam gave him a reassuring nod before he whispered, "You can do this, Jack. We believe in you."

 

“Yeah, kid. You’ve got this.” Dean flashed him a small smile.

 

Jack smiled back at him for a moment before he looked like he was concentrating on something. He straightened his back before three angels appeared a few feet in front of them. Inias was holding an angel blade to Castiel’s throat, his hands obviously tied behind his back.

 

Dean cocked his gun and aimed it at Inias. “Let him go.”

 

“We’ll give him back when he have the nephilim.” Inias nodded towards the other two angels who marched towards Jack. Jack gave Dean a worried look before he stepped backwards.

 

He clapped a hand on Jack’s shoulder and held it there. “Release him first. I don’t trust you fucks as far as I can throw you. You see we brought him. He’s here willingly. Once Cas is safe and away from you, Jack will come with you.”

 

"Fine, have him," Inias growled before he roughly shoved Cas forward, causing him to stumble and fall to his knees with a grunt, taking a moment before he slowly got up. He looked at Jack with wide eyes and a barely noticeable shaking of his head, his eyes pleading.

 

Dean released his grip on Jack’s shoulder and nodded to him before keeping his gun aimed at Inias while he closed the distance between him and Cas. “You okay?”

 

He nodded before he gave Dean a pained look. "He is brainwashed, Dean. It's not his fault."

 

He refrained from rolling his eyes at Cas. He didn’t give a flying fuck about that. Inias kidnapped Cas and tortured him. As far as he was concerned, the fucker would deserve whatever was about to happen to him. 

 

Jack began drawing closer to the angels, who were now steadfastly approaching the kid. Dean tucked his gun in the back of his pants and pulled out a knife to cut Cas’s binds. “You’re gonna want to step back,” he whispered as he started gently pulling Cas far away from the angels.

 

Cas let himself get pulled further away, glancing back at Jack with a worried look. "Jack," he whispered before he shot Dean a questioning one.

 

Dean smirked at him. “I’d be more worried about them.”

 

Jack carefully walked towards the angels, casting a look back at Dean and Cas. He nodded to the kid and moved to stand in front of Cas. Dean had no idea what was about to happen, what level of control Jack had over his powers, and he’d be damned if Cas got hurt in the process. 

 

The two other winged dicks that came with Inias immediately grabbed Jack, each of them taking an arm as they tried to drag him away. 

 

“You’re comin’ with us, Nephilim,” the lady angel spat as she looked at him in disgust.

 

Dean watched as Jack grabbed both of the angels by their wrists before they suddenly started to scream, trying to get away from him. They burst into an explosion of flames and ashes a second later, the wave of the explosion knocking everyone on the field on their ass. Including Dean, who practically stumbled over Cas.

 

Dean shook his head and immediately checked Cas for any injuries before he looked to Sammy, who seemed as dazed as he felt. Inias was on the ground, but he wasn’t a cigarette butt like the other two, so he wasn’t sure if the guy was still alive.

 

“You okay, Jack?” he called out to the kid.

 

Jack turned around and gave him a thumbs up and a dorky grin before he ran back to him, helping Cas stand up. "Are you okay, Castiel?"

 

"Yes. Thank you, Jack." Cas touched Jack's shoulder before he looked over to Inias with a pained look. "Inias..." Before anyone could stop Cas, he ran up to the other angel, who started to sit up with a dazed and confused expression.

 

Without hesitating, Dean cocked his gun and aimed it right for the guy’s head. 

 

The angel looked up at Cas with a confused expression. "What happened? Why am I here?"

 

Cas touched Inias's forehead, shaking his head. "What is the last thing you remember?"

 

Inias shook his head in a daze. “We were in your room. At the bunker.”

 

Cas looked like he was shocked when he asked slowly, his voice barely above a whisper, "Was that before you broke our bond?"

 

Inias’s eyes widened in surprise. “What?” He reached out to touch Cas’s neck and gasped in horror as he drew back. “Castiel? I don’t understand.”

 

"Damn it," Cas pressed out before he shook his head. "They brainwashed you when you went to Heaven. They forced you into breaking the bond with me and used you to get to me. I'm so sorry, Inias."

 

Tuning out whatever Inias was saying to Cas, Dean grabbed Jack gently by the elbow and pulled him aside. “You strong enough to take those two back to the bunker?”

 

"Of course." Jack frowned at Dean before he tilted his head. "What about you and Sam?"

 

Dean shrugged. “We’ll drive back in Baby. I just… I’d feel better if you stayed with Cas, kept an eye on the other guy. Can you do that for me, Jack?”

 

"Of course." Jack squinted his eyes at Inias before he furrowed his brow and turned back to Dean. "Do you think he is still dangerous to Cas?"

 

He looked the pair of them over, watching as Cas fussed over the guy. While Dean wanted to say yes, if only for selfish reasons, he shook his head. “I don’t honestly know. And that scares me more than if he was. But I know you’ll protect Cas if he needs it.” Dean nodded at Jack and patted his shoulder.

 

Jack nodded, giving him a worried look before he went over to Cas and spoke to him quietly. Cas nodded before he looked over at Dean and said something to Inias that Dean couldn't hear. 

 

Cas stood up and left Jack and Inias, who was still sitting in the grass looking like he was about to pass out. He walked straight up to Dean before he drew him into a tight hug and mumbled, "Thank you for saving me." 

 

Dean chuckled and gently carded his hand through Cas’s hair. The urge to kiss him was overwhelming, but considering all of the revelations in the last day, he didn’t think it would be appropriate. Instead he just held on a little longer than was necessary. “Jack did all the heavy lifting.”

 

"Yeah," Cas murmured with a slight head shake. "Although I told him to stay out of dangerous situations. But he is like a Winchester in this matter."

 

He drew back and chucked Cas’s chin. “Hazard of hanging out with us.” Dean sighed and took a step back. “Go. Take care of your… of Inias. Sammy and I will be home in an hour.”

 

Cas sighed deeply and looked back for a moment before he turned to Dean again. "I didn't notice it. I don't know why I didn't notice it sooner that he was... controlled. It wasn’t his decision to leave me and I have no idea what..." He looked away again. “This is so… fucked up.”

 

Dean swallowed dryly, doing everything he could to not just break down. Tonguing the seam of his lips, Dean steeled himself to make the decision easier for Cas. “I told you that night in Nebraska. No matter what happens, we’ll always be best friends. And… and if one of us gets a chance at happiness, I’m so fucking glad it’s you, Cas. So go. Don’t worry about me. You and Inias still have a chance. You should take it.” The fact that his voice never broke was a damn miracle in Dean’s opinion.

 

Cas looked at him like he had lost his mind. "Dean... I'm not changing my mind about us because of this. I'm just worried about how I’m going to tell Inias. I care about him. A lot and I never wanted to hurt him like this."

 

He furrowed his brow and regarded Cas for a moment before he croaked out, “You sure? I’d totally understand if you wanted to give it another shot with him, seeing as… I mean, you and I would’ve never happened if he hadn’t left you. Which… I mean, he didn’t really choose that.”

 

Cas shook his head. "You're the one for me, Dean. I have no doubt in my mind. I'm becoming human because of my love for you." He shook his head. "I'll explain that later. I should go and look after Inias."

 

Dean grasped his wrist to halt him. “If he hurts you, I’ll sic Jack on him.”

 

Cas touched the bleeding cut over his eyebrow for a moment before he gave Dean a pained look. "It wasn't him. It's not his fault. I don't believe he will hurt me anymore now that he has broken free from whatever they did to him."

 

“And you think telling me that makes me want to hurt him any less?” Dean cupped Cas’s face and did his damndest to not get lost in a sea of startling blue. “No one is allowed to hurt you, Cas. And if they do, they’ll have to deal with me.”

 

Cas looked down for a moment. "I hurt you once, because of what they did. If you don't blame me for hurting you under those circumstances, you also shouldn't blame Inias."

 

“Yeah, well… You’re always gonna get a pass with me,” Dean murmured as he gently tilted Cas’s head back up. “Fuck, I really wanna kiss you.”

 

Cas sighed wistfully and looked back at Inias. "Yeah, me too, but... let’s wait until I break the news to Inias, okay?"

 

Dean nodded. “I know. I’m not a  _ total  _ dick. I just wanted you to know. Go home. We’ll be there soon.”

 

He got a smile from Cas and a nod before he whispered, "I’ll see you at home, Dean."

 

“See you soon.” Dean returned the smile. 

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Jack had brought them to the bunker and Cas helped Inias to the library table to sit down on one of the chairs. He was still a bit dazed and kept staring at Jack like he was afraid of him.

 

“You don’t need to be afraid of Jack,” Cas explained as he took Inias’s hands in his, kneeling down in front of him. “You’ve been through a lot. I’m sorry this all happened to you because of me.”

 

Inias gave him a rather tired smile. “Always so selfless. It’s one of the things I love about you.”

 

He felt a sting in his chest as he looked away for a moment, unable to look Inias in his eyes. "Inias, a lot has happened since this was done to you. Things we need to talk about."

 

Inias furrowed his brow, gently squeezing Cas’s hand in reassurance. “What is it,  _ Aisaroel?” _

 

Cas bit his lip, hearing Inias use that word didn't make things easier. "We broke our bond because you told me you wanted to go back to Heaven. I know now that it wasn't your decision, but at the time I didn't. When you were gone... My grace started to fade over time. I'm becoming human and I started to realize that I have feelings for Dean. They were probably always there, since I’ve known him, but buried under our bond. When we broke it... I started to realize that I belong to him."

 

Inias let go of Cas’s hand and looked down. “Oh. I see.”

 

"I'm so sorry, Inias. I never wanted to hurt you. You got dragged into this... and now you can’t even go back to Heaven. Because if you go back, the other angels might kill you or brainwash you again."

 

The beat of silence was almost unbearable as Inias shied further away from Cas. “Death doesn’t sound all too terrible.”

 

"Don't say that, Inias." Cas reached out to Inias, but retracted his hand when Inias recoiled. "I... What can I do, Inias?"

 

The mirthless chuckle was one of the most heartbreaking sounds he had ever heard. “Leave me be, Castiel. Just… leave me be.”

 

Cas looked down, trying to keep it together when his heart broke all over again for Inias. He hated hurting him. Just because he loved Dean didn't mean he stopped caring about the angel. "If that is your wish, but..." Cas shook his head, biting his lip before he whispered, "I'm so sorry, Inias. I hate hurting you. I wish circumstances were different, but it is what it is. I don't want to lie to you."

 

“It is what it is,” he repeated in a defeated tone. Inias kept his gaze on his hands, folded in his lap. After a beat he moved to stand. “Goodbye, Castiel.”

 

“Wait!” Cas stood up in alarm, halting Inias by his wrist. “Where do you want to go?”

 

Inias shrugged him off. “It is none of your concern any longer.”

 

"Inias, please, don't do this to me again. I already lost you twice! And I still care about you. A lot! Please, don't make me lose you again!" Cas begged him, tears threatening to fall, but he bit his lip to keep them at bay.

 

“You forget, Castiel. We are no longer bonded. You can’t implore me anymore. And…” Inias let out a shaky exhale. “And you can’t lose something you’ve discarded.”

 

Cas stepped back from him, stunned to silence for a moment before he murmured, “I’m not imploring you. I’m asking you to stay. And I didn’t want to end our relationship. Don’t you remember anything about what happened?”

 

“I remember being in your arms in a wonderfully simple, human way. How much I wished to be in your arms for the remainder of my existence. So I planned to return to Heaven to request the  _ argedco caosga.  _ That way we could stay together without the fear of Heaven’s wrath for all eternity.”

 

He couldn't stop the tears falling then. Inias had returned to Heaven to perform a ritual that would have caused his own exile, just to purge Cas from his past transgressions. Inias planned on giving up everything for him. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked breathlessly. 

 

Inias’s lip trembled as a tear fell from his eyes. He wiped at it and stared in dismay. His first real tear. Inias shook his head. “I didn’t tell you because I knew you would have never agreed to it. You’re far too selfless.”

 

"Inias." Cas's voice broke and he stepped forward before he quickly pulled the angel into his arms. "I wish I knew," he gasped out. 

 

“What does it matter now?”

 

Cas pulled Inias tighter. "I was so broken when you left me... I thought I would never see you again. You have to understand that this wasn't just a decision made on a whim. I even tried to be with you after you came back, but..." He shook his head and pulled back from Inias to look at him. "Please, Inias. You mean too much to me and I can't lose you again."

 

“Please don’t ask this of me.” Inias drew back, keeping Cas at arm’s distance. “I wish you love, and happiness, and all of the wonders you will be able to share with the Righteous Man. But do not ask me to stand by and witness it unfold. If you loved me, even for the most brief, fleeting of moments, you will let me go.”

 

Cas nodded and stepped back. "I did. I loved you dearly, Inias and I don't want you to ever doubt that. And I still care about you, so please tell me what you're planning to do? You won't be safe out there."

 

“I’ll take my chances. I’m not as fragile as you appear to believe. I survived the torture of Crowley and his demons for years. I survived, Castiel. And I do wish you peace.” He cast a look in the direction Jack had left before turning to look at Cas. “Please be careful.”

 

"I know you're strong, Inias. It won't change the fact that I will always worry about you." Cas wiped away a stray tear before he looked up at Inias, trying to imprint his features into his memory. "Be careful out there. I hope you'll forgive me one day and that you find peace."

 

Inias gave him a sad smile. “There’s nothing to forgive,  _ Aisa _ _ – _ _ ”  _ He cleared his throat and finished with a gravelly, “My friend. Take care, Castiel.”

 

"You too," Cas breathed out. 

 

When Inias disappeared with a bat of his wings he was glad that Jack was with him, pulling him into a tight hug. Otherwise he feared he would have just broken apart.

 

He knew he had made the right decision. It was a selfish one, but he knew he couldn't have made Inias happy. Neither of them would have been happy if he had stayed with him out of obligation.

 

But it didn't mean it that it didn't hurt like hell. Inias deserved better. Why he always had to ruin everything for other angels was beyond his understanding. He had destroyed everything in his mate's life. And he had broken his promise to him. 

 

And still Inias had said there was nothing to forgive. But how could Cas ever forgive himself?

 

Jack shifted slightly to pull something out of his pocket. It was a candy bar he was fond of. He held it out to Cas and smiled sweetly. “These always make me happy. Perhaps it will work for you?”

 

Cas gave him a broken, sad smile as he accepted the candy bar. "I think I will need a lot more of them to feel happy again." He sat down in the chair, shaking his head. "He didn't deserve this. I wanted to do everything right by him and I still just hurt him in the end."

 

“Just because you make a mistake, doesn’t mean you can’t be better. Do better.”

 

Cas gave Jack a warm smile before he pulled him into another hug. "I'm so proud of you. Do you know that?"

 

Jack laughed softly. “Thank you, Father. I’m proud of you, too.”

 

Before Cas could respond, they were interrupted by the sound of the door being slammed open and Dean’s voice bellowing out, “We picked up pizza, and I swear, Jack, if you eat an entire one to yourself again…”

 

Jack jumped up with a grin before he announced, "That’s only because you want to eat an entire one to yourself."

 

Cas wiped the last traces of tears from his face before he slowly stood up and waited for Dean to come down and put the boxes on the table. As soon as his hands were free, he walked up to him and pulled him into a tight hug. 

 

“Hey,” he breathed out in a chuckle against the crown of his head, gently caressing Cas’s back. “What’s goin’ on?”

 

Cas tried to keep his tears at bay this time before he pulled back and shook his head. "He left." It was the only thing he was able to bring past his lips.

 

Dean drew back and cupped his face. “What do you need? How can I help?”

 

"I don't know." Cas leaned into the warmth of Dean's hand. "He told me he had never planned to leave me. That he only went to Heaven because he wanted to make a deal. He wanted to be exiled so my transgressions would have been forgiven and he could live with me on Earth without any fear of the consequences. It was the last thing he remembered before they… they did this to him, forcing him to break the bond with me.” Cas couldn’t stop the tears now. “I failed him. Again. And I hurt him and I have no idea how to forgive myself for that.”

 

Dean hushed him, gently wiping away a tear with the pad of his thumb. “Hey, hey. You did no such thing. You had no way of knowing, and the pain you went through, the sheer heartbreak and low you reached…” He apparently changed his mind about what he wanted to say as he shook his head and asked, “Do you need an out? I’ll do whatever you need me to do, and if that’s step back… then damnit, Cas. Of course I’ll do it. You’re too damn important to me.”

 

Cas shook his head, turning his face to kiss the inside of Dean's palm. "No. Being with him out of obligation wouldn't be fair to any of us. I want to be with you. It just hurts so much that I did this to him, even if it was unknowingly. He didn't deserve having to be pulled into my problems with Heaven. I'm so angry they did this to him just to find Jack. Now he has to be on the run for the rest of his existence."

 

The way Dean’s eyes shimmered was breathtaking, a fierce determination and sheer affection furthering the vibrancy of, truly, the most beautiful green he had ever seen. “Do you ever wish that you never met me? I mean, if you think about it, I’m the reason you fell, I’m the reason for all of it. If you’d never been assigned to rescuing me from Hell, you’d still be in Heaven, still be a good little soldier, happy with your angel husband. I wouldn’t blame you, honestly…”

 

Cas gave a short-lived smile before he leaned his forehead against Dean's. He took in a shuddered breath before he whispered, “You’re worth every moment of pain I went through and more. And I would do anything to end up with you. But if I could do it all over again, I would try to hurt less people on the way to you.”

 

Dean smiled and nodded his forehead against Cas’s. “So, are you telling me I shouldn’t feel like I failed you? That never forgiving myself for all of the pain I caused you shouldn’t even be in my head?”

 

Cas leaned back a little to look at Dean in confusion. "Why do think you failed me? You are always there for me, Dean."

 

Dean chuckled. “You’re not getting it, doofus. I no more failed you, than you failed Inias. So, if you can’t even fathom why I would feel guilt for what I put you through, then why would you only see your failures in regards to Inias? You didn’t fail him. Heaven did. Chuck did. You didn’t fail him any more than he failed you. Or I did.”

 

Cas bit his lip when another tear fell from his eyes. "You know what he said to me? That there was nothing to forgive..." He shook his head before he tried to calm his breathing. "I know what you're saying, but it... I will need time to process everything. It was a lot."

 

“Well, I’m here for you, each step of the way.” Dean smiled before he pressed a gentle and chaste kiss to his lips. In the breath of a whisper, he said, “I love you.”

 

And just with those three words, it felt like the shards of his broken heart were starting to mend. Cas felt hope again. Despite all of the pain and heartbreak this was where he found himself, with Dean. In the end, they made it through. Together. 

 

He smiled before he leaned in closer for a soft kiss. “I love you, too. More than anything. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my human life with you.”

 

Dean chuckled. “If that’s a proposal, you better try again.”

 

Cas felt heat rising to his face before he stammered out, "Um, what? Um, no, I mean, not that I don’t  _ want  _ to… Because I do, but um, I mean...” His voice somehow managed a higher pitch when he asked, “Didn’t we want to eat pizza?”

 

At that Dean laughed outright and shook his head in amusement. “You’re gonna need to work on that if you intend on staging fake proposals with me for free shit.”

 

Cas bit his lip, looking up at Dean with a soft smile. "The next one wouldn't be fake, Dean."

 

Dean smirked and drew him in for another kiss. “Who said anything about  _ you  _ proposing?”

 

Before Cas could say anything, Sam made a weird cooing noise. "I never thought I would say this, but give it a break. I think I'm getting diabetes."

 

Jack looked up at Sam with a frown, while shoveling pizza in his mouth. "Sam, why did you interrupt them? I nearly finished the pizza."

 

“Would you hate me forever if I murdered your kid?” Dean asked, quirking his brow in Jack’s direction.

 

Cas raised an eyebrow at Dean, hoping that would be answer enough. "He is still growing and I think he earned his pizza today."

 

Dean shrugged and smiled. “It’s why we bought two.” He looked to Jack again and added, “You did real good today.”

 

Jack smiled brightly, looking very proud of himself before he turned his attention back to the food. Cas's stomach growled in that moment. "Oh, yeah," he breathed out, "Need to get used to this from now on."

 

“Plus side?” Dean growled lowly in his ear. “You get to know how I taste…”

 

Cas turned to him with a heated look before he leaned over and whispered back, "I can't wait to be alone with you."

 

“Fuck, I’m so glad you’re home,” he murmured as he pressed a kiss to his cheek. Dean nodded and gently nudged Cas towards the pizza. “Come on. Let’s eat.”

 

Dean didn't need to tell him twice as he sat down next to him to grab a piece of pizza for himself. His other hand grabbed Dean's hand under the table and squeezed it.

 

The smile he received was breathtaking. Dean leaned over to kiss the skin behind his ear. 

 

Sam groaned. “You weren’t kidding, were you?” The question was directed at Dean.

 

To which Dean replied with a smirk and eyebrow waggle as he said, “I warned ya.”

 

Cas was thoroughly confused by their conversation. “What are you talking about?”

 

Dean smiled and finished his slice before he said, “I told Sammy, you give the green light, I’m gonna be unbearably gross around you.”

 

“I don’t think that you’re unbearable and gross, Dean. More like the opposite,” Cas murmured as he slid closer Dean, leaning against his shoulder with a smile.

 

Dean’s lips curled up in a half tilted smirk before he slid close enough to capture his lips in a surprisingly gentle kiss. It was mesmerizing how easily engrossed he could become in one intensely overwhelming sensation. Dulling the world around him. Cas would have deepened the kiss if a paper projectile hadn’t struck the side of his face.

 

They pulled apart and Sam let out a low hiss. “Sorry, Cas. That was meant for Dean.”

 

“You’re lucky I’m in a good mood,” Dean threatened before grabbing another slice and practically shoveling it into his face. He really did have appalling table manners. 

 

"I thought my little dragon was supposed to defend me when I get attacked by a paper throwing moose?" Cas asked with a raised eyebrow.

 

Dean chuckled. He leaned over and  –  with a suggestive eyebrow waggle  – simply growled.

 

Cas tickled Dean under his chin with a grin before he murmured, "You're a cute dragon. Want to take me to your den?"

 

Sam groaned and threw another piece of paper at Cas. "That time it was on purpose," the younger Winchester announced dryly.

 

That time, Dean did react. He grabbed his greasy paper plate and threw it at Sam like a frisbee. Sam barely dodged it. “You’re lucky I’m too hungry to throw a slice at you.” Before Sam could respond, Dean turned to Jack and asked, “So, Jack. You gonna stay for a while, or head out again?”

 

Jack rubbed the back of his neck. "I think I want to stay for a while, if you are all okay with it. I’ve missed you."

 

“Course we’re okay with it,” Dean said as he leaned back against the chair and took a swig of his beer.

 

"I actually brought back souvenirs from the different countries I visited." Jack grinned as he leaned back into his chair, seemingly finished with eating.

 

“Where have you been?” Cas asked curiously as he leaned forward.

 

“Europe mostly. I was planning on visiting Asia next.” He turned to Dean with a smile. “I brought you a Busty Asian magazine from France. They have those too!"

 

Cas turned to Dean and glared at him. “Did you show Jack pornography magazines?”

 

Dean gave him a sheepish grin and chuckled nervously. “Uh, no?”

 

Cas squinted his eyes at him. Since he was becoming human, he couldn’t tell anymore if people were lying to him or not. “I don’t believe you,” he stated.

 

“I, uh…” 

 

He’d never seen the man move so fast (unless pie was involved). Dean scrambled out of his seat and darted to the bedroom hallway. 

 

Cas wiped his hand on a paper towel before he looked at the others. "Excuse me." He stood up and straightened his clothes before he quickly followed Dean in the direction he had fled. Without knocking on his door, he slipped into Dean's room, grabbing the hunter before pushing him against the wall. He grinned smugly. "Where do you think you're going?"

 

“I was hoping there was an escape hatch.” Dean chuckled and didn’t even slightly attempt to get out of his grip.

 

"Too late to escape," Cas stated before he slipped his hands under Dean's shirt and pulled it up. "I've got you now."

 

Dean grinned and quirked his brow. “Anything I can do to make it up to you?”

 

Cas leaned forward and growled in his ear, "Yes, get naked for me so I can take you."

 

That was met with a chuckle as he gently pushed Cas back. Dean quirked his brow as he started unbuttoning his shirt. As he pulled the shirt off, Dean pushed Cas further, until the backs of his knees hit the bed. Dean yanked his pants and underwear down in one, swift move. He stepped out of them and pressed Cas’s shoulders down, causing him to sit. Dean crawled onto his lap. “This what you want?”

 

Cas let his hands roam over Dean's body, licking over his suddenly way too dry lips. "Yeah." He quickly pulled off his own shirt before he pulled Dean down for a kiss, turning them around on the bed so he was on top of the hunter. He knelt back and opened his pants, quickly getting rid of the rest of his clothes before he leaned over Dean and kissed him again. He knew he would never get enough of kissing Dean. It was perfection. 

 

When he pulled back, a weird feeling in his chest suddenly made him gasp and sit back on his heels in shock. He looked at Dean in surprise. "Dean, it's done... I... have a soul."

 

“What?” Dean shook his head. “That’s possible?”

 

Cas nodded before he rubbed his chest. "That was what was happening to me. My grace slowly turned into a soul. And it's done now. I'm completely human."

 

“And it’s ‘cause of me? Isn’t that what you said earlier?”

 

Cas shook his head. “Not because of you. Because I fell in love with you.”

 

Dean furrowed his brow and tilted his head. “Are you tellin’ me we have a fucked up  _ Little Mermaid  _ thing going on?”

 

Cas smiled, but the sadness he felt in his heart probably made it awkward. “The host lied to us about the bonding. I shouldn’t be surprised about that. I always thought it would be a great honor to get bonded to another angel, but in reality they did this to control angels who were about to get longer assignments on Earth. The bond was a spell keeping an angel from falling. And now I know what they meant by falling. I always assumed it meant getting cast into exile like Lucifer, but it meant falling in love, falling from grace, because our grace turns into a soul when we fall in love with a creature with a soul.” He gave Dean a quick smile. “Seems like my father was a romantic at heart.”

 

“So… You’re Ariel in this version?” Dean smirked and gave him a wink.

 

Cas rolled his eyes before he replied dryly, "Yes and my fin was my grace. I exchanged it for a soul and spending the rest of my life with my prince-slash-little dragon."

 

Dean chuckled. “Was it worth it?”

 

Cas leaned over him again with a bright smile before he nipped at Dean's lip. "Totally worth it."

 

Dean growled his appreciation as he grasped the side of Cas’s neck to draw him in for a kiss. He hissed in regret and winced as he immediately lowered his hand. “Sorry. I forgot.”

 

Cas leaned back and shook his head at Dean. "It's okay, Dean. You can touch me anywhere you want to. It doesn't mean anything to me anymore. And even if it did still have meaning, I would let you touch me there."

 

“What was it, anyway? What did the touch feel like? What happened?” Dean asked, his tone entirely curious. 

 

Cas bit his lip for a second. It was hard to explain. "It’s the area where the separation between the human body and the possessing angel is the thinnest. It was like feeling someone touching the real me.” He shrugged before he shook his head. “It’s hard to describe, but it’s a mixture of a ticklish feeling while at the same time a little soothing, and also as though electricity is coursing through your body. It feels a little like that when you suck a mark at my hip bone.”

 

Dean smirked as he pushed Cas onto his back. He crawled to the side of the bed and hovered over Cas’s hip. “Like this?” he murmured before sucking the skin over his hipbone between his teeth.

 

Cas gasped from the onslaught of pleasure and moaned before he tried to push himself up on his elbows. "Yes," he panted before he smiled at Dean, enjoying the tingling feeling all over his body from what Dean was doing with his lips and tongue. "Maybe that could be my new spot? A spot only you are allowed to touch."

 

Dean pulled off with a wet pop and smirked. “Damn right I’m the only one.”

 

"Come here." Cas smiled as he pulled Dean into his arms and into a deep kiss, murmuring, "I love kissing you... I love you, Dean."

 

“Ditto,” he growled as he succumbed to the kiss. 

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

Team Free Will 2.0. That’s what Dean had dubbed their new family constellation and Cas loved every moment of them all being together, going on hunts together and spending time at the bunker. Almost like a normal family. 

 

Just that normal families probably had different conversations when they came home from work. But what was normal anyway?

 

The case this time had been a complete bust. What had looked like zombies, actually had been a stray dog that had dug up a pet cemetery to eat the remains of freshly buried pets.

 

Jack had insisted it was a zombie pet.

 

“It will never be zombies, Jack!” Dean cried out in exasperation as he descended the stairs to the bunker.

 

"It could have been zombies! It could have been a pet zombie like in the movie!" Jack argued.

 

Dean groaned. “Sam, you’ve gotta stop letting him watch your stupid horror collection.”

 

"As if I have any Stephen King movies in my collection. I'm still traumatized by that clown." Sam shook in an exaggerated shudder and Cas had to turn away from them to hide his grin. He loved watching them bicker.

 

“Then where the hell did he see that stupid movie?”

 

Cas held up his finger and answered the question about the mysterious case of Jack's newest classic horror movie obsession, "They were recently added to Netflix."

 

“Damn you, Netflix!” Dean cursed and shook his head. “We’ve got to get him obsessed with a different genre.”

 

“Do you have any suggestions?” Cas asked before he realized too late that he shouldn’t have asked that. Knowing his boyfriend, asking that was definitely a big mistake.

 

And it was from the way Dean chuckled and his lips curled up in a smirk. He held his hands open. “Well, the best genre there is.” He turned to Jack. “Whaddya say, kid? Wanna watch Tombstone?”

 

Cas groaned and scrubbed his hand over his face. 

 

Sam chuckled as he stepped next to him to whisper, "You want to marry that."

 

Cas glared at Sam when Jack leaned closer to Cas with a frown. "What is it with Dean and cowboys?"

 

Cas sighed in defeat before he shook his head. "Just humor him. Please." 

 

He knew he would have to humor Dean later, probably have to fuck him while wearing that ridiculous hat and weird cowboy boots. Not that he would complain.

 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

 

For the first time in years they weren’t looking for a case at Halloween. Because they’d gotten Mom back, thanks to the help of a dream walker Jack had found named Kaia. After the first go round knocked the three of them to some fucked up, wannabe King Kong vs Godzilla friggin’ world and having their asses saved by none other than Claire and Kaia… Well, they had a hell of a time working out how to get both Kaia and Jack a little more in control with their powers.

 

But it had been worth it. They got Mom back safely and for the first time, in a long time, his entire family was under the same roof. His Mom, brother, boyfriend and their adopted kid. Dean was too damn happy and he told all of them this was the year. The year for holidays.

 

So Dean went online  –  splurging with one of the higher limit stolen cards  – and bought all five of them the best costumes. There was a vintage cowboy gear website, with specific designs based off of the period costumes of the old west. He justified the cost when the prospect of recreating iconic Tombstone characters became a reality with a few clicks and a maxed out card. 

 

With the red shirt and handlebar moustache for Sam’s Curly Bill Brocius, the perfect hat and scarf for Jack’s Johnny Ringo, an almost identical silver and pink dress and parasol for their Mom’s Dana Delany, the absolutely perfect blood red cravat and tin cup for Cas’s Doc Holliday, and the corresponding navy blue cravat for Dean’s Earp; the Winchesters now had the friggin’ best group costume in existence.

 

Dean was saddened about the fact he didn’t have the time to grow out his own Earp moustache naturally, but the falsie ones he got off of that website were pretty damn realistic. He admired his reflection, getting the hat sitting just right, and draping his pocket watch chain at the right length. With an acceptable nod, he tilted the hat at his reflection and made his way out to the library. 

 

He hoped at least one of them were out there, already dressed. Dean would have been lying if he said that he wasn’t excited how they all turned out. When he reached the library, his spurs jangling with each step, his proverbial excitement balloon instantly deflated.

 

Sam, Mom, and Jack were all sitting in different spaces of the library, doing research. Mom was going through a bunch of actual newspapers, while Jack and Sam were hovered over Sam’s laptop at a table across from her. They all turned to look up at his jangling entrance, all varying degrees of surprise on their faces. 

 

“You’ve finally snapped, haven’t you?” Sam asked, tone teasing as he clearly tried to not laugh. 

 

Dean was friggin’  _ livid.  _ After all that money, after spending an inordinate amount of time laying out the costumes on their beds with little cards containing histories and explanations for them... “What’d you think the damn costumes were for?”

 

Sam scoffed and shook his head. “No. Just no, dude.”

 

Dean’s annoyed exhale was magnified by the way the air was pushed through his nostrils before he turned to Mom, brow quirked expectantly.

 

Mary’s eyebrows shot up again. “You were serious?”

 

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose before turning to Jack. “What’s your excuse?”

 

Jack tilted his head, seriously reminiscent of his Dad. “I… I thought you set out those clothes for me for my job interview with the Gas N’ Sip. I already wore them.”

 

Dean licked his lips and held out his index finger at them. “First, Jack we’re gonna have to come back to that, ‘cause that’s friggin’ hilarious, but seriously?” he demanded, “none of you even wanted to  _ try?” _

 

In that moment Dean could hear spurs jangling, the sound echoing down the hallway and stopping behind him. Dean turned around and his breath instantly caught in his throat. A perfect pointed moustache with a soul patch, the vest, the gun hanging out of the across the chest holster, all while twirling the tin cup, just how Val Kilmer did it in the movie. 

 

Dean was pretty sure he fell in love with Cas all over again in that moment. He was only pretty sure, instead of one thousand percent fucking certain, because all of his blood flow instantly went south. He shook his head in amazement, unable to stop his tongue from darting out to wet overly dry lips.

 

Cas gave him a serious look before he drawled, “I’m your Huckleberry.”

 

And just like that, Dean was as hard as Chinese algebra. “Fuck me,” he breathed out, having completely forgotten why he was pissed at everyone else.

 

Cas raised an eyebrow and Sam groaned behind him. “I knew this was about his cowboy fetish.”

 

Cas walked up close to Dean, grabbing his chin so he didn’t turn around to Sam. He still kept the drawl as he asked in a deep voice, “Is that a suggestion?”

 

Sweet Jesus, Mary,  _ and  _ Joseph. Dean had died. He clearly shouldn’t have eaten that week old orange chicken, because it had killed him and he was now in friggin’ Heaven. With a dry swallow, he nodded. “It’s a goddamn demand.”

 

There was another groan in the background – that sounded like a dying moose – but he couldn’t look away from Cas’s smug expression, pulling him closer at his wrist. “C’mere,” he drawled before he leaned forward, his lips ghosting over Dean’s in a teasing way. “I have a bed in this saloon.”

 

Didn’t have to tell Dean twice, he grabbed Cas by his poorly tied cravat and started dragging him to their room. 

 

As soon as they were inside, Cas closed the door behind them and pushed Dean against it, drawing him into a fervent kiss. He cupped Dean’s cheek, breathing hard against his lips as he pushed back to look at Dean. “I want you to get naked. Except the hat and boots.”

 

“Yes, sir,” he groaned eagerly as he started untying his own cravat, pulled it loose and off before wrapping it around the back of Cas’s neck to pull him closer. “I fucking love you,” he murmured as he braced his forehead against Cas’s while slowly walking him to the bed.

 

“I love you,” Cas growled back. “Oh, and happy Halloween,” he wished Dean with a smirk before he started to quickly unbutton Dean’s shirt.

 

Dean smiled as he proceeded to take off the rest of his clothes in between needy kisses. When he yanked his pants down, quickly taking the boots off first to rid himself of the material before putting them right back on, he threw himself onto the bed, staring up at his boyfriend. “How do you want me?”

 

Cas meanwhile had undressed himself, except for the cowboy hat, crawling over to draw him into a deep kiss. When he leaned back, kneeling on the bed, he growled, “Well, you’re a cowboy. How about you ride me?”

 

“Fuck yes,” he groaned as he pushed Cas onto his back, grabbing the lube off of the night stand before he leaned over to kiss the best boyfriend in existence. “Want to prep me? Or would you prefer a show?”

 

As an answer Cas grabbed the lube from Dean’s hand with a smug grin before he coated his fingers in the liquid. “I'm not going easy on you,” he teased in a low voice as he pulled Dean closer with one hand, the other immediately starting to finger his hole, teasingly at first before he pushed one finger into him roughly. “But I know you can take a hard ride.”

 

“Fuck,” Dean groaned as he arched his back to shove Cas’s finger even deeper.

 

He loved when Cas was being rough with him like that. At the beginning Cas had still been pretty reluctant about it, worried that he could hurt Dean, but once he learned how needy it made Dean – every single time – Cas quickly started to enjoy it. 

 

Cas finger fucked him hard and deep. After a few minutes he pushed in a second finger, starting to work him open. He groaned, his gaze on Dean’s dick that was bobbing up and down from the way he was thrusting his fingers. “You make me crazy, Dean.”

 

“Pot, kettle,” he breathed out before Cas went right for his prostate, turning Dean’s words into a whimper of need. “Oh, fuck.”

 

And then Cas started a merciless assault, teasing his prostate. Dean knew he wouldn’t stop before he would beg for it.

 

Dean whimpered, knowing if Cas kept this up he wouldn’t last long, but unsure if he could vocalize anything outside of his needy groans. When Cas got another finger in, Dean nodded. “Baby, please… I’m gonna come if you keep that up.”

 

Cas hummed and slowly pulled out his fingers, leaving him feeling empty and needy for more. “Then you should come here and ride me, cowboy.” He positioned himself and slapped Dean’s ass.

 

Dean grinned, grabbing the lube to slick Cas’s cock before straddling his hips and slowly sinking down on it. “Fuck,” it felt really good. The right amount of pleasure and pain. He took his time as he lowered himself, exhaling a contented sigh when Cas finally bottomed out. Dean tilted his head to capture Cas’s lips in a slow, loving kiss. 

 

While the hats were a huge fucking turn on, both of them wearing one made kissing a little awkward.

 

That's why he didn’t bother when Cas’s hat slipped from his head as the kiss grew more heated and his boyfriend grabbed his hips as he started to fuck into him. Which was pretty standard for Cas, even though he had told Dean to ride him. Cas sure had a problem with letting go of being in control.

 

Not that he was complaining. Kind of the opposite. Dean moaned as he lost himself in the kiss, his prostate getting pounded with each sharp thrust making him see stars. “Fuckin’ perfect,” he breathed out against his lips before he dove in again.

 

Cas kissed him back eagerly. The kind of kiss that made him (quite literally) weak in the knees – and made him glad he was sitting on Cas’s lap. Cas gasped as he quickened his pace, groaning out Dean’s name in pleasure.

 

Dean started undulating his hips, meeting Cas half way with every thrust. “Fuck, fuck… feels so good, baby.”

 

Cas parted his lips in a pleasured moan, head thrown back before he looked at Dean with glazed over eyes. “Dean, ‘M close. You’re so tight.”

 

“Good, ‘cause I’m not gonna last,” he murmured as he started riding Cas even harder, grabbing Cas’s hand and bringing it to his neglected cock. “Please, wanna come with you inside me.”

 

Cas wrapped his strong fingers around him and started to stroke him with long, yet fast strokes, drawing Dean into a fervent kiss before his open lips hovered over Dean’s mouth, groaning a deep, “Dean, uh, I love you. I'm going to, uh, come. Mine…”

 

Dean whimpered as his own orgasm tore through him, coating Cas’s chest in his come as he frantically tried to keep up his pace.

 

Cas cried out in pleasure before stifling it by mouthing Dean’s shoulder, his teeth grazing his skin. His breath hot and heavy against Dean’s skin before he looked up, ice blue pools clouded from the sheer amount of love reflected in them. “I love having sex with you.”

 

Dean chuckled, a cracked and slightly breathless sound as he nodded. “Seriously.”

 

Cas cupped his cheek, drawing him into a soft kiss, his lips gently dragging over Dean’s. He gave him a soft smile when he leaned back. “I think we fit well together.”

 

Dean wiggled his hips, punctuating the way Cas’s slowly softening cock filled him. “I think you’re right.”

 

Cas hummed and kissed his shoulder. “I love you, Dean,” he murmured against Dean’s overheated skin before he leaned back and looked at him. “Not just because of the profound bond we share, or the way we just fit together. I love you... because before this, I thought I knew what happiness was and you showed me…” He chuckled and shook his head. “How way off I was.”

 

Dean couldn’t help but smile. “Crazy, huh? Of all the bunkers in all the world…”

 

Cas gave him a confused look, squinting his eyes at him. “Reference?”

 

He rolled his eyes. Although he had to give the guy credit, he  _ did  _ dress as Doc Holliday after all when no one else even tried to wear their costume (Jack hilariously excluded).  _ “Casablanca.  _ I made you watch it, remember?”

 

Cas looked thoughtful for a moment before he nodded. “The one with the Nazis and the flashbacks to Paris." He lowered his voice,  _ “Here's looking at you, kid.” _

 

Dean cupped his cheek and shook his head in amusement. “I really fucking love you.”

 

Dean was pretty sure that would have been what Ilsa said, had indecency laws not ruled old Hollywood. And unlike Rick and Ilsa, his love story was going to have a happy ending. Because – no matter how much Dean sort of wished it was – his life was not a classic Hollywood love story.

 

It was better.

 

**The End**

**Author's Note:**

> Enochian words:  
>  _Aisaroel - promised one_  
>  Amma - Curse  
> Taliobe - separate (the spot on an angel’s neck where the grace and vessel is thinnest)  
> Argedco caosga - invoke earth (the ritual to take on exile to pardon another angel)


End file.
